Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 3
:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More
55Dec 15, '07 by Pepper The Cat, BSN, RNRinging the callbell 3 times in 15 minutes will not make me move any faster. And ringing your call bell 3 times in 15 minutes at 0830 in the morning because you need maple syrup for your pancakes will just make me place you at the bottom of my priority list next time you call!
You are not my only patient. Deal with it. You want personal one on one care where you never have to wait? Hire a private nurse.
No, I won't tell you what's wrong with the pt in the next bed, room or the one sitting in the broda chair at the nursing station.
No, I won't call the ortho tech every 15 minutes until he comes. He knows your splint needs looking at. He's busy and will get here when he can. Calling him every 15 minutes will just delay his arrival and annoy the he** out of him.
To Visitors: Yes, I know that the LOL in the broda chair wants the table off. No, you can't take it off. Its there for a reason. Yes, I know she wants to go home - she can't. No , I can't tell you why. Yes, I know she's yelling. I can hear her too. No, I can't "drug her up".
53Dec 15, '07 by elthiaWhen I help you off the toilet and say, "don't you want to wash your hands"... that wasn't a suggestion.
And don't you dare touch my hair and tell me it's pretty after you just crapped and didn't wash your hands, thank you very much!!:angryfire:angryfire
When I suggest "are you sure you don't want a shower, I can help you with one before bed, it my help you rest, and we need to clean your cath site anyways." It means you smell of yeast so bad we could start a bakery in here , and when I checked your groin site I had to bite my tongue to keep from gagging. We need to get you washed so it doesn't get infected.
Before you flame me...what I think and what I say are different...and I am very careful with my facial expressions.Last edit by traumaRUs on Dec 18, '07 : Reason: Implied profanity
26Dec 15, '07 by Blee O'MyacinI understand that your sister, daughter, son or grandma is in 10/10 pain, but the doctor has to see him/her first before prescribing that pain med. I know that your family member has been here 7 times in the past month for the same, legitimate pain issue, but the doc still needs to see you. No? You haven't followed up with the clinic doc, pain specialist in all this time? Please don't start screaming at me that if your family member was a "code blue" I'd bet my "sweet ass" that there'd be lots of people in the room. Airway, breathing and circulation unfortunately come before pain. You say you are a "nurse" because you are a HHA and that's "the same thing", so why don't you walk yourself over to the pixis and decide the appropriate medication, dosage and mechanism of delivery for your family member since it is well out of *my* scope of practice...
And while you are at it, help yourself to my uneaten snack in the nurses lounge, my bag is the pretty pink one with the apple, string cheese and the hershey bar, since I'm just sitting here at the desk playing solitare on the computer...
OK - I really did say the part about coding not being the same thing as pain, and that I was not insensitive to "grandma's" belly pain. But the other part, I just wished I could say - but Mr. Press Gainey likes to send out all those pretty pieces of paper..
I do politely and firmly ask the 16 crying family members to please step out when the doc comes in to assess the patient and he's so upset about thier unnessary wailing and flailing over every (normal) blip on the monitor (which I've explained to each family member that has asked) that the patient needs some "private time" with the doctor. Works like a charm - I say it with a sweet smile, and then the attending usually says "better listen to Blee, she's the boss around here..." LOL
PS - my favorite was from my nursing student days - "sorry sir, I really can't tell you if that is a tootsie roll or 'something else' that you dropped in your bed from here, and I'm not getting any closer while you are squishing it in your fingers and smelling it to determine the origin of said confectional delight" :roll
No one ever said that nursing was boring!
120Dec 15, '07 by FlyingScotHow are you expected to pay for your blood pressure medicine Mrs. Robinson? (fake name of patient who presented to ER with HTN and prescription had run out)Do you really want me to tell you because you aren't going to like what I say. Are you sure, you really aren't going to be happy with my answer. Okay, here goes. Perhaps you would be able to afford your medication if you weren't spending $100 a month on fancy fake nails with rhinestones and airbrushed designs. And you might want to reconsider whether the $50 dollar hair-do with all the swirly things and curls is really necessary considering the fact that your out of control blood pressure is likely going to kill you. Actually said this to a patient only in a slightly nicer way. She looked at me gape-faced. Then I think she considered punching me but I really did say it in a concerned way and had given her an out if she didn't want to hear it. Her face finally relaxed as she realized that what I had said was true and actually thanked me as I walked her out the door.
My coworkers have always said that I seem to get away with saying the most outrageous, but true things to patients and I've never gotten a complaint from one of them. It started in nursing school. I put a patient on the toilet and told her to pull the cord if she needed something. Well soon enough the light went off and I heard her yelling. I ran to the room to find her standing facing the toilet with her hands on the seat. I said "are you sick?!" She said "No...wipe me" Before I could censor myself I looked at her and said "Why? Are your arms too short?"
I am a bad, bad, bad nurse:selfbonk:
12Dec 15, '07 by leslie :-DQuote from truerndig that.I sincerely hope that these attitudes about people with weight issues are well in check when actually dealing with those patients.
some of these posts are downright scary.
19Dec 15, '07 by Fuzzy"Lack of planning on your part is not an emergency on mine." (For the person who needs a health certificate and a Coggins test for a horse on Sat. because he's going out of state on Sun.)
"No seeing a tapeworm segment on your cat's rear end is not a reason for me to see you at 2:30AM." (An actual emergency call.)
"Yes it does cost $250 to spay a two year old great dane. It is 2007 not 1956, prices do go up." (To the person who thought that a spay or OVH should be only $30 on a 110# dog.)
"What part of Please turn off your cell phone don't you understand?"
"If your last vet was soooo wonderful, than why aren't you there?" (The client's last vet fired her for being obnoxiuos and refusal to follow his direction. Not to mention she never paid her vet bill without a fight. We fired her also after 8 months of abuse.)
"He is a DOG! Not a little human in a fur coat with clothes. If you would treat him like a dog than I wouldn't have to muzzle the little spoiled brat to handle him." (Neurotic small dog owner. The dog is small in size but large in teeth and very experienced in their use.)
"Now we place this collar on the child just tight enough for the prongs to come in contact with the throat. When the child screams s/he will receive a small shock much like static electricity. This will distract the child from screaming at the top of his/her lungs in a small exam room with a cat that wants to take us all out when the kid lets out a blood curding scream." (A frantic parent with 2 screaming childern ages 4 and 5, a freaked out cat, in small exam room, with no way out.)
Fuzzy, CVT whose patients are actually easier to deal with than her clients.Last edit by traumaRUs on Dec 18, '07 : Reason: Implied profanity
13Dec 15, '07 by flightnurse2bQuote from AngelfireRNwe had a 400+ lb TIA patient come in one day. the nurse and i went in to do an assessment and when the nurse asked her what happened, the patient said "i just dont know. ive always been really healthy!" and the nurse said "hmm... did you eat too much popeyes chicken?" omg i had to leave the room.Don't have to be a nurse to state the (seemingly) obvious. Very good comment, but, boy do they get huffy. Saw one one time that I bet weighed 400 pounds, complained that she could "feel the metal in the bed (because she squished the mattress flat!), and yet sat in there, inhaling ice cream,wondering why her sugar was sky-high.
29Dec 15, '07 by NurseCherloveQuote from Kim O'TherapyOr how about when you go into the room to do their assessment, they see you with stethoscope in hand, standing there, and they continue to talk on the phone as if you were not :angryfireNO, I will NOT come back later. The twenty family members in your room 24/7 will have to step out for 15 minutes, so I can get these meds given and this procedure done. You need to run on our schedule, not your visitors' schedules. (I get soooooooo tired of being asked to "come back later". Then, when the pt is "ready now", they want you to drop everything and catch up with them.) :angryfire
I love even more the "hovering" family members who watch everything you do (to ensure their loved on is getting the best care of course) and then talks to the patient while you are trying to listen to their chest!!! Are you completely stupid???!!!! Do you think I am just doing this for show?Last edit by VivaLasViejas on Dec 15, '07 : Reason: offensive terms for less-than-intelligent people
3Dec 15, '07 by rph3664Quote from BabyScanner82My mother had a tubal ligation back in the day when that procedure was 3 days in the hospital, and it was also the only time she ever heard anyone really complain about the food. Her roommate was a 300 pound diabetic who had been put in the hospital because she refused to take care of herself, so of course she didn't like what they were giving her to eat.5) This one is my personal favorite, every shift I hear numerous complaints about how bad the food is. What I would give to tell one of these patients, your in a hospital, not a hotel. That food you were eating that put on that extra 100 pounds may be the very reason your lying in that bed with shortness of breath!!! I guess that would just be an anwser with too much logic now wouldn't it?
71Dec 15, '07 by rph3664Quote from FlyingScotAmerican poverty, 2007:How are you expected to pay for your blood pressure medicine Mrs. Robinson? (fake name of patient who presented to ER with HTN and prescription had run out)Do you really want me to tell you because you aren't going to like what I say. Are you sure, you really aren't going to be happy with my answer. Okay, here goes. Perhaps you would be able to afford your medication if you weren't spending $100 a month on fancy fake nails with rhinestones and airbrushed designs. And you might want to reconsider whether the $50 dollar hair-do with all the swirly things and curls is really necessary considering the fact that your out of control blood pressure is likely going to kill you. Actually said this to a patient only in a slightly nicer way. She looked at me gape-faced. Then I think she considered punching me but I really did say it in a concerned way and had given her an out if she didn't want to hear it. Her face finally relaxed as she realized that what I had said was true and actually thanked me as I walked her out the door.
Top of the line cell phone with all the extras, for each family member, even if it isn't necessary
Cable or satellite with every movie package
All the latest electronic equipment and every game or accessory that accompanies it
All the latest designer clothes
even though nobody in the household has ever had a job, and no, these things were not given to them by a charity or kindhearted soul. They often live on SSI for their obesity, drug addiction, or the kids' ADHD.
The above makes things so much harder for people who genuinely fall on hard times, whether through no fault of their own or by some bad decisions, not a lifetime of them.
JMHOLast edit by VivaLasViejas on Dec 15, '07 : Reason: inappropriate references