About a month ago, as I was doing my final check on things and getting ready to head home, one of the drs I regularly work with approached me and asked if i wanted to go out for dinner or drinks sometime. I made a joke about my husband probably not appreciating that and he said 'Maybe another time.'. Fast forward a few weeks, and as I'm walking in in the morning he asks if I'm free that night. I politely decline. It has now been about a month and it has escalated to him putting his arm around my shoulder, to him adjusting the card conveniently over my breast to just today him standing behind me as i was bending over and putting his hands on my hips and pulling me against him. I have told him multiple times now that I'm not interested, and would prefer if our relationship was nothing but professional but every time he dismisses me.
My question is, how do I deal with this? I've tried talking to the higher-ups but I was told that I should get over it. This dr has been working here for much longer than me, and is well respected, there is little chance anyone here would take my side over his.
Should I do something, or am I over reacting and should just ignore it?
Do NOT go alone to meeting with management. You absolutely are doing the right thing but in dealing with people it can get messy and right does not always prevail in the real world.
Have a PRN/back up job and prepare to lose this one if management and Dr. A--h--- are sleeping together.
You did not bring this on, are not letting it happen, did not ask for it or any other nonsense. He is a predator and has obviously gotten away with it before and is hoping to do so again.
Personally, I would politely tell him "If you touch me again, I'm going to be forced to defend myself." He's battering you every time he touches you, you have every right to defend yourself from a perceived threat. :) A knee to the groin, a stomp on the instep, an elbow to the solar plexus or nose....or you could always go loud with it in the sense of stately loudly to everyone at the desk "Dr. X, I have repeatedly asked you to stop touching me and asking me out, if you do it again, I'm going to have to defend myself."
Jesus, when did we "roaring" women become such pansies? A man who did that to me would receive a swift kick to the balls and a warning never to touch me again.
Well, not everyone is like you. People have many reasons for their reactions.
How are you helping the OP in any way? Making her feel even worse because she is a "pansy?"
Way to pile on someone when she's already dealing with enough.
I absolutly can not believe you have allowed this to continue for so long! I am kind of jelous. I see $$$ from a sexual harrassment suit.
If I were your husband I would catch this guy alone in the parking lot and knock his teeth out. My experience is that you only need to do it once and from then on nobody will lay their hands on your wife.
You have no right to say she allowed this to continue for so long. She told him that his advances were unwelcome and told him to stop. She is not to blame. He is. End of story.
Most men have no idea what women go through on a daily basis in regards to harassment.
I think your "higher ups" should have done something about it. Sheesh! I am thinking you might have to go over their heads on this. Maybe try HR. I once had a situation of sexual harassment and I choose to go to my manager and that was the wrong move, as she tried to protect the person that had harassed me and verbally dismissed it. I should have put it in writing and distributed copies to the DON and HR.
I am in no way a "shrinking violet," but I do understand different, sometimes less effective ways of handling unwanted advances and inappropriate conduct. Playing the blame the victim game does nothing for people who are uncomfortable with assertiveness (of which there are many) because of personality, previous experiences, feeling cornered and/or intimidated. The OPs previous experience included being told to "get over it." I think that nugget of information is enough to understand how difficult this is for her.
I'm a psychiatric nurse, I assure you I'm not a 'pansy' nor am I incapable of defending myself physically. If this was a man in a bar or on the street I would've used the defense skills I learnt in training to break his fingers if he laid a hand on me. However I don't want any reason I could get in trouble for this. I don't want him to have anything to use against me at all. If my bosses already dismissed this I wouldn't put it past them to call my defense 'assault'.
Also I'm 5'3 and weight about 100 pounds, he's probably about a foot taller than me and at least 100 pounds heavier, if I'm aggressive with him and he decides to fight back and no ones around (like in the parking garage), I'd be in serious trouble.
Because I've opted to go with someone from HR I'm going to need to wait until Friday.
Specializes in burn ICU, SICU, ER, Trauma Rapid Response.
Really?! Blaming the victim then saying that you're jealous of sexual harassment for the money from a lawsuit?
The suit was just kidding. I am not blaming her. When I think of the women in my life, my mother, sisters, wife, etc. I can't imagine this situation persisting so long with one of them. Maybe I am just lucky to be associated with very strong women in my life. I teach my daughter not to allow anyone to put their hands on her unless they are invited to do so and if she becomes a victim to do whatever it takes to prevent herself from being a victim again. I read the OP and It didn't seem to me that her response was aggresive and firm. I don't blame the OP for what happend. I am questioning her response to it.
Mavrick, BSN, RN
1,578 Posts
Do NOT go alone to meeting with management. You absolutely are doing the right thing but in dealing with people it can get messy and right does not always prevail in the real world.
Have a PRN/back up job and prepare to lose this one if management and Dr. A--h--- are sleeping together.
You did not bring this on, are not letting it happen, did not ask for it or any other nonsense. He is a predator and has obviously gotten away with it before and is hoping to do so again.
Good on you OP!