Where can I get a RX for empathy? (A vent)

[~PedsRN~, BSN, RN]

Maybe its not empathy I'm lacking.... I have empathy. Working with kids, you have to - because you know that the parents behavior towards you and other staff is a direct result of the fact that their entire world is lying in that hospital bed. I get it. I'm a mom too, and I can just imagine what a hellish you know what I would probably be if it were my kid in the situation.

But the fact of the matter is, there are times where I am just tired.

I am tired of being empathetic.

I am tired of all the hand holding.

I am tired of being made out to be uncaring and incompetent because I do not flit around and wring my hands with worry.

It's not like I spend my time with my patients rolling my eyes and shaking my head. The majority of my kiddos are very sick. They need my attention. They need my care. I feel like it is an unwritten part of my job to make the parents of my patients feel comforted that I am the one providing care to their child. I value that trust.

So it is the ones that are NOT that sick who's caregivers/family members THINK they are who give me the most frustration. Does that make sense? When I need to be in the rooms of much sicker children, but my time is taken up educating, and re-educating, and then RE-EDUCATING them again that their child is *OK*. They call me every five minutes for something or other, and when I am not immediately available they treat me as if I have left them alone in the room to watch their child die.

I left work recently after a night like this, and by the end of it my tongue was practically gnawed up from me biting it.

There are days I wish I could take these people into one of my other patient rooms to show them what life COULD be like for them. To give them some perspective.

Again.... I understand. I UNDERSTAND that to them, their entire world is in that bed and it all revolves around them. I get it.

But man, it's hard some days. And with the increasing acuity, the added stress at work - it is hard to not want to just snap at these people. I do not have TIME for YOU.

Hope I'm not alone... I hate feeling this way, and in some ways, feel shame about it. I want to be that nurse that they can trust. I need to come to terms that it doesn't always work out that way.

I know I'm not alone.

[calivianya, BSN, RN]

I had a healthy patient the other day just waiting on a transfer bed, well enough that she could have been discharged, really. I went into my other patient's room for a bit and came out to find the family member standing in the hall. She goes, "I couldn't find you!!!!! Who am I supposed to go to with my concerns if you're not here?!?!?! I need someone's phone number!!!!!"

The problem? The patient wanted her mouth suctioned out with the Yankauer. She was going to do it because she was perfectly able to, but the family member told her not to because that's "the nurse's job."

As far as I am concerned, you are doing just fine in the empathy department when you don't call security to escort these psychos out of the hospital. There is no feeling empathy for some of these people. You'd have to be a saint.

[Extra Pickles]

I definitely know where you're coming from, it seems like I am always getting at least one patient who is doing fine and there's the family right at the bedside believing he is not fine and making me wish my shift were done before it even started! I try to make them comfortable that I will be right there if something were to be wrong or if the patient were to have any problems but I don't need to be there when he's watching TV! and sometimes it's the patient who wants to be left alone and please stop bothering him with everything we have to do for him and then the family is like Why aren't you there pestering him, he's very sick! so this is why I'm part-time now and my passion for nursing is kaput!

[Geslina, BSN, RN]

I work in a nursing home, and believe me, the family members are more trouble than the patients. It's a whole other ball game, I think a lot of them are just trying to alleviate their own guilt at not caring for their parents themselves....so they come in and give us hell, makes them feel like they are doing something. I've been yelled at, harassed, threatened with law suits....it's just part of my job. I feel your pain, family members in many cases are very demanding!

[nutella, MSN, RN]

Naturally, parents worry about their kids - no matter what kind of problem when they are sick enough to be in the hospital.

I am not a pediatric nurse, I work with adults, but I am a parent.

I think "worries" can't be measured really. Even though somebody's worry may be "minor" in comparison, it can feel very major to that parent.

I think it is great that you are a pediatric nurse - I think I would not be a good fit for that age group ...

I bet you are not alone with those feelings and venting is ok.

[CBlover, BSN, RN]

Man I can relate. I don't work with peds, but I deal with the same stuff. No judgment here. For me, a good week off helps refresh and rejuvenate me. Able to take a vacation maybe?

[Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN]

Hugs!! I recently had the mother of a pt (39 yrs old -- not peds) get upset because I hadn't gotten her boy into a chair. Don't I know how important that is?? Sorry, I was busy coding my other pt

Calivianya -- I shudder to think how that woman would be on the floor, if she's that dismayed that the ICU RN wasn't right there w the Yankauer.

[Farawyn]

*hugs* Peds. You are not alone.

[AceOfHearts<3]

It's the same crap with adults. I once had a patient with nothing wrong with them (I kept saying they needed a psych consult). The patient was the biggest hypochondriac ever- even the doctor made that comment. Anything she could complain about she did. The pain never got better no matter what we did, etc. At the same time I had the nicest patient ever with cancer that had metastasized all over. This patient was in excruciating pain and just wanted to get home. It took her doctor, another nurse, and me to finally convince her to accept her pain meds. She never wanted to bother us- knew we were busy. I kept telling her to ring us anytime and to go ahead and "bother" us as much as she needed. I wanted to take the first patient down the hall to meet her and say, "This person has something to b**ch about- this is what suffering is." This happens over and over again. I get one patient who just wants drugs and to be waited on hand and foot and another patient who is in pain, doesn't want to take pain meds too often, and doesn't want to bother the nurses. It really makes me want to slap some sense into people sometimes.

[~PedsRN~, BSN, RN]

It's the same crap with adults. I once had a patient with nothing wrong with them (I kept saying they needed a psych consult). The patient was the biggest hypochondriac ever- even the doctor made that comment. Anything she could complain about she did. The pain never got better no matter what we did etc. At the same time I had the nicest patient ever with cancer that had metastasized all over. This patient was in excruciating pain and just wanted to get home. It took her doctor, another nurse, and me to finally convince her to accept her pain meds. She never wanted to bother us- knew we were busy. I kept telling her to ring us anytime and to go ahead and "bother" us as much as she needed. I wanted to take the first patient down the hall to meet her and say, "This person has something to b**ch about- this is what suffering is." This happens over and over again. I get one patient who just wants drugs and to be waited on hand and foot and another patient who is in pain, doesn't want to take pain meds too often, and doesn't want to bother the nurses. It really makes me want to slap some sense into people sometimes.[/quote']

This, exactly!

While I understand that to them, their problems are real and important, it's so hard when you just wish you could GIVE THEM SOME PERSPECTIVE!!!

[SubSippi]

The more people I see truly suffer, the less empathy I have for those who are just uncomfortable.

Also, it's really hard to care about how someone feels if they're getting on your nerves.

[Libby1987]

I get that the work is hard and takes its toll exponentially with the increasing numbers of demands, but if empathy is going to be relative to those truly suffering it's going to have be across the board. Obviously there are millions (billions?) in this world who have worse working conditions that have it harder than a nurse annoyed with demanding family members..

In other words, I think we empathize with OP without having to dismiss the experience of those "just uncomfortable".