Fired After Fifty: Redux

**VivaLasViejas**, ASN, RN

Several years ago when I was laid off from my LTC job due to low census, I remember despairing of ever finding another job. I was in my early fifties then. At the time I had a bad knee that had ended my floor career despite surgery, and to add insult to injury I'd gained thirty pounds due to inactivity. I couldn't imagine who would want to hire me. But I had barely drawn the first few unemployment checks when I got two calls: one for another LTC, and one for an assisted living facility that I fell in love with at first sight.

Fortunately for all concerned---at least at the time---they fell in love with me right back, and before I knew it I was working at this beautiful residence and making the kind of money I'd only dreamed about. After about a year of working there, I decided that I'd finally found the "forever" job I had been looking for through my entire career, and made up my mind that it was the one I would retire from when I reached the appropriate age.

Alas, I forgot that all good things do come to an end, and after months of struggling daily to cope with an ever-increasing workload and maintain some semblance of physical and mental health, I lost the battle to hold onto my job. It seems that the severe anxiety attacks which necessitated my taking a leave of absence were used to redefine my position, effectively rendering me incapable of working without the accommodations my doctor recommended when I returned. It was a stacked deck, and I knew it, so when I was fired three days later it was no surprise whatsoever.

And so I'm pounding the pavement once again.....only now I'm pushing 55, weakened by repeated exacerbations of my illness due to stress, and in the midst of a bad economy to boot.

Never have my prospects of finding another job appeared so bleak. The vast majority of nursing positions available in my part of the country nowadays are travel nursing and/or hospital jobs for which I lack both the skills and the physical capabilities, despite having lost a great deal of weight in the past year. And the others are management jobs such as the one I was just fired from......yep, jumping from the frying pan into the fire makes LOTS of sense. Said no intelligent person, ever.

But the worst part of all this is having to reassess my goals in view of my limitations as well as my possibilities. I hate having limitations! I can't work nights or rotating shifts; that would be destabilizing. I can't handle anything that's too physical; I'm still fat and have bad knees, AND I'm old. I can't work 50-hour weeks being totally responsible for a department over which I have no real authority; obviously that's too stressful or I'd still be doing it.

What, I wonder, is to become of me? Or any nurse in my predicament? It's a tough world out there; these days no quarter is given to anyone with a disability or who is merely aging. But when both of those factors are involved.......well, the picture isn't pretty. In fact, it's downright terrifying.

There's nothing quite like the fear that haunts the unemployed nurse late at night, long past the time when the brain should have been switched to the "off" position. Dear God, the problems.....I just bought a newer car. How will I make the payments on the $500 a week I'll be getting from unemployment? I no longer have health insurance coverage, so Heaven knows how I'll be able to afford the medication that costs $165 per 30-day supply (which I MUST take to stay well enough to work, if I ever get the chance again). And as pathetic as those UI benefits are, I'm still too well off to qualify for any other form of government assistance, so I find myself feeding three older adults stuffed baked potatoes or tuna casserole on several nights each week.

And yet......there is something oddly hopeful, even exhilarating in facing the unknown. For one thing, I'm free of the crazy-making politics that beat me down so badly in the last few months of my old job. Granted, there are no politics-free jobs (at least not in nursing!) but there's got to be one out there whose description doesn't change every five minutes. I also like the idea that it could be time for me to try something I've never done before, like collecting blood donations for the Red Cross or working in a clinic.

At this stage of life, I don't even want a 'career' anymore.......I just want to make a decent living doing something I can enjoy at least a good part of the time, and most of all I want a JOB---not a 24/7/365 commitment. I want to work hard, know I've given it my all that day, and then leave it at the door when I go home.

I haven't been able to do that in a very long time.

Maybe this is the universe's way of telling me that my focus on career at the expense of living my life is no longer necessary or appropriate. Maybe it's time to literally stop and smell the roses that are growing wild in my front yard.

And maybe---just maybe---finding balance in work will help me find balance in life. ?

Fired After Fifty: Redux

About VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

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