A question to nurses with children

[taramade]

What do you do when you have to work holidays? Do you sacrifice your time with family on those special days or is there any way you can switch days with a co-worker? What about after a little senority? Do you get to pick and choose a little more then? When I think about being a nurse I can only picture myself working in a hospital setting, which means crazy hours and schedules, right? I have three small children and there's certain holidays I want to be there for always. So what's a parent to do? How do you handle that situation? Or should I just count on working in a doctor's office until they're older so I have a better schedule?

[OCNRN63, RN]

someone once told me that the unit was "so lucky to have me, because there was no one waitiing for me at home so it did not matter if i worked overtime". single people have lives too - just because we have not pro-created does not mean that we have to work every holiday

if you work in a hospital, you should expect to miss some holidays with your children.

i am not responsible for someone else's decision to procreate. there's never any reciprocation if i have a situation that requires me to leave early. single staff really do get the shaft.

[Lynx25, LPN]

i am not responsible for someone else's decision to procreate. there's never any reciprocation if i have a situation that requires me to leave early. single staff really do get the shaft.

yes!

i worked a week and a half straight, with several doubles thrown in for good measure around christmas, and did the same with thanksgiving. they just aren't huge holidays for me, and there was so much whining at work about "my kidddddssss" from the co-workers. whatever, fine- ot works for me.

now, fast foward a few months, and there is the biggest foot stomping tantrum when i put in a request for a weekend off. "how are we going to cover it?! people have families!!"

i don't *care* about your families, i really don't. yes, i can see that you managed to squidge out 3 or 4 of them. congrats- so does everyone else. i've got my thing going on at home, you've got yours.

having a child in no way entitles you to anything. i wish people would get this through their head.

[Stephalump]

My mom was a single mom and RN. She worked two noc jobs to support us...usually 4 nights one week and 6 the next. She missed a lot, yes. Generally, she either worked on Thanksgiving or Christmas, but not both. She was always off on our birthdays, because there was no competition getting those days off. You could try to find a job in a doctor's office, but those are fewer and not for everyone.

With everything, there's good and bad. A 24/7 business is going to require a lot out of its employees, but also some flexibility.

I don't think your post sounded like you were demanding childless people pick up your slack...seems more like other people bringing their issues to the table. Of course you can switch shifts if someone is willing! I just wouldn't try to target someone without kids...you see the reaction you might get, haha. But there are people who like working more, getting the extra bucks. Not guaranteed, but possible. It's all about give and take.

[pockunit, ADN, RN]

The holiday shouldn't be about the calendar day; it's about the spirit of the day. We celebrate birthday weeks (presents are never late!), so it's not an issue at our house. I'll take the extra money, thanks!

[tokmom, BSN, RN]

I have children and have worked all holidays. My husband was a nurse as well and it made it interesting to have two nurses juggle. We did though and we considered it a good holiday if one of us was home. My husband worked evenings, so we would have our dinners early in the afternoon and Xmas morning was doable this way.

I did per diem for years so I was able to schedule xmas off. I worked every New Years day though to meet my winter holiday criteria.

Now I'm back to FT and I switch years with another CN. I was on call last Xmas, as another PT CN wanted to work. Xmas is not a big deal for her. However, if we were going to get tons of admits, she was going to get pulled to the floor and I was going to be called in. I did spend the day by the phone with no alcohol touching my lips, but I was home with my kids.

Next year, when it's my turn again, I will step up to the plate and put my name down to work. If the same PT CN offers, I will take her up on it, but if not, we will have Xmas eve and then Xmas morning we will get up early, do stockings and I will leave for work.

You can make memories any day of the year. Small children don't know if it's Christmas day or the day after.

Just an FYI. Don't go whining and begging to the other staff. Remember they too want Xmas day off with their family as well. It annoys us at work when we listen to the same whiners every year, begging people to work for them. If they don't get it they become pouty. Ugh..

[BluegrassRN]

I've worked shift work in a 24/7 clinical setting since I've had kids. Kids are more about the celebration: they don't care about whether it happens before or after work, or the day before. We've always simply told the kids: lots of people work on holidays, and we want them to. If our house catches fire, we want firefighters available, right? If we have a car wreck, we want EMTs, paramedics, and police available. If you become sick and need the hospital, nurses like Mama have to be available. The kids have always picked up on the positive aspects of that and have never been whiney (other than having to wait until 0730 to open gifts two years ago on Christmas morning).

I've had supportive family and friends, and I'm married to a great guy, so that is obviously helpful. However, you can't go into a 24/7 setting and not expect to work some holidays. And please, when you come to work, don't be depressed and hateful. My pts always feel so bad for being there on a major holiday; they don't need their nurse to make them feel worse. Whenever they apologize for being sick on Christmas, I always just say something like "I don't mind being here. My family knows how important hospitals are. What better way to celebrate a holiday such as this than caring for someone in need?"

[BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN]

It was never my kids that were a problem, but rather my parents and in-laws. They always got really bent out of shape if my schedule didn't mesh with their plans. Remember that childless people are someone else's child! Their elderly parents might want to see them on a holiday, and one could argue that ought to take precedence over a child's hopes, as the kids probably have more holiday's left!

FTR, I think the OP might have rose colored glasses, but I don't think she was expecting that she not have to work because she has kids. To answer your original question OP, yes, sometimes you just have to sacrifice and miss things.

[BluegrassRN]

It was never my kids that were a problem, but rather my parents and in-laws. They always got really bent out of shape if my schedule didn't mesh with their plans.

I will confess I have signed up for holiday shifts, or we have used my unconventional schedule as an excuse to miss many an uncomfortable family function. We are atheists, but both our families are very religiously oriented, and many holiday celebrations are scheduled around church services and activities. Because excusing ourselves as nonbelievers did nothing but create huge drama (and make both our mothers cry and carry-on, and resulted in one of them trying to secretly baptize one of our daughters), we now simply blame my work. It's easier and doesn't hurt anyone's feelings.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Call me Polly Anna, but I actually have a soft spot for nurses that have kids. If they feel strongly about being with their kids during the holiday they were assigned to work and I don't have plans, I would RATHER take their shift.

I know that it isn't fair for the childless nurses like me to be asked repeatedly to switch shifts, but I can't imagine turning them down simply on the principle of "I have a right to have Christmas/Thanksgiving/New Year's/Easter off just as much as you do!" Of course I have that right.

I have had "angels" that have helped me through the darkest days of my life. Take for example the social worker who assessed our family dynamics after my Mom passed away and concluded that my baby brother (he was 10) would be better suited to live with me than with my Dad, who had basically neglected his parental duties to the point where my brother had missed several days of school because Dad was too hung over to drive. Or the parents of my baby brother's BFF, who drove him 300 miles to spend Christmas with me when I was working and couldn't drive to the coast to get him. Or the teacher at his school who recognized his disinterest in the material as boredom and had him take a placement test for advanced learning. Or the mentor that he had in high school who encouraged him to apply to Yale, even though he did so on a dare...and got in!

I have always believed in the mindset of 'paying it forward'. If I can help out a nurse who wants to be with her kids for the holidays, I will do so. The same applies for a co-worker that wants to switch call when something unexpected comes up concerning their kids. I know that they will be appreciative, and I will feel like I am 'paying it forward'.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

I know that they will be appreciative...

If they actually WERE appreciative. But I've worked plenty of holidays for other people, and then when I need the random Wednesday off (or a weekend day), it doesn't matter that I worked Christmas or Thanksgiving for them, they can't possibly work for me, they've got kids!

[RNKPCE]

We rate our holidays on a 1 to 5 scale, 1 being the one you want off most. I remember one new nurse( new but middle age so must know nurses work holidays) ranked every holiday a "1" and was shocked when she didn't get them all off. I kind of laughed.

One thing that is a great benefit of working a job that is open 24/7 is that you can often attend school functions like field trips, assemblies and help out in your kids class room because you will have days off during the week, or if you work swing you will be off most of the day. How nice it is to run errands on a Tuesday morning instead of on Saturday when all the 9-5ers are out getting errands done.

I wouldn't have traded the odd hours of nursing for a 9-5 job, I worked part time swing and my kids were cared for 1-2 days a week by grandma for 2 hours until my husband got home. My husband was a total hands on dad. It made it nice if I did a girls weekend away I didn't freak out that my husband wouldn't be able handle the kids like some of the other moms on the trip were feeling. My kids are grown now and I still do swing shift two shifts a week. No commute traffic either way, less chaotic shift.

There are many positives about the work hours of nursing!

[kids]

So cause I'm childless I gotta work all holidays or someone other than you? I believe you should switch holidays. You get Thanksgiving off, I get Xmas. That's only fair. Just cause I don't have kids, I still have a family. A family I usually only see on holidays, unlike you who see your kids everyday. So how is that fair?

This is such a pet peeve of mine. I'm always expected to come in early cause Susie has to take her kid to work. Then I'm expected to stay late cause Marcie has to pick hers up from school. Then I have to cover cause Mark has to stay home cause his kid is sick. I always get the shaft cause I don't have kids. Just I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't have other responsibilities outside of work.

The OP never really even implied that.

If you're "expected" to make all those accomidations say no and do so consistantly, they will stop expecting it. You're getting the shaft because you allow it. What you permit, you promote.

I'm guessing she now see what I meant by childless coworkers becoming resentful when asked.