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hazyblue

hazyblue

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  1. LOL. It's okay. Some members of the expat community here like to joke about it too. White people be like excited to be discriminated for the first time and stuff. I would had liked to think those things too but, with the way things were done way before, it's all conflicting. That and I saw her passive-aggressively erasing another nurse from the roster before. She did have her fair share of "handful" people so I can see where she's coming from. However, since I had been making an effort, it hurts to that she groups me with those people. We don't do direct conversations here. Technically, you can. It is even encouraged but no. Sure there are people you can talk directly with but no. lol I remember one of our unlicensed help getting lambasted for reporting a death using the word dead. I did have some kind of talk with my manager and I did got back in a way. I wouldn't dare ask her directly if she assumed that I'm going AWOL because the others did. The reason why I'm asking complete strangers is because I believe that despite cultural and physical differences we all operate under the same law of nature. Also, is it so wrong to have a wider view of things? Asking strangers prevents me from being narrow-minded when reading situations. Well after some pros and cons, I've decided to resign. Since I've been anal with receiving treatment I'm physically way better. Thanks.
  2. It's more of I'm questioning why that long, why a month especially when my doctor is confident. I suppose I'll think the same as @Rose_Queen that my manager just like to think well ahead. Way ahead. Planning for the worst case scenario.
  3. My doctor's note has a date specified on it... It's not just the erasure, the way she changed the other nurses schedule to relieve me during nights is very final. I won't dare approach management about this even if that's the best option for my mental health. Not to mention that I lost my argument when I did ended up taking more absences thanks to the effects of my stressing over this. We don't use English here but the way the note was written is that I could work but I just need two more days off for some diagnostic tests to rule out some things (just to be safe). This is why I think the rest of the month is excessive. I mean this is a country wherein, in many cases, people still work despite suffering from more debilitating reasons and here they're making me take a whole month off. In my company, it's more than five absences actually but I still provided a note. I'm not working in the US. And, in this country, foreigners just deal with biases out of respect for the culture (of racism). That last one's a joke. It's not racism if you are discriminated with respect.
  4. I didn't dare to directly point out the erasure so I just remarked about a "third" nurse being assigned on (my) night shifts. Night shift here is always limited to two nurses irregardless of the census. She told me that I could have less burden from work that way. The reason why I didn't dare to talk about the erasure is because I have the feeling that she already erased me from the roster before I submitted my doctor's note. When I submitted it, she told me I could take more days off exceeding what was written. On contrary, I never even complained about being bullied and not receiving a quarter of a decent orientation when I started here. I never complained about not receiving an equal workload. I didn't even fight for a salary that's worth my education. I made it a point not to be a handful and maybe that is the reason why I'm so upset with being erased. My manager erasing me/my assignments means she's putting me on the same level as those "handful" people. I'm extra upset because I know that they (not just my manager/head nurse) have a tendency to do that out of biased views against my race. Now before you start thinking that I'm just a super stressed nurse with warped views, let me tell you that they don't even bother to keep their bias a secret.
  5. I'm not. I'm sorry if I appear that way. I just originally wanted to ask if people will erase a staff nurse (who has been absent for three to four days due to stomach pain) from the duty roster for the whole month. Unfortunately for me I couldn't help but be emotional and sort of rant.
  6. Sorry. Yes, this is me. I wrote the first part in that manner because I wanted to know if other people would do such a thing too. Who am I kidding? I did the first part in third person because I wanted to dissociate with that part of my life. I still do. I don't want to rewrite it. As I've said, i get chest pains. Sorry. It's okay. You don't have to give your opinion on it.
  7. hazyblue

    Perpetually stressed.

    Thanks for words. Now that I think about I was supposed to ask for something here but I forgot. Yet you people still shared some words. Again thank you.
  8. No, it's not even a whole week. As a matter of fact, aforementioned staff made an effort to personally submit a doctor's note around the third/fourth day. The note said T/C peptic ulcer. Said staff asked for two more days off due to scheduled diagnostic tests. While said staff looks kind of pale that day, she sure can walk around. She's no longer in pain. In fact she feels like she can return back to sooner rather than later. Will you erase her, wipe out her shift for the rest of the month? Won't you wait for her final diagnosis after her tests?
  9. Yeah. Kind of. I don't intend to pretend to be a new graduate though. I don't have to. I'm probably worse. Let's just say that I made one bad decision around five years ago that led to me having a somewhat-PTSD reaction to mops at present. One reason why I want to just get rid of the last five years or so from my work history is that they don't really give recommendation/reference letters here (where I'm at). I'll probably have to do some hardcore sucking up to get one and my pride just refuses that. I've already swallowed so much pride to get away from mops. ...Now that I think about it even if I do eat my pride and convince them to write me a letter, what are they going to write? There's not much to go to when you came from mops... So, I really need to study and practice, again.
  10. Hello. I'm supposed to be a nurse with 8+ years of experience but thanks to my sad choices those years don't really count. I'm thinking between giving up nursing for good or starting over again. I was thinking of aiming for Canada since nurses seems to have lots of options over there. Ideally, I want go at least as far as having a Master's Degree. I'm also considering Germany because it seems to be the cheaper option. I guess what I'm trying to get out of this thread are thoughts of which countries are most viable for a 30 y/o something school returnee. Will there be a job after? Is it stress free to work part time? Anybody here done this? How was your experience? At first, I've thought of refresher courses. I've been searching for refresher courses in my home country (Philippines) because that's supposed to be the decision that makes the most sense but we don't really have those programs. Hospitals offer training but only for the ones they'll consider to hire. Being one of those people is difficult for someone who knows no one like me. Even if I do manage to be considered. I don't want to be tied to a contract. Also, there's this fact that I want to erase the last 5 years (OMG it's been 5 years) from my experience. I've also looked into UK. It turns out that they're done with their ONP and that I could actually get licensed over there even if I delete the last five years of my experience. I've considered getting licensed and availing their refresher course but that just sounds weird. I was going to consider US but I don't think the country is open to foreigner anymore. Is it not? Thanks. I know this is too broad and a little directionless so thanks in advance for those who reply.
  11. hazyblue

    Perpetually stressed.

    Going to be. Taking the day off doesn't have an effect anymore. Leisure activities will be good for half a day or so. Since last month or was it the last, I've caught myself reprimanding one or two clients. Thankfully, I still have it in me not to commit abuse. Still, this week I was at the point of crying in front of one client, I was tempted to slam my head on a wall (twice or more), I actually went down on the floor for almost a minute that one time, and I was very tempted to call out my colleague for her BS. Most of my work stress comes from the fact that I just don't know how to care for 20+ clients in a supposedly rehabilitation/long-term care facility wherein our work is timed and judged as if we are in an ordinary home-for-the-aged whilst having patients that needs acute care. I just don't know how to not be stressed when trying to keep 2-3 of them stable when I'm alone at night. My workplace limits 2 nurses and 1 auxillary during night shift. Of course, the other nurse also has their hands "full". ....(Now I'm tempted to rant on the unfair patient distribution...) I don't know how others manage. Take vital signs taking and routine suctioning for example. I cannot imagine how some can do those within 30-40 minutes when plenty of our clients won't stay put, are edematous, has cold extremities etc. Am I suppose to suction and take V/S at the same time? Won't that lead to inaccurate results? And then there's the undefined standards.... I'm not so sure about normal values anymore. I don't even know where to start on that. The latest incident was that one of my patients has a BP of 80/50s for the last 24 hours. He has a history of such before (others too) and I am always told to just continue monitoring. This time however I have a different feeling. The client wasn't palloric yet but there's a slight change in color. I asked my colleague if it really is okay to just continue monitoring, won't it be better to refer immediately. (By the way, I'm the still the kind-of new foreign nurse hence the need to consult others). They said okay. Later the BP did gradually dropped and even later I was told "I should have referred earlier".... ...Ah. Many of them are a factor too. There's just too much to say. Too much. Actually, I'm supposed to be at work at this very moment. I called work to say I'm going to be late. The "I should have referred earlier" +full of BS nurse (they're the same person) was the one who picked up the phone and before I knew it my symptoms where amplified. My call turned into a call for absence. She told me to go see a doctor. Now, I'm just imagining scenarios wherein I do go see a specialist and tell them I want to hit my fellow nurse. Or, I go talk to our manager and confess that I'm super stressed and ask for an official mental health leave. Perhaps also begged to not be assigned with toxic people. Handling difficult clients is enough. Alas, there's just too many things to consider. I won't be surprised if they take this against my nationality and the like. I guess I should just prepare to quit. I'd really don't want to quit because my life/career was turned into shambles thanks to my last job and this job is supposed to be the rock to which I cling on and turn my life over. ... Now, I want to tell you about the specific circumstances in my job but this post is already too long and is probably uncoordinated and such... Let's just say that I don't even feel like I'm a pill pusher. I'm just someone who they didn't really want to hire but hired anyway because they needed a registered nurse to sign things and the like. I'm not just overthinking this with my stressed mind. I seriously don't have a decent orientation in this facility. I'm actually the one who suggested if I should just read the ward manual... ....It would be nice to have a regular pill pusher job.
  12. I know that ways to handle a family differs by case. To be honest, I'm probably here to unload rather than ask for advice. Let me tell it chronologically. One of my patients is on mechanical ventilation and the alarm for his tidal volume kept ringing. I did everything my untrained self knew when it comes to intervention. When I couldn't fix it, I immediately asked for the team leader's help. She said that that's just the way it is with that patient. Sometimes it just happens to be go off like that. She even reprimanded me when I tried promoting lung expansion by repositioning. Later in the day, we eventually consulted with our head nurse with the attending physician within earshot. The plan was to change the tubings with a "disclaimer" that nothing would probably change. I was advised to just monitor the patiens status. Now, it's policy not to mute mechanical ventilators and that's where the problem is. The patient is sharing a room with another patient whose family came later in the day. Naturally, they were worried and bothered. I said my apologies. I even said that I've referred the situation. Apparently that went through their heads. It didn't help that therapists were making a fuss about it nearby. What? Was I supposed to explain to them the status of the patient who's not related to them? I couldn't just stand there forever. The patient's vital were fine. No loss of consciousness and such. I had 20+ other people to take care off. I left and later I found one of the relatives roaming around looking for my leader. The moment was quite upsetting for me. I didn't like this idea that I wasn't doing my job. That I don't care about the patients. I got really sad. If I was in my early 20's, I would have cried. I respond to alarms not coming from my patients even if other nurses simply ignore mine... I'm the one who found the leader first. Funny, before I could even finish my referral, she told me to stop minding the alarm. I told her that the family on he next bed seems to think that I'm not doing my job. She went to troubleshoot for me and the alarm stopped... for a while. Just like it sometimes does. But, in that short while, I could hear one family member, the one who went roaming around, saying things, one of which is, "It's good that I reported it." =_= FYI, the consultation with our head nurse happened when I bypassed our leader. It's just so upsetting. I wanted to defend myself but I also feel stupid for doing what I was told to do/not to do. I mean I would be worried to if I were the family... Maybe I should habe broken the policy and kept the machine on mute... I don't know. Anyway, they were considering the respiration problem to be time-related body-clock wise.
  13. hazyblue

    Resigning

    Since I was asked for an update (and since I'm procrastinating on my chores), I thought that I'll do so. It turned out that there was no need for me to ponder on what to include in my resignation later. They had this resignation form including a choice of reasons for you to check. Unfortunately, "You made a fool out of me." wasn't included. í ½í¸œ (There was a space for "others" though as if anyone will dare write something personal on that.) I did let some grieviances slip out (in a calm manner) because the HR was "trying" to talk me out of it. At this point, it was known that I was quiting and that I intend to work in some small facility far, far away. She told me that it's a bad move if I want to improve on my nursing skills and such in this country. I told the HR person that this small facility isn't going to make me clean toilets. She stopped "convincing" me to change my mind. í ½í¸ƒ I'm in that small facility now. It's a chronic care facilty of which I have no experience. The salary offered was a big slap to my face but I accepted it because I'm desperate to leave my job but I can't exactly go home. (I mean I can no longer do documentation in English.) Also, the system is terrible if there is a system at all. I haven't really received an orientation. I practically only browsed the orientation manual and that was my idea. My supposed direct supervisor isn't exactly a leader. I was made to handle patients by myself and when I had misses because of the complete change and lack of awareness (of what the hell is going on), I can only blame myself. Basically, my new workplace isn't beginner friendly. I/We apparently have to learn things by ourselves. I feel so sorry for this one newly graduated nurse who was made to handle 8 patients on ventilators of which 2 were unstable. I felt sad for her when she got a whole lot of blame for one death. She wants to quit nursing now. As for me, I'm still not over the heartbreak from my previous work so I'm only a little fazed by the current events. That's about it. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to browse this site for tips on working in chronic care/long term/rehabilitation facilities. I have to review something as simple as time management. @_@
  14. hazyblue

    Resigning

    That's about it. And more . (Oh I'm not really during CNA work. I just decided to use the word ancillary to distance the facts and keep anonymity.) I wish my workplace just sucked in a common way. I can now say that this job is the end of my nursing career. I've always thought that the end will be me completely succumbing to mental illness but no. Well, I suppose that I could always return to my homeland and do a refresher course and find another job but given the competition in my country it would be very difficult. Not with this dark spot on my resume. Did I mention that my current workplace doesn't hand out letter of recommendations even to nice employees? My senior who is from the same country as I am never complained not even once and she's good at PR but still no recommendation for her, not even a reference letter. I just remembered that it was because of this (the refusal for referencing) that I even started to entertain the thought of confronting my employers/heads. I mean, why bother keeping the bridge? @ JKL33 Funny, I did say, right in this forums, to another miserable worker that he/she should not bother talking to his/her manager about her issues because that manager does know and is just choosing to ignore said issues. I don't know why I feel so strongly about my present situation. I don't know why I feel that I must shake up things. People have endured before me, why can't I do the same. Maybe it's indeed because I'm so isolated. When I try to talk to my family, they keep on telling me that the world is filled with bad employers and that even if I quit this job, I might just end up with another one. But the thing is that my previous employer can be considered a bad employer but never did they make me clean toilets. When I try to talk to my friends... scratch that. I won't even attempt to talk to these friends. That friend who told me to just accept that I'm an inferior being happens to be of the same nationality as I am. *sigh* I should have taken the high suicide rate in this country as a red flag. Fun fact, they also discriminate the pure-blooded descendants of emigrants who returned to the country.
  15. hazyblue

    Resigning

    Thank you people for reinforcing the truth that higher ups don't really care. This gives me the strength to resign as soon as possible. I was going to wait longer because my chief nurse (DON) has asked me to participate in a research thing. However, if no one cares about me, I should at least care about myself. Again sorry to those who seem to be annoyed by "unprofessionalism" in this post. I just feel so strongly about this. This thing isn't just your ordinary inconsiderate employer-disgruntled employee for me. This is me trying to find justice against discrimination. This isn't my first time working outside of my native country and this isn't the first time that I have experienced discrimination but, with the way things go around here, I won't have it. Just because they are very polite while demeaning us doesn't make it okay. Our countries our supposed to be allies for crying out loud.
  16. hazyblue

    Resigning

    *sigh* Why does being professional hard? (Don't have to answer that. It's rhetorical.) @ vanilla bean and all of alllnurses.com Sorry. I usually just internalize all these things alone but you can only be alone for a limited amount of time before you start crying everyday. I tried talking about this with "friends" but you know what I got in response? "Just accept the fact that, as a person belonging to my race, I am an inferior being wherever I go. @ jodispamodi Again sorry for the long post. I really tried to keep it short. XD. But, when you've bottled a lot, it just seeps out sometimes. Yeah, I already noticed that the higher ups didn't care even before my first complaint. I mean if they cared in the first place, they would have trained us properly right at the beginning.
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