Hi, I'm a 36 yr old mother to two teen boys. I found out I was pregnant with twins in late April....I thought I was around 8 wks when ultrasound was done, doc said 10 wks.
Anyway, I was terrified, thrilled, excited, overjoyed, confused...just about every emotion possible, I think I felt. Finally, as I entered my second trimester the fear of miscarriage subsided somewhat. I started telling people, buying things for the babies, planning a new edition to my home for the babies, looking at SUV's.....
Then on Wednesday, June 9th, at 17 wks I lost them. I don't know why.
For a couple days before the miscarriage I felt like crap. Just drug down...figured it was my age and the TWO babies draining my energy. I had some mild lower back pain and slight diarrhea. Called doc and was told not to worry. Woke on Monday morning and my underwear were wet...not soaked, just a little wet..figured I may have just coughed hard during my sleep...afterall TWO babies were pushing on my bladder now. Had some dampness in my underwear that day and just figured I was leaking urine. NOW I know I should have insisted on seeing my doc. I just didn't feel right. But I was afraid I was being paranoid because of the instant status of 'high risk' pregnany d/t my age and for being preg with twins.
On my way to work on Wed morning I started to cramp. Just some mild cramping.... I went to the hospital and it was all down hill from there. By 6pm they were gone. I still don't have a clear answer as to why.
Now everyone is calling me asking me why. Geez, I don't even know why. I remember getting demerol for pain and a drip of something or another. They were already gone when I delivered. I believe I was given pitocin to cause delivery.....or maybe it was after delivery...I don't remember. Does that sound right? Or am I wrong? I was so out of it I really don't remember.
I'm tired of hearing "Why didn't you go to the doc before?" or "Was there something wrong with the babies?" I DON"T KNOW! At my last appt on May 26 the doc said they looked great through U/S....I saw their little hearts just beating away. Now I can't get the picture of their little spines, their little arms and legs moving, their heads and their hearts beating out of my head. I never even got to feel them move inside me.
I nearly lost a son to a drowning a few years ago.....this is almost as bad even though I didn't even get a chance to know these precious angels. I just wish I knew what happened. And I REALLY wish people would leave me alone. I know they mean well, but it's killing me inside.
Even if no one has any ideas or replies, thanks so much for reading this. How can I tell people in real life these things when I don't even know the answers myself?
