Discharge orders you'd LIKE to write!!!

Specialties Emergency

Published

Hey, this quote from MLOS was in the middle of another thread:

"Maybe this is better suited to an ER thread, but here's a brief list of discharge instructions I would love to give some days:

1) ATVs & ETOH are bad.

2) Stop drinking a fifth of liquor each day - it's bad for you.

3) If you insist on OD-ing on your Klonopin, just take them all, DO NOT crush them & shoot them up w/your heroin.

4) If you go looking for a fight in a bar, you WILL find one.

:smackingf I could go on and on ..."

I think this is a great idea for a thread! I'd love to hear the responses from our ER nurses!!! :)

Specializes in Emergency Room.

Next time you get drunk (which will be as soon as you leave the er), please sleep somewhere hidden from public view. 7 visits to the er in 3 days is a bit too much.

(our frequent flyer homeless, smelly men!):beer:

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Then it's just hilarous!!! :rotfl:

I could think of some very not nice ones. Sometimes I just can't help but believe in Darwinism. :stone

Yea, only I think it's the other way around...people didn't evolve from monkeys, monkeys evolved from people.

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Yes you can live without him! throwing your self into the back of his truck will not make him stay!

PLEASE for the love of god get your tubes tied!

you are 3 months pregnant, nausea and vomiting can happen it is normal, vomiting only once first thing in the morning does not mean you are dehydrated

stupid is as stupid does, think before you say..hey ya all...watch this!

you are 50 learing to skateboard drunk IS NOT a good idea at your age

GET OUT OF MY ER AND GET A LIFE!

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This one is true! Had female with cucumber stuck in her lady parts. Discharge instructions included "vinegar and oil douche every day for one week.":roll

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This one is true! Had female with cucumber stuck in her lady parts. Discharge instructions included "vinegar and oil douche every day for one week.":roll

Balsamic vinegar...?:roll

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Specializes in Emergency Nursing.
I work with a great (and hilarious) doc in my ER who always writes:

1. Quit drinking.

2. Quit smoking.

3. Quit doing drugs.

4. Get a job.

OMG, too funny!:roll That sure sums it up!

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Specializes in Cardiac/Telemetry, Hospice, Home Health.

Am I the first reader that has found 75% of this thread to be sadly lacking in compassion. I understand the need for humor but come on - some of the disgust is so seething.

The homeless man was a child once who didn't PLAN to grow up and be a homeless drunk. Alcoholism IS a disease and so is mental illness.

Hating oneself so much that they actually put a gun to their head and pull the trigger is a tragedy - the comment about not doing it properly was cruel.

I hope to god I am never an ER patient for any reason that could be "annoying" to the nurses.

Call me an idealist, or a party pooper

yet I had to put in my 2 cents

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Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.
Am I the first reader that has found 75% of this thread to be sadly lacking in compassion. I understand the need for humor but come on - some of the disgust is so seething.

The homeless man was a child once who didn't PLAN to grow up and be a homeless drunk. Alcoholism IS a disease and so is mental illness.

Hating oneself so much that they actually put a gun to their head and pull the trigger is a tragedy - the comment about not doing it properly was cruel.

I hope to god I am never an ER patient for any reason that could be "annoying" to the nurses.

Call me an idealist, or a party pooper

yet I had to put in my 2 cents

Can I give you 1.99 cents back in change.

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Specializes in Cardiac/Telemetry.
Am I the first reader that has found 75% of this thread to be sadly lacking in compassion. I understand the need for humor but come on - some of the disgust is so seething.

The homeless man was a child once who didn't PLAN to grow up and be a homeless drunk. Alcoholism IS a disease and so is mental illness.

Hating oneself so much that they actually put a gun to their head and pull the trigger is a tragedy - the comment about not doing it properly was cruel.

I hope to god I am never an ER patient for any reason that could be "annoying" to the nurses.

Call me an idealist, or a party pooper

yet I had to put in my 2 cents

Unfortunately, there are times that people do such stupid things that you just HAVE to laugh. If any of the nurses or people who posted in this thread took things too seriously, I doubt any of them would have a sense of humor: they would all be insane.

A nurse's sense of humor is sometimes warped (this I know from experience because my aunt is a nurse and when she tells a joke, I'm pretty much the only one who gets it in our family. I'm a nursing student.) It just happens that way. I hope you don't take things too seriously in life. (This isn't meant as an attack to you) You would be broken-hearted most of the time.

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Am I the first reader that has found 75% of this thread to be sadly lacking in compassion. I understand the need for humor but come on - some of the disgust is so seething.

The homeless man was a child once who didn't PLAN to grow up and be a homeless drunk. Alcoholism IS a disease and so is mental illness.

Hating oneself so much that they actually put a gun to their head and pull the trigger is a tragedy - the comment about not doing it properly was cruel.

I hope to god I am never an ER patient for any reason that could be "annoying" to the nurses.

Call me an idealist, or a party pooper

yet I had to put in my 2 cents

suninmyeyes is offline Report Bad Post Reply With Quote

I can understand what you are saying and why you take offense to such comments. I noticed from your public profile that you are still a student. It has not been long ago myself when I was a student that I was appauled by comments such as these. I am an ER nurse now and things change. Are the comments innappropriate? Yes! However, they do not change the way we care for our patients. What my co-workers and I joke about in the med room or break room does not mean that I am a bad nurse and that my patient is recieving poor care. Any floor or specialty in nursing is stressful, but I am sure that most here will agree that it takes a certain type of personality to be able to work in the ER. It is a way of getting through the day so that you are able to take care of that next cardiac arrest or GSW that comes flying into the trauma bay. I'll never forget the day that we unsuccessfully coded a 4 year old little girl that was setting in the back of a pickup truck and was thrown when the driver swerved to miss a dear. We worked on her for an hour and a half. I came out of the trauma bay with tears rolling down my cheeks and it was then that they brought a patient back from triage that was shaving her privates with an epilady and her labia minora got sucked up into the blades. By no means was it funny because the patient actually had to go to the OR and have the dang thing removed under general anesthesia, but the patient saw the humor in the situation and was great about the whole thing. That situation and taking care of that patient helped get me through the rest of the day. Since she went to the OR I did not get to write discharge instructions but under patient teaching I wrote "Patient instructed in regards to safe genital hygiene/pubic hair removal such as waxing and use of disposable razors and verbilized understanding." Yes we were all just consumed by the situation, but it was also the nurses who made sure she was getting morphine q5 minutes and was as comfortable as she could be until she was able to go up to the OR. So you see it's not just a hard ass uncaring attitiude, it's just a way of dealing with the situation and you have got to find humor in some things or else you will be burnt out and truly hardened and hateful if you allow it.

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Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.
they brought a patient back from triage that was shaving her privates with an epilady and her labia minora got sucked up into the blades

OMG OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!!:eek: :eek: :eek:

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OMG OW OW OW OW OW OW OW!!!!!

__________________

You aint kiddin sista! When the attending physician wrote for 1mg of morphine I told him he was out of his mind and if it was a scrotum I'll bet he'd write for a dilaudid PCA. He then smiled and wrote me a standing order for morphine 2mg IVP q 5 minutes PRN.

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