my classmates HATE me

Nurses General Nursing

Published

hallo everyone,

When i started nursing school i made a handful of friends in my class. However, one of the friends i had during pre-nursing dumped me soon after we got to nursing school. She never actually said i dont want to be friends, she just started treating me really badly. She was rude to me and would mock the way i speak and make fun of some of the things i would say. Well, i ignored her and eventually we stoped talking altogether.

I think she started spreading rumours about me, because one by one all our other friends started treating me the same way. I asked them why they were treating me like dirt and whether i had done anything to upset them. They said that i had not done anything and everything was ok. Later i would find out that they had study sessions or had lunch together and had not invited me to join them. Last year one of them told our instructor that i was looking at her paper doing an exam. I was mortified. I could not believe that she would accuse me of cheating. I would never do anything that stupid. We have not talked since that incident. I think that now they are telling people that i dont want to study with them because i can do better without them etc etc.

Recently i have noticed that when I do talk to my other classmates I get dirty, angry looks. I dont know what is being said about me now.

I am at my wits end. I am having such a difficult time concentrating on my studies, today i just felt like giving up and applying to another nursing school. i really dont know what to do. I can't confront anybody because i dont know who in the group is spreading rumours about me. I also cannot take another day of snickering and sneering behind my back.

If anyone has any suggestions about how to handle this situation, i am listening!

Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
In my experience study groups do nothing but cause trouble. You are better off if you study by yourself or maybe with one other person. But when you get a group together it spells trouble every time. They will soon turn on each other.

Keep going and dont let them bring you down. Most people dont have much contact with people they went to school with anyway after school. I bet i havent seen one or two of the people i went to nursing school with more than once since. And it doesnt bother me a bit.

That has been my observation as well. I never studied with people because I used to see what happened when one did exceptionally better than others; the ones that did poorly expected the 'smarter' one to help them cheat, or were insanely jealous. I stayed alone in school, graduated the top of the class, and didn't even show up for my own graduation, because passing so high meant nothing to me...passing NCLEX was the only path that was going to allow me to practice as a nurse. I never discussed grades or answers to tests with people, after the exam, I used to keep it moving. And, it doesn't bother me not to hear from my classmates or any of my professors, either. It is a part of the past that I do not want to rekindle.

To the OP; I know it is hard, but, keep your chin up. Sit in front of the class, especially during exam time, so that the instructors can see that you are not cheating. Hate to say it, but working at the job may be the same way, especially for a new grad, until they find the right mix of people to work with.

Good for you for standing up to that chick. It takes a lot of guts to confront someone and call them on their bad behavior. Tweety's advice was great. I just let a lot of stuff slide, myself, because most of it doesn't bother me. But I've stood up for myself a time or two, and often that was all it took to stop the behavior.

Specializes in med-surg/or/ambulatory/geriatric psyc.

Ignore these people and look at the way they are treating you as a pre-requisite to being a nurse..........you need to be strong and realize that you only need one good friend in life and the rest of the people are just people. You are in school for you, your family, your future, etc.......not for them. Half of those people will either not make it as a nurse, wind up before the bon, or other things that will make you glad you did not succumb to their childishness. Hang in there and remember there are a lot of us out here who have dealt with "high school jerks" in nursing school. They are the ones who need to grow up, and you don't have time to help them grow up.........you only have time to become the best nurse you can be! They probably are jealous of your wisdom! :bow:

I cannot stand almost all of my class and they can't stand me either. but it has gotten to the point where I just can't stand the idea of going to class. I told an instructor of mine tonight that Ive had it, the people in my class and the ones running the program have finally broke me. I use to care about the program and the school and now I can't stand it. I want to graduate get my diploma and pass my NCLEX and get on with my life and NEVER have anything to do with this school or the rude children that go there. my class is so bad we can't even keep instructors!!!!! they keep quiting on us saying my class is very rude and unprofessional. I agree, but I can't quit---

I am wondering if your former "friends" are just jealous because you may be doing better in the program than they are.

One of my school-friends that I got into the nursing program with, we are in the same study group. We assigned chapters to each other, and TWO of them didn't do their part...my friend did, but all she did was scan through the chapter and write down terms, which doesn't tell you ANYTHING!

When I asked her why she didn't do a full outline like we agreed, she said, "Why do you have such a problem with the way that I do things?" Which took me completely off-guard.

She failed the first test. I got a B. I have a suspicion that had something to do with it.

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.
............. i dont know, but it really felt good standing up for myself.:lol2:

It feels good doesn't it? Keep it up. Nip it in the bud each and every time and see what happens. My guess is it will stop or lessen. They still aren't going to like you much, but you'll feel better about yourself.

Best wishes.

Go you!

I went through some very serious harassment as well. I am not from the state where I currently reside (deep south) and I don't have many of the belief systems that my classmates have, which essentially makes me a heretic. With that being said, the advice you are being given is spot on! The immaturity and catty behavior you are experiencing in nursing school might not end when you graduate. You may experience it on the job as well (but hopefully not!). Use nursing school as your learning experience as to how to rise above the absolute childishness your classmates are demonstrating. Too bad a good personality isn't a prerequisite to nursing school.

Here are a few examples of my harassment and how I dealt with it:

1. I have a hearing deficit which requires me to sit in the front row of the class. My disability is documented and on file with the school, who has promised me an assigned seat. One day I came into class and one of the mean girls was sitting in my assigned seat. I did not want to make a scene at the time, so I sat somewhere else that day. After class, one of the mean girls' friends came up to me and said "I just want to let you know that I was NOT a part of that plan to take your seat". I was amazed that a future nurse would think it was funny to pick on the girl with a hearing disorder. Here's how I dealt with it and the outcome:

I sent an email to the lead instructor, the nursing program director, and the campus ADA office relaying my experience and asked that my seating arrangement be enforced by staff. I worded it very professionally. The very next day we had a test and once again the mean girl was in my seat. The lead instructor had come to the classroom before testing began and loudly instructed this girl to remove herself from my seat and gave her a very very dirty look. I felt very vindicated.

2. During lecture one day I got up to use the restroom. After class, a whole group of people approached me and told me they couldn't believe what happened while I was gone. The very same mean girl has said loudly (after I was out of the room) "That is just plain rude to leave in the middle of a lecture". The instructor (God bless her soul) responded by stopping the lecture and told the class (looking straight at this girl) "For your own edification, this is not high school, this is college and if you need to use the restroom, you do not need to raise your hand and get our permission".

3. During clinical a few semesters later, this very same mean girl and I were in charge of trach care for a patient who was mentally disabled. We were attaching the strips to hold the trach in place and since we were on opposite sides of each other, we both checked with each other to ensure that the straps were adequately tight. Ten minutes later, the straps came loose and the trach came out. This girl wasted no time in running to the instructor and saying that it was my fault. This instructor (whom I will always love for standing up for me) stated in post conference that it is the height of unprofessionalism to point fingers at another student for something that was equally our fault. She also said that mistakes are even made by experienced nurses and that since we were in nursing school, we aren't expected to be perfect. She went on to state that if she ever pulled that again, she would be written up.

You have to trust that your instructors KNOW who the trouble makers are. Go to them and share your concerns. Don't cry or whine to them, just state "I am having a problem and I would like your advice on how to handle this situation". Then state the issue in a matter of fact way and listen to their response. That will put the staff on notice that there is a problem (if they hadn't noticed) and they will be on the look out for it.

Under NO circumstance should you allow these idiots to dictate whether or not you stay in the program. You are there to become a nurse, not to care one way or the other if your classmates like you. I know it hurts your feelings and causes stress that you don't need in an already stressful program, I really do feel for you. The best revenge is to keep your nose to the grindstone and get the best grades you are capable of making. My gut tells me that these mean people spend more time trying to intimidate you than they do studying. If they manage to graduate from the program and pass the NCLEX, they are going to be on the receiving end of the venom they spew once they get on the job. The reason for this is because it's a whole lot easier to become a RN than it is to change your personality to make you a better person. Those who harass others have crappy personalities and will be recognized as such by their co-workers. Meanwhile, you will be stronger for having gone through it and hopefully developed a caring aura instead of making you hardened by having to be exposed to their terrible behavior towards you.

It is easier said than done, but you MUST remain focused on your goal. Are you going to let little miss negativity be in charge of your financial future? Is she going to dictate whether or not you are a good student? You're going to win this battle by holding your head up high and rising above your circumstances.

One more thing--my husband is a RN in the ICU of the only hospital in town. While all this drama was going on with me, he was telling his co-workers (and his supervisor, who he is very friendly with) about it. Their universal response was this: She better not even try to apply on this unit or any other one in this hospital, we don't need that kind of attitude here. So in the end, due to her deplorable actions, she screwed herself out of a job. This makes me smile inside knowing that karma will eventually win. In this case, it worked faster than usual. :trout:

Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.

while i agree that these people you are referring to are immature and playing one-upmanship games i see another problem. despite all this, you are still wanting these people to take you on as a friend! it ain't gonna happen. you are creating a lot of your own misery by craving positive recognition from these other students. it is never going to come and you are killing yourself hoping for it. the more you try to insert yourself into their clique the more ways they are going to find to torment and hurt you. they are doing this because they don't want you near them and you are not getting their message. they are responding in very dysfunctional and childish ways and you, apparently, are not reading these messages correctly. but you are also wrong in continually going back for more! as i read your post i was wondering if you were stalking or harassing this other group of students merely because you wanted to be a part of their group. that's not normal either.

it's time to give up this dream that you can ever be friends with them. just keep to yourself and go on about your business. you can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do which is what it sounds like you are attempting to do. stop looking at these people and you won't see their dirty looks. stop hoping they're going to find something to like about you. they've already made their decision about you and they're not interested in liking or accepting you into their group. you have enough to do to keep up with your studies. there are plenty of students on the nursing student forums of allnurses who you can develop online friendships with and discuss your nursing studies that would make more productive use of your time. click on the "students" tab to get to the student forums on allnurses.

Specializes in Travel Nursing, ICU, tele, etc.

Hey Hpynrs!

I am soooo proud of you! You GO GIRL!! I love this thread, it has been very inspiring with all the feedback from so many of us who have faced the same crap.

Thank you soooo much for starting this thread and being honest about your pain! Can you believe how many people it has touched? That is what it takes to be an awesome nurse and human being for that matter

:bow::bow::bow:!

Specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

I didnt go thru that in school, but I am going thru it at work. It feels awful, I know. But I igore it, and you will have to also. When one snickers at you or says something to you, they are WANTING a response from you, dont give it to them. Eventually they will stop. Try to find the ones in your class who are more mature and maybe befriend them. Meanwhile, focus on your studies. Have you thought about counselling thru your campus?

Is this nursing school or middle school?

REALLY! This childish nonsense is sickening!

If it is eating at you and you can't ignore it hopefully you can talk to the director of the nursing program about what is going on. Perhaps she will take the initiative to get in front of the children and explain that make-believe time is over and apparently their studies are not thorough enough because there is way too much time for idle gossip and perhaps she should up the workload a bit.

If I was the director of the nursing program you'd better believe I'd whip them into shape or ship them out of there. Maturity is a must to be a good nurse and in my opinion too many nursing schools do not value maturity.

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