"What do you need Christmas off for? You don't have kids!" (rant)

Nurses General Nursing

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It's that time of year again, even though the holiday schedule has been out for a year, people are making last minute switches. No big deal except for a co-worker that approached me, after seeing i have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off.

Started out nice: "I saw you had both days off, are you interested in trading them?" I said "Actually i'd like to keep both days off, my family has been through a lot, my dad's brother died a couple of weeks ago, and i'd like to go back home for those days." She said "Hmm, guess i won't be home for my kids for Christmas." I didn't say anything or do anything. Then after a minute she says "You don't have kids, what do you need Christmas off for?":angryfire

It's a wonder my head didn't explode. First off it wasn't her dang business what i wanted Christmas off for anyway, secondly how dare she make such a comment, as if those days won't mean squat to me all because i don't have children.

I'm sure her kids are important to her, i'm sure she would like to be there on those days, but the fact that i do not have children doesn't mean that things in my life are no less important. Nor should it mean that i should want to rearrange my life to accomodate someone that does. Which i've had to do a few times as a result of her taking 3 days weekends since august (we do self-scheduling). As a result of her doing this, i get screwed out of 3 days weekends 90% of the time. Her excuse for needing 3 days weekends? "Because i have kids." Not "My kid(s) has an appt., game, tournament, etc." "Because i have kids."

In no way am i knocking her because she has kids, or anyone, but it's almost like she expects accomodation from people because of the kids. It's not fair to everyone else. Everyone else manages and they have children. And everyone else at work wouldn't have made such a self-entitling statement about someone with no children having the holidays off, because most people take their turns every year. Just because i don't have children doesn not mean that i don't have a life or that i don't have things to do.

Specializes in Nursing Professional Development.
I think anyone not wanting to work holidays (whether childfree or not) needs to think long and hard before becoming a nurse in a hospital or LTC (or any job where one may be needed 24/7 or oncall). It's time a few people grew up before entering any profession, let alone nursing. Having children should be separate and have nothing to do with job performance and professionalism in the workplace. I have no right to inflict my kid needs/problems upon my coworkers any more than anyone else has the right to push their rights on me.

Your rights end where mine begin, you know what I mean? It is truly give and take.

Marie did not act unreasonably. She was understandably upset by inconsideration and entitlement on the part of a coworker. Someone acting that way with me would get the same: NO special consideration or help from me. IF she had approached Marie differently and more respectfully, I am betting, things would be different. That is the bottom line: consideration and respect for your colleagues, period.

I agree completely.

llg

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Specializes in LDRP.

to address the original issue in the OP:

I (as a nurse w/ 3 children) agree that the other nurse should have never assumed her reason was more important than yours. I personally think that hte only reasons that should trump others' reasons for wanting off are those once in a lifetime things-close family member death, wife had a baby, you know?

I have a baby, this will be her first christmas-i may have to work it, and thats ok-we can do it on cmas eve-the kids will like that-they get their gifts early! I did request Halloween off, b/c trick or treating can only be done at that one time. (I wasn't here last year, and asked someone who was if Halloween had a high demand for being off, and she said no).

Another thing to think about-What about these folks who are sick and in the hospital? They have to spend all day there-we only have to spend 8 or 12 hours. Heck, they may not even have the day before or the day after at home, they don't get paid to be there (in fact, they are PAYING to be there), etc. Why can't we have some compassion and do what we can to make their day the best we can by not being grumpy we aren't at home?

Bottom line-i have kids, some of my coworkers don't-I in no way think I am more entitled to days off than them. I can celebrate thanksgiving on wednesday or friday-we have a small family, so it can be arranged. I can do christmas on christmas eve. the most important thing is that i spend the happy time iwht my family, not whether that happy time is december 24th or 25th.

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Specializes in Neuro, Critical Care.

I don't have kids......I think, well I know I would have been mad too if I were in Marie's situation but I also don't think it's fair that someone would tell Fun2Care to give up nursing or EMT or criminal justice bc she has kids...

There are two totally different issues here and the issue at hand is about nurses with kids and holiday's...no one person deserves a holiday off more than anyone else!! If I had it off you bet i'd keep it off, especially after the coworker approached me in that manner! If you approach people with attitude they usually shut you down right away....

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I don't have kids......I think, well I know I would have been mad too if I were in Marie's situation but I also don't think it's fair that someone would tell Fun2Care to give up nursing or EMT or criminal justice bc she has kids...

There are two totally different issues here and the issue at hand is about nurses with kids and holiday's...no one person deserves a holiday off more than anyone else!! If I had it off you bet i'd keep it off, especially after the coworker approached me in that manner! If you approach people with attitude they usually shut you down right away....

I have long since lost track of every post on this thread, but I don't recall anyone ever telling Fun2Care to give up nursing or EMT or criminal justice bc she has kids. What people HAVE said is don't expect special treatment because you have kids and if you feel that you HAVE to have every holiday off to be with your kids than the above mentioned professions may not be for you.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I have long since lost track of every post on this thread, but I don't recall anyone ever telling Fun2Care to give up nursing or EMT or criminal justice bc she has kids. What people HAVE said is don't expect special treatment because you have kids and if you feel that you HAVE to have every holiday off to be with your kids than the above mentioned professions may not be for you.

Roger that.

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Specializes in Operating Room.

I never once said those of us with children should get special treatment. However, several have said maybe we should look into another profession that is not 24/7. Just because I would "want" to be home with my children, doesn't mean that I will expect that.

I'm old enough, and intelligent enough to realize that will not usually occur.

I never said that I would expect someone to give up their Christmas because they don't have children. I did say, that is not right for someone to say that to another person.

I have repeatedly said I "DO" agree with Marie's being upset.

Personally, I have purposely discontinued to engage in everyone's back and forth discrimination.

So, I have been everyone's punching bag....whatever....this thread has been seriously beaten to the ground.

Have a good one.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

No, you are no one's punching bag. I am sorry you feel that way---what we are saying, is no one entering nursing should feel they have to be home for holidays due to their kids' needs superceding those of others with differing family structures. I am sorry you feel you are being specifically picked-on. It's not meant that way. I guess a lot of people saw your first post here and maybe mistook it/misunderstood what you were trying to convey. No one means you harm. You are right; in later posts you did clarify more.

The bottom line of this OP's problem *was* people feeling like they need to be home for Christmas for their kids. The problems this attitude create are obvious in Marie's original post-----making others feel their family needs/holidays somehow don't matter as much because they are not parents.

Kids are just about as resilient as we allow them to be. Many of us have learned through the years to teach them Christmas (or any other Holy Day) is more than one day----and should be celebrated throughout the year---and that the traditions of opening presents and eating a big family meal can be carried out, perhaps on alternative dates or times. Even the smallest kids can understand this, if we help them to; I know that first-hand. I often think the one most-regretful that I can't be home on a given holiday is ME, not my kids. I have learned to temper my behavior to teach them some valuable lessons.

What is important, is we keep the spirit intended for that special day----- not to do so means we miss out on teaching our kids some very valuable lessons about others' needs/situations and suffering (remember patients are in the hospital, while mom/dad is working and caring for them). They learn there are things bigger then them, which is an important life lesson. We have our kids for YEARS----there is lots of time next year to be home on the appointed day, after all.

We need to be sensitive to the needs of our coworkers at such times, too, no matter what their family structure/situation may be. For some, it may be their mother's/father's or a grandparent's last Christmas on Earth; we can never know what their situation is or just how important it may be for them to be there for a given day, as well.

Hope this helps.

deb

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I'll be on night duty this Christmas, don't intend to change duty as I'll have more allowance having to work night on a public holiday. Usually the gals will prefer to do night duty because of increased allowance.:chuckle Who doesn't want more money?

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Personally, I have purposely discontinued to engage in everyone's back and forth discrimination.

So, I have been everyone's punching bag....whatever....this thread has been seriously beaten to the ground.

Have a good one.

Fun, I fail to see where you have engaged in everyone's back and forth discrimination and being everyone's punching bag.

When you have a bad interaction with someone, take the blinders off and not judge us all and you might feel better about things.

Sorry you feel that way.

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QUOTE: OK.....I have tried to keep my cool long enough on this thread. I realize those with without children believe those who do have children do not have a right to have off "because they have children".

You DON'T have a right to be off just because you have children. I understand that you want to be off all the holidays. No, you didn't force anyone not to have children but that doesn't matter. People know when they go into nursing what the schedule is like, it's not going to change for you just because you have kids. I'll have kids one day and I can promise you, there is no way that I would EVER ask someone who doesn't have them to switch with me because they don't have any. It's rude and disrespectful. You don't have to choose between children and nursing but you do have to choose how you act around others. You ARE NOT privy to holidays because you have kids.

Bravo bravo ! Great post. I will keep these words in mind should someone get on my case about her children and the dire need to have holidays off while I should work.

Another thing....I think it was Tweety and some one else were talking about their parents and how children actually SURVIVE a holiday without parents around. And YES...I also feel it is the parents who make the bigger deal about being there for Xmas.( and no I am NOT saying reinforcing holiday values in your kids is wrong ) EVEN if one says their kids act out if you are absent due to a shift at work on a holiday....where did they learn that from? I am NOT saying it is not ok for them to act out or get upset..just making my point that it is parents who make the biggest deal and the kids learn it from them. Many of my friends had fathers overseas and hardly saw them for xmas...but they managed. It made the following holiday that much more special. :)

Respect for each other's status as a parent or as a childless person does not make them any less or more eligible for a day off regardless of the time of year IMHO.

Z

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Fun, I fail to see where you have engaged in everyon'es back and forth discrimination and being everyone's punching bag.

When you have a bad interaction with someone, take the blinders off and not judge us all and you might feel better about things.

Sorry you feel that way.

My thoughts exactly Tweety :)

Z

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the last few years I have always worked Thanks. well last year I didn't think it would be any problem so I volunteered for Thanks. so I could have Christmas off--I have worked every Christmas Eve and New years day in 7 years--no big deal---however, it was then that they decided to realize that I hadn't worked Christmas in a few years and noticed this AFTER I worked last Thnks... I got stuck working ALL of them and then was told that we were going to start switching this year..a lot of good that did me last year soooo this year I will be working Thanks. and I will be off Christmas--think I might just try to get New Years off too since I got so screwed last year!!! Oh the joys of nursing-too bad we couldn't close for the day!!!! I do agree that it doesn't matter if yuo have kids or not--my mom was a nurse since I was a baby and I didn't die b/c she wasn't there for holidays--we learned to work around them and ADAPT!!!

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