my classmates HATE me - page 5
hallo everyone, When i started nursing school i made a handful of friends in my class. However, one of the friends i had during pre-nursing dumped me soon after we got to nursing school. She... Read More
Sep 19, '07I am wondering if your former "friends" are just jealous because you may be doing better in the program than they are.
One of my school-friends that I got into the nursing program with, we are in the same study group. We assigned chapters to each other, and TWO of them didn't do their part...my friend did, but all she did was scan through the chapter and write down terms, which doesn't tell you ANYTHING!
When I asked her why she didn't do a full outline like we agreed, she said, "Why do you have such a problem with the way that I do things?" Which took me completely off-guard.
She failed the first test. I got a B. I have a suspicion that had something to do with it.
Sep 19, '07Quote from hpynurs2bIt feels good doesn't it? Keep it up. Nip it in the bud each and every time and see what happens. My guess is it will stop or lessen. They still aren't going to like you much, but you'll feel better about yourself.............. i dont know, but it really felt good standing up for myself.
Sep 19, '07I went through some very serious harassment as well. I am not from the state where I currently reside (deep south) and I don't have many of the belief systems that my classmates have, which essentially makes me a heretic. With that being said, the advice you are being given is spot on! The immaturity and catty behavior you are experiencing in nursing school might not end when you graduate. You may experience it on the job as well (but hopefully not!). Use nursing school as your learning experience as to how to rise above the absolute childishness your classmates are demonstrating. Too bad a good personality isn't a prerequisite to nursing school. :spin:
Here are a few examples of my harassment and how I dealt with it:
1. I have a hearing deficit which requires me to sit in the front row of the class. My disability is documented and on file with the school, who has promised me an assigned seat. One day I came into class and one of the mean girls was sitting in my assigned seat. I did not want to make a scene at the time, so I sat somewhere else that day. After class, one of the mean girls' friends came up to me and said "I just want to let you know that I was NOT a part of that plan to take your seat". I was amazed that a future nurse would think it was funny to pick on the girl with a hearing disorder. Here's how I dealt with it and the outcome:
I sent an email to the lead instructor, the nursing program director, and the campus ADA office relaying my experience and asked that my seating arrangement be enforced by staff. I worded it very professionally. The very next day we had a test and once again the mean girl was in my seat. The lead instructor had come to the classroom before testing began and loudly instructed this girl to remove herself from my seat and gave her a very very dirty look. I felt very vindicated.
2. During lecture one day I got up to use the restroom. After class, a whole group of people approached me and told me they couldn't believe what happened while I was gone. The very same mean girl has said loudly (after I was out of the room) "That is just plain rude to leave in the middle of a lecture". The instructor (God bless her soul) responded by stopping the lecture and told the class (looking straight at this girl) "For your own edification, this is not high school, this is college and if you need to use the restroom, you do not need to raise your hand and get our permission".
3. During clinical a few semesters later, this very same mean girl and I were in charge of trach care for a patient who was mentally disabled. We were attaching the strips to hold the trach in place and since we were on opposite sides of each other, we both checked with each other to ensure that the straps were adequately tight. Ten minutes later, the straps came loose and the trach came out. This girl wasted no time in running to the instructor and saying that it was my fault. This instructor (whom I will always love for standing up for me) stated in post conference that it is the height of unprofessionalism to point fingers at another student for something that was equally our fault. She also said that mistakes are even made by experienced nurses and that since we were in nursing school, we aren't expected to be perfect. She went on to state that if she ever pulled that again, she would be written up.
You have to trust that your instructors KNOW who the trouble makers are. Go to them and share your concerns. Don't cry or whine to them, just state "I am having a problem and I would like your advice on how to handle this situation". Then state the issue in a matter of fact way and listen to their response. That will put the staff on notice that there is a problem (if they hadn't noticed) and they will be on the look out for it.
Under NO circumstance should you allow these idiots to dictate whether or not you stay in the program. You are there to become a nurse, not to care one way or the other if your classmates like you. I know it hurts your feelings and causes stress that you don't need in an already stressful program, I really do feel for you. The best revenge is to keep your nose to the grindstone and get the best grades you are capable of making. My gut tells me that these mean people spend more time trying to intimidate you than they do studying. If they manage to graduate from the program and pass the NCLEX, they are going to be on the receiving end of the venom they spew once they get on the job. The reason for this is because it's a whole lot easier to become a RN than it is to change your personality to make you a better person. Those who harass others have crappy personalities and will be recognized as such by their co-workers. Meanwhile, you will be stronger for having gone through it and hopefully developed a caring aura instead of making you hardened by having to be exposed to their terrible behavior towards you.
It is easier said than done, but you MUST remain focused on your goal. Are you going to let little miss negativity be in charge of your financial future? Is she going to dictate whether or not you are a good student? You're going to win this battle by holding your head up high and rising above your circumstances.
One more thing--my husband is a RN in the ICU of the only hospital in town. While all this drama was going on with me, he was telling his co-workers (and his supervisor, who he is very friendly with) about it. Their universal response was this: She better not even try to apply on this unit or any other one in this hospital, we don't need that kind of attitude here. So in the end, due to her deplorable actions, she screwed herself out of a job. This makes me smile inside knowing that karma will eventually win. In this case, it worked faster than usual. :trout:
Sep 20, '07while i agree that these people you are referring to are immature and playing one-upmanship games i see another problem. despite all this, you are still wanting these people to take you on as a friend! it ain't gonna happen. you are creating a lot of your own misery by craving positive recognition from these other students. it is never going to come and you are killing yourself hoping for it. the more you try to insert yourself into their clique the more ways they are going to find to torment and hurt you. they are doing this because they don't want you near them and you are not getting their message. they are responding in very dysfunctional and childish ways and you, apparently, are not reading these messages correctly. but you are also wrong in continually going back for more! as i read your post i was wondering if you were stalking or harassing this other group of students merely because you wanted to be a part of their group. that's not normal either.
it's time to give up this dream that you can ever be friends with them. just keep to yourself and go on about your business. you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do which is what it sounds like you are attempting to do. stop looking at these people and you won't see their dirty looks. stop hoping they're going to find something to like about you. they've already made their decision about you and they're not interested in liking or accepting you into their group. you have enough to do to keep up with your studies. there are plenty of students on the nursing student forums of allnurses who you can develop online friendships with and discuss your nursing studies that would make more productive use of your time. click on the "students" tab to get to the student forums on allnurses.
Sep 20, '07Hey Hpynrs!
I am soooo proud of you! You GO GIRL!! I love this thread, it has been very inspiring with all the feedback from so many of us who have faced the same crap.
Thank you soooo much for starting this thread and being honest about your pain! Can you believe how many people it has touched? That is what it takes to be an awesome nurse and human being for that matter
Sep 20, '07I didnt go thru that in school, but I am going thru it at work. It feels awful, I know. But I igore it, and you will have to also. When one snickers at you or says something to you, they are WANTING a response from you, dont give it to them. Eventually they will stop. Try to find the ones in your class who are more mature and maybe befriend them. Meanwhile, focus on your studies. Have you thought about counselling thru your campus?
Sep 21, '07Is this nursing school or middle school?
REALLY! This childish nonsense is sickening!
If it is eating at you and you can't ignore it hopefully you can talk to the director of the nursing program about what is going on. Perhaps she will take the initiative to get in front of the children and explain that make-believe time is over and apparently their studies are not thorough enough because there is way too much time for idle gossip and perhaps she should up the workload a bit.
If I was the director of the nursing program you'd better believe I'd whip them into shape or ship them out of there. Maturity is a must to be a good nurse and in my opinion too many nursing schools do not value maturity.
Sep 24, '07There are a couple of girls in my class that pull that also. i have not had personal experience with this in school, but many other issues that have made for problems in clinicals.
Really, people just need to ******* GROW UP! Totally agree with mama!
Sep 30, '07One thing I do to keep respect around me is to make it clear that I am on the straight and narrow. I learned pretty early on that even if you are innocent, simple association or accusations can get you in hot water. Therefore, I try to prevent anything that might involve me.
Foe example, I was going to dinner during clinicals with a couple classmates. They were loudly talking about the patient's condition while we were walking down the hall. I said one word, "HIPAA." That shut them right up. My aim was not to be a goody-two shoes, it was simply to remind them of what they were doing wrong, and more importantly to prevent myself from being associated with them if they were caught. This is great for nipping in the bud.
Another time, when people were whispering during a test review after the instructor said that it would be punishable by flunking, I told people, "Do not talk to me during reviews. You heard the instructor's threats. If you want to risk flunking your own grades, fine. However, do not risk my standing. I don't want to be assumed to be an accomplice just because you don't follow the rules."
My intention is not to be a goody two shoes. I am not a morality vulture who uses other people's mistakes to boost herself. I simply make it clear that I'm not going to stray from the rules, and without threatening or lecturing, hint to them to stay on behavior.
If they are bugging you in clinicals, maybe you could mention, "I hear that the instructor will be dropping in unexpectedly," which will hopefully light fires under their butts and make them at least seem busy rather than bug you.Last edit by PeachPie on Sep 30, '07
Sep 20, '09wow, i honestly honestly thought i was the only one.
i used to be in another batch before, but for some reason they all stopped. i had to stop at that time since i had to work, so i was transferred to another batch that had like 11 students (mine had 6 before).
anyway theres this one really mean girl there, she isnt a girl anymore..shes 33 or 34. whenever i ask the teacher a question, she'd loudly smirk. like to imply i was stupid in a sense that "oh she didnt get it!". this would happen in the morning, and of course i'd be in a not good mood. she'd then tell people i was "bipolar". she also made jokes about my boyfriend's race at one point. i am friends w/ some girls at class and i would be trying to ask them about her, like, if shes really a bad person. shes done so much against me but i was still giving her space to maybe one day turn into a good person or something. they say shes ok and blah blah, they say shes judgemental. but that's about it, they never say shes bad or whatever. but it felt bad, the stuff she says, damn mighty tackless. she even said my high school had a lot of slutty and cheap girls.
the other day i openly admired her for administering a shot properly, and i was like "thats nice cause i dont really know how to do it properly since i havent had the chance to do it yet, and i dont remember the steps" and shes like "that's because ur absent minded." i was so shocked like..for the first time in my life i looked at a person w/ my mouth open :imbar and i swear i wasnt able to at least hide the hurt in my eyes. she quickly said "oh, take that as constructive criticism".
ever since that, i decided, darn..she is a bad person. i dont need to ask people if she is. shes a bad person to me, and i dont need to face her or be friends w/ her. i tried, but sadly its not possible.