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hazyblue

hazyblue

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  1. hazyblue

    Has anybody else switched from an RN job to a CNA job?

    Actually, ending up in long term care was the result of my attempt to leave hemodialysis which I absolutely...well not absolutely really... hated. I feel like I've already wasted enough time trying to find the field for me in nursing... at this point, I'm just hating on it. ... I forgot what other thing I was going to reply to because I'm starting to have some sort of ptsd now. (ETA: Excuse, the use of ptsd but I'm not in the best place to think of words at the moment.)
  2. I feel crazy for thinking this and feel the need to look for other peole with the same thinking. I'm done with nursing ages ago but it's the only field I have skills in so I stuck with it. I know that there's always the option to switch fields within nursing but that's easier said than done. I'm just tired of the demand to be a robot/saint on a field that I couldn't care less about anymore. I just want to save some money and pursue an engineering field. I've taught about doing nursing assistant work because they have less people to deal with and it feels more socially acceptable for them to dump whatever to nurses. I'm also considering being a cleaning staff and the like. I just can't be a robot anymore.
  3. I like to think that I criticize constructively. I've been taught to keep such conversations privately. One time however I wasn't able to refrain from airing my negating opinion to my nurse colleague in front of many. My nurse colleague was on her usual micromanaging of auxiliary staff that day. That day she decided to enforce a practice that I found to be a waste of our staff's precious time resource. So, next thing I knew, I've asked her "Will she be willing to help the auxiliary staff when they get overwhelmed? Will she be willing to do overtime for her unfinished nursing task because she was hand on another?" and the like. The next thing I know, I'm a bully. My resting face does appear like a huge B and I don't have the nicest voice either. What could I have done better?
  4. LOL. It's okay. Some members of the expat community here like to joke about it too. White people be like excited to be discriminated for the first time and stuff. I would had liked to think those things too but, with the way things were done way before, it's all conflicting. That and I saw her passive-aggressively erasing another nurse from the roster before. She did have her fair share of "handful" people so I can see where she's coming from. However, since I had been making an effort, it hurts to that she groups me with those people. We don't do direct conversations here. Technically, you can. It is even encouraged but no. Sure there are people you can talk directly with but no. lol I remember one of our unlicensed help getting lambasted for reporting a death using the word dead. I did have some kind of talk with my manager and I did got back in a way. I wouldn't dare ask her directly if she assumed that I'm going AWOL because the others did. The reason why I'm asking complete strangers is because I believe that despite cultural and physical differences we all operate under the same law of nature. Also, is it so wrong to have a wider view of things? Asking strangers prevents me from being narrow-minded when reading situations. Well after some pros and cons, I've decided to resign. Since I've been anal with receiving treatment I'm physically way better. Thanks.
  5. It's more of I'm questioning why that long, why a month especially when my doctor is confident. I suppose I'll think the same as @Rose_Queen that my manager just like to think well ahead. Way ahead. Planning for the worst case scenario.
  6. My doctor's note has a date specified on it... It's not just the erasure, the way she changed the other nurses schedule to relieve me during nights is very final. I won't dare approach management about this even if that's the best option for my mental health. Not to mention that I lost my argument when I did ended up taking more absences thanks to the effects of my stressing over this. We don't use English here but the way the note was written is that I could work but I just need two more days off for some diagnostic tests to rule out some things (just to be safe). This is why I think the rest of the month is excessive. I mean this is a country wherein, in many cases, people still work despite suffering from more debilitating reasons and here they're making me take a whole month off. In my company, it's more than five absences actually but I still provided a note. I'm not working in the US. And, in this country, foreigners just deal with biases out of respect for the culture (of racism). That last one's a joke. It's not racism if you are discriminated with respect. 🤪
  7. I didn't dare to directly point out the erasure so I just remarked about a "third" nurse being assigned on (my) night shifts. Night shift here is always limited to two nurses irregardless of the census. She told me that I could have less burden from work that way. The reason why I didn't dare to talk about the erasure is because I have the feeling that she already erased me from the roster before I submitted my doctor's note. When I submitted it, she told me I could take more days off exceeding what was written. On contrary, I never even complained about being bullied and not receiving a quarter of a decent orientation when I started here. I never complained about not receiving an equal workload. I didn't even fight for a salary that's worth my education. I made it a point not to be a handful and maybe that is the reason why I'm so upset with being erased. My manager erasing me/my assignments means she's putting me on the same level as those "handful" people. I'm extra upset because I know that they (not just my manager/head nurse) have a tendency to do that out of biased views against my race. Now before you start thinking that I'm just a super stressed nurse with warped views, let me tell you that they don't even bother to keep their bias a secret.
  8. I'm not. I'm sorry if I appear that way. I just originally wanted to ask if people will erase a staff nurse (who has been absent for three to four days due to stomach pain) from the duty roster for the whole month. Unfortunately for me I couldn't help but be emotional and sort of rant.
  9. Sorry. Yes, this is me. I wrote the first part in that manner because I wanted to know if other people would do such a thing too. Who am I kidding? I did the first part in third person because I wanted to dissociate with that part of my life. I still do. I don't want to rewrite it. As I've said, i get chest pains. Sorry. It's okay. You don't have to give your opinion on it.
  10. hazyblue

    Perpetually stressed.

    Thanks for words. Now that I think about I was supposed to ask for something here but I forgot. Yet you people still shared some words. Again thank you.
  11. No, it's not even a whole week. As a matter of fact, aforementioned staff made an effort to personally submit a doctor's note around the third/fourth day. The note said T/C peptic ulcer. Said staff asked for two more days off due to scheduled diagnostic tests. While said staff looks kind of pale that day, she sure can walk around. She's no longer in pain. In fact she feels like she can return back to sooner rather than later. Will you erase her, wipe out her shift for the rest of the month? Won't you wait for her final diagnosis after her tests?
  12. hazyblue

    Resigning

    That's about it. And more . (Oh I'm not really during CNA work. I just decided to use the word ancillary to distance the facts and keep anonymity.) I wish my workplace just sucked in a common way. I can now say that this job is the end of my nursing career. I've always thought that the end will be me completely succumbing to mental illness but no. Well, I suppose that I could always return to my homeland and do a refresher course and find another job but given the competition in my country it would be very difficult. Not with this dark spot on my resume. Did I mention that my current workplace doesn't hand out letter of recommendations even to nice employees? My senior who is from the same country as I am never complained not even once and she's good at PR but still no recommendation for her, not even a reference letter. I just remembered that it was because of this (the refusal for referencing) that I even started to entertain the thought of confronting my employers/heads. I mean, why bother keeping the bridge? @ JKL33 Funny, I did say, right in this forums, to another miserable worker that he/she should not bother talking to his/her manager about her issues because that manager does know and is just choosing to ignore said issues. I don't know why I feel so strongly about my present situation. I don't know why I feel that I must shake up things. People have endured before me, why can't I do the same. Maybe it's indeed because I'm so isolated. When I try to talk to my family, they keep on telling me that the world is filled with bad employers and that even if I quit this job, I might just end up with another one. But the thing is that my previous employer can be considered a bad employer but never did they make me clean toilets. When I try to talk to my friends... scratch that. I won't even attempt to talk to these friends. That friend who told me to just accept that I'm an inferior being happens to be of the same nationality as I am. *sigh* I should have taken the high suicide rate in this country as a red flag. Fun fact, they also discriminate the pure-blooded descendants of emigrants who returned to the country.
  13. hazyblue

    Resigning

    Thank you people for reinforcing the truth that higher ups don't really care. This gives me the strength to resign as soon as possible. I was going to wait longer because my chief nurse (DON) has asked me to participate in a research thing. However, if no one cares about me, I should at least care about myself. Again sorry to those who seem to be annoyed by "unprofessionalism" in this post. I just feel so strongly about this. This thing isn't just your ordinary inconsiderate employer-disgruntled employee for me. This is me trying to find justice against discrimination. This isn't my first time working outside of my native country and this isn't the first time that I have experienced discrimination but, with the way things go around here, I won't have it. Just because they are very polite while demeaning us doesn't make it okay. Our countries our supposed to be allies for crying out loud.
  14. hazyblue

    Resigning

    *sigh* Why does being professional hard? (Don't have to answer that. It's rhetorical.) @ vanilla bean and all of alllnurses.com Sorry. I usually just internalize all these things alone but you can only be alone for a limited amount of time before you start crying everyday. I tried talking about this with "friends" but you know what I got in response? "Just accept the fact that, as a person belonging to my race, I am an inferior being wherever I go. @ jodispamodi Again sorry for the long post. I really tried to keep it short. XD. But, when you've bottled a lot, it just seeps out sometimes. Yeah, I already noticed that the higher ups didn't care even before my first complaint. I mean if they cared in the first place, they would have trained us properly right at the beginning.
  15. hazyblue

    Resigning

    @ klone Yeah, it was too long for me too. Believe me when I say that I restrained myself on this post. . On exit interviews, wouldn't telling your specific reasons in an interview be just as damaging as writing it in the resignation letter? @ SaltySarcasticSally I can't explain it properly because the program is very specific to the...err.. host country. And, I'm not ready to talk about said country without being emotional and appearing racist-y. Anyway, I'm a recognized nurse by their law and my contract with the hospital indicates that I'm a nurse and I have the pay grade of a nurse. That's actually one of the reason, I haven't sued them. Can I still sue if I used my salary?
  16. hazyblue

    Resigning

    I know and I have always received advice not to burn any bridges when you quit your job but I'm really very conflicted right now. I know that you're not suppose to write abrasive things to your employer but I feel like if I don't write the true reason of my resignation (which is very critical of the system), I will be the "problem". Granted that my reactions may not be the best, I believe that it's not unusual. ---- What will you people do, if you're taken under, let's just say, some-kind of a bridging course to be a nurse, and not once did you receive any actual training to be a nurse? Me, I accepted the fact. I understood the situation. I have to pay my dues as an ancillary care staff. I made myself think that they'll eventually have to give me training that is due if I pass the local nursing exam and, I am so passing that exam. What will you do if you've already passed the local nursing exam and has been given license to practice but still you weren't started/included in the hospital's training program? At first, I waited. I patiently waited. Then, I found out that other areas provide training/preceptors to their trainees even if they haven't passed the nursing exam yet. I eventually complained and some things did change. However, as a nurse with experience before coming to this employment, I knew that that is not how nurse training works. I complained again. I had thrown in phrases like "if you're not going to let me work as a nurse then at least transfer me." I didn't want to swallow my pride working under people who aren't nice. Eventually, I stopped bothering to continue studying nursing. I couldn't even bother to improve my local language skills. I just saw no point anymore. The closest contact that I could get with a patient is when I change diapers. Who needs in-depth nursing knowledge on that? The longest discussion I could have is when I'm handing out food and it's not really lengthy because you have to do other stuff to. Who needs native level language skills with that? Anyway, I just see no point in working hard. Now, apparently, I have this image as an indifferent/lazy person who doesn't know how to persevere. I feel like I have to address this in my resignation letter. I am not working hard enough?! Why do they think that I passed the freaking local nursing exam? By my inborn intelligence alone? Oh, f- no. I want to remind them that they barely supported us "trainees". I was crying forcing myself to study after our heavy workload. I don't understand. You can't just **** on people's dreams and effort and expect them to jump through hoops for you. Okay, maybe I've developed that bad habit of clocking in and out exactly on time, but it's not like I'm a real nurse now. What's the point? I do the tasks assigned of me better than the actually ancillary staff. Okay, I'm not better at everything but I can say that I'm the only one who thoroughly cleans toilets when I'm on duty. Besides, I feel like if I do put in an effort in being a diligent employee, it will give them an idea that I am okay with the things that they are doing to me. I am not okay. Even the law should say that it's not okay. Maybe they find me unenthusiastic because I'm not interacting frequently with others during break time and such. What? What?! You expect me suck up to people who are treating me like I'm a lesser human being? Sure, I don't think faking niceness is a bad thing anymore but I believe that even faked niceness must only given to people who a properly fake nice to you. What would you do if after all those things, your chief nurse (and the like) told you that you aren't being discriminated. What would you do if you told you're feelings of not being a real nurse to your chief nurse and the response you get is "This is (enter country's name)." Then she adds, "how come the other foreign nurses are doing fine as nurses?" "Well, I highly doubt it that they are made to wash soiled sheets in their floors!" I told her not. That was a fact though. At that point I was just feeling so low that a part of me was thinking that it is my fault. ----- This has gotten long that I forgot my original intent...Oh, yeah. I was thinking of writing the real reason why I am resigning and the thing is that the aforementioned ones are just one part of the many reasons. I think that if I write everything that I could remember, I would definitely exceed one page. How about you people? Has anyone been honest with their resignation letter?