A question to nurses with children

Dixielee, BSN, RN · May 19, 2012

There is give and take in every situation. I was a single mother for most of the years my kids were in school. I worked in a hospital so it was a 24/7 environment. I almost never had a Thanksgiving off, but managed to get all or part of every Christmas off because that was my priority. I worked every New Year's Eve and Day, usually in trade with someone who wanted that off and would work my Christmas. Occasionally, switches were made to get off Christmas morning or Eve and work the rest of the day as compromise with someone who wanted off opposite hours.

I always was off for kids birthdays because that was important, but easy to schedule ahead because you know the day is coming.

I also worked and still work most Memorial Day, Independence Day, etc. When you are in a 24/7 environment, you can just move your holiday around! Most celebrations are meant to be with family, so celebrate with your family the day before, after or the following week end. I hate crowds anyway, so missing a huge parade is a good thing for me!

As far as staying in a doctors office vs hospital, that is entirely up to you. Go where you think you will have the most professional success and satisfaction. There are other jobs in the hospital, i.e. PACU, cath lab, radiology, endoscopy, out patient surgery, etc. that require less weekend and holiday scheduling or call. Home health is primarily weekdays without holidays, but as with any patient care situation, there will always be someone on call, and that person may be you.

There are benefits and compromises everywhere you look. One benefit of having a working mother is that the kids learn that while they are loved and cared for, they are not the center of the universe, and sometimes there are more important considerations. They learn to be more independent and make simple decisions for themselves like, do I want jelly on my peanut butter sandwich :)

That too, is balanced with proper supervision and guidance, but that is another subject.

The bottom line, is you do what you think is best for your family. You can still schedule blocks of time off for family vacations. If you work 12 hour shifts, you will frequently have 3-4 day week ends off where you can do something special with your family.

Look at your possibilities and not your limitations, and do what is best for you and the people you love. Good luck! BTW, my kids turned out great and are having their own children who are also turning out great :)

notjustanurse · May 19, 2012

I schedule myself off for my daughter's birthday, and we schedule our other holidays around my work days. I can't see myself working anywhere but an acute care setting either, so I know that is a sacrifice I have to make.

kids · May 19, 2012

I was a single parent for most of my kid's lives, 3 days a year I wanted totally off: my children's birthdays, everything else could be adapted.

Seniority can sometimes help in terms of getting first pick but usually everyone still has to take their turn. Most places I've worked had a clearly defined rule that if you got a holiday off one year, you worked it the next.

I can't think of a year or holiday when I couldn't adapt and/or make a trade that was beneficial to me and another person.

Thanksgivings, I often let someone else do the cooking and scheduled dinner for when I could be there, better yet, I taught my children to cook. Lots

of times I could make a trade with someone that best fit both our needs. Several times I was able to traded day or evening shifts on the 24th or 25th for nights so I could do both Christmas Eve with my kids AND Christmas morning. Many years it just didn't work out and we made the best of it.

The reality with any profession is that there are going to be events you have to miss.

I've had to take call or work holidays working in doctor's offices and home health, no health care environment guarantees every (or really any) holiday off.

The biggest tip I can give when it comes to being a parent and nursing:

never reach a point where you feel more entitled to a holiday off because you have kids. Your coworkers without children are just as entitled to celebrate their holidays as they choose as you are and many of them will get very fed up, very quickly, with always being asked to work for someone "because they have kids".

Horseshoe, BSN, RN · May 19, 2012

In order to be home with my young children on Christmas day, I basically had to work all of the other holidays (Thanksgiving, New Year's Eve or New Year's Day, and Easter).

GitanoRN, BSN, MSN, RN · May 19, 2012

it surely depends on the facility where you work or department and their rules and regulations regarding this issue. having said that, the facility where i work takes turns on scheduling our staff during any given holiday, this gives everyone an opportunity to spend any given day with their loved ones. in addition, some nurses take it upon themselves to exchange their holidays off with a responsible colleague. needless to say, if for any reason the party involved in the exchange doesn't show up to work your shift, you're still responsible to cover the original scheduled. unquestionably, the only way one can get every single holiday off is by working in a out/pt. clinic environment which everyone is set to work mon-fri; sweet if you can get it. on this level, if you work in management like myself you are granted holidays off, even though i still come in for half a day to support my staff. wishing you the best always... aloha~

nursefrances, BSN, RN · May 19, 2012

At our hospital they try to switch things a bit and make the obligation every other Christmas being mandatory, so I usually balance it out. The year I work Christmas eve, I work thanksgiving day. On the years I work Christmas day I have tried to make it positive. Last time I had to work Christmas day I told my son ( at the time 9 or 10 years old) "Well...sorry son...but....I guess you have to open your presents a day early" ( and we went to Christmas eve service at church). My son (who understands sarcastic humor) sighed and said he would try to manage. :) I also take all my kids and hubby's birthday off. I request it at least 6 months in advance.

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · May 19, 2012

I don't have kids of my own (I have a grown step-son and a brother that I raised, who is also grown now), but I understand the importance of nurses with kids being able to spend time with them during the holidays. I typically stick around during the holidays, so if I don't have something planned, I will offer to take their holiday shift for them. I really don't mind doing it, but I don't want to sound like my motivation is completely altruistic-I make a ton of money working the holidays, which comes in handy when I take my annual spring and fall fishing trips to the coast. Deep sea fishing is so expensive!

I can't remember the last Christmas I had off, but I know that it means more to the nurse with kids to spend Christmas at home with the family. You can always ask other nurses to switch with you, but I caution you not to 'dip in the same well' every time. I have worked with nurses who don't mind switching when asked, and I have worked with others who become resentful when they are asked time and again for a holiday switch.

BlueDevil,DNP, DNP, RN · May 19, 2012

Sometimes you will have to work days you would rather not, including holidays. Sometimes you will get to be off. That's just the way it is.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · May 19, 2012

"...there's certain holidays i want to be there for always."

alas, that's not how it is when you work for a business that is open 24/7/365.

if you're a christian, you might be able to trade your christmas with someone who'd like to have yom kippur or eid off. someone might really need that holiday pay differential, and you don't care so much about it.

however, you can't expect that you (or anyone) will get just what you want in terms of staffing "for always." you. just. can't.

children are amazingly adaptable. if you don't make a big hairy deal about it, don't get all teary, don't get resentful and fuming, but treat it matter-of-factly and calmly, then they won't think anything of it. i used to say that there are lots of people working today, and we'd brainstorm about who they might be: police, firefighters, taxi drivers, snowplow drivers, tow truck drivers, airplane pilots and flight attendants, electrical company repair techs, and pretty soon we get to, "many, many nurses and doctors." you'll be home later, and then you can .... time together is what you make of it.

perhaps you have to be older to have the maturity to see the bigger picture, but you can explain to them that there are people in the hospital today who cannot be at home because they are sick, you will take your turn to help care for them, and other people will take their turns too. this can potentially communicate all sorts of useful lessons for a kid. one is, "it's not all about me," another is, "sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do," and another is, "when there is a responsibility we all share, then it's fair for us all to take turns." look at it that way and see if you feel differently.

and the pay in md offices really sucks. do you really want to forgo all that money over all those years?

dudette10, MSN, RN · May 19, 2012

As someone else has said, there is no "always having certain holidays off" when it comes to acute care nursing.

As a parent myself, I do think it's more difficult to explain being away at work to younger children. But, kids are more adaptable than we are! They want you, not the day, so change the day if you have to. Also, an understanding family and friends are great.

This past year, I worked Christmas Eve, and I came home to see my kids open their presents. I worked Thanksgiving night, but friends of ours changed THEIR plans to invite us for an early dinner (and let me sleep in their guest bedroom for a few hours before work!). I worked Easter and didn't participate in the family function. I worked Mother's Day, but celebrating on Saturday was better anyway. I even worked on my kid's birthday, which fell on a weekday anyway, but I made sure I got the day of and the day after his slumber party off.

As I said before, it really helps to have an understanding family and friends. It allows you to let go of a focus on "The Day," too. At least it does for me.

ETA: I grew up with a shift worker for a parent, too. He had to work holidays a lot. I don't remember missing out on anything celebratory as a kid. I think it affects parents' feelings more than kids' realities, anyway.

NicuGal, MSN, RN · May 19, 2012

When I started as a nurse, and we have several in the family, we always has our big family holiday the Sunday before. Made things a lot easier for all of us...and it was fun in that we had that holiday and then a smaller one on the actual holiday. Kids are pretty adaptable.