Your Favorite one liner used with patients

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Specializes in Med/Surg, ER.

I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.

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Specializes in Utilization Management.

Some of my patients are grumpy. I'll say, "How are you today?" and they'll answer gruffly, "I'm here, ain't I?"

Whereupon I'll cheerily say, "Now there ya go. 99% of successful living is showing up for it."

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Specializes in ER, NICU, NSY and some other stuff.

I will say "That was much cooler than that rubber arm they let me practice on this morning," as I pop in an IV.

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When I discharge people and walk them to the door to exit the hospital I like to tell them "Don't come back - we don't want repeat customers"

That usually always gets a smile and a chuckle.

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

To people who complain about not getting enough rest: "Didn't you know you have to go home from the hospital to sleep?"

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Specializes in Looking for a career in NICU.

My grandma's favorite saying (when someone is uncomfortable..usually a college-aged male undressing in front of her).

"I have raised 5 sons and if you have something I haven't seen before I'll pay you to let me see it"

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Specializes in Oncology, Cardiology, ER, L/D.

I once told an ER patient who had asked me if the thermometer probe cover was clean, " No, I am sorry ma'am, we use one for every 10 customers and you are #8"! Well, duh!:rolleyes:

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Specializes in cardiac med-surg.

when an eagerly anticipated long overdue rather impressive bm is produced i tell my pts that the newspaper will be in to take their picture

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Specializes in Pedatrics, Child Protection.

I used to tell my post-surgical patients that the hospital is the only place where we get excited when someone passes gas.

....and for the enormous post-op BM...I told the patient to name it.

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.
I am a student and I use humor to get me through clinicals. Once I told a patient "This is my first time giving an injection on a real live person." At the time it was very funny! The look on his face and my instructors was priceless!! I was curious what other things people have said or say to patients to break the ice.
Good for you-don't ever stop....I often tell the pt prior to the injection that "This will hurt you alot more then it will hurt me" or " Wow-this needle is still pretty sharp after being used 8 times" Or-I" I saved a square needle just for you" In LTC when applying preventative skin care I like to tell the resident that I am "caulkling their crack" When I administer eye drops and miss I'll often call it a

premature ejaculation...I have to be careful and make sure I really know the resident-I don't want to offend...But I have old men that love to complain about the cold water when they sit on the toilet...And one guy always says "It's cold-and deep,too" He splits a gut laughing everytime he says it...

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While pulling tape off male patients, "This won't hurt any more than giving birth" They are too embarrased at that point to whine!

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"If this hurts, just scream."

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