I was visiting a very ill friend in the hospital where I work, and as I pulled up beside her bed, I leaned forward to hear her whispered words, "I hope I get that nice nurse again today." I smiled because I knew just who she meant. On my visit the previous day, I had encountered her: professional, kind, competent, cheerful without being silly or inappropriate and deeply compassionate. As I left that day, I wondered to myself, "So what makes us 'that nurse that everyone wants to have?'" Some people come by the necessary qualities quite naturally, being born with a sunny disposition and a penchant for perseverance through hard work. But most of us must cultivate the qualities that make that model nurse that we all long to be. We have to learn the balance between focusing on the patient and on their IV drip, numbers, labs; we have to learn to see the love in the family that interferes, knowing that they feel they are simply doing the right thing; we have to leave our home life at home and find ways to access professionalism from deep within our spirits when things outside work are not going well. In nursing school we learn the anatomy and physiology, the technology and some of the emotional resources needed. We observe our instructors and the nurses where we work and learn, always making mental notes about how we want to copy (or not!) their example. We can all look back and see the nurses that set the bar high-challenging us to be more than we are. I can think of a couple of nurse managers that stand out in my career: In one job, I had the same nurse-manager for twenty years-a true rarity in today's mobile society. She was an example of caring and of continuing to encourage learning and growth through the years. She knew how to prod us along and how to lift us up when we were down. She could also be a great defender when we needed an advocate. In a hospice job, I had a great nurse manager, too. She worked under all kinds of corporate pressures to carve out that place of excellent patient care right in the middle of reimbursement nightmares, changes galore, and an ever-shifting staff complexion. She expected a lot, but offered a deep well of compassion, helping us all get through hard times. What are some ways that we can cultivate the qualities that help make us that nurse that everyone wants to have? Be technically competent while maintaining a spirit of compassion Let's face it, when we are sick, we want a nurse that knows her stuff. Being comfortable with the mechanics of caring for patients lowers our stress levels and allows us to have more presence of mind about our words and attitudes. Give each other the benefit of the doubt Support one another. There is an expression that you may have heard, "Nursing eats their young." Ouch. That is not very nice. But it does speak to our tendency to withdraw support when we feel someone is not pulling their load or doing a good job. Yes, there are some nurses that need to find other work, that don't belong in direct patient care, but so many times there is much more to the story than is visible. Taking an attitude of listening, helping, encouraging, mentoring, not only contributes to their growth but it also makes our workplace more pleasant in general. So many times, I hear one side of the story from a patient or a visitor and then go to hear the nurse's version. It's surprising how often those two stories are widely divergent! I am always thankful when I withhold judgement and try to hear from all the parties involved. Work to cultivate a well-balanced life Have fun! Do things you enjoy. Don't let the passive activities (screen time) absorb all your leisure time. Push yourself to physical activity, to spiritual activity, to reading that fills you with wonder and learning. When we are able to find ways to renewal, then we are closer to being all we can be at work, too. Find a mentor, a confidant We don't need to process our work days every day, but there are times when a difficult day, left unattended in our souls, can lead to decay from within-troubling our sleep and haunting our days. Finding a person who can listen confidentially, or a journal where we can spill out our troubles, can get us through troubled times. We all make mistakes. We all have times when we don't handle things well. Being perfect is out of our grasp. So when we slip up, the sooner we deal with it, the better able we are to carry on. It's amazing how far a simple apology can carry us! Perhaps you can look back -or even at your current job- and find nurses that set a good example. If you were in the hospital would you want to have YOU for a nurse?