Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 45

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   talaxandra
    "Dig your nails into me again and I will break your fingers." I came really close to saying this to a combative, oriented, elderly woman with really sharp nails last week, but refrained and settled for "Do not dig your nauils into me, Mrs X."

    PS That vagina scratching thing? Ick!
  2. by   Melinurse
    Quote from al7139
    The best:
    Do not ask me to scratch your vagina (I swear it really happened!) when you can feed yourself and work the remote for the TV.
    Amy

  3. by   Virgo_RN
    "The apple really doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?".
  4. by   southernbeegirl
    Quote from talaxandra
    "Dig your nails into me again and I will break your fingers." I came really close to saying this to a combative, oriented, elderly woman with really sharp nails last week, but refrained and settled for "Do not dig your nauils into me, Mrs X."

    PS That vagina scratching thing? Ick!
    ahaha! we have this combative, oriented and mean patient. her husband is there too and they just recently moved him into her room. when she was in her own room a few weeks ago she asked how he was doing and i was telling her and told her i'd just finished his IV so he'd be down to see her soon. she looked at me so mean and said "you are sleeping with him arent you??"

    I came so close to saying "why yes, yes i am!"
  5. by   ShelleyERgirl
    I remember calling male patients with test results and I cannot tell you how many times their wives would answer the phone and before I could identify myself, suspiciously ask who is this? You don't know how bad I wanted to say, "yeah,this is Bambi, I was just wondering if I left my leopard print thong over there?" Either that or they thought I was a bill collector. Geez, people can you shut the heck up and let me identify myself already!
  6. by   rph3664
    Quote from al7139
    Do not ask me to scratch your vagina (I swear it really happened!) when you can feed yourself and work the remote for the TV.
    Amy
    A woman asked a FEMALE nurse to do that? That's just weird, whether either is a lesbian or not.
  7. by   RedWeasel
    I would never say these because everyone has a right to their complaints because it is really never about what they are complaining about but they are just things that pop into your head when you are right in the middle of dealing with a complaint -- we all think it....
    1. Suck it up.
    2.You want your straw NOW?! I bet the guy next door with the massive stroke, trach, gtube, foley would like to be able to speak to ask me politely for that said straw. I guess your broken foot doesn't seem like such a big deal now does it?
    3.You think you have it bad? Enter numerous responses here......
    4. Dude your pain level is a 7.5 (when asked between 1-10 what is pain level)? Definitely not a 7,,,,but just couldn't go for that big 8?
    5. You don't want your pills at 8 either? Everyone wants them at 9....well that is nice isn't it...but you all want one pain pill now....at 8....pills at 9....and oh yeah the sleeping pill at 10....right.....so basically 3 pill passes for each patient.....
    6. You were picking at that weren't you, so I would have to change it so your obsession to once again see how it was doing would be satisfied. Even though I changed it 2 hours ago and it is scabbed over?
    7. You won't take pain meds, lie down, take ice or heat, food, or warm blanket but I am just not helping with your pain?
    8. SIT DOWN AND QUIT SETTING OFF YOUR ALARM
    9. MY NAME IS >>>>>> not "you there" and I am your nurse that is why I am giving you the pills...
    10. and the biggie .... "I quit" .... in the middle of complaint....so that pt can pull his blanket up at the end of the bed by himself, finally. Because if he can be on his laptop for 2 hours and keep getting up on his own without calling I THINK he can pull up a blanket....and I Was Just Down There...
  8. by   RedWeasel
    I would love to provide another digital stimulation for you (it is 2307) so that you have ANOTHER extra large bowel movement. No don't worry about that ice storm and the 16 below zero temperature that the CNA and I were just talking about, the one you said, "be careful driving home"...that one. That noise? Oh well that would be the wind, and oh yeah the 1/2 inch of ice we are about to have to scrape off our cars, all by ourselves because our coworkers will all be home by then....another swipe? Sure....just, while we wait, can you not reach down there and pull up the chux so we have to do a bedchange too...
  9. by   RedWeasel
    I mentioned this before. I didn't think of it a co-worker did. She didn't say it but she would have if she had been there. A pts dtr (never will forget her) stopped at the desk to tell me..."Oh yeah, hi...uh I don't know if you want to go down there but the pt in the room next to mom is um, I think, playing with his thingy."...I just said "oh well that happens." My coworker said she would have replied, "Well its his. He can do with it what he wants." (and No, thanks, I didn't go down there, nor did I want to...and I did tell her we need visitors to respect pts privacy...just as we do her mothers privacy.)
  10. by   AngelfireRN
    Get out. GET OUT!

    You want an appointment with your orthopod, and I jumped all sorts of hoops to get you in Monday because you fell and the knee that you have had problems with for years is killing you. No fracture on your Xray, but it IS swollen, and you refuse to get an MRI. Wait, you won't go Monday? You won't go to the clinic across town? It has to be on Wednesday and the clinic IN town?

    You have plenty of meds? Wait, no, you have to send your friend to ask me, AFTER I have changed your appointment MYSELF, "Well, missy, are you not going to write her her meds?"

    You say that's all you want, and you refuse everything else, so after I have busted my butt to get you in, don't you DARE ask me, "Well, is that ALL YOU'RE GONNA DO?"

    You don't want a pain shot? Oh, you want TWO? Well, I'm so sorry, honey, we don't do that here, this is a no-kill shelter.

    And, for the love of God, do NOT pout at me what I do not have samples of your older-than-dirt meds, for which you have insurance. My patients WITHOUT insurance need those samples to live, that is why they are there. You are on generic Lasix, Catapres, and Toprol, it don't get much cheaper than that. I'll be happy to see about getting you assistance, but I can't make the samples appear. I left my magic wand at home today.

    After we are done, GO HOME!!! I can think of 500 other things I'd rather do than spend 2 1/2 hours in the doctor's office for an afternoon. Why, yes, I DO know Dr. X. Yes, he is a caution. No, I don't think I can get off work to go with you, but thank you for the offer, I'll catch up with him later.

    Sorry, I genuinely love most of my patients, but this one just came in and pitched a tent. I actually went into the office manager's office and screamed when she left. She was my 2nd marathoner of the day. Poor doc, she just patted me on the shoulder, and said, "It has been a rough one, hasn't it?"
  11. by   a "too caring" cna
    That is believable, they will take it to the limit! I am a cna, and continously this resident pulls her call bell and she cannot get up alone and is dead weight. She asks to go to the bathroom, after getting on a gait belt and practically wedging her out of the chair into her wheel chair, then into the bath rm , pulling again with belt, getting on commode(takes around 12 min)she then sets on commode and says within one second, I can't go now, I thought I had to.
    I would sometimes like to reply and say,"you are gonna set there until something comes out, now I will see you in 15 mins. after my break that I never did get. And do not pull your call bell or I will jerk it out of the d wall!!!
  12. by   cradlecrewer
    How about.........Wake up and get out of that bed, it belongs to the patient (while she sits in a chair)!!!
    or....no seriously..I don't mind stepping over your little blanket beds you have made in the middle of the room for ALL your family members.
    Ugggg!!!
  13. by   talaxandra
    Quote from silvergirl
    7. You won't take pain meds, lie down, take ice or heat, food, or warm blanket but I am just not helping with your pain?
    Word!

    Quote from Shelleygrl32
    I remember calling male patients with test results and I cannot tell you how many times their wives would answer the phone and before I could identify myself, suspiciously ask who is this? You don't know how bad I wanted to say, "yeah,this is Bambi, I was just wondering if I left my leopard print thong over there?" Either that or they thought I was a bill collector. Geez, people can you shut the heck up and let me identify myself already!
    A friend was at home last year when the phone rang and a suspicious woman said "Who is that?"
    My friend: "You rang me - who are you?"
    Weirdly angry woman: "Why is this number on my husband's mobile phone bill?"
    My friend: "I don't know. Maybe you should ask him."
    Turns out he was a work colleague of her husband's, which is why their home number was on his bill. I don't know if he was playing away from home, and it's not really thread-related, but Shelley's story reminded of it.
    And now, I return you to your regularly scheduled thread!

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