Are nurses unsupportive spouse magnets?? - page 4

Hey just taking this to the people. What's your opinion? Are nurturing types like us often attracted to the wrong types? Do you do "everything for everyone" at home as well as at work? How do you... Read More

  1. by   ICRN2008
    The RNs I work with are or were married to police officers, insurance underwriters, physicians, bankers and construction supervisors, to name a few. From what I've heard about these spouses, they seem like quality people.

    I count myself among the lucky, I guess. My DH is a pretty independent guy, and he is quite capable to taking care of himself when I'm not around. Has a good job making enough money to support both of us. He's not exactly the emotional, overly nurturing type (what guy is...), but he does make sure that I am taken care of and always has.

    Actually, my father was one of those guys who couldn't manage to hold down a job or get it together. Maybe that's where I get my supposed co-dependency from ?
  2. by   DidiRN
    Oh, I can SO understand this. I found this same thing on the dating sites (ie men wanting to be taken care of) that I had tried; so much so that I stopped putting down that I was a nurse.
    I gave up on the dating sites too.


    Quote from caroladybelle
    Some men have this view of , "Oh nursey, take care of me.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I now stay off internet dating sites. And I don't tell many men what I do for a living until I know them well.
  3. by   cmo421

    ok so I might be a bit old, but DH? I always thought that was a designated hitter? So is that what we are calling our SO now? Not being fresh, just have seen it in post a few times, and can not for the life of me figure it out!
  4. by   FireStarterRN
    My husband is a great guy, we are just an ordinary couple. I noticed at a different job that many of the nurses were married to losers, but where I work now, most of the married nurses are in stable, healthy relationships.
  5. by   Tweety
    Quote from Emmanuel Goldstein
    Yeah, really.

    How many nurses are perfectionists? How many beat themselves up over the most insignificant of mistakes? How many get angry when their patients choose their own way, rather than what the nurse wishes them to do? Or become frustrated and disillusioned when they just can't "reach" a patient? I can't tell you the number of times I've heard "Well, if he isn't going to follow the recommended treatment, why doesn't he just go home?" How many nurses feel guilty for not working extra shifts when asked? Or work off the clock at the end of their shift 'to finish up'? Or feel they have to complete each and every task before handing their patient load over to the next shift? How many feel personally responsible for their patients' outcomes? And so on...

    Many of the attributes of an excellent nurse can become pathologic if you don't take time out to care for yourself. And for those who don't set those boundaries, they often are magnets for needy people. (perhaps it's a mutual attraction)

    That's all I'm saying...
    Those are qualities of an excellent nurse?
  6. by   Baloney Amputation
    I totally married up. I married another nurse. :spin:
  7. by   Tweety
    I'm trying to think of my coworkers and their spouses and I guess I don't know enough about their personal lives to make the kind of judgement that they are loser magnets. One justed ended a relationship after 10 years and is hush hush about it, one is married to a retired police detective, two are married to nurses, one just had a baby and is married to a white collar man that is in sales of somesort - he come to her baby shower we gave her at work and seems very nice, another is married to a cop on the narcotics squad and just had a baby - he is very protective of her, another is married to a drug store manager............well I guess I do know a bit about my coworkers, but not enough to say any of their spouses are unsupportive losers. Most usually bring their spouses to the annual Christmas party at our manager's house and they "seem" decent, but one never knows and they aren't spilling the beans about it like some of your coworkers seem to do.
    Last edit by Tweety on Sep 13, '07
  8. by   FireStarterRN
    Many of the women at my job work part time to supplement the family income, and still have time to be in a traditional role of childrearing etc. Their husbands are helpful and supportive and have good paying jobs. They love nursing because it has the flexibility to work part time and still have time for family life.
  9. by   EmmaG
    Quote from Tweety
    Those are qualities of an excellent nurse?
    No, that was my point.
  10. by   jenrninmi
    Quote from cmo421
    ok so I might be a bit old, but DH? I always thought that was a designated hitter? So is that what we are calling our SO now? Not being fresh, just have seen it in post a few times, and can not for the life of me figure it out!
    It stands for Dear Husband. I don't see it much on Allnurses, I actually have to stop myself from typing "DH" instead of saying "my husband".
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from jenrninmi
    It stands for Dear Husband. I don't see it much on Allnurses, I actually have to stop myself from typing "DH" instead of saying "my husband".
    I learned it on allnurses . .. I see it all the time. My own dh thought it meant . . .Duck (take out the "u" and replace it with an "i") Head.

    steph
  12. by   sharona97
    Learning something new everyday here, even if it is about my dh. lol
  13. by   sticknurse
    I now have a very sweet and supportive husband. He owns his own business and understands the demands my business places on me. I recently started my own business and it can be a difficult thing at times. The reason I wanted to start this discussion is out of concern for anyone who may not have fallen in the proverbial hole yet. Let's help them recognize they are at risk at least. When I met the guy who ruined me for awhile, I noted that he had a college education (business major) and a very good job....but then he'd quit and be unemployed (playing golf all day) for 6 months at a time....waiting on the "right opportunity" he was a true con artist, and good salesmen. He knew the book "how to win friends and influence people" by heart and it was very effective. I don't assume that all the intelligent white collar guys are angels please. Knowledge in and of itself does not a good spouse make....thanks again for the advice. Btw, I took a class about boundaries in the midst of my divorce and surprise!! It was chock full of therapists, nurses, and other helping types....interesting....someone posted that she is happier being single and I agree, it's much nicer to be "alone" and happy than married and miserable. I've encouraged more than one coworker when they've decided to leave their abusive spouse, one that comes to mind had been beaten up and called a "fat cow" several times by her husband. she would come to work with the bruises, and crying alot...well, another nurse and I ended up going to court with her when she finally got a restraining order. This poor woman had no idea what her rights were, she thought she'd be destitute (they'd been married 14 years) if she left him. She's now happily remarried to a good man. I just hate to see some of the nicest people (nurses) get crapped on, it burns me up. we should help each other when we can. Thanks to all.

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