I had the experience of losing my Dad in 2003. We found out he had cancer on May1. He was in the hospital after beggingg the ER doc to admit him. He couldn't breathe, had diarrhea for 2 months, a sed count off the wall..and a new diagnosis of cancer of the liver from 2 days ago. Also had to beg for the cat scan to determine what was wrong with him. Now I've been an RN for 17 yrs, and given to anyone who becomes my patient all of my best care. I have treated all as if they were my own family. Dignity, respect, understanding, and try to be in tune to when they need more pain med. I involve the family by talking and comforting them in time of despair. All strangers to me. Now it's my turn. My Dad a dignifyed gentlemen of 78, very sick for months with the docs blowing it off.. 6 of them of them, he saw prior to finding the cancer thru me begging for one. I guess you can imagine, how that feels. I was so furious, and frustrated..telling them this is not my Dad. He is so sick and something is very wrong. OK now we're in the hospital..a med surg floor for resp. tx and antibiotics. Dad weak as a newborn kitten. He ends up on the cancer floor. My Dad my dear Dad confined to bed because he got up to go to BR and fell. His freedom over. His mind going from the cancer and pain meds. He struggled so to get outta that bed. All I asked of the nurses was to keep him comfortable. Not feeling anxious and upset. It was not to happen. I put the call bell on as he was raising up trying to get out. The nurse stopped to chit chat for 15 minutes with another patient in the room. The dietician was with me and Dad and said watch this. No one answered that bell and when they did..it was 20 minutes. I was so sick over this I can't tell you. They also parked my Dad in a geri chair in the hall with a donut to play with..i came in and saw what was a totally independent , brilliant man two weeks ago, out in the hall playing with a donut. I asked the nurse to please put him back in his room as i was here with him now. She kept painting her nails and said we just got him out here. He's not going back now. I tell you..if i coulda choked her i would right then. I raised my voice as never before and said for all in the area to hear. I want my Dad back in that bed right now! Well a male aide watched he got dad back to bed for me thankfully. The whole 3 weeks before he died i was sick over the care given. Having to call to tell them his 5 day old IV was now no longer good..it was quite red and sore. I could go on and on..and it was enough to make me never have a thing to do with the medical profession again. It is a million times harder for a nurse to watch as her own profession shows this kinda care. The one saving thing was the Phillipina nurses who called me when my Dad turned at 2:00am to come in as he was not good. They allowed me time with Dad until he left this world. They comforted me after and were wonderful. All I would hope if someone reads this is that ..in your care treat your patients as if they were your family. Put yourself in their place for a bit. Never let your heart become cold. And thankfully I got over this and returned to nursing part time. I am still able to give to strangers what i wish was given to my Dad.Thanks for listening
Thanks for the support and yes sometimes I am sure we do things for the patients safety that the family might now view that way. But they knew I was a nurse, and was there to be at my Dad's side. Actually the first day it happened I sat on the floor in the hall next to him. They had a fit cause I was on the floor. It's something I really wish I could forget. But it really was the lack of keeping him comfortable that got to me. He'd beg me to get him up, and I'd cry and say Dad please don't ask me to do something I can't. Thanks for sharing and have a great day, Kathleen
How wonderful to hear your story Nurturing Angel. That is how it is supposed to be. I also work in a great facility and was considering bringing Dad to it,ever though it was 1200 miles away. I knew he would get excellent care there. That first night in the ER for 8 hours, I told Dad I can't take much more of this I will take you to Iowa with me and get you the care you deserve. We got there at 6pm, and waited til 2am to get to his room. The nurses changed shifts and never told me or said I am his nurse now etc. No one came to check him at all for 3 hours. I was never so relieved to get him up to that room that night. Thanks for sharing, Kathleen
Thank you Lady Dolphin for your kind words, and sharing your experience. My Dad also had lung cancer with a huge mets to his liver by the time they found out. I am grateful he didn't suffer very long. I am so glad that hospice helped your uncle in the end. They seem like a wonderful bunch of nurses. Take care, and have a great day, Kathleen
Thanks for sharing Hypnotic Nurse. My Dad was independent and active too. It's so hard to see them when they are helpless and depending on the nurses, and docs and it's just not there. I am so glad your Dad recovered and is back to his normal self. Hopefully none of us who have experienced this will ever have to again. But we can take away from it, and use it to provide the care everyone deserves in their time of need. Take care, Kathleen
Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.
I am so very sorry for that experience and your loss. I had tears running down my face as I read your very touching story! I feel what you are conveying, and also know what it is like to watch your loved one suffer in a hospital.
I try, despite getting a deaf ear from Docs the majority of the time, that people with terminal illness get immediate (or soon) hospice intervention, and that only goes so far because of the demand far exceeds the supply of hospice nurses! I love and depend on my hospice nurses so much...they are a real relief to a gal that is a floor nurse for a 160 bed assisted living facility! I have also found such a lack of education for end of life care...fear over Rx for narcotics for pain...and a misunderstanding of what it is like to be at the end of life, that you need someone then more than ever!
Residents at my facility whom are in need of said services, well...if they can not get the service or not transfered to a SNF, are going to be at a serious loss. There is no time, or resources at the facility to deal with this (15 resident rooms...some have two per room, per one caregiver...only one nurse on duty per shift! OUCH!). Thank goodness I have resources for immediate hospice services and my docs will give me the okay if I talk to them a few times...LOL! I would certainly hope beyond hope that if I was to send someone that was very independant but took a turn would be treated well in a hospital, but I know they are just as overworked as the rest of us...so I just try to do my part, and then some to be of assistance to clients and staff...in hopes that helping will turn out better if I didn't stick to it at all. (recently with confidenality laws, it is becoming more challenging to help , at least with other facilities..they just can't give me anything to work on, and that can hinder my help!).
Thank you for posting your heart touching story..and always an excellent reminder to always remember...that patient is someones loved one, so treat them with respect and dignity! One day...it will be your turn to experience it on the other side...and it is normally not very pretty at all ...in fact, most times it is down right infuriating!
Thanks Blue for your support, I really appreciate all the kind and caring comments. I get a sense of comfort knowing so many nurses out there really care. Have a great day, Kathleen
, at least with other facilities..they just can't give me anything to work on, and that can hinder my help!).
Katmae RN
74 Posts
Thanks for the support and yes sometimes I am sure we do things for the patients safety that the family might now view that way. But they knew I was a nurse, and was there to be at my Dad's side. Actually the first day it happened I sat on the floor in the hall next to him. They had a fit cause I was on the floor. It's something I really wish I could forget. But it really was the lack of keeping him comfortable that got to me. He'd beg me to get him up, and I'd cry and say Dad please don't ask me to do something I can't. Thanks for sharing and have a great day, Kathleen