Is my husband being unreasonable? - page 5

by Nurse ABC | 8,583 Views | 67 Comments

I currently work a med-surg position that is 12 hour days with no weekends. We all know how hard and challenging med-surg is and I have no great love for it. In fact when my required six months is up I'm looking to change to a... Read More


  1. 0
    In the OP she stated her husband didn't want to "put out" their family like that, and didn't want a stranger in the house.
  2. 3
    LOL, my hubby is a cop as well, so I can offer the experience of our house and you can process it =)

    I work 3 evenings M, T, Th from 9p to 7a. Hubby has a rotating shift of 5p to 3a. My children at home are 18 (responsible college student), 9 and 7. On my worknights, if hubby is working as well, my 18 year holds down the fort while we are at work. Now, granted, its not like he is in charge of dinner, homework, baths and bed, I can do all that before I leave for my job, but yes, I think an 18 year old can handle it. Maybe do a trial period and see?
    multi10, nrsang97, and erin527RN like this.
  3. 1
    you gotta look at it from your husbands point of view. He sees a lot of crap happening to grown people everyday, much more for kids. This decision depends on:
    1. The "safety" level of your neighborhood
    2. The maturity of your kids
    3. Mutual agreement with all party's involved

    Let's see, having grown up basically alone with my brothers when we were like 12 13 15 16, yr kids are good age and having an 18 yr old there is a plus. I don't know why so many people feel its an issue of compensation. I don't think you should have to compensate your 18 yr old for anything, its not a baby sitter job you be responsible for your own siblings...families should contribute and this is all part of growing up. Maybe do a hidden savings for college then give it to him or her when that time comes as an appreciation gift. Not having compensation will give a true idea of their maturity level and if they can even do this. Another idea I would try is testing them...u and hubby can go out late one night, check in on them unannounced and see how it works. Just spell out the ground rules for everything, not just locking doors, but what to do if something does go wrong, like a break-in. Maybe yr husband can get crime stats of the area to ease his concerns, or maybe he already knows something that you don't to validate his concerns. If you dont have one, get a security system with a 2 way communicator and one that uses radio signals(not a landline) to contact the company and to beef up security in the house.Some camera systems can even feed live video to your smart phone. Funny thing is, like the show "to catch a thief" says, a lot of break ins actually happens in the daytime, that is something to think about. In any case I think your kids are old enough,however, remember this, you are the expert in healthcare, but your husband is the expert in security and I would respect his decision on this one...thrust me, you dont not want to hear one night that something happened to yr kids.
    echoRNC711 likes this.
  4. 0
    Is it possible that you're dissatisfied with your life in general, and trying to figure out whose fault it is?
  5. 2
    Quote from man-nurse2b
    I don't know why so many people feel its an issue of compensation. I don't think you should have to compensate your 18 yr old for anything, its not a baby sitter job you be responsible for your own siblings...families should contribute and this is all part of growing up.
    Thank you for that. I don't agree with compensating an 18-year old for watching his siblings while his parents work. Families make sacrifices, and kids shouldn't always get paid for stepping up to the plate.

    I hear about kids getting paid to take out the garbage, clean their rooms, get A's on their report cards. What total hogwash.
    nrsang97 and GrnTea like this.
  6. 0
    My sister and I started staying home alone when she was 11 and I was 6. We stayed home all summer long and we were fine. We never stayed home alone at night though so I'm not sure how that would have went. To me your kids seem old enough to handle it but as a mom you know your kids. Are the younger ones mature for their ages or would you be worried about them all night?
  7. 3
    Last I checked, 18 is an adult, and I disagree that it is unfair to have the 18 year old looking after their younger siblings, if said 18 year old is still living under your roof. Yes, I think your husband is being unreasonable.
    RNnbakes, nrsang97, and SentimentalGeek like this.
  8. 1
    Quote from dudette10
    Thank you for that. I don't agree with compensating an 18-year old for watching his siblings while his parents work. Families make sacrifices, and kids shouldn't always get paid for stepping up to the plate.

    I hear about kids getting paid to take out the garbage, clean their rooms, get A's on their report cards. What total hogwash.
    Eeeh. If watching siblings kept the 18 year-old from getting or working at a regular job, yes, s/he should be compensated.
    klone likes this.
  9. 0
    This seems like a many -tiered problem that goes far beyond the question asked.

    Bottom line,can you handle the consequences of your decision.

    Are there any legal ramifications if your 18 old "steps out' while babysitting and a problem ensues?
    What is your state law age that children can be left alone?
    Are you legally accountable if then a problem occurs ,like a fire/emergency?
    Will your children resent your decision and are you prepared to deal with it?
    Your husband has made clear his feelings . Can you handle the resentment it may bring to the relationship?
    Can you handle the stress of a new position if your husband is not supportive?

    I am all for moving forward,following dreams and your heart. I also noticed that when all the doors open it usually means a good choice presenting but when the reverse is occuring it might be worth considering that you and your loved ones are steering off course.
  10. 1
    Quote from echoRNC711
    This seems like a many -tiered problem that goes far beyond the question asked.

    Bottom line,can you handle the consequences of your decision.

    Are there any legal ramifications if your 18 old "steps out' while babysitting and a problem ensues?
    .
    see my point exactly, if an 18 yr old feel they need to be compensated and if they are not paid then that means they can leave the younger ones home alone, then that kid is just too immature and should not be left alone.
    I'm 36 from Gen X, growed up with part of the old ways while seeing the transistion to the digital age. I'm sorry but Generation Y is having it way too easy, its like we would pay them to wash their own laundry and brush their teeth and clean their own stinking rooms. My daughter today just got a pizza voucher for doing her reading homework for kindergarden...she's only 5 for goodness sake, gsss this is outrageous, no wonder they growing up obesed..I been doing my own laundry since I was 12 or 13.By 18 I had a job was helping pay the dang bills at home. Where is the sence of responsibility and family duty....hey if I wipe yr butt for 2 or 3 years as a baby, feed you for 17 years,you live in my home rent free for 17 years, then you turn 18, hey u owe me something then? lol
    MedChica likes this.


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