What about when it's your family?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I had the experience of losing my Dad in 2003. We found out he had cancer on May1. He was in the hospital after beggingg the ER doc to admit him. He couldn't breathe, had diarrhea for 2 months, a sed count off the wall..and a new diagnosis of cancer of the liver from 2 days ago. Also had to beg for the cat scan to determine what was wrong with him. Now I've been an RN for 17 yrs, and given to anyone who becomes my patient all of my best care. I have treated all as if they were my own family. Dignity, respect, understanding, and try to be in tune to when they need more pain med. I involve the family by talking and comforting them in time of despair. All strangers to me. Now it's my turn. My Dad a dignifyed gentlemen of 78, very sick for months with the docs blowing it off.. 6 of them of them, he saw prior to finding the cancer thru me begging for one. I guess you can imagine, how that feels. I was so furious, and frustrated..telling them this is not my Dad. He is so sick and something is very wrong. OK now we're in the hospital..a med surg floor for resp. tx and antibiotics. Dad weak as a newborn kitten. He ends up on the cancer floor. My Dad my dear Dad confined to bed because he got up to go to BR and fell. His freedom over. His mind going from the cancer and pain meds. He struggled so to get outta that bed. All I asked of the nurses was to keep him comfortable. Not feeling anxious and upset. It was not to happen. I put the call bell on as he was raising up trying to get out. The nurse stopped to chit chat for 15 minutes with another patient in the room. The dietician was with me and Dad and said watch this. No one answered that bell and when they did..it was 20 minutes. I was so sick over this I can't tell you. They also parked my Dad in a geri chair in the hall with a donut to play with..i came in and saw what was a totally independent , brilliant man two weeks ago, out in the hall playing with a donut. I asked the nurse to please put him back in his room as i was here with him now. She kept painting her nails and said we just got him out here. He's not going back now. I tell you..if i coulda choked her i would right then. I raised my voice as never before and said for all in the area to hear. I want my Dad back in that bed right now! Well a male aide watched he got dad back to bed for me thankfully. The whole 3 weeks before he died i was sick over the care given. Having to call to tell them his 5 day old IV was now no longer good..it was quite red and sore. I could go on and on..and it was enough to make me never have a thing to do with the medical profession again. It is a million times harder for a nurse to watch as her own profession shows this kinda care. The one saving thing was the Phillipina nurses who called me when my Dad turned at 2:00am to come in as he was not good. They allowed me time with Dad until he left this world. They comforted me after and were wonderful. All I would hope if someone reads this is that ..in your care treat your patients as if they were your family. Put yourself in their place for a bit. Never let your heart become cold. And thankfully I got over this and returned to nursing part time. I am still able to give to strangers what i wish was given to my Dad.Thanks for listening

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care/ICU.

Katmae,

I'm so sorry your family had this experience. My thoughts are with you in a way that I can't even express.

My dad, diagnosed with ca in July had a radical surgery July 6. He's still in the hospital, more than 100 days later. We are still experiencing what you have described. We are in the process of getting him moved, but it's tricky. My dad's and my family's journey is such a long one and unfortunately, I can truely relate to what you are saying....

Please take care.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Begalli thanks for writing. It was painful to write about. But wanted to clear my mind of it. I am so sorry about your Dad as well. It is so hard to go thru. It's a time when we "ask" our profession to support us..and appreciate what we also go thru as nurses on a day to day basis. When it's our turn to depend on a nurse for their comfort and needs..it is awful when it doesn't come. I hope your Dad receives the finest care he deserves. If we must lose our loved ones to cancer the very least we can hope for is there comfort and dignity. God Bless and thanks again Kathleen

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psych, Med/Surg, Home Health, Oncology.

Hi Katmae

I'm sorry for what you went thru & Begalli, too;

That's how hospitals are these days. I personally try to treat all as if they were my Mom or Dad. So few of our co-workers really care about there patients.

My dad passed about 12 yrs ago next month. His treatment in the hospital was DEPLORABLE!!! I mean it. My mom was crying all the time--please can't you do something?? I finally said to the DR. Either D/c him wirh hospice referral or I will take him out of here AMA!! He wrote the Discharge & referred him to Home Hospice. They were Wonderful to My Mom & Dad & to me!! They even said to me to step back and just be a daughter & they would take care of the nursing. It was such a relief!! Someone so that I could just let go to.

The hospital is supposed to be a good one, but believe me, I never recommend it to anyone.

Mary Ann

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I am so very, very sorry to hear of your Dad's passing.

And passing in such a way...with no dignity....it ought not to be. This is a very sad thing to read - I cannot imagine experiencing it.

My heart goes out to you.

I'm glad that you didn't leave nursing, though. We need the good ones, like you.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Kathleen, thank you for writing about your Dad. Mine has been gone 19 years as of August 6th. He wasn't sick a very long time, and he got his one wish: that he didn't have brain mets, so he was pretty much aware to the end, although he was really drowsy those last several days. He knew I was coming to see him (I'm 1700 miles away) and we felt maybe he waited for me to come, before he left. That was such a gift.

We wanted to have him d/c'd home. Mom is an RN and could manage his care, we ordered the O2 and the hospital bed. Plan was to take him by the beach one more time, then home. He thwarted our plans, passing at about 5:30 a.m. the day we were bringing him home.

I wish we had been called before he actually went. For some reason we were not. We learned later that he had had a difficult night, and had been "active." Maybe it was for the best. Nearly 20 years later I still wonder, and I still miss him.

I prefer to think it is only a temporary separation. I find a great deal of comfort in that.

Take care, and know that you are loved and cared about, all across this community.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Having lost both my parents I too have not had wonderful experiences with the hospital staff. I honestly feel for all of us!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Wow....I haven't had to deal with losing either of my parents yet, but a couple of months back, when my eldest dd attempted suicide, most of the nurses there were excellent, but as I was standing there waiting to enter my dd room the second day, I was approached by a nurse who rudely informed me that if I was "there to cause trouble, I could leave now". and when I tried to talk to her, I was rudely cut off and she said that she "didn't care about family disputes (there weren't any), but she was informed that I was a troublemaker and she wouldn't have that for her patient"

I told her "Look Lady, my daughter tried to kill herself, and I'm here to see her..that's it!"

But yea..night shift was wonderful...day shift thought they were I don't know what, but boy, oh boy!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

My condolences. Health care is in a sad state.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I had the experience of losing my Dad in 2003. We found out he had cancer on May1. He was in the hospital after beggingg the ER doc to admit him. He couldn't breathe, had diarrhea for 2 months, a sed count off the wall..and a new diagnosis of cancer of the liver from 2 days ago. Also had to beg for the cat scan to determine what was wrong with him. Now I've been an RN for 17 yrs, and given to anyone who becomes my patient all of my best care. I have treated all as if they were my own family. Dignity, respect, understanding, and try to be in tune to when they need more pain med. I involve the family by talking and comforting them in time of despair. All strangers to me. Now it's my turn. My Dad a dignifyed gentlemen of 78, very sick for months with the docs blowing it off.. 6 of them of them, he saw prior to finding the cancer thru me begging for one. I guess you can imagine, how that feels. I was so furious, and frustrated..telling them this is not my Dad. He is so sick and something is very wrong. OK now we're in the hospital..a med surg floor for resp. tx and antibiotics. Dad weak as a newborn kitten. He ends up on the cancer floor. My Dad my dear Dad confined to bed because he got up to go to BR and fell. His freedom over. His mind going from the cancer and pain meds. He struggled so to get outta that bed. All I asked of the nurses was to keep him comfortable. Not feeling anxious and upset. It was not to happen. I put the call bell on as he was raising up trying to get out. The nurse stopped to chit chat for 15 minutes with another patient in the room. The dietician was with me and Dad and said watch this. No one answered that bell and when they did..it was 20 minutes. I was so sick over this I can't tell you. They also parked my Dad in a geri chair in the hall with a donut to play with..i came in and saw what was a totally independent , brilliant man two weeks ago, out in the hall playing with a donut. I asked the nurse to please put him back in his room as i was here with him now. She kept painting her nails and said we just got him out here. He's not going back now. I tell you..if i coulda choked her i would right then. I raised my voice as never before and said for all in the area to hear. I want my Dad back in that bed right now! Well a male aide watched he got dad back to bed for me thankfully. The whole 3 weeks before he died i was sick over the care given. Having to call to tell them his 5 day old IV was now no longer good..it was quite red and sore. I could go on and on..and it was enough to make me never have a thing to do with the medical profession again. It is a million times harder for a nurse to watch as her own profession shows this kinda care. The one saving thing was the Phillipina nurses who called me when my Dad turned at 2:00am to come in as he was not good. They allowed me time with Dad until he left this world. They comforted me after and were wonderful. All I would hope if someone reads this is that ..in your care treat your patients as if they were your family. Put yourself in their place for a bit. Never let your heart become cold. And thankfully I got over this and returned to nursing part time. I am still able to give to strangers what i wish was given to my Dad.Thanks for listening

I am so sorry about your dad and that you had to go through this. I have experienced similar issues and feeling with my own family, and it nauseates me to think that this happens to others, as well. It's an embarrassment.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, ER.

I am so sorry you had to go through this. :crying2:

Up Vote Up Vote ×

My grandmother passed two years ago and I experienced the hospital as a nursing student... I have to admit I was "appalled" as well. I think we have to admit to ourselves, however, that as nurses we can be very "particular." And who here can say that they haven't kept a patient up in a chair despite a family's request to put them to bed? It is definitely a tough situation. Thanks for sharing.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment