the other "things you'd like to tell" threads have been so great -- how about one more?
to the daughter of today's patient: i understand back pain, believe me. i've had the surgery and was off work for six months. don't tell me you're having such severe back pain that you need to sit in my chair -- the one that reaches all the way up to the computer keyboard -- instead of the visitor's chair (which i hunted high and low to find for you since we only have two on the whole 16 bed unit) when you're walking around in 5 inch stilettos. if your back pain were really that bad, you'd be wearing danskos like me. (or any type of shoe that doesn't involve a 5 inch -- or even 3 or 4 inch heel!) sit in the visitor's chair and be grateful that i found it for you. i'm sure your feet do hurt. again, try some more sensible shoes.
yes, your daughter does have dark skin on her forehead. it's the same color as the skin on the rest of her body. i assumed that was because she was african american, but you tell me she wasn't that color before her heart surgery? i'm baffled. no, i don't know what we can do about it, but i'm sure we didn't cause it. if you want to bring in cocoa butter to rub on her forehead, that's fine with me. you can put anything on her forehead you like, but i guarantee you she'll still be an african american when we discharge her. (oh, that's a picture of your daughter on the wall? she has bangs, but otherwise she looks the same color in the picture as she does right now. if i were you, i'd be more worried about the ventilator and the left ventricular assist device.)
To the daughter stuffing a pt with laxatives: the next time grandma poops on the floor (uses a walker) while trying to get to the bathroom, I'll use YOUR FACE to clean it up.
This one made me literally laugh out loud! No matter how many times I go back to read it again, I can't stop laughing!
No, I do not have a cup of ice. I don't make a habit of walking around with cups of ice in my pockets. There is ice in the cafeteria. Go help yourself. You look like you could use the exercise.
NO, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TIME THE DOCTOR IS COMING!!!!!!! Ask me one more time, and you're gonna need a dang doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!
For the 3,654,255th time, no. No, your Granny cannot have chicken broth. It's too high in sodium and she has CHF. No, we do not have low sodium chicken broth. Now sit down and be quiet and let me get her blood transfusion started since her hemoglobin is 5. She should have gone to the ICU with that Hgb, but she ended up here, and you need to sit down and shut up and let me do my stinkin job. Better yet, why don't you go home?
Yes -I do know what you are going through. I sat by my Mother's bedisde for 5 days until she died. So don't pull this "you don't know what its like to lose a loved one" crap on me.
No - I cannot tell you the exact time your Mother will die. If I could do that, I would have been at my Moms bedside when she died, instead of stuffing my face at the Mc Donald's up the road.
Visiting hours are over. Yes - that includes you. I'm sorry you came in 5 mins before they were over, but as you Mom has been here for 6 months, you should know by now when visiting hours are.
No - I cannot take your temp, BP, look at your meds, give you something for your back pain. Go away.
To the visitor of a patient that comes up to the nurses station grilling me about a patient that isn't my patient, demanding to know when the doctor is coming, what the results of the tests were, and when they are going home...
"Sorry Ma'am but I don't know who you're talking about, he's not my patient and I'm busy so go away and leave me alone!"
I'd love to be able to tell a visitor: Thanks so much for coming. You've been a great help and comfort to your loved one. Can I get you a cup of coffee or some tea? If you need anything at all, please let me know.
Okay, well, something along those lines does happen, from time to time, but not nearly enough.
stop touching my patients!!! just becuase my patient is in the same dining room as your son doesnt mean you have right to hold her by arm and force her out of dining room. how would you feel if i grab your son by his arm and force him to leave dining room??? you dont own this place so stop touching my patients!!!
Please turn off your cell phone, iPod, MP3 and any other such device. They mess with our monitors. I don't care what the pimpley teen from the cell phone store told you. Our IT guys say it does.
And you're here to visit your baby. Why do you need to be talking to your best friend's mom's second cousin for two hours or is he the baby daddy? Tell him to get his A** in here to see his baby. Before you hang up, of course.
No, I can't give him a shot to make his heart stop beating and cause him to die. I can give him a shot of Morphine to make him more comfortable, but no, I can not kill him for you.
I thought I was the only one who got told that. The patient was a full code and the daughter was an RN. The patient was on Morphine IVP prn, and she pulled me out in the hall and asked me to "double the dose and give it rapid IVP. I'm sure the MD won't mind!" Then llater the same patient got a PE and I walked in and found the same daughter, the RN, walking the mom who was on strict bedrest r/t the PE.
-Shut the he!! up. You will NOT go out and smoke. You should have thought about that before you took 30 Ambien and 14 Vicodin and sloshed it down with vodka. You would have gotten some sympathy from me if this were your 1st, 2nd or even 3rd time. Now I'm just annoyed you were able to call 911.
You can't help those who don't want to help themselves.
-Just because your kid is wearing one of those backpack/leash things does not make you a good parent. Now, for the fifth time, if your kid does not get off the waiting room table I will be forced to put the leash on you and discipline you for being stupid.
-Trauma means life or death. Our charge nurse already gave everyone in the waiting room the courtesy to say "wait times have been extended due to trauma in progress". Our staff does not care about your sniffles anymore. You can yell all you want cause your chart will be mysteriously lost for several hours. Or here's an idea...GO HOME!
NO, I WILL NOT CHANGE THE CHANNEL IN THE WAITING ROOM!!!!!!
What a surgeon actually told a girlfriend visitor when he made rounds early on days and I had been the night nurse: "How dare you put a chair under the door handle and try to prevent the nurse from entering to check on the patient? You are rude, arrogant and don't have the brains in your head to match those in the little finger of any nurse on this floor! Get out and don't come back or talk to me ever again!" He was 6' 6" and very forceful.
David13, MSN, RN
137 Posts
This one made me literally laugh out loud! No matter how many times I go back to read it again, I can't stop laughing!