A question to nurses with children

Scarlette Wings · May 20, 2012

A holiday doesn't have to be held on the exact day. It is honoring what it stands for and that day is changeable. I do Christmas or whatever the day or weekend closest to it and have since day one when I decided to be a nurse. The kids grew up knowing that it was normal and it all worked out just fine.

floridanurse1983 · May 21, 2012

The OP never really even implied that.
If you're "expected" to make all those accomidations say no and do so consistantly, they will stop expecting it. You're getting the shaft because you allow it. What you permit, you promote.
I'm guessing she now see what I meant by childless coworkers becoming resentful when asked.

I don't promote anything. Alot of the time I'm stuck staying late cause the person coming in is late. I don't get to just leave. Called pt abandonment. So I'm stuck at work cause they have to pick their precious up from school at 1515. Shift starts at 1500. I don't get out until 1630.

allnurses Guide · May 21, 2012

When my kids were little, they asked one year why I had to work on the holiday. I reminded them when they were sick, they wanted Mama to take care of them right? That some grown up people were really sick, and didn't have a mama to take care of them; that is what nurses do in a hospital.

They understood that, and were okay with sharing "Mama" with someone who needed one.

As for opening presents, they always had to wait until elderly grandparents drove in from another city, so presents were always done around 10 or 11 AM anyway.

Its all about how you approach it, and the attitude (as others have said) that you teach the kids to have.

Mandychelle79, ASN, RN · May 21, 2012

Ive been known to Volunteer to work afternoon shift on the holidays and I have kids. My family celebrates when we can all get together. Like Im better my moms side ( all 35 of us or so) we get together to celebrate Christmas on Dec 15th or 16th. Then my mom usually does something smaller on Christmas Morning or Christmas eve for my kids and then drives 2 hours to see my sister and her kids. My sister and I exchange gifts for the kids at or after the big one at my grandmas. My husband and I celebrate at home on Christmas morning and then my inlaws celebrate Christmas afternoon. It's typically better for me to work afternoon ( which is my normal shift).

But we also have 2 nurses and a State Police Trooper in the family so it is just what we are used to.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · May 22, 2012

What do you do when you have to work holidays? Do you sacrifice your time with family on those special days or is there any way you can switch days with a co-worker? What about after a little senority? Do you get to pick and choose a little more then? When I think about being a nurse I can only picture myself working in a hospital setting, which means crazy hours and schedules, right? I have three small children and there's certain holidays I want to be there for always. So what's a parent to do? How do you handle that situation? Or should I just count on working in a doctor's office until they're older so I have a better schedule?

I can guarantee that if you (generic you, not specifically the OP) try to use your child(ren) as leverage or an excuse to cherry-pick your schedule, you will rapidly make enemies...or at least not make friends. Reason: why should the fact that you have children make your needs more important than someone who doesn't have kids at home, that the childless must not have anything important to do in their lives?

Unfortunately, there are a lot of working parents who feel that way...and there are a lot of childless people (who never had kids by choice or chance, or whose kids are grown) who feel taken advantage of.

Remember that those without kids do have lives that are every bit as important as the lives of those who have kids.

First of all, never expect the fact that you (generic as well as specific you) will get to "pick and choose a little more" because you have child(ren). Not going to happen in acute care because that nursing is 24/7/365, and because of what I mentioned above. Seniority may get you a better shift, but in most places it won't get you out of working assigned holidays. And staffing coordinators aren't sympathetic to too many kid-sob stories.

If you want to work in a hospital, be prepared to find good childcare for the times you will need it. And you will have to compromise: you will not be able to be there for every single event or holiday, so you will need to decide what ones are the most important. If it's having a family Christmas at home, that's great. If it's having a family Thanksgiving, that's great. But reality is that you probably won't get to do both, so you will have to choose between them.

You can negotiate with coworkers to trade days/shifts, and that could work out well...but again, that will mean compromise on your part. You can't expect to trade out of every undesired shift. Also, people won't be willing to trade with you if you take but don't give back in return and take a sucky shift from them.

If you work outside of acute care (outpatient, doctor's offices, etc.), yes, you will be more likely to find hours that will work with raising a family. Downside is that the pay is often lower. Also, it's not acute care...but then again, there's no law saying that a nurse ever has to work in acute care--one who works in a doctor's office is just as much of a nurse as one who works the med-surg unit at General. But going down this route does change your career options. You could eventually get back into acute care, but it could be difficult.

Having child(ren) and working as a nurse can be done, but as I've stated--and has been stated by many others--you will have to make compromises. It may be on when you work or where you work. But it can be done.

I have a 7 year old, BTW. I've worked acute care since day 1. Hasn't always been easy and I've had to compromise on some things...but overall I don't regret it. Neither does the little one because I've been able to be there when he truly needed me the most. That doesn't mean I'm there for every single thing...but I'm there when I need to be. It may just mean the weekend plans have to change a bit, or that Christmas dinner has to be a Christmas breakfast.

Best of luck whatever you decide!

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · May 24, 2012

YOU are going into nursing. We work 24/7, 365 days a year. We work whether it is snowing or raining. Hurricane or tornadoes....there are patients that need to be care for. You will not be able to have "certain" holidays "always" off as I am sure there will always be someone who wants it off "always" too. I am born on Christmas and I have worked for more than my fair share of christmas and my birthday.

Well, I was actually able to pull off "always" being off for Christmas Day. But I literally worked all of the other holidays. No one else was willing to do that. It helped that we had a couple of nurses who were Jewish and were always willing to work Christmas. It's not something anyone should be able to count on before starting the profession, but I was able to figure out a way to make it happen in my individual situation.

iluvhrts · May 24, 2012

Just a thought.. In a clinic or MD's office (good luck finding that as a new grad unless you want to make MA pay), there would be things you would have to miss. Kindergarden graduations? Awards Days? Sometimes you can't get days off. No matter what profession you are in. Yes, when you work in acute care you have to work around things. I found it was the grown-ups that complained more than my kids (like my mother). It took a few years, but SHE adjusted. My family and I never missed a beat. Let's face it, we live in a 24/7 world. Nurses, MD's, police and firefighters are not the only one's that have to work. Truck drivers (my DH who makes more money for less hours than I work), grocery clerks, food service people. Kids are resilient. It's the grown-ups that can't adjust.

taramade · Jul 27, 2012

Wow, thanks for all of the replies! Much appreciated, even the bitter ones. Ha! I never said I don't expect to work ANY holidays. I was just curious how parents with young children handle this situation. My question was NOT to hear about how childless people feel about working parents. lol...

FTR, I am totally fine working holidays, things can be rearranged, but there are also holidays that I would love to get to spend at home. Also, with a military spouse who deploys quite frequently, and misses these special events on a regular basis, just makes me want to be with them that much more especially when Daddy can't. You can only do Santa and trick or treating for so many years... I imagine when my kids are older I won't care as much about certain holidays. Anywho, I appreciate the feedback and am looking forward to my nursing career. I know things will fall into place when they are supposed to, i'm sure we will just "make it work" when the time comes. The benefit of having a career so I can take care of my kids and be able to afford to take them on vacations outweighs the holiday drama.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

I am married to a police officer, so there are holidays that he just can't be home. Most of the time he works a swing shift, so we can do things in the morning and then he goes to work...I"m kinda hoping that that's how we will do Christmas...both of us get a mid shift or a night shift, do it in the morning then go to work and MIL can have her coveted time with the kids (they dont know that hubby or I exist when she's around! LOL!) and we will have gotten the morning with them. I dont talk to any other family (differences in beliefs) other than my sister, paternal grandmother, father and MIL...so it's not hard to plan things! LOL! The only gut wrenching thing is that I get my son every other year and we switch him on the 26th...so those years we will do Christmas on the 26th...years that I have him we will make due on the 25th...shoot, I'll work every holiday just to TRY to get the 25th off if I can, that's the only holiday I care about! Same with hubby, the last 7 years he's worked EVERY holiday to get the 25th off, sometimes it's worked, other times it hasn't. The kids understand. Both mom and dad take care of people, and if we didn't do it, then people would get hurt. They get it. They really do...

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

My question was NOT to hear about how childless people feel about working parents. lol...

Unfortunately, a lot of parents have pulled the Kid Card at work without caring how others feel. And it's often the childless (again, whether by choice, chance or empty nest) who feel as though they're targeted by staffing--if not by the parent themselves--to pick up the parent's slack.

So it's actually very good for you to hear their side of the story, because these may be the same coworkers that you'll have to negotiate schedules with should you want to be off for a specific holiday at home with the kids. Because guess what: a lot of parents make it work by cutting deals with their coworkers or staffing to make it work :) It does involve give and take on all parties' part.

To be honest, kids don't really care what day the holiday falls on. My 7 year old considers all of December to be Christmas, so to him it doesn't matter if it's the 25th or the 5th. And he's used to that considering my spouse is also military and has to miss a lot of events...we do a lot of creative rescheduling.

taramade · Jul 28, 2012

So it's actually very good for you to hear their side of the story,]

I meant I didn't need all of the negativity. And most of it, not all, was from "childless" people who assume ALL parents are unappreciative, spoiled brats. And when I said "what can you do, switch shifts with a coworker?" no where in there did a say, a "childess" coworker. I meant, anyone who was willing to trade.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

I meant I didn't need all of the negativity.

Unfortunately that's also an attitude you will frequently encounter in the real world.

Yes, there are parents who are honestly trying to make it work fairly not only for themselves but for their coworkers. There are also the childless coworkers that understand that those with families have certain issues and try to work with them.

But then there are also the spoiled brat parents who stamp their foot and feel the world should revolve around them because they procreated, and the rest be damned. And then there's the childless ones who feel that because you have children that it's your problem and should not have to be theirs. And neither party wants to compromise.

There's all types out there. Who and where you will encounter will vary, but rest assured you will encounter all of them.

You're right, you can switch shifts with a coworker...what this thread is doing is giving you tips on why people who are currently working as nurses think they way they do, so you know the best ways to accomplish that switch. Because let's be honest: those of us in the field have seen more than a few new nurses come in and expect that because they're parents they're entitled to first dibs on schedules, holidays, weekends, etc.

This is not to imply that YOU have that attitude. Just that this attitude in general isn't uncommon to encounter in acute care.

If you decide that you'd rather have more control over your hours and a better guarantee of holidays, etc. off, then acute care isn't the best place to seek that because acute care is 24/7/365. You'd have better luck with your schedule in a doctor's office or clinic...but keep in mind that you'll still encounter the four types I mentioned even there.

You need to make whatever decision that is best for you. In that vein, take whatever you think helps you from this thread and discard the rest.

Again, best of luck whatever you decide.