Confessions of an Introvert

Nurse Beth, MSN

Being a Nurse Introvert

Introverts and extroverts really are hardwired differently. Sometimes I get questions from nursing students or those thinking about applying to nursing school- "I'm not an extrovert, can I do this?"

It's a Spectrum

I'll answer from my experience. I'm not always an introvert and I'm not always an extrovert. Most of us have a core tendency to one or the other, and my core tendency is that of an introvert.

In addition to "introvert" or "extrovert" categories, there are also "ambiverts"- people who fall midway on the introvert to extrovert spectrum.

So maybe if you are easily distracted (extroverted), private (introvert), but enjoy group conversations (extrovert) as well as listening more than speaking (introvert)...you are an ambivert!

Characteristics of a Situational Extrovert

But maybe you're more of a situational extrovert, as I like to think of myself. A situational extrovert is an introvert with regular lapses of (charming and witty, again, I like to think) extroversion. As an introvert, I can adhere to (extroverted) societal norms, such as greeting strangers and indulging in chit chat. But it's because I put myself out there, not because I always love it.

Ironically, I often speak in front of groups in my work life, and I'm an animated speaker, comfortable with performing and entertaining, even enjoying the spotlight. But once there's a break in the presentation, I exit for the quiet of my office, avoiding the small talk of strangers.

It's like the proverbial comedian who is one person on stage but another offstage. I can be the life of the party but only for 2.5 hours, like Cinderella. Then it's over.

Small talk, the effortless skill of extroverts, is a bane for me. I don't enjoy small talk, as it takes effort and the superficiality of it is tiring. I do admire those who are blessed with the gift.

Misconceptions

There are some misconceptions and stereotypes about us introverts.

One misconception is that we are always quiet in groups. I typically speak up in meetings- I'm an introvert but also assertive. Likewise in groups, I am often a leader. But being talkative in a work group is not the same as being outgoing and social.

Introverts are typically reserved, and I am reserved at my core. But many people think I'm outgoing, because I definitely am at times. The difference is that after being highly sociable, I need to withdraw, restore, and recharge. After work, I need to fill up my tank. By being alone.

I love solitude and quiet and a calming spray mist, and lavender oil, and a good book.

Introverts are thought to be shy and retiring. I'm not sure about this one- I don't think shyness is always an indicator of being an introvert. Sometimes I'm shy, but often I'm not. It's more a function of how comfortable and self-confident I'm feeling.

Being shy and being tired from being around too many people (introvert) are different.

It's About Energy

I've come to understand it's really about where you get your energy. Introverts get their energy from, and even crave, deep one-to-one connection with others. Not lots of others- one or two is fine. Ever since I was a little girl, I've always had one or two best friends in my life.

Crowds and gatherings are tiring for us introverts-they deplete energy. Once I realized this, I'm now aware that simply being in a bustling crowd, not even speaking or interacting, draws my energy. After shopping in crowds, I need to rest up! I tell my husband that online shopping is therapeutic for me, and it's true!

By contrast, extroverts recharge in groups of people. Saying "hello" to every hospital visitor, smiling, making eye contact walking down the hall and in the elevator. These things energize extroverts.

The nurse introvert restores her energy by patient teaching, or holding a hand. One of my favorite activities on Tele was pulling a femoral sheath after an angioplasty because it takes a half hour of dedicated time, alone with a patient, holding pressure on the femoral artery. One half hour to get to know my patient, their stories, care for them. It restored me rather than tired me.

It may be the same for extroverts-I can't speak as well to extroverts...simply because I'm not one.

It's About Connection

Another way of describing the energy is connection. Connection with others, usually on a one-to-one basis, feeds me. As a nurse, the opportunity for connection is endless.

Connection is not always verbal.

I remember a patient of mine, an elderly man with expressive aphasia who kept repeating something totally garbled and unintelligible. I tried to make out what he wanted but I couldn't. He was getting more and more frustrated and so was I.

But then I stopped listening to his distracting verbage and listened instead to his being.

Suddenly I knew- he wanted his glasses! I didn't hear it, I just knew it. He smiled crookedly and was so happy when I put them on him. But I think I was happier.

It was wonderful to transcend language and yet still understand and connect.

It's About Caring

I'm also hard-wired for empathy, which allows me to feel what others are feeling and connect through empathic experience.

Caring connections are at the essence of nursing. We are all so different and we each have different gifts we bring to our interactions with patients and others.

So to answer the above question "I'm an introvert, can I be a nurse?" As an introvert, I say "Absolutely". And I'd love to work with you ? I may not attend every unit volleyball game or work fund raiser, but I'll be there for you when you need an ear or comfort.

Best wishes,

Nurse Beth

Author, "Your Last Nursing Class: How to Land Your First Nursing Job...and Your Next!"