Things You'd Like To Tell Visitors . . . . and get away with it

No, we don't give free meals to guests. And don't try to tell me that we do....because we don't!

Why on earth do you think of surgery as a social event? If I had my way, only the special needs patients, kids and the elderly with dementia or Alzheimers would be allowed visitors in the PACU. No one under the age of 18 would be allowed back there either. Little Brittany does not need to see a code going on or the man across the way who keeps throwing off his blankets so he can show the nurses his penis. I had a 10 year old almost pass out in there because he saw a drain that had blood in it.

There's this thing called privacy..I can't tell you how many times I've caught you people peeking at patients or their chart. Knock it off and don't get an attitude when I pull the curtain so you can't gawk at the poor old man who's trying to rest!!!

Can you count? Only one person at a time is allowed back there!! I know Bob's 3rd cousin twice removed really wants to go back there but he needs to wait.

That felt good..

To the male visitor: When I squeeze past your chair which is inches from the bedside and say excuse me, I need to do such and such, I expect you to have enough common sense and decency to move, yes get up and please get out of my way. I would go to the other side of the bed to provide care, but I cannot, as I need this side. I don't appreciate your insistence of sitting there like a dumb lump staring at my a-- while I am bending over.

This irritates me to no end!


To all the splitters: Oh, so you don't like so and so? I'm so much better, nicer, kinder, whatever than so and so?
Just cut the crap already. I'm on to your manipulative little game. Don't even THINK about manipulating me, and we'll get on just fine.

"I'm so sorry, your mother/brother/aunt's dead. What? Your name's Brown? Oh, I'm sorry - we have so many mothers/brothers/aunts here. Your mother/brother/aunt is in bed 6. If you tell me their name next time it will save you going through having such a nasty shock. Bye!"

That desk with the locked drawers and the tower with the other supplies - that's my workspace, which you have seen me using all day. When I leave the room and come back to find you in that space "looking around," you bet your bippy I am going to ask you what you are doing. Don't you dare get huffy because I called you on being nosy at best and looking to steal supplies at the worst.

My name badge says RN, not waitress. What's more, I am the patient's RN, not yours. Do you really want me fetching Sprite for you, rather than taking care of your loved one? And why the h-e-double hockey sticks I am responsible to feed you and get you pop? You're not the patient, and it's not the hospital's responsibility to see that you eat or pay for your food!!!!

Your family member's blood pressure and oxygenation levels are in the crapper. I don't care if his feet are cold. His feet are cold because he has no blood pressure! When I fix his blood pressure, then I'll consider Daddy's cold feet more of a priority.

Yeah, I'm just a lazy excuse for an RN. That's why I haven't eaten, drank, sat down, or peed in 8 hours because I have been caring for your loved one. If the care is not to your liking, why don't you go have a talk with hospital administration and tell them we need more help here. Because I'm doing all I possibly can.

And I will echo the rest of you with what I would really like to say: GET OUT! I don't even care if you go home or not. Just leave. Please.

Don't let the door hit you on the @$$ on your way out.

Uh, gee, I've never taken care of any grumpy old curmudgeons before. I don't think I can handle Daddy...NOT! Truth be told, once you are gone, me and Daddy will get along just fine. Curmudgeons like me. Buh-bye now!

Yes, I laughed out loud when I read that.

Don't MDs prescribe morphine 'off label' as a respiratory depressant for already compromised terminal patients to hasten death? They will increase the amount if the patient is 'restless'.

Or am I misunderstanding?

I'm sure lots of people request extra morphine for their in-laws.

Ummm, no that would be murder, not too many nurses willing to participate in that extra curricular activity. Morphine will help terminal patients that are experiencing air hunger and take away that "can't breath" feeling.

As a Hospice nurse can I just say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH