Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 92

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   twistedpupchaser
    To the little old man making silly noises at the staff everytime they walked past his cubicle for the 10/24 night shift....."Zibbida, Gonk, Boing Boing, Boing to you too!" (It was funnier to think at 0400 than it apears in writing.)

    "You asked for a good-looking Nurse, not a nice one, you can't have both!"

    "Don't worry, I saw how to do this on 'All Saints'" (an Australian hospital based drama, as realistic as Grays but with actual nurses)

    "And the Oscar goes to.........."

    Scary thing is, I have said one of these....and I'm not saying which.
  2. by   southernbeegirl
    to the hateful daughter of my patient that was yelling at me because he had blood caked on his nails....

    Look woman, your dad sits and CHEWS on his nails and cuticles. He's a grown man that has obviously raised a family. If you want to yell at someone because he has blood caked on his nails and is getting infections...talk to HIM! all i can do is tell him he shouldnt do that and put some bandaids on him. i aint his momma, yaknowwhatimeanjean?
  3. by   southernbeegirl
    to the crazy niece of my LOL....

    So you don't want your uncle to have ANY kind of benzo, antipsychotic, pain med or anything that would make him calm down? okey dokey...then YOU stay with him 24/7 so that when he is playing in his colostomy bag and then painting the walls, eating his own poo and trying to beat up my staff with said covered fingers....YOU deal with it, Kthnxbai!
  4. by   elthia
    Sir, you are having runs of Vtach...that is a fatal heart rhythm...and your implanted defibrillator is not working...
    I know that you have an established relationship with a certain doctor who inserted your first AICD...but he is 3 states away...and I don't know if you are going to live long enough to be transported there to have him place your next AICD.

    Being paced externally with pacer pads hurts like heck, and seeing as your are such a wimp that you screamed when I stuck a 20 g IV in you for your amio gtt, and then insisted I stop your lifesaving antiarrhythmic medicine to draw labs, because you did not want another needlestick, I don't really think you want to experience being jolted with 50-200 juoles of electricity though your chest repeatedly....possibly followed by chest compressions

    SO SUCK IT UP WIMP...we are just trying to save your frickin life. You are 42 years old, and actually have a nice physique...grow a set of balls.
  5. by   Virgo_RN
    Quote from elthia

    Being paced externally with pacer pads hurts like heck, and seeing as your are such a wimp that you screamed when I stuck a 20 g IV in you for your amio gtt, and then insisted I stop your lifesaving antiarrhythmic medicine to draw labs, because you did not want another needlestick, I don't really think you want to experience being jolted with 50-200 juoles of electricity though your chest repeatedly....possibly followed by chest compressions
    Sorry to nitpick, cardiac nurse here.....you wouldn't pace VT, and amiodarone hangs out forever (half life up to 13 days), so stopping the gtt just for a minute isn't likely to result in a recurrence of VT.

  6. by   elthia
    I meant more likely would would be shocking him out of Vtach. He was having runs of vtach lasting up to, NOT exageratting 80+ beats...and then would go back to afib...very scary....especially since my floor is not an ICU floor,

    He had CHF from viral cardiomyopathy as a child, his BP's were in the toilet, and he had been on the unit for less than 15 minutes, he was BIBA from another hospital.

    He hadn't even been seen by a doc from our hospital yet and was getting ready to code.
  7. by   Tulip28
    Quote from ruby vee
    many of us do. stress -- including the stress of hospitalization -- turns the bowels to water!
    if you read my reply properly i said with no gastrointestinal issues from stress or other! i am talking about the bowel obsessed people who just decide at 3am they would like to do a poo! hey, this is my thing i would like to tell others anyway
  8. by   GadgetRN71
    " I'm very sorry that you left your "butt wiper stick" at home. No, I will not wipe for you. I would, however, be more than happy to fashion a new "butt wiper stick" for you."




    You'd think that would be a wakeup call, that you need an extension to wipe your butt. I'm no skinny minnie, but the moment I notice that wiping becomes an issue, off to Weight Watchers I go!
  9. by   talaxandra
    Yeah, that right there is a sign - your hands and arms are designed to reach around to your rear. I am by no means tiny but...
  10. by   canoehead
    Quote from virgo_rn
    sorry to nitpick, cardiac nurse here.....you wouldn't pace vt, and amiodarone hangs out forever (half life up to 13 days), so stopping the gtt just for a minute isn't likely to result in a recurrence of vt.

    dude- i still wouldn't want to draw blood from the only site this guy has...and lose it...and then start negotiating about getting another one in. i think i'd tell him we'd start another site, pull the blood from the fresh site so we don't have to risk the only line, and we have a second one if needed.

    but most of all, if your heart isn't working, you can plan on seeing a few needles in your future. suck it up
  11. by   fuzzywuzzy
    "Your complaints about 'the service' I am giving you aren't going to get you anywhere because I CAN'T HELP IT. There are 2 of us and 30 of you! Here I am rushing around like crazy- you see me flying up and down the hall- and you, an alert, continent, and fairly able-bodied person, have the nerve to make whiny little passive-aggressive comments about how long you've been waiting for 'service.' All because I put your roommate to bed before you, and now you're jealous... you pathetic little twit. What's with the talk about service anyway? This isn't a spa, it's a nursing home. You know how you can tell the difference? A spa would have waaaaaaay more staff."
  12. by   Virgo_RN
    Quote from canoehead
    dude- i still wouldn't want to draw blood from the only site this guy has...and lose it...and then start negotiating about getting another one in. i think i'd tell him we'd start another site, pull the blood from the fresh site so we don't have to risk the only line, and we have a second one if needed.

    but most of all, if your heart isn't working, you can plan on seeing a few needles in your future. suck it up
    dude- if he's that hard of a stick, you'll probably be going io anyway.
  13. by   cherrybreeze
    To the ER nurse, calling with our umpteenth admission of the night tonite (d'oh) and talking to the CNA watching the desk/phone, wanting to get a room number for said admission and when the CNA told him I (the charge nurse) was on the phone (which I was, dealing with another issue), replied, "aw, come on, can't we just be friends??"

    Dude~I WAS ON THE PHONE. I could not interrupt that call to talk to you. I don't know how much clearer of English you required to understand that to prevent whining. It didn't take more than a few minutes for me to get back to you. I wasn't standing behind that CNA laughing and going, "tell him I'm on the phone, hahahaha!" When we get 5 admissions in a shift, chances are, I'm gonna be busy dealing with ONE of them at any given time.

    Thank you, I feel better now.

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