Sure to Get Flamed for This

  1. 74

    Time to don the fireproof underwear. It is 0500 and the reality alarm clock is ringing, and some people do not like to hear it go off. So whether you agree with me or not, I feel it is time to inject a little thought provoking ideas into your life.

    Sure to Get Flamed for This

    I am sure I am about to get flamed for posting this, but I feel the need to anyways. I have been seeing these threads talking about bullying and teachers or preceptors hating the students, and new nurses or abusing them because of some perceived slight or injustice. Well guess what?

    The world is a hard cold nasty place that does not need to be polite to you or worry whether your feelings got hurt and you feel offended. You need to grow up and realize that the abuse that you claim is rampant, or the bullying that you experience all the time is not their problem, but rather your problem.

    I see so many posts about this and I wonder how some of these people have survived as long as they have. School is tough? Deal with it. You think that someone else is getting it easier? Well too bad, they may be but no one ever promised you everything would be fair. You have to learn that there is inequality in life. It's how you overcome that inequality that matters. It teaches perseverance.

    Abusive teachers? Maybe they are trying to get the best in you to come out. What you think is abuse maybe is pushing you to your limits, to get you further along in your potential. So your feelings got hurt at school, grow up, feelings get hurt every day.

    Your preceptor is unorganized and does not like you and bad mouths you to your manager, and all your patients love you but no one at the hospital sees how great you really are?

    Well your preceptor may actually have great time management skill, but when having to slow down and teach someone their job, things do tend to get disorganized. You may be part of the blame there.

    Did you ever stop to think that you are the proverbial monkey wrench in a well oiled machine? The need to teach you, and I realize you do need to learn, can be very time consuming. They may tell your manager that you need improving or that you are not advancing fast enough. They may be all smiles to you, because they want to support you and keep you positive, but they need to tell the manager how you really are.

    Speaking of orientation, how often have I seen statements that say the other nurses are not supportive and will not answer questions. Have you ever thought that maybe you are asking TOO MANY questions?

    After a bit it may seem that you are not retaining the info provided and everyone gets tired of answering the same questions over and over. Part of learning is knowing when to shut your mouth and just watch. It has been said by people wiser than me that the only question you should ask is the question that you already know the answer to. If that does not make sense to you, think about it for a while and you might just be surprised that a light comes on.

    So basically what i am saying is grow up and act like the adult that you are. Life is not fair, school is not fair, work is not fair. You just have to learn to deal with it.
    Last edit by Joe V on Jan 6, '15
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    ms.piggy98, chiandre, SmilingBluEyes, and 71 others like this.
  2. Visit  Kyrshamarks profile page

    About Kyrshamarks

    53 Years Old; Joined Oct '06; Posts: 1,104; Likes: 1,976.

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    403 Comments so far...

  3. Visit  Nonyvole profile page
    11
    Flame, flame, flame. Oh, the flames, watch them flicker...

    But deep down, I agree with you. There comes a time when people need to grow up and learn to stand on their own, and that age seems to be getting older and older. Some also need to learn that it really isn't personal, sometimes people are just having a bad day/week/month. So two things: grow up, and get a thicker skin. It's hard, but it's possible! Oh, and patience to let those things happen, on both sides of the equation.

    I did have a few preceptors who were disorganized - but I knew that there were reasons for that. Usually because they weren't used to the unit, having been PRN or floated, or just having a bad day. Still a good learning experience! Sometimes better than the ones where my preceptor was on the ball, because the slight confusion made me work all that much harder.
    MahzieLPN, DawnJ, Sherriblu, and 8 others like this.
  4. Visit  Pangea Reunited profile page
    5
    Some things are genuinely out of our control, but most things are not.
    poppycat, MidWestGal, barachi, and 2 others like this.
  5. Visit  BuckyBadgerRN profile page
    63
    Bullying is not the bully's problem but the victims? Wow.
  6. Visit  SionainnRN profile page
    49
    Quote from BuckyBadgerRN
    Bullying is not the bully's problem but the victims? Wow.
    I've seen too many nurses cry bully when in fact it's constructive criticism. Heck it's going on in threads right now. There seems to be a theme of blaming everyone but me in nursing and I think that's what the OP meant.
    hikernurse, SmilingBluEyes, chiandre, and 46 others like this.
  7. Visit  EasterRN profile page
    17
    Kyrshamarks, no flames here. I winced a couple times, but nothing worthy of flames. I’ve had many of these same thoughts as I read through the recent “my teacher hates me” posts. Of course there will be the occasional disorganized preceptor or menopausal instructor (yes, turn those thermostats down!), but let’s be logical for a minute: Schools are a business. If nursing schools were to subscribe to such a culture, and employ only instructors whose one and only goal is to fail as many poor, young, helpless nursing students as possible, all of which (including the Dean, apparently) were participants in some giant conspiracy, they would lose all their money. Simple as that. They wouldn’t have many passing students. And the few students who did pass (the ones who were treated fairly, I presume) would not be prepared for the NCLEX. No one would go there next year. The program would likely lose any accreditation they once had. Heck, they’d probably be investigated by the state BON and stripped off the recommended institutions list. They’d last a couple years under the radar at best (not decades, as the other OP/thread had stated) before their Grand Master Plan of systematically killing off the hopes and dreams of all innocent nursing students were found out and squashed. Before the earlier OP/thread was changed to remove the name of the abusive institution, I looked it up. Granted, the data were several years old, but the last recorded NCLEX-RN pass-rate for that college was 95.60%. Certainly, if there is true abuse (let’s define that, btw) going on and if the appropriate reporting channels have yielded no success, by all means escalate complaints to any/all regulatory bodies that oversee these programs. I just have a hard time believing that all these evil institutions exist; by the descriptions given, one can’t help but picture an old shadowy rickety haunted building where a crazy ogre with an eye patch and a lantern opens the giant creaking doors and with a burst of maniacal laughter exclaims, “Come inside, little ones.…. Bwahahaha!” But, I could be wrong.
    hikernurse, GreyWolf, chiandre, and 14 others like this.
  8. Visit  Nola009 profile page
    20
    "The only question you should ask is the one you know the answer to" ??!

    Ok, I'm not gonna ask what you meant by that... !
    MissMeeks, Rachelj1222, kanzi monkey, and 17 others like this.
  9. Visit  Mr. Murse profile page
    27
    I think a lot of people think much of the OP said but don't feel like getting attacked for saying it. Even aside from nursing, we live in a culture nowadays where so many people are trying to eliminate the discomforts of real life that it's making weak, vulnerable individuals who can only seem to focus on their perceived victimhood. Individuals who believe life should handed to them on a silver platter and anyone that doesn't do so is out to get them.

    I understand and appreciate what the "anti-bully movement" is doing, and I'm glad it has been getting addressed in general because it is sometimes a very real problem, but it's been taken to a point that it's created a whole new generation of victims that cry "bully!" every time someone hurts their feelings. Why are we so preoccupied with "fixing" normal struggles in life?

    Oh, and I'm also a little lost on "only ask the question you already know the answer to"........?
  10. Visit  BuckyBadgerRN profile page
    41
    But there ARE plenty of times when it is actual bullying. Even if the aggressor would like to call it constructive criticism...
    himilayaneyes, didi768, missdeevah, and 38 others like this.
  11. Visit  abbnurse profile page
    15
    Quote from EasterRN
    I just have a hard time believing that all these evil institutions exist; by the descriptions given, one can't help but picture an old shadowy rickety haunted building where a crazy ogre with an eye patch and a lantern opens the giant creaking doors and with a burst of maniacal laughter exclaims, "Come inside, little ones..... Bwahahaha!" But, I could be wrong.
    I just sprayed coffee across my keyboard! Thanks for making me laugh this morning!
  12. Visit  not.done.yet profile page
    45
    I agree with the gist of what is said in the OP's post, though the tone was a bit harsh.

    I do think we live in a "victim mentality" society. Are people mean? Sure they are. I won't even pretend all of them really have your best interest at heart. There are just plain mean people out there and in abundance and they are going to be mean to anyone and everyone they can. The why and wherefore and how they got that way doesn't really matter when you are on the pointed end of their stick.

    Here's the thing though. The minute they become your "bully" and you become their "victim", you have just surrendered any and all power you have to change the situation and your perception of it. The breadth of their power over you lies solely in your control. Yes, I know you need the job/class/whatever and yes, I know you may not be able to just walk away. There really, truly are other ways to frame this in your mind to lessen your stress. This is not "blaming the victim". This is handing you YOUR power back to control YOUR feelings. Ultimately you are the only one in charge of how you feel, react, cope and carry on.

    So while I feel sympathy/empathy for those who are on the receiving end of a mean person, I feel no desire or need to run in and rescue them. What good would that do? Sooner or later we all need to learn to slay our own demons, internally and externally (so to speak - don't go kill anyone now). YOU have all the power. There are a couple people I work with who aren't my favorite. They are critical and grumpy and threatened by my growth at our place of employment. I don't give them a whole lot of my head space and I most assuredly don't consider them bullies, simply because that would then make me a victim. I am never a victim because I will never surrender my power to make MY life MINE. There are a lot of tactics to dealing with a mean person. They have been discussed and written about and quoted since time immemorial. Find one that resonates with you and put it into practice. Take back your power. All the whimpering of "But that isn't fair, they are MEAN TO ME!" is useless. You can't force others to change and you can't force others to force others to change etc, ad infinitum. Control what you can. That would be simply yourself.
    hikernurse, GreyWolf, stronginchrist, and 42 others like this.
  13. Visit  AmyRN303 profile page
    15
    Quote from BuckyBadgerRN
    But there ARE plenty of times when it is actual bullying. Even if the aggressor would like to call it constructive criticism...

    True. But not every case of "this big mean crusty old nurse is bullying me" is actually bullying.
    hikernurse, Dodgern, CCL RN, and 12 others like this.
  14. Visit  AmyRN303 profile page
    10
    Quote from not.done.yet
    I agree with the gist of what is said in the OP's post, though the tone was a bit harsh.

    I do think we live in a "victim mentality" society. Are people mean? Sure they are. I won't even pretend all of them really have your best interest at heart. There are just plain mean people out there and in abundance and they are going to be mean to anyone and everyone they can. The why and wherefore and how they got that way doesn't really matter when you are on the pointed end of their stick.

    Here's the thing though. The minute they become your "bully" and you become their "victim", you have just surrendered any and all power you have to change the situation and your perception of it. The breadth of their power over you lies solely in your control. Yes, I know you need the job/class/whatever and yes, I know you may not be able to just walk away. There really, truly are other ways to frame this in your mind to lessen your stress. This is not "blaming the victim". This is handing you YOUR power back to control YOUR feelings. Ultimately you are the only one in charge of how you feel, react, cope and carry on.

    So while I feel sympathy/empathy for those who are on the receiving end of a mean person, I feel no desire or need to run in and rescue them. What good would that do? Sooner or later we all need to learn to slay our own demons, internally and externally (so to speak - don't go kill anyone now). YOU have all the power. There are a couple people I work with who aren't my favorite. They are critical and grumpy and threatened by my growth at our place of employment. I don't give them a whole lot of my head space and I most assuredly don't consider them bulliles, simply because that would then make me a victim. I am never a victim because I will never surrender my power to make MY life MINE. There are a lot of tactics to dealing with a mean person. They have been discussed and written about and quoted since time immemorial. Find one that resonates with you and put it into practice. Take back your power.
    I canNOT like this enough! LIKE, LIKE, LIKE!

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