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hazyblue

hazyblue

Registered User

Content by hazyblue

  1. Yeah. Kind of. I don't intend to pretend to be a new graduate though. I don't have to. I'm probably worse. Let's just say that I made one bad decision around five years ago that led to me having a somewhat-PTSD reaction to mops at present. One reason why I want to just get rid of the last five years or so from my work history is that they don't really give recommendation/reference letters here (where I'm at). I'll probably have to do some hardcore sucking up to get one and my pride just refuses that. I've already swallowed so much pride to get away from mops. ...Now that I think about it even if I do eat my pride and convince them to write me a letter, what are they going to write? There's not much to go to when you came from mops... So, I really need to study and practice, again.
  2. Hello. I'm supposed to be a nurse with 8+ years of experience but thanks to my sad choices those years don't really count. I'm thinking between giving up nursing for good or starting over again. I was thinking of aiming for Canada since nurses seems to have lots of options over there. Ideally, I want go at least as far as having a Master's Degree. I'm also considering Germany because it seems to be the cheaper option. I guess what I'm trying to get out of this thread are thoughts of which countries are most viable for a 30 y/o something school returnee. Will there be a job after? Is it stress free to work part time? Anybody here done this? How was your experience? At first, I've thought of refresher courses. I've been searching for refresher courses in my home country (Philippines) because that's supposed to be the decision that makes the most sense but we don't really have those programs. Hospitals offer training but only for the ones they'll consider to hire. Being one of those people is difficult for someone who knows no one like me. Even if I do manage to be considered. I don't want to be tied to a contract. Also, there's this fact that I want to erase the last 5 years (OMG it's been 5 years) from my experience. I've also looked into UK. It turns out that they're done with their ONP and that I could actually get licensed over there even if I delete the last five years of my experience. I've considered getting licensed and availing their refresher course but that just sounds weird. I was going to consider US but I don't think the country is open to foreigner anymore. Is it not? Thanks. I know this is too broad and a little directionless so thanks in advance for those who reply.
  3. I know that ways to handle a family differs by case. To be honest, I'm probably here to unload rather than ask for advice. Let me tell it chronologically. One of my patients is on mechanical ventilation and the alarm for his tidal volume kept ringing. I did everything my untrained self knew when it comes to intervention. When I couldn't fix it, I immediately asked for the team leader's help. She said that that's just the way it is with that patient. Sometimes it just happens to be go off like that. She even reprimanded me when I tried promoting lung expansion by repositioning. Later in the day, we eventually consulted with our head nurse with the attending physician within earshot. The plan was to change the tubings with a "disclaimer" that nothing would probably change. I was advised to just monitor the patiens status. Now, it's policy not to mute mechanical ventilators and that's where the problem is. The patient is sharing a room with another patient whose family came later in the day. Naturally, they were worried and bothered. I said my apologies. I even said that I've referred the situation. Apparently that went through their heads. It didn't help that therapists were making a fuss about it nearby. What? Was I supposed to explain to them the status of the patient who's not related to them? I couldn't just stand there forever. The patient's vital were fine. No loss of consciousness and such. I had 20+ other people to take care off. I left and later I found one of the relatives roaming around looking for my leader. The moment was quite upsetting for me. I didn't like this idea that I wasn't doing my job. That I don't care about the patients. I got really sad. If I was in my early 20's, I would have cried. I respond to alarms not coming from my patients even if other nurses simply ignore mine... I'm the one who found the leader first. Funny, before I could even finish my referral, she told me to stop minding the alarm. I told her that the family on he next bed seems to think that I'm not doing my job. She went to troubleshoot for me and the alarm stopped... for a while. Just like it sometimes does. But, in that short while, I could hear one family member, the one who went roaming around, saying things, one of which is, "It's good that I reported it." =_= FYI, the consultation with our head nurse happened when I bypassed our leader. It's just so upsetting. I wanted to defend myself but I also feel stupid for doing what I was told to do/not to do. I mean I would be worried to if I were the family... Maybe I should habe broken the policy and kept the machine on mute... I don't know. Anyway, they were considering the respiration problem to be time-related body-clock wise.
  4. hazyblue

    Resigning

    I know and I have always received advice not to burn any bridges when you quit your job but I'm really very conflicted right now. I know that you're not suppose to write abrasive things to your employer but I feel like if I don't write the true reason of my resignation (which is very critical of the system), I will be the "problem". Granted that my reactions may not be the best, I believe that it's not unusual. ---- What will you people do, if you're taken under, let's just say, some-kind of a bridging course to be a nurse, and not once did you receive any actual training to be a nurse? Me, I accepted the fact. I understood the situation. I have to pay my dues as an ancillary care staff. I made myself think that they'll eventually have to give me training that is due if I pass the local nursing exam and, I am so passing that exam. What will you do if you've already passed the local nursing exam and has been given license to practice but still you weren't started/included in the hospital's training program? At first, I waited. I patiently waited. Then, I found out that other areas provide training/preceptors to their trainees even if they haven't passed the nursing exam yet. I eventually complained and some things did change. However, as a nurse with experience before coming to this employment, I knew that that is not how nurse training works. I complained again. I had thrown in phrases like "if you're not going to let me work as a nurse then at least transfer me." I didn't want to swallow my pride working under people who aren't nice. Eventually, I stopped bothering to continue studying nursing. I couldn't even bother to improve my local language skills. I just saw no point anymore. The closest contact that I could get with a patient is when I change diapers. Who needs in-depth nursing knowledge on that? The longest discussion I could have is when I'm handing out food and it's not really lengthy because you have to do other stuff to. Who needs native level language skills with that? Anyway, I just see no point in working hard. Now, apparently, I have this image as an indifferent/lazy person who doesn't know how to persevere. I feel like I have to address this in my resignation letter. I am not working hard enough?! Why do they think that I passed the freaking local nursing exam? By my inborn intelligence alone? Oh, f- no. I want to remind them that they barely supported us "trainees". I was crying forcing myself to study after our heavy workload. I don't understand. You can't just **** on people's dreams and effort and expect them to jump through hoops for you. Okay, maybe I've developed that bad habit of clocking in and out exactly on time, but it's not like I'm a real nurse now. What's the point? I do the tasks assigned of me better than the actually ancillary staff. Okay, I'm not better at everything but I can say that I'm the only one who thoroughly cleans toilets when I'm on duty. Besides, I feel like if I do put in an effort in being a diligent employee, it will give them an idea that I am okay with the things that they are doing to me. I am not okay. Even the law should say that it's not okay. Maybe they find me unenthusiastic because I'm not interacting frequently with others during break time and such. What? What?! You expect me suck up to people who are treating me like I'm a lesser human being? Sure, I don't think faking niceness is a bad thing anymore but I believe that even faked niceness must only given to people who a properly fake nice to you. What would you do if after all those things, your chief nurse (and the like) told you that you aren't being discriminated. What would you do if you told you're feelings of not being a real nurse to your chief nurse and the response you get is "This is (enter country's name)." Then she adds, "how come the other foreign nurses are doing fine as nurses?" "Well, I highly doubt it that they are made to wash soiled sheets in their floors!" I told her not. That was a fact though. At that point I was just feeling so low that a part of me was thinking that it is my fault. ----- This has gotten long that I forgot my original intent...Oh, yeah. I was thinking of writing the real reason why I am resigning and the thing is that the aforementioned ones are just one part of the many reasons. I think that if I write everything that I could remember, I would definitely exceed one page. How about you people? Has anyone been honest with their resignation letter?
  5. hazyblue

    Resigning

    Since I was asked for an update (and since I'm procrastinating on my chores), I thought that I'll do so. It turned out that there was no need for me to ponder on what to include in my resignation later. They had this resignation form including a choice of reasons for you to check. Unfortunately, "You made a fool out of me." wasn't included. í ½í¸œ (There was a space for "others" though as if anyone will dare write something personal on that.) I did let some grieviances slip out (in a calm manner) because the HR was "trying" to talk me out of it. At this point, it was known that I was quiting and that I intend to work in some small facility far, far away. She told me that it's a bad move if I want to improve on my nursing skills and such in this country. I told the HR person that this small facility isn't going to make me clean toilets. She stopped "convincing" me to change my mind. í ½í¸ƒ I'm in that small facility now. It's a chronic care facilty of which I have no experience. The salary offered was a big slap to my face but I accepted it because I'm desperate to leave my job but I can't exactly go home. (I mean I can no longer do documentation in English.) Also, the system is terrible if there is a system at all. I haven't really received an orientation. I practically only browsed the orientation manual and that was my idea. My supposed direct supervisor isn't exactly a leader. I was made to handle patients by myself and when I had misses because of the complete change and lack of awareness (of what the hell is going on), I can only blame myself. Basically, my new workplace isn't beginner friendly. I/We apparently have to learn things by ourselves. I feel so sorry for this one newly graduated nurse who was made to handle 8 patients on ventilators of which 2 were unstable. I felt sad for her when she got a whole lot of blame for one death. She wants to quit nursing now. As for me, I'm still not over the heartbreak from my previous work so I'm only a little fazed by the current events. That's about it. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to browse this site for tips on working in chronic care/long term/rehabilitation facilities. I have to review something as simple as time management. @_@
  6. hazyblue

    How to cannulate without pain?

    I'm working for almost 1 year in HD now and still I suffer rejection from patients, one of which is that insert needles painfully. I'm not good with deep accesses either so I really want to get this right. *sigh* We don't use lidocaine in our unit. We just prep the access and stick the needle. They rarely complain with other nurses but they usually complain to me. I observed that old insertion sites are less painful but that is not good... My senior once told me to insert slowly but that doesn't work for everybody either... How do you insert your needles? Is there a certain angle that I'm missing here? Or I'm just the nurse with those heavy hands? God forbid that, I'm now considering a career change... Tips? Anyone?
  7. hazyblue

    Resigning

    That's about it. And more . (Oh I'm not really during CNA work. I just decided to use the word ancillary to distance the facts and keep anonymity.) I wish my workplace just sucked in a common way. I can now say that this job is the end of my nursing career. I've always thought that the end will be me completely succumbing to mental illness but no. Well, I suppose that I could always return to my homeland and do a refresher course and find another job but given the competition in my country it would be very difficult. Not with this dark spot on my resume. Did I mention that my current workplace doesn't hand out letter of recommendations even to nice employees? My senior who is from the same country as I am never complained not even once and she's good at PR but still no recommendation for her, not even a reference letter. I just remembered that it was because of this (the refusal for referencing) that I even started to entertain the thought of confronting my employers/heads. I mean, why bother keeping the bridge? @ JKL33 Funny, I did say, right in this forums, to another miserable worker that he/she should not bother talking to his/her manager about her issues because that manager does know and is just choosing to ignore said issues. I don't know why I feel so strongly about my present situation. I don't know why I feel that I must shake up things. People have endured before me, why can't I do the same. Maybe it's indeed because I'm so isolated. When I try to talk to my family, they keep on telling me that the world is filled with bad employers and that even if I quit this job, I might just end up with another one. But the thing is that my previous employer can be considered a bad employer but never did they make me clean toilets. When I try to talk to my friends... scratch that. I won't even attempt to talk to these friends. That friend who told me to just accept that I'm an inferior being happens to be of the same nationality as I am. *sigh* I should have taken the high suicide rate in this country as a red flag. Fun fact, they also discriminate the pure-blooded descendants of emigrants who returned to the country.
  8. hazyblue

    Resigning

    Thank you people for reinforcing the truth that higher ups don't really care. This gives me the strength to resign as soon as possible. I was going to wait longer because my chief nurse (DON) has asked me to participate in a research thing. However, if no one cares about me, I should at least care about myself. Again sorry to those who seem to be annoyed by "unprofessionalism" in this post. I just feel so strongly about this. This thing isn't just your ordinary inconsiderate employer-disgruntled employee for me. This is me trying to find justice against discrimination. This isn't my first time working outside of my native country and this isn't the first time that I have experienced discrimination but, with the way things go around here, I won't have it. Just because they are very polite while demeaning us doesn't make it okay. Our countries our supposed to be allies for crying out loud.
  9. hazyblue

    Resigning

    *sigh* Why does being professional hard? (Don't have to answer that. It's rhetorical.) @ vanilla bean and all of alllnurses.com Sorry. I usually just internalize all these things alone but you can only be alone for a limited amount of time before you start crying everyday. I tried talking about this with "friends" but you know what I got in response? "Just accept the fact that, as a person belonging to my race, I am an inferior being wherever I go. @ jodispamodi Again sorry for the long post. I really tried to keep it short. XD. But, when you've bottled a lot, it just seeps out sometimes. Yeah, I already noticed that the higher ups didn't care even before my first complaint. I mean if they cared in the first place, they would have trained us properly right at the beginning.
  10. hazyblue

    Resigning

    @ klone Yeah, it was too long for me too. Believe me when I say that I restrained myself on this post. . On exit interviews, wouldn't telling your specific reasons in an interview be just as damaging as writing it in the resignation letter? @ SaltySarcasticSally I can't explain it properly because the program is very specific to the...err.. host country. And, I'm not ready to talk about said country without being emotional and appearing racist-y. Anyway, I'm a recognized nurse by their law and my contract with the hospital indicates that I'm a nurse and I have the pay grade of a nurse. That's actually one of the reason, I haven't sued them. Can I still sue if I used my salary?
  11. I just had a personal breakthrough with regards to my struggle with nursing and I thought that I should share it in case someone suffers in the same fashion as I do. Nursing is a profession filled with A's. I can't believe it took me this long to realize this truth in nursing. I guess I have had always placed our profession in this very high pedestal. Maybe it's because of my early years in nursing school where they tell you that nursing is a calling. Maybe it's because of those years in student clinicals where my preceptor advises us to be professional. Or maybe, maybe, I'm just one of those stupid nurses. Whatever the reason is, I finally realized that nursing just like any other fields has its fair share of A's. Scratch that, I won't be surprised if we have higher rates of A's compared to other fields given our nature of work. As someone who doesn't fit the majority's idea of a good professional nurse, as someone who wasn't called to be a nurse, I have always had this guilt and/or shame, and/or insecurity about myself and me being a nurse. I have been very critical of myself. I always try to review my conduct and strive to be that good nurse. I don't always manage to do it right but still I try as hard as my body could allow. Unfortunately, some things are just really difficult for me to do such as turning the other cheek and smiling all throughout my shift. Then, there's my battle with depression, a battle which no matter how you make it through the winning side will forever brand me as a bad nurse. Oh, I can never shake of that feeling that I will never good enough for nursing. Yes, I've thought, maybe right from the start before the darkness, that I am not good enough for nursing. Add that to my high regard of the profession, and there you have it, the root to my problem of staying in nursing. I should stop thinking of nurses as people who are better than others. I can't believe it took me this many paragraphs but I guess the bottom line is, (this is embarassing, I've heard this since I was a young) nobody is perfect. ----------------- I'm still in the mood to type so I'll continue this post about my journey to this great discovery. I've been in this terrible job situation wherein not only my professional behavior is tested but my religiousness(?) too. I'm raised Christian and we were taught to be nice to people even our enemies. It's been very, very hard. I'm actually starting to develop Type 2 DM from all the stress eating. Anyway, I wasn't doing a good job at being a good nurse. If someone was being mean to me, you can't totally see my anger on my face. I can't reason it out with my "resting b**** face". I was really mad. Unfortunately, or rather fortunately, my nursing education will be haunting me and I will find myself working and helping these people even if I don't want to have anything to do with them. Oh, I have felt the never-going-to-be-good-enough-for-nursing on a worse level. I felt worse because unlike other people, who are in the same working situation as I am, I didn't feel stressed because someone was being mean to me but, rather, I felt stressed that I couldn't retaliate to the full extent of what I see is just. This has led to more surfacing of my actual b**** face and I have been called up on it. (Not really. I had to bring myself in.) I was being unprofessional and this has made me really guilty/ashamed/insecure as a nurse. Today, I had a difference of opinion with another nurse. Recently, I've been just agreeing to people because I learned my lesson and my place in the food chain but this time I stood my ground. The other nurse finally let me had my way but I could see the annoyance in the agreement. You'd think that I'm just imagining things and I that have grown to think negatively of these people given my working experience with them but, no. She became distant to me afterwards. She actually did this thing that I'm guilty of doing too. She apologized to the patient regarding my stand. Except I do it when there's nobody else. She did it while I was there. This made me ask the question (at least mentally) why. This wasn't the first time we had a difference in opinion on patient care. The first time, I was the one to bow, and that's it. I didn't even felt enough to show my actual b**** face. I couldn't even remember what it is about. She, however, continued to be distant until the end of my shift. This has really bothered me. Here I was feeling bad about harboring ill feelings to people who are mean to me. but there is that person who is not refraining from showing her disdain towards me. How could she be like that? Didn't they have the Nursing as a Profession taught to them in class? I can understand being born as an emotional person but, as someone who was called up for showing anger to those are mean to me, I can't understand how someone can be so affected by linen. Maybe it was because I disagreed with her in front of the patient but the patient isn't even fully conscious. Anyway, she kept distant, and I kept wondering. Then, I remembered that I've asked this question before. In all those years in nursing school/college and in all those years or experience, did they seriously never learned about professionalism? I just find it hard to believe. I think they did learn it because the other nurse that I had an actual "talk" with just works with me as if nothing has happened. So why? Why? That's when I realized that maybe they are just A's. They know that they should do better but still they chose to do those sad things. I can't believe it took me this long. I should have known. Nurses can be such A's. Nursing has a lot of A's. Why am I surprised? I am nurse and technically I can be classified as an A too. I mean if I could enter nursing as an A then others can enter too. Nursing isn't some profession that is A-proof. That thing about being a calling, and about being "angels", that's just something that nursing wants it to be. However, nursing is just composed of human beings who have the full capacity of being A's. I guess the other lesson here is, don't feel too guilty for being an A. Chances are your colleagues are A's too. Maybe they're just a different kind of A from you. You think you could do better at being a professional? Are you feeling bad that you can't be better at handling working relationships? Cut yourself some slack. If you have become the A at work, don't worry. You are not alone. There's plenty of us. Of course the high road is for you/us to be more professional and not let our A-ness affect our work but if you can't, don't be so hard on yourself. To be an A is to be human. (Sorry, I have to add this. If you are turning into an A, please seek help and still strive to be a better person. Sorry about that. That totally ruins the tone of my post. I can't help it. I was brainwashed at nursing school and lurking at allnurses.com) Are you disappointed at yourself for being hater? You can't expect yourself to be all happy if you're surrounded by A's. It's normal for humans to feel uncomfortable when there are stressors. If you can keep you're cool despite all the alphabets in nursing then congratulations. You have moved on a higher plain. Please be so kind and give us weaker beings tips. I could call you a saint or Buddha. That or you have completely died inside.
  12. hazyblue

    It's okay, people, it's okay. (Re: Nursing Stress)

    Oh, it's very nice of you to read everything and post @VivaLasViejas. Aww, I'm touched. It's okay, you don't have too think too much about this. This post was supposed to be vague, and is a half-meant joke, and a little bit of a rant. Oh, I do believe in the underlined message though and so I underlined it.
  13. hazyblue

    Nasotracheal Suctioning

    I find it very difficult to reach the trachea. My superior told me that hyperextension of the neck helps and timing suctioning while patients are coughing. However, in my experience, patients are swallowing way more than they are coughing and it's not ideal to wait. I've been reading this pdf file that I've googled and it has great tips to prevent swallowing for conscious clients. However a lot of our patients are disoriented. How do I prevent swallowing? I supposed I can force neck flexion with a pillow but then how to I supress the tongue? Some clients won't even open their mouths? How do I get disoriented people to cough?
  14. hazyblue

    Nasotracheal Suctioning

    I'm not manipulating the mouth but, if it will help, I would like to know how. The tongue "maneuver" to prevent the client from swallowing the catheter during Nasotracheal Suctioning is posted in the link in my OP... ...Unfortunately, the posted link only address cooperative clients. I want to stop the client's swallowing reflex as advised by the link. The advise involves protruding the tongue out. If the patient can't actively do it, I'd like to try and help. However, I can't even open the mouths of most patients easily, let alone surpress their tongues. No. It's nasotracheal suctioning afterall. Sorry, I assumed everyone will go read the linked pdf file. Oh, and please forgive my terrible sentencing and paragraphs. Thank you for coming back. :)
  15. hazyblue

    Nasotracheal Suctioning

    Thank you very much guys for coming back and attempting to think of the answer. I appreciate it. Most of our cases are from pneumonia so I guess that's the reason why there's no need for trachs. It's just that they're really old (80+ years old) so, even if it's "only" pneumonia, their respiratory system isn't helping itself. I guess that too is another reason for the lack of trachs. Thanks. If I ever find an effective method, I'll share here. In case your RTs aren't available.
  16. hazyblue

    Nasotracheal Suctioning

    I'm sorry I don't feel comfortable stating the country where I'm currently working. Reading your responses, I just realized that we don't have respiratory therapists in our hospital. And, I just did some googling and, RT doesn't even have it's own pie on the chart of therapist workforce percentages. And, the existing education program is more like a continuing education seminar (for nurses, OTs, PTs, and medical engineers) compared to the four year Bachelor's in my country of origin. Most of the patient's we have aren't fully alert but we do have a lot of instances were we have to do nasotracheal suctioning of an awake, conscious, and coherent patient. If we don't reach deep enough, we can't remove the significant amount of secretions that will lead to death. Most of our patient's are frail elderly people. I guess I can say that they have poor coughing mechanisms. Personally when I was first blamed for a patient desaturating because I didn't suction enough, I was like WTF. "Did I apparently slept sometime during nursing school and missed something very vital on suctioning?" Back then I never new nasotracheal suctioning existed and that it is what our patient's needed.
  17. hazyblue

    I'm in hell

    Oh, a fellow co-worker. Fancy meeting you here. Small world. I work on the 8th floor. xD ...Sorry. I have to make a joke. I can't make jokes in real life because mine aren't funny at all. Back to you, if you can find another job then do so. If you continue staying, not only will you have physical and mental problems from stress, you'll end up gradually losing your morals and professionalism too and end up becoming one of those people. I know that you can try doing the aforementioned talking with them and to the higher ups but, sometimes, when people are this affected, people don't tend to convey their thoughts and feelings successfully. Just do yourself a favor and leave as soon as possible. I highly doubt it that the higher ups don't know about your superiors' attitude. If they don't know, that only means that they aren't doing their jobs properly too.
  18. hazyblue

    Nasotracheal Suctioning

    My bad. Sorry for suddenly inserting swallowing into my query. Let me rephrase. Basically my problem is that I can't reach the trachea during nasotracheal suctioning. When I do nasotracheal suctioning I end up entering the esophagus because a lot of my disoriented patients react by swallowing instead of coughing when the suction catheter reaches their throat. I can't instruct them not to swallow the catheter and it's very frustrating especially when they have all these secretions. I tried my superior's advise to hyperextend the neck to lessen the risk of going to the esophagus but my patient's have really active swallowing reflexes despite being NPO for a very, very long time. Thank you.
  19. Anyone? Compact books? Concised text? I remember my specialty having one. What does Critical Care nursing have? I'm being transferred and I have no experience, none at all, nursing student experiences don't count. I'm usually being delegated with auxillary staff's work and I think that is what I'll end up doing there. But, from my experience, in my current floor, I have to be afraid and do some studying. I mean, sometimes, boom, they make me a handle a patient. I haven't even been properly oriented with the floor but, boom. I have come to just go with the flow and take things with humor but today I have been reprimanded for not responding to ventilator alarms. This made me realize, wow, I have liability, despite my duties, I have liability. I realized that and the fact that I will be transferred in a place were there will definitely be mechanical ventilators. The transfer is in the near future and I don't have time to read huge books. Doing auxillary work with a mix of actual nursing work, is very tiring for me. I haven't even had the energy to go get groceries for a while now. And no, I can't refuse assignment and ask for a proper training. Those nurses who reprimanded me have probably reported me already but that's just that. There's no follow-up review from the higher ups. Last time I brought up the training and orientation, I was told that I'm responsible for my own. I can't see myself learning all of these by myself. To be honest, I haven't properly learned to do IV insertions with just my observation. It was later on when I was corrected that I have improved. (Now I only have my poor fine motor skills to blame ) I know that I have a history of dramatic posts/weirdness in this forum but this one here is my reality. I will try to get into some seminars in far future but for now, I could really use some advice. Thanks in advance.
  20. hazyblue

    Confessions of an Introvert

    @Heylove As people here in allnurses.com like to say so much, seek professional help. (Ugh, I always hated that.)(Sorry, this is my trying to be humorous. I know, I'm not funny.) Back to the introversion, I've been always seen as on the extreme side of introversion but I do have my moments. I just can't stay quiet at the site of injustice etc. Apparently, i'm INFP. This leads me to a lot of trouble because I tend to push buttons on the system but I don't have the kissing of a** skills to follow up on it. I start fires but can't put them out. Small talk was and is never really my thing. I'm learning it now though. Apparently a lot of people depends (unconsciously) on small talk to feel validated, I never knew until recently. In my case, it usually tires me out.
  21. hazyblue

    Any advice for quiet introvert people?

    Oh. I've been through hell lately that I've forgotten this thread. For those who happen to be here, I have a friendly advice. The advice is don't ever work in a biased/racist/discriminating workplace. I'm not talking about bias against introverts by the way. When you finally have the guts to voice out (FYI, I voiced out through a very professional letter. No lashing out like the mental case that you think I am), your manager wouldn't even believe you. They will most likely be siding with their own. (I just using "most likely" to be polite.) For introverts, when the above situation happens to you, and when you try to give proof to your manager that your direct supervisor is biased against you, they will suddenly focus the topic on your introversion, the one topic that you can't defend yourself against because it is true. And since, introversion is negative, it's your loss. It's your loss no matter how graver your grievances about them is. (What are my grievances and why should you take this advice of mine? I'm sorry I can't tell here. It's too much information. And if you read my other posts, you know that I'm not ready to be fired yet. Just know that even my "healthy"&"extrovert" friends also don't see themselves staying in this place for long.) "healthy"&"extrovert" For the mentally ill (of which I've sought health care, thank you @hppygr8ful), no just don't (work in a place like mine despite the high pay). Just run away at the first signs of bias. All those work to heal yourself will be wasted. You'll end up starting at zero again. I'm in the process of "running away" now. Thank goodness, I've sought mental care. God forbid what could have happened if I didn't. Even the local people here are so suppressed by their system, a lot has preferred to run away from everything permanently. FUN FACT: I work in a place that has one of the highest suicide rates in the world. (That should have been a red flag.) I've always wondered why those people kill themselves. Now I can see why. To those people who keep thinking/saying that I'm not looking on my flaws and I'm just blaming others. Think again. You're not on my shoes. You don't know my situation. I'll suggest you work in this place to know my situation (but telling you the name of the land would be too much information.) Oh, just to clarify, this workplace/area is different from the workplace in my earlier posts (Year 2013 something.) That area, despite being the region prejudiced as the land where the worst kinds of people live, has nicer people in my honest opinion. This current location of mine has people so condescending that it wasn't my heart that hurt but my brain. (Like,-WTF,-what's-with-that-logic? kind of condescending) I wish that I could tell you about it but again it's too much information. And, I did say to myself that the next time I'll tell my story it would be in a formal complain to a government body. "formal complain to a government body"
  22. I need advise on communicating my troubles to my superiors and colleagues. I am not really a verbal person so I could really use some help. I want to say things like the following. 1. I'm sorry if I don't talk a lot with you people. I am just not good with feigning niceness to people who gossip about me behind my back. 2. I have a huge working gap and your "training" here didn't do anything for my nursing skills. How about you? What's your excuse for being terrible in your job? 3. You don't have any leadership skills so please excuse me for not confiding in you. 4. Go find somebody else to kiss your asses. I already removed the swear words but I know that isn't enough. How do I say things like the aforementioned in a classy "professional" manner? Oh, advice doesn't have to be word for word. I have to do this in another language.
  23. hazyblue

    How to Deal with Stress from Moral Dilemma

    Thank you. Sigh, if it only were about working conditions and career-related problems, I'll be less stressed. I also don't like how this job is changing me as a person. As a born and raised Christian, even if I'm not a religious one at that (I think I'm ban-able from church), I've never imagined myself contemplating things like stuff I'm not sure I'm allowed to post here. The healthcare culture here is totally different from what I was used to. I don't know why. Cultural? Religious? Maybe economic? Maybe I'm just over-stressing so I'm singling out my workplace? I've heard stories about awful workplaces before...I've been to an awful working condition before but this is the first time in my life that I felt like "why bother?" I get it. We can't save everyone. We can only let others dies naturally. But whatever happened about dying with dignity? Dying peacefully? Sigh. Why did I have to be poor and average? If I weren't poor or if I weren't average, I would have left this place, faster that I can blink.
  24. I'm feeling conflicted lately. I want to bash the hell out of my employer (actually not just my employer) and prevent poor nurses from coming here and potentially ruining their lives. Although I'm using dramatic words, I'm not being a warped-up depressed person here. There is seriously a problem in this side of the world that I'm considering appealing to my government. However, I don't want to get me and my friends fired because we all need jobs and we probably won't be finding any easily (hence the use of ruined lives). I'm choosing myself in the end. But my conscience still bothers me from time to time. Maybe I'm caring too much. I mean, my seniors, never warned us for some reason. What do you guys do with stress from the conscience? BTW, the aforementioned isn't the only moral dilemma that I am having.
  25. (Originally the following post was going to be an attempt to cling on to myself or remember whatever is me/was me as a nurse but I suppose it's better off as a message to fellow "third world nurses" like me who are skeptical of working overseas.) How do I start this thing that I was supposed to submit as an article but this is probably something too triggering for me to write properly in English? Shall I introduce myself for a bit? I am a registered nurse from a third world country who left my homeland to work for another. Why? I am actually a very nationalistic person. I don't go around littering on the streets like my other fellow countrymen. I never got into the pressure of perfecting English. I never dreamed of immigrating. I love my country but, why did I left to work for another? Like others, I needed a stable job. I used to work at a small hospital on a six-months contractual basis. I got renewed for a few times. One time, I've foreseen the low probability of my contract renewal. New graduates with huge connections will be coming and someone like me who has no close relation to the big guns will be thrown out. Now before you think that I was being too pessimistic and before you say employment isn't all about connections, no, I was not being pessimistic and, no, connections are very important. I'd share more details but I don't want give away clues about my identity. (Last time I checked I have relatives in this forum.) Anyway, I left for the easiest country I could go to without finishing my last six-months contract. The easiest country I could go to is another third world country such as mine. I won't share that part of my story because I want the next part to be the star. I'm writing this too badly that even I don't know how to continue...err...maybe I should have just removed the first part of this post. TL;DR I wanted to experience working in a first world country. Maybe it's because of the lack of professionalization of nursing at that other third world country I worked at or, maybe it's because I used to read a lot here on allnurses.com; I started desiring becoming a nurse in a first world country. It was a difficult process and I had to start at the bottom again but I didn't care. I needed some time anyway... Eventually, here I am now, I managed to become a registered nurse in a first world country. Before all this, I was afraid that I won't be able to compete. I was originally a nurse from a small hospital in a third world country. And it wasn't just a hospital, it was a poor hospital. However, here I am now and I just have this one thing to say to my fellow scared dreamers, to those who didn't came from big ISO certified hospitals, don't be scared. Don't doubt yourselves. You're most likely doing fine. Sure they have better instruments and machinery but first world doesn't really mean better. TL;DR again. Being a third world nurse doesn't mean we are lesser than first world nurses. Don't be afraid to compete. Don't be afraid to go into their world. What's the point on my post again? I feel that I have a lot to tell more. Like "Run! Run far, far, away if you have any respect for yourself as a professional don't go into this country." but I'm probably getting incomprehensible.
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