Maybe its not empathy I'm lacking.... I have empathy. Working with kids, you have to - because you know that the parents behavior towards you and other staff is a direct result of the fact that their entire world is lying in that hospital bed. I get it. I'm a mom too, and I can just imagine what a hellish you know what I would probably be if it were my kid in the situation.
But the fact of the matter is, there are times where I am just tired.
I am tired of being empathetic.
I am tired of all the hand holding.
I am tired of being made out to be uncaring and incompetent because I do not flit around and wring my hands with worry.
It's not like I spend my time with my patients rolling my eyes and shaking my head. The majority of my kiddos are very sick. They need my attention. They need my care. I feel like it is an unwritten part of my job to make the parents of my patients feel comforted that I am the one providing care to their child. I value that trust.
So it is the ones that are NOT that sick who's caregivers/family members THINK they are who give me the most frustration. Does that make sense? When I need to be in the rooms of much sicker children, but my time is taken up educating, and re-educating, and then RE-EDUCATING them again that their child is *OK*. They call me every five minutes for something or other, and when I am not immediately available they treat me as if I have left them alone in the room to watch their child die.
I left work recently after a night like this, and by the end of it my tongue was practically gnawed up from me biting it.
There are days I wish I could take these people into one of my other patient rooms to show them what life COULD be like for them. To give them some perspective.
Again.... I understand. I UNDERSTAND that to them, their entire world is in that bed and it all revolves around them. I get it.
But man, it's hard some days. And with the increasing acuity, the added stress at work - it is hard to not want to just snap at these people. I do not have TIME for YOU.
Hope I'm not alone... I hate feeling this way, and in some ways, feel shame about it. I want to be that nurse that they can trust. I need to come to terms that it doesn't always work out that way.
I was just talking about this last night. We had SO many peds pts check in...all of the parents were flipping out about fevers, the child vomited once, etc...all while the kids are running in circles around the room raising hell. One woman came screaming through the front door saying she needs help NOW...child alert, smiling , and asked me for a sticker. Mom thought she was dying because she felt hot. Then Mom had the gall to ask me if she could go across the road to the store real quick and leave the child in the ED. She got very frustrated when I said no. She also said she gave no Tylenol pts because that's "our" job.
I have no advice...just that I greatly sympathize. You are certainly not alone!
Sometimes I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting burned out on my unit, which is a high acuity step-down floor. I once had two pts who were roommates, one pt started to go into resp. distress about 30 mins before shift change. The other pt in the room had just gotten his meal tray and started complaining that he only got one syrup instead of two like he had ordered, I mean he was really upset about it. All while we were intubating his roommate. It's hard not to get sick and tired of the people who are constantly complaining about every little thing, no matter what you do.
As soon as I saw your title, I related. I work adult med surg, but the same things exhaust me. I could write pages and pages on how I feel about this.
Instead of going off on my own rant, I just want you to know that you are not alone. Our jobs are difficult, the emotional expenditure is huge and draining. To save yourself from burn out, you need good coping mechanisms and a way to debrief and recharge your batteries, especially on your days off. Talk to coworkers who can understand, spend time with your family and loved ones, treat yourself on occasion (massage, shopping, whatever), and enjoy your hobbies on your days off.
This is also why I never pick up overtime... My days off are important to me so that I can recharge and feel human.
Specializes in Med-Surg, OB, ICU, Public Health Nursing.
This, exactly!
While I understand that to them, their problems are real and important, it's so hard when you just wish you could GIVE THEM SOME PERSPECTIVE!!!
I am wondering the best way to give them PERSPECTIVE without violating privacy or being unkind. I wonder if something like this might work? "It seems like you are having a really hard time and reality is that I cannot be with one patient every single minute. I have to chart, do rounds, get medications etc. Is there family you could call that might be helpful to you during this terribly difficult time or could I call the chaplain or social worker for you?" (Particularly with a newly admitted child).
Here's my take is on it: we would be more empathetic and less burnt out if we weren't at constant risk of being called out by management for any little thing a patient says. I'm a fabulous actress playing the part of your bubbly, positive nurse while you are berating me about ******** and who is really just counting the days to leave the bedside. I save being genuine for the more respectful patients who don't treat me like a know-nothing maid.
Sometimes I feel the same way. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting burned out on my unit, which is a high acuity step-down floor. I once had two pts who were roommates, one pt started to go into resp. distress about 30 mins before shift change. The other pt in the room had just gotten his meal tray and started complaining that he only got one syrup instead of two like he had ordered, I mean he was really upset about it. All while we were intubating his roommate. It's hard not to get sick and tired of the people who are constantly complaining about every little thing, no matter what you do.
I had the exact same thing happen yesterday except it was over ketchup. This has become more and more common throughout my "career." This is what happens when patient care becomes customer satisfaction and expectations become boundless in hopes of improving Press Gainey scores and thus administrator bonuses.
Just had a day like this just this week. I had a husband of a patient absolutely freaking out "Where are all of the nurses?!" He also asked me multiple times "Are you short staffed?!" No sir, this is an orthopedic floor where the nurse patient radio is 1:5, you are not the only room on this floor. I am sorry your wife is uncomfortable, but she also keeps forgetting to press her own PCA. People expect to be 100% pain free after their surgery, and boy do they complain when they find out they're going to be uncomfortable and have to actually put in work with PT/OT/ect. [emoji29]
I start by remembering that even if patient A is not as sick as patient B - that patients A and B have family members and to the family members, their situation is the worst possible thing happening. While patient B might be almost ready to go home, the family may have anxiety about discharge, loss of control, the shock of the situation precipitating the hospitalization wearing off, etc. Or they could just be a little off and/or crazy anyways. I try to assume that they are doing the best they can, coping as well as possible, and overwhelmed. I take a deep breath in the hallway, and calm myself before walking into a patient situation (especially when I know the family situation is frustrating to me). I also kill them with kindness.
My favorite (not) is when elective cases get bumped to accommodate another patient's emergency. Yes. You are sick or have some problem. But someone else was nearly dying. We don't bump elective cases for nothing. You can't give details, and only some patients are reasonable.
Farawyn
12,646 Posts
I like this today. I do better with this on some days rather than others.