Impossible Family Member

Specialties Geriatric

Published

Specializes in LTC.

I currently have a family member who is impossible to please. No matter what I or the other nurses do, we are always questioned. Not only are we questioned, she drills nurses about what other nurses have done and why. When most nurses answers match the other shifts answers, she seems miffed that we all are on the same page with his care. All of the teaching that is done to her falls on deaf ears. Her "assessment" differs from yours at every turn, and you are wrong. You're interventions are ineffective. You're not doing enough. Never mind that the Ativan she requested we give was dosed less than 10 minutes ago. It's not working! No kidding...She doesn't want him sedated, but the non-narcotic pain reliever he was given isn't working according to her, what about morphine sulfate? This as he looks at me and states he's not having pain. The nasal stuffiness with cough (LCTA) is pneumonia or bronchitis please and thank you. NOT the URI he was diagnosed with. She maintains contact with "a friend that works at another nursing home" who tells her we are not providing adequate care in so many words. She also constantly texts his hospice nurse with her "assessment", which interestingly enough, doesn't match mine. She yells for us from the hall for assistance because it takes us too long to answer the light. I know. Less than 5 minutes is an eternity, especially when it's to tell us he's cold. She monopolizes not only the nurse's time, but the CNA's as well. Statements always made of "I know I'm a pain...I know you're busy but..." This resident is fairly easy to care for when she isn't there. When she arrives, suddenly he's "dying". What do you do in these situations? I have depleted my aresenal of tactics that work on most needy residents/family members. My first instinct is to hide under the desk and pray she goes away, but I'm fairly certain she would camp out and wait for me. She is the same with the other nurse's as well. Please advise.

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Sounds like a nightmare. I'm all out of sage words of advice at present, but I can definitely feel your pain. I think we've all dealt with something like this at one time or another. My favorite was a lovely gentleman whose family members scheduled shifts with him so there was always someone there during the day. They tracked his every move on a big white board in the room. It said things like 9:00 Dad watched TV. 10:00 - 10:30 napped in chair. Every little thing was nitpicked, they wanted his meds given at a certain time, etc. And they were definitely the call light police too, down to tracking how many minutes it took. Fun times.

Just keep smiling. This too will pass. :)

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

These are the kind of family members we wish would take the resident home with them, if they think they can take such better care of him/her. And they need the Ativan far worse than the resident.

No words of advice for you, but believe me, you have my sympathies! (((HUGS)))

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Specializes in Gerontology, Med surg, Home Health.

I often tell my admissions people to accept only orphans...no one with a family. So far they have not complied. I've had family members screaming in my face. One family told us to stop feeding their mother because (and this is NO joke) tired of spending their money to keep her alive. It was HER money they were spending and I told them as much. I also told them it is illegal to starve someone to death. Strangely enough this was the same family who demanded to speak to me because "Mom's BMs smell bad"....and yours smell like roses I assume? Smile at them and do the best you can.

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Specializes in LTC, Memory loss, PDN.
I often tell my admissions people to accept only orphans...no one with a family. So far they have not complied. I've had family members screaming in my face. One family told us to stop feeding their mother because (and this is NO joke) tired of spending their money to keep her alive. It was HER money they were spending and I told them as much. I also told them it is illegal to starve someone to death. Strangely enough this was the same family who demanded to speak to me because "Mom's BMs smell bad"....and yours smell like roses I assume? Smile at them and do the best you can.

only orphans :yes::roflmao:

OP, you'll probably never completely please some families, but you can try

to show them you care

peak in on the pt without being called to the room

i always like to ask about the family relationship

such as how long have you been married, or you care so much about your

dad, it's easy to see he was a wonderful father

what i mean is try to get off the defendants' stand, get out of the court room

and get on the same team

whenever you cannot (in good judgement) meet a request such as Rx

explain why et offer to do something else such as "I cannot give another xyc pill

at this time, but how about repositioning or fluffing the pillow"

i know some families are just plain nuts, but i often see the ones who

have been married longer than i'm years old and their live is drifting away

in front of their eyes

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Specializes in Long-term/Geriatrics, Home Health.

I have a family member just like this! No matter what you do, there is always something else wrong. He is so bad that even the CNAs won't even walk in his direction because he is that nitpicky and disrespectful. Whenever I see him coming, I tell our DON to get herself ready for a visit from him in a few minutes. lol. But when he starts to get out of control and yell at us, I direct him to our DON. I have plenty of other residents that NEED my attention and if he's having an issue, my DON can relay what needs to be done to me.

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Specializes in LTC.
I have a family member just like this! No matter what you do, there is always something else wrong. He is so bad that even the CNAs won't even walk in his direction because he is that nitpicky and disrespectful. Whenever I see him coming, I tell our DON to get herself ready for a visit from him in a few minutes. lol. But when he starts to get out of control and yell at us, I direct him to our DON. I have plenty of other residents that NEED my attention and if he's having an issue, my DON can relay what needs to be done to me.

Isn't it a sad state of affairs that some resident's/family members are so difficult that it illicits the "fight or flight" response in us? I love what I do, and take personal satisfaction in helping others and solving their issues for them. Most of them. It's the near-constant whining, complaining, demanding ones that take me and my time hostage and interfere with my ability to care for all of the people who need me that I can barely tolerate. If I have to fight the strong urge to hide under the desk or fake a seizure when I see one of them coming, it's a problem. Out of frustration with this one, I made the grand faux pas of telling her that I had 32 other resident's to tend to, and that I have to go. I will send a CNA in to assist you. :facepalm: She did report me, as well she should have. I didn't get so much as a talking to about it, but lesson learned for me. Tuck and roll before getting to that level of frustration. I'm certain someone will help me practice. :)

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We've got a family removing their loved one from our facility because our doc refuses to prescribe Imodium for her loose stools...she has Cdiff. So they said they would bring it in and give it to her themselves. The doc called and talked to them about that, and since the daughter in law is a CNA (aka basically an MD, right?) somewhere else, they're moving her. Goooood riddance. And good luck with that Cdiff. Families can be tough.

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These are the people who wanna make you say 'if you don't like what we're doing here, by all means, find another place for your loved one to stay at! Maybe you yourself could do a better job?! Or, how about getting a PD MD?! Would that help???'

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Often these families are misdirected feelings. They often feel guilty or they are trying to control things since they cannot control the decline of their loved one. You just deal with the best you can and always CYA. Sometimes the resident gets moved elsewhere and the problem goes away. Good luck.

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Specializes in ICU.

I confront rudeness.

I say:

How about a little courtesy here.

and:

When you speak to us like that it makes us not want to come in here at all.

They don't run the show. I do.

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Specializes in MDS/ UR.
I confront rudeness.

I say:

How about a little courtesy here.

and:

When you speak to us like that it makes us not want to come in here at all.

They don't run the show. I do.

Really? I hope your show never gets nominated for the BON.

I hope what I am hearing is not what you are meaning in your written words.

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