13yr olds having babies.

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I caught myself saying what any parent does not my child.

I took my 13 yr old to the doctor yesturday & found out she may be about 4mnths pregnant.

I do not let her run the streets, I take her to school & back and she was in Martial arts until now and on honor roll.

She was telling me she hasn't had sex ,I believed her because we never go anywhere and I always have her with me , except when she's in school.

The doctor looks at me and says he'll be back, he brings in a fetal heart monitor, goes over to my daughter sqeezes the jell on her abdomen and a minute later I hear the heartbeat, my heart sunk , I had trusted her & she lied. The doctor looked at her and calmly said you lied to me --- she said huh, he said your pregnant. I asked him to do more testing I was still in denial .

I talked to her in the bathroom & found it was a boy who had been in her class and it happened at school.I don't know how to feel or what to think. I said I would stick by her but I and my husband feel numb and depressed & I feel like I want it to be a bad dream, but I know it is reality.

I just need someone to ask and someone to give me positive advice or something.

Specializes in geriatrics.

:crying2:

who's decision is it, legally, if daughter wants to keep the baby and mother thinks abortion/adoption is best?

....some young girls actually think it's cool to be pregnant. oral sex is no more personal than a kiss. now, i graduated from high school in 2000, and i do not remember any of this $hit going on in middle school...

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Without getting too far off track from the original intent by this poster, most states recognize that a pregnant minor is emancipated and able to make decisions for herself and her unborn and/or born child.

However, I personally do not feel any girl this young knows what's best for themself. Sounds like this poster so far has done everything possible and right to protect her daughter from the ills of the world. I think and hope that this mom, dad and daughter can come to a decision that is best for all of them because a girl this young truly isn't the only one having this child.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
:crying2:

who's decision is it, legally, if daughter wants to keep the baby and mother thinks abortion/adoption is best?

....some young girls actually think it's cool to be pregnant. oral sex is no more personal than a kiss. now, I graduated from high school in 2000, and i do not remember any of this $hit going on in middle school...

I lived in an upper middle class suburb, went to exceptional public schools, and there WERE kids in my middle school having sex, and yes, getting pregnant. This was in the late 70's, early 80's.

I am not picking on you or anyone else that mentioned that this is a new problem. It's just not a new problem. That said, it wasn't until fairly recently that anyone was openly discussing incest, pedophilia, rape and the like.

I, like SmilingBluEyes, homeschool my kids. It does give a certain margin of control in detering unwanted activites and actions, but as I am all too aware not even that is foolproof. As much as we want to protect our children, and as much as we teach them right from wrong, some kids just do their darndest to rebel, and sometimes in ways that are very self-destructive. I am not saying that the OP's daughter was doing this, just stating what I have found to be true as a mother. And, I certainly think that this situation with the OP's daughter needs further investigation as to what is really going on, if anything.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

I have a close friend whose had one and she never got over the guilt until after she got pregnant again and gave birth to a child. But anyway, I would definitly consider adoption because these young girls don't have any idea how hard it is to take care of a child. She may not be actually ruining her future but she's definitly making it a lot harder to accomplish anything that she wants to do. I'll definitly pray for you. It's not that hard to believe that things like this happen because I personally know people that they've happen to. :o

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.

Well, the thing is, at 13, obviously the girl's mom and dad will be the ones caring for and raising that baby. After all, the 13 yo is still a child herself! The issue of legality is there, but in my state even if a girl is pg, she is not considered of legal age til she hits 18. We have a lot of issues in L&D regarding this and having the girls parent sign legal papers/consents, etc. What is weird,is that when the baby is born, the 13 yo will have legal rights over the baby. What a predicament! I'm still suspicious as to the circumstances of this girl being pg!?!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I REALLY hope this thread does NOT descend to another debate about abortion. Please, let's do not go there...this situation is bad enough w/o us doing that on this thread.

This is a support thread, not a debate one. Thanks!

To the OP how are you doing today .....Update us please????? How is your daughter? We are pulling for you both!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Labor and Delivery.
I REALLY hope this thread does NOT descend to another debate about abortion. Please, let's do not go there...this situation is bad enough w/o us doing that on this thread.

This is a support thread, not a debate one. Thanks!

Boy, we have all to recently been there. I agree. I really am looking for an update. My heart goes out to this Mom.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Although this situation is troubling, pregnancy is not the worst thing that can happen. Has your family considered adoption?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I also have a 14 year old daughter and this is so weird but we just spent time sitting on our basement stairs together talking and crying about one of her friends who is having sex with any boy who asks. She is also bulemic. My daughter does not know how to help her. She has talked and talked to her about what she is doing and her friend does not listen. I suggested we go talk to her mom, even if she loses this girl as a "friend" it may be the best thing to do for her. Rather then just keep quiet.

steph

That's a tough choice for your daughter to have to make. She sounds like a very smart young lady. You should be proud of her. I have only one suggestion with the understanding she will more than likely lose a friend but know she may vary well have saved her friends life in in more ways than one. Steph what if you and your daughter talk to this young lady alone first instead of just throwing her to the wolves. Let her know at the end that her mother is going to know. 1) She can tell her mother. 2) You'll talk to her mother or. 3) You can go with her to be her friend and support her as she tells her mother. Be careful if you take your daughter with you and limit her exposure because it will not end in a pretty scene. She'll end up calling your daughter a lier to save her own skin...What about an an anonymous note to mom and let's not forget dad with some sort of factorial backing or time discrepancy so it looks like more than a note from one kid trying to get another in trouble. I sure don't envy you - Steph, but it certainly needs to be addressed especially if she's a reasonable good friend of your daughters.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

My heart goes out too you and your family! But, there's much more to this, and I think you need to look into what SmilingBluEyes stated.

Is it possible she was coerced or raped? Could it be, she is blocking out a traumatic event in her life, in telling you she never had sex? Is your daughter one who normally is honest and truthful? I just beg you to consider the situation very carefully.

You say she swears she did not have sex.....maybe not intentionally. Lots of times, girls this young were either coerced or raped by older men. Please look into it. I would add good counseling in the next few months to the prenatal care you will need to get her. Something is up that a 13 year old ends up pregnant, and oftentimes, they have been harmed in the process. NOT ALWAYS....but it begs serious investigation.

I am sooooo sorry about this. Don't blame yourself; it won't help the current situation and you will need to be stronger than ever for her now. Just hang in there, get her good medical care and do consider seeking individual counseling for her, or family counseling for all of you. I feel for you, I really do. I am so sorry.(((((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))) :o

13 y/o girls and boys don't have consensual together for first time in school! They're way to worried about getting caught to try it for the very first time under the noses of there teachers and friends. Your talking about 700 plus people walking all around them able to walk in on them at anytime - NO WAY-NO WAY! You just don't move right into sex. You touch, you kiss, you feel each other up these things take time I'm sorry not in school. Having sex for the first time in front of the television set when mom and dad aren't home is nerve racking enough. Mom, there's more to this story. Please don't feel like your all alone we are all here to support you and by no means judge you or your daughter and any decisions may decide upon. If the rest of you posters can't do that then keep your thoughts off the board.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Emergency Dept, M/S.

I'm so sorry for you and your daughter and family. I have a 13yo daughter myself, and can't believe the stuff that goes on in school. And this means any school. We happen to live in an affluent town, but unfortunately this kind of thing is seen everywhere.

I think someone mentioned that maybe she didn't know she was pregnant because she didn't know HOW. My daughter has been menstruating for over a year now, since just before her 12th birthday. And while she know "where" babies come from (a sperm and egg) and has actually seen two births (two of her younger brothers, when she was 3 1/2 and 5 1/2 years old), I know she doesn't fully understand or comprehend the act of sexual intercourse. We are open and she knows she can ask any question at any time. I know she understands about it somewhat.......but I agree, what are parents to do? If you tell them too young, it can scare them, and too old may be too late. Maybe she truly did not understand what was happening to her. It would be interesting to know how old the boy is also.

I agree that maybe the best thing is not to continue the pregnancy. 13yo bodies are just beginning to mature and to put that added stress on an already developing system ----- well, I know firsthand how much it can cause problems. A good friend of mine got pregnant at 16 when she was not completely through growing, and she has to use a cane to walk now (this was 15 years ago). She just did not have the pelvic capacity for a pregnancy, and even though she had a c-section at her Dr.'s advise, the weight of the baby was too much for her pelvis, ligaments and joints to bear.

I don't mean to be unsupportive, because obviously what your family needs now is just that. Do you have a counselor or minister or therapist that you can all speak with? Your daughter may be feeling badly for deceiving you, and you may now have trust issues. I would hate to see your mother/daughter relationship permanently scarred because of this.

Lots of prayers for you and your family that you can find guidance through this difficult time.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Oh My!!! Hugs to you and your daughter. You seem to be responding calmly and rationally, as much as you could possibly. . .I was floored that this could happen at school! :stone I am sure that you are following up on those circumstances. I would be concerned about that. I have no advice or wisdom, only encouragement to do what ever needs to be done and endless support.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment