I think I am going to crack up...

  1. hi all...recently since just about all my co workers have been out for various reasons from illness to pregancy, i have found myself the lone staff member * there are travelers and perdiem people, left on my unit on the night shift. since i am also charge there are so many more things to worry about, not to mention minimal backup...i am stressed to the max and recently informed the manager i didn't think i would be able to continue..add to this that my stay at home husband, who is wonderful with the home and the kids, is getting on my nerves through no fault of his own...i think i am either jealous, mad or both that i have to work outside the home when i have 3 little ones that i would rather be taking care of when i am not either exhausted , grouchy or non functional....then too, my dad has a terminal illness, a brother was just diagnosed with leukemia, i am overweight and feeling overwhelmed an powerless, the epitome of a burned out person..i get sick to my stomach at the very thought of having to go in at night, and the kids are too small to understand why i can't get it together and stay up all day....i also am estranged from one brother and still have to be the acting family nurse...on both sides....there are nights that i burst into tears when the job gets to me or the inexperienced or new help argue with me...i worry that some sort of crazy wild delivery or nursery situation will happen and i won't be able to handle it..as much as it is nice that the docs want me in their labors and watching their patients, i can't be everywhere....not to mention that it is almost my birthday and i am closing in on the half a century mark with it seems, not a lot to show for it..i know i probably need to see someone and talk about this because i have lately become a person i don't really know anymore and it is affecting me and everyone in my life...whew! help!
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  2. 25 Comments

  3. by   purplemania
    Does your facility offer employee assistance with a counselor? I would check that out. Some counsel over the phone. Just learning how to deal with what you cannot change is a help. You are reaching out now, and I hope someone is able to help you before you get physical symptoms related to your stress.
  4. by   Rapheal
    Your plate is so full right now. I am sorry. I can relate. I too wish that I had more to show for the sacrifices and hard work that I have done. I think part of it is that dreaded term "midlife crisis". Looking back on your life and not being where you had planned to be at this point.

    I suggest that you stop spreading yourself so thin. You seem to be taking alot of other people's problems on and this is not fair to you or to them. I recently dropped a toxic friend who was so demanding of my time and energy and would play the helpless female who needed everybody to do everything for her. She was also spiteful when she didn't get me or hubby to do her bidding. So it was "bye now." I refuse to feel guilty about it either.

    Take care of yourself and your kids and hubby first and foremost. Obviously your dad needs your help but as for the other family members who expect you to be on call- let them handle their own problems. Refuse to buy into the guilt. And IMHO you need to change shifts and maybe change jobs. Night shift is hard when you have to work and are expected to be up during the day. You need to get some sleep. You need to take care of yourself.

    Best wishes for a better future. Do what you NEED to do, not what you WANT to do because I am sure you WANT to help everybody. But it's not working, and your health and happiness are being sacrificed. I am writing this as a former Ms. Nice Guy, always the pal who is now a real witch to those who couldn't use me up anymore.
  5. by   bargainhound
    "....Not to mention that it is almost my birthday and I am closing in on the half a century mark with it seems, not a lot to show for it.."

    I have learned it is better to measure "what you have to show for it" in other than $ terms. Think
    of how you have helped others and bettered the
    world for some. It also helps you let go of some
    of the demands you make on yourself to aquire
    the $.
  6. by   CherryRN
    {{{{{{motherbaby{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Perhaps you can talk to someone and get all of these feelings off your chest. If you don't, you could get ill.

    What helps for me, is to write everything down on a legal pad and try to see what I can do to change the situation. Start with the easiest thing to change, this way you see a result right away. This will encourage you to tackle the other things.

    Make a list. When you see it all down in black and white it will be easier to deal with.

    Perhaps your husband can work for a while, and you can stay home. Doesn't have to be forever.

    Perhaps you can switch units.

    Perhaps you need a day a month to disappear and be on your own.

    Like that.

    Best of luck

    C.
  7. by   CherryRN
    I was very burned out recently and needed to make a lot of changes.

    I switched jobs and now I have more of a life.

    I set boundaries and refuse to be pulled into my family's and my inlaws crap just because I am a nurse.

    I got rid of toxic friends.

    I'm working on the other stuff lol

    C.
  8. by   traumaRUs
    Please get some help to deal with the incredible stress you are living with! Perhaps prioritizing: ie first your family, job, then extended family.
  9. by   gypsyatheart
    {{{{{{{{{{{MotherBabyRN}}}}}}}}}}}}}
    I am so sorry you're feeling so badly and dealing with all of this now! I know it's overwhelming when you have so many responsibilities and people to to take care of! I really don't know what can help, but maybe talking to somebody would help you. And, even if it isn't permanent, changing jobs might be the idea. You can always go back to that job/shift when things have calmed down in your personal life.
    And, really try to do something just for you, even if it's just a bubble bath and a glass of wine, candles and music!
  10. by   mother/babyRN
    Thankyou so much..I have an appointment with a psychologist to discuss all the stressors that have lately assailed me.....You know how nurses don't want to be weak and all that...But, as difficult as that was I know it was best. Can't leave the job right now, but at least feel better knowing that I have been proactive..Thankyou for the support...I will keep you posted....
  11. by   CHATSDALE
    I Have Been In A Similiar Situation So My Heart Goes Out To You Sometimes A Vacation Is Helpful But Somethings Will Have To Be Done On A Permanent Basis....their Are Jobs Less Stress Ful And I Think That Changing Jobs Will Be Most Helpful....that Is Something That Is Under Your Control..your Dad S Illness Is Not...control What You Can And Don T Miss Out Too Much On Your Little Ones...their Need Is A Priority Good Luck
  12. by   laurakoko
    Oh wow, how I am going thru the same thing! I gave birth to 2 babies in 2 years! Home life was stressful! My job, so stressful! I would go to work, take care of 7 patients, to the best of my ability, and still leave crying at times. (Always thinking, could I have do more, what did I miss, etc..). I would come home to babies, (after 13h shift), to do baths, breastfeedings, and just have minimal qualtity time with my children. My husband is a stay at home dad also, and does a wonderful job. But kids, and sick family members need YOU. I was stressed. I was also in a car accident that left me in pain alot, and that was something else to add to my platter. I recently had enough. I then went to the hospital and begged for another position that at least would be less stress, and fewer hours. I changed my position from full time to prn, and took a job in case managment. I work less, and am less stressed, and my family is #1. My husband took a job, and works a few days a week, and ends are meeting fine, if not better. We had to start a bugdet, and we are still saving and our needs are being met. I am able to handle a career, family, and be a better wife. I think of it as temporary, it is what I need only at this time, for me, and my family. If I can change, so can you. Try change, it might be for the better, if not, change back. Nurses are expected to be flexible, so is the career. It is working for me. I am so much happier.
  13. by   Love-A-Nurse
    hugs to you. in my humble opinion, i feel your greatest hurdle has been accomplishment with the recognition of such side tracks of life's pressures and the willingness to seek the "right" help/assistance couple with your allnurses family to rally "near' you. if you don't mind, i will pray for you.
  14. by   Chad_KY_SRNA
    You sound like an awesome nurse and a caring mother. I bet that their are thousands of mothers who think back to their births and remember that loving caring nurse who was their during that dificult and blessed time. I am having a hard time out of life right now too. I am a CNA in LTC facility and I have been loosing it lately. I found myself feeding someone their dinner in tears. I just graduated from high school and I am trying to transition. I am working 40+ hours a week and I have to start getting ready for college(prenursing). I also am going to see a mental health professional a.s.a.p. If it weren't for my awesome friends I don't know what I would do. I work in alzhiemers unit and that is pretty stressful also. I will pray for you. I hope that you and I feel better soon.

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