Things You'd Like To Tell Visitors . . . . and get away with it

"I know the nurse said your wife couldn't have any more pain medication for two hours but is it really necessary for you to chew me out when the nurse comes 2 minutes after the two hours are up? "

"I am sorry your wife is in pain. By the way, your wife seemed to do a bit better when I sat and talked with her and rubbed some lotion on her hands and arms...you know distracted her? Of course I am sure you sitting in the corner of the room, as far from her bed as possible, watching the "big game" with your pupils practically fixed & dialated is of great comfort to her...not. Why don't I just get you a cold beer and something on which to put your feet?"

OMG love this thread!

I don't care if you're the pope; I'm not telling you anything about Archibald unless you're entitled to that information. Go ahead, threaten me. I'm pretty scrappy.

How about at the hospital I work at they just decided to extend visiting hours til 10:00pm!!! Try dealing with family that late at night!!

We already do deal with family round the clock. Had someone complain that the cafeteria was not open at 10pm. Then visit at a normal time brainbox!

My hospital has no set visiting hours, do not want to make the public upset. Helllloooo, sick people trying to rest and heal, but what the he** do I know

this one wasn't funny...
broke my heart, actually.

mom of pt: i brought junior homemade chicken soup. when he was a child, it always helped him.

me: mrs. jones, how is junior going to eat this soup? he has been unconscious for close to 2 days now.

mom of pt: he'll wake up, you'll see...he'll wake up
(about her end-stage pancreatic ca, imminently-dying, cheyne-stoking son.)

gotta vacuum, but was actually thinking of this mother today...met someone who reminded me of her.

leslie

To the daughter stuffing a pt with laxatives: the next time grandma poops on the floor (uses a walker) while trying to get to the bathroom, I'll use YOUR FACE to clean it up.

In general to 90% of the visitors: SHADDUP! and GO HOME!

Hello, your family member is not my only resident. I have 30 other residents that need my attention also. In other words, I can not be at you and your loved ones beck and call. Also acting like a jerk is not going to get your loved one anymore attention because I will probably be avoiding your loved ones room until you leave.
If you had this problem at home would you be going to the ER or calling the doctor at home. Then why do you think that I should call the doctor on the weekend.
Why don't you come back why you have learned some manners and know how to treat other people?
Until you lose the attitude I will not be talking to you.
And you got your MD or nursing degree from where? Oh right, I forgot about the University of the Internet. I am sure your degree in I Know Just Enough to be Dangerous will serve you well.
Oh dang my butt just started hurting. Sure enough I look up and there you stand.

Denile can be heartbreaking. Poor lady.

My titles says LPN, Not "personal servant"

No, I will NOT give you medication that you request, without a doctor's order and a medical reason. Yes, I will be monitoring you for medication side effects, and interactions between your thousands of pills. So, when I look up the fact you want that voltaren cream on your feet, and it causes your lasix to not work, when you're on daily weights, fluid restriction r/t CHF and chronic renal failure, you better believe that i'm not going to put that cream on your feet. get over it and swallow your blasted tylenol. Quit whining, I'm safe gaurding your health you miserable old bat. if you don't like it sign out AMA and get the heck off my unit. you've got all your mental faculties and still choose to be snotty to the nurses and CNAs who take care of you.

No, I am not going to give you any more pain medication. The 3-11 nurse gave you your lortab at 10pm, and it is given every 6 hours. If you're nice to me, I will call the physician and we'll get something started that will better control your pain. Don't yell at me, or call me a lousy b****because if you don't shut up, i'll be sure I get an injectable form of whatever medication that the physician prescribes, since you're pain is "so unbearable" and give you something to whine about. I'm sure your parents taught you better than that and they'd be ashamed of your behavior

Threaten bodily harm to me when i go to draw your blood, and see how quickly you end up on your back in 4point leather restraints, awaiting for the police to escort you to the nearest mental health facility for a 24 hour hold and psych eval.

No, I don't enjoy the fact that your husband is in pain. Have you not noticed i've been trying to contact the doctor to get him a different medication? I realize this. I understand this. I don't care how much you yell at me, the doctor won't call me back any sooner, and am not responsible for my water pitcher flying at your head!!!

I know your loved one is dying. I am sympathetic, and I do care. I will make sure that they stay comfortable. Please stop blaming yourself for the fact that Dad's dying of lung cancer. No there is nothing that you could have done to stop this, None of this is your fault. Please stop beating yourself up, because you're tearing my heart out with empathy. I can't tell you when your loved one will die. I'm not G-d. I don't make that kind of decisions.

No I can't just put Mom "out of her misery". I'm not G-d, I don't have the authority to give and take life. that's His decision, his decision alone. When he's ready your loved one will come home. last time i checked euthenasia is still considered murder

No, I will not give your loved one regular liquids when they choke and turn blue afterwards. I don't care what they did in the hospital. I doubt that you're telling me the truth.