I had the experience of losing my Dad in 2003. We found out he had cancer on May1. He was in the hospital after beggingg the ER doc to admit him. He couldn't breathe, had diarrhea for 2 months, a sed count off the wall..and a new diagnosis of cancer of the liver from 2 days ago. Also had to beg for the cat scan to determine what was wrong with him. Now I've been an RN for 17 yrs, and given to anyone who becomes my patient all of my best care. I have treated all as if they were my own family. Dignity, respect, understanding, and try to be in tune to when they need more pain med. I involve the family by talking and comforting them in time of despair. All strangers to me. Now it's my turn. My Dad a dignifyed gentlemen of 78, very sick for months with the docs blowing it off.. 6 of them of them, he saw prior to finding the cancer thru me begging for one. I guess you can imagine, how that feels. I was so furious, and frustrated..telling them this is not my Dad. He is so sick and something is very wrong. OK now we're in the hospital..a med surg floor for resp. tx and antibiotics. Dad weak as a newborn kitten. He ends up on the cancer floor. My Dad my dear Dad confined to bed because he got up to go to BR and fell. His freedom over. His mind going from the cancer and pain meds. He struggled so to get outta that bed. All I asked of the nurses was to keep him comfortable. Not feeling anxious and upset. It was not to happen. I put the call bell on as he was raising up trying to get out. The nurse stopped to chit chat for 15 minutes with another patient in the room. The dietician was with me and Dad and said watch this. No one answered that bell and when they did..it was 20 minutes. I was so sick over this I can't tell you. They also parked my Dad in a geri chair in the hall with a donut to play with..i came in and saw what was a totally independent , brilliant man two weeks ago, out in the hall playing with a donut. I asked the nurse to please put him back in his room as i was here with him now. She kept painting her nails and said we just got him out here. He's not going back now. I tell you..if i coulda choked her i would right then. I raised my voice as never before and said for all in the area to hear. I want my Dad back in that bed right now! Well a male aide watched he got dad back to bed for me thankfully. The whole 3 weeks before he died i was sick over the care given. Having to call to tell them his 5 day old IV was now no longer good..it was quite red and sore. I could go on and on..and it was enough to make me never have a thing to do with the medical profession again. It is a million times harder for a nurse to watch as her own profession shows this kinda care. The one saving thing was the Phillipina nurses who called me when my Dad turned at 2:00am to come in as he was not good. They allowed me time with Dad until he left this world. They comforted me after and were wonderful. All I would hope if someone reads this is that ..in your care treat your patients as if they were your family. Put yourself in their place for a bit. Never let your heart become cold. And thankfully I got over this and returned to nursing part time. I am still able to give to strangers what i wish was given to my Dad.Thanks for listening
I am saddened to read of all the poor experiences in the loss of loved ones. I guess I am really lucky that in the passing of both parents I had great nurses around the clock. My father died in 1990 and my mother in 2000. Both died in the hospital I worked in and I got anything I asked for to comfort my parents. They were very well taken care of. I am proud of the care they (and the remainder of my very large family) recieved......
I have since moved away from that area and left that job but to this day I am very proud of my association with that hospital and miss it tremendously.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Katmae, you have received wonderful, supportive answers. I just wish to add my sincere condolences in your loss and online ((((HUGS)))). I am truly sorry for your loss and hope you can continue to find and draw strength from your family and friends as you grieve. You have my thoughts.
I am so sorry you had to go throw that. I had the same experince about a year and half ago. I am a new nurse.. Well I was in nursing school, my uncle was in the hospital with pneumona. Well the doctors said he had lung CA for 8 months before this and never told him or anyone in the family. There was nothing that could be done by the time we found out. My uncle was on medicare/medicad and they just seem to blow him off. We had problems getting pain meds for him. We fought for almost 8 months longer until he passed. He seen me finish nursing school which i was thankful for. We finally put him on hospice and the care they gave and the understanding i was so thankful for. I am really thankful that people love that kind of work. I work in LTC faculity and I love it. If you ever need someone to talk with just email me. I will be more than glad too
My dad is 83. He is very active, travels, does all his own yardwork and volunteers with several different organization, including leading of crew of Meals on Wheels every Monday. He developed pneumonia, went to the hospital when he had trouble breathing. He did look awful when he went to the hospital. The nurses apparently thought he was a goner because they ignored him, didn't bother to keep his oxygen on, didn't address comments or questions directly to him despite the fact that he was lucid. They did spend a lot of time in the halls talking to each other, though, and not about work.
My mom is a retired nurse and his treatment made her angry (made me angry too).
He recovered quickly and is back to doing all his stuff again.
NurseMary thank you for your thoughts and I am sorry about your Dad as well. My Dad also was to be discharged on hospice the day he died. The hospice nurse I spoke with was wonderful. I cried as I said Dad told me never give up the fight.She told me we are just changing the fight. I had heard how wonderful hospice was, and was going to stay with Dad til the end and care for him at home. I live 1200 miles away. I was scared but wanted him to be comfortable and pain free in the end. Thanks for sharing and support..hopefully some of our stories will help the situation. Take care, Kathleen
Thanks Sun for the supportive and kind words. It's so good to feel the understanding many here have offered me. I miss my Dad terribly and feel he is with me thru prayer. His memory helps me to give care to others who need me in there losses. I remember the first patient after he died, that was dying that night. It ripped my heart out again. Thought I can't take this, but I did. Since quite a few have left this world under my care and I feel comfortable in knowing I did all I could for family, and the patient in the end. Thanks again and have a great day Sun, Kathleen
Thank you so much Chris for sharing and supporting me. I feel the love here, and it's wonderful to know so many great nurses are around. I am sorry you didn't get to be with your Dad when he passed. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, but when he took his last breath as I prayed in his ear, it was the most inspirational thing I ever experienced. I watched his struggle, asking God to end the suffering. I was so relieved when he went and yet so deeply sad for me. Someday I'll see him again, in the mean time he is always watching over me, I sense it all the time especially at work. It helps me give the kinda care to my patients that is very fulfilling.Take care and thanks again, Kathleen
I am sorry for your losses too Trauma. Hopefully it makes all of us better nurses. When I am caring for a dying patient, my feelings come back of how I felt at that time as a family member. Letting go of our most precious loved ones is probably the most painful thing there can be. Funny when I deal with a doc about pain management, and he doesn't order more,when there is pain, I always think if only he (the doc) had suffered this way just once, it wouldn't be an issue. Seems when things happen to us, we learn alot and hopefully stay intune to patient and family needs. Take care and thanks for the support, Kathleen
Oh wow Julie what an awful experience during that most difficult time for you. Thankfully most of the nurses were there for you and your daughter.I am so sorry you had to experience that. I hope you and your daughter are doing fine now. Take care and thanks for sharing,Kathleen
Thanks for the support 3rd shiftguy. Yes I am afraid it is in sad shape. I so hope that our country does something about it and soon! Take care and have a great day, Kathleen
SaskRN thanks for the support and I am sorry you too have experienced this. I guess all we can do is try to let other nurses know, and maybe it might change. What better thing in our careers can we do then comfort a family or patient in there most needy time. It's what nursing is all about. Giving a piece of ourselves to strangers so that they are comforted in knowing we care. Thanks for sharing and have a great day, Kathleen
I am so sorry you had to go throw that. I had the same experince about a year and half ago. I am a new nurse.. Well I was in nursing school, my uncle was in the hospital with pneumona. Well the doctors said he had lung CA for 8 months before this and never told him or anyone in the family. There was nothing that could be done by the time we found out. My uncle was on medicare/medicad and they just seem to blow him off. We had problems getting pain meds for him. We fought for almost 8 months longer until he passed. He seen me finish nursing school which i was thankful for. We finally put him on hospice and the care they gave and the understanding i was so thankful for. I am really thankful that people love that kind of work. I work in LTC faculity and I love it. If you ever need someone to talk with just email me. I will be more than glad too
nurturing_angel
342 Posts
I am saddened to read of all the poor experiences in the loss of loved ones. I guess I am really lucky that in the passing of both parents I had great nurses around the clock. My father died in 1990 and my mother in 2000. Both died in the hospital I worked in and I got anything I asked for to comfort my parents. They were very well taken care of. I am proud of the care they (and the remainder of my very large family) recieved......
I have since moved away from that area and left that job but to this day I am very proud of my association with that hospital and miss it tremendously.