Going to be. Taking the day off doesn't have an effect anymore. Leisure activities will be good for half a day or so. Since last month or was it the last, I've caught myself reprimanding one or two clients. Thankfully, I still have it in me not to commit abuse. Still, this week I was at the point of crying in front of one client, I was tempted to slam my head on a wall (twice or more), I actually went down on the floor for almost a minute that one time, and I was very tempted to call out my colleague for her BS.
Most of my work stress comes from the fact that I just don't know how to care for 20+ clients in a supposedly rehabilitation/long-term care facility wherein our work is timed and judged as if we are in an ordinary home-for-the-aged whilst having patients that needs acute care. I just don't know how to not be stressed when trying to keep 2-3 of them stable when I'm alone at night. My workplace limits 2 nurses and 1 auxillary during night shift. Of course, the other nurse also has their hands "full". ....(Now I'm tempted to rant on the unfair patient distribution...)
I don't know how others manage. Take vital signs taking and routine suctioning for example. I cannot imagine how some can do those within 30-40 minutes when plenty of our clients won't stay put, are edematous, has cold extremities etc. Am I suppose to suction and take V/S at the same time? Won't that lead to inaccurate results?
And then there's the undefined standards.... I'm not so sure about normal values anymore. I don't even know where to start on that. The latest incident was that one of my patients has a BP of 80/50s for the last 24 hours. He has a history of such before (others too) and I am always told to just continue monitoring. This time however I have a different feeling. The client wasn't palloric yet but there's a slight change in color. I asked my colleague if it really is okay to just continue monitoring, won't it be better to refer immediately. (By the way, I'm the still the kind-of new foreign nurse hence the need to consult others). They said okay. Later the BP did gradually dropped and even later I was told "I should have referred earlier"....
...Ah. Many of them are a factor too. There's just too much to say. Too much. Actually, I'm supposed to be at work at this very moment. I called work to say I'm going to be late. The "I should have referred earlier" +full of BS nurse (they're the same person) was the one who picked up the phone and before I knew it my symptoms where amplified. My call turned into a call for absence. She told me to go see a doctor. Now, I'm just imagining scenarios wherein I do go see a specialist and tell them I want to hit my fellow nurse. Or, I go talk to our manager and confess that I'm super stressed and ask for an official mental health leave. Perhaps also begged to not be assigned with toxic people. Handling difficult clients is enough. Alas, there's just too many things to consider. I won't be surprised if they take this against my nationality and the like.
I guess I should just prepare to quit. I'd really don't want to quit because my life/career was turned into shambles thanks to my last job and this job is supposed to be the rock to which I cling on and turn my life over. ... Now, I want to tell you about the specific circumstances in my job but this post is already too long and is probably uncoordinated and such... Let's just say that I don't even feel like I'm a pill pusher. I'm just someone who they didn't really want to hire but hired anyway because they needed a registered nurse to sign things and the like. I'm not just overthinking this with my stressed mind. I seriously don't have a decent orientation in this facility. I'm actually the one who suggested if I should just read the ward manual...
....It would be nice to have a regular pill pusher job.