A classmate wants to know if I'm gay. How should I respond?

danissa, LPN, LVN · Apr 25, 2007

.Seth, is he looking to stir things up for you, or maybe he is gay too & he likes you, and is asking in a high school sort of way???????? You know...I really like your pal.. etc!

atwtrn · Apr 25, 2007

LOL:D I never thought of that. I am older than the majority of my classmates...maybe this was some type of childish attempt of...who knows what..anyway..thanks for your POV

hzrizen · Apr 25, 2007

That is really none of his business so no I wouldnt bring it up unless he asked and then I would still tell him non of his business or what concern is it of his?Even if he does like you he is an adult and could find a way to approach you with out getting others involved.

Good luck

Donna

HikingNinja, BSN, MSN, DNP, RN, APRN, NP · Apr 25, 2007

Here's how I would respond if he asks you in class:

"Thank you for expressing an interest in me as a person. I'm flattered that you want to get to know me. However, I feel its inappropriate to talk about personal things in a professional setting like the classroom...if you would like to get to know me better, perhaps we can hang out sometime after school hours. I'd love to tell you more about myself, and find out more about you also then."

If he's a homophobic individual he will never accept your invitation to hang out and he'll know this topic is off limits in school. If he is gay also, but is shy, this will tell him its ok to talk after class.

Dee

donsterRN, ASN, BSN · Apr 25, 2007

You're absolutely correct in that your sexuality is irrelevent to your education and is no one's business.

Obviously, you're aware that people will talk about people. There's not much you can do about that, but if this guy ever asks you directly, you can always ask him why he wants to know. That tends to put the nosy people on the defensive and they tend to leave you alone. It might also start a dialogue between the two of you.

RN34TX · Apr 25, 2007

Here's how I would respond if he asks you in class:
"Thank you for expressing an interest in me as a person. I'm flattered that you want to get to know me. However, I feel its inappropriate to talk about personal things in a professional setting like the classroom...if you would like to get to know me better, perhaps we can hang out sometime after school hours. I'd love to tell you more about myself, and find out more about you also then."
If he's a homophobic individual he will never accept your invitation to hang out and he'll know this topic is off limits in school. If he is gay also, but is shy, this will tell him its ok to talk after class.
Dee

I don't know if I'd respond like that. That makes it sound as if the OP is interested in dating him.

If the curious student is homophobic, there is a lot of research identifying homophobic attitudes and behavior as classic symptoms of latent/repressed homosexuality. Repressed homosexual men who use homophobia as a coping mechanism do not like to see in other men what they know is inside of themselves that they are trying to deny/block out, and he may react more extremely than just merely rejecting the invitation.

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Apr 25, 2007

Geeze Louise. This is like those notes from 6th grade: Do you like Mary Alice? Check yes or no.

Or ask them if he likes you. You know, LIKES you likes you.

Hee!

MrChicagoRN, RN · Apr 26, 2007

:uhoh21: I'm not sure how to handle this. Today a friend of mine told me that a classmate of ours was fishing for information regarding my sexual orientation. This male student was asking inappropriate questions. It makes me uncomfortable that he feels the need to bring this up with other classmates of mine. I am gay. This however, is irrelevant and frankly none of his business. It has always been my policy to keep my home life separate from nursing school. We spend so much time together in clinicals and class and I have a feeling the rumor mill will be churning. Should I let it go? Bring it up with him?...

It's bothering you, so...

"I hear you were asking questions about me. What's up with that?"

If asks or hints about you being gay, look straight in the eye & ask in a firm & slightly chalenging tone, "Why? You interested in me?"

Then, depending how he answers you can tailor you response... Maybe even a guffaw & "I wouldn't be interested in you even if I was gay." (neither confirming nor denying you're gay)

Thedreamer · Apr 26, 2007

Just be direct. "Hey I heard you asking about my sexual orientation, whats that about?"

Open ended yet directly stating you know his intentions of inquiring about you.

Heck, turn it into a clinical experience. "Risk for aspiration r/t elementary school behavior as evidenced by "he said, she said" comments around the ol' gossip mill." Figure out a plan/goals. "Will keep students mind in semi fowlers, give effective teaching on proper interpersonal skills, and patient will demonstrate adult behavior by asking direct questions within your conversation". Then implement it! After that, simply evaluate the outcome! Should be cake!

RN BSN 2009 · Apr 26, 2007

Ask the other student why he cannot ask you to your face?

atwtrn · Apr 27, 2007

I'm sorry if this thread came off in an elementary school way lol...If this had ocurred in any other setting, I would know exactly what to say. I just know how small our program is and I don't want to be defined by this or treated differently by professors should they get wind of it. Anyway thanks for the advice. If he does bring it up...I'll have an idea of what ot say.