So many of you are amazing people and nurses. The time you put in responding to posts on Allnurses really does make a difference.
BUT.
When people come here asking for advice on a situation, they are not looking for your opinion of them as a person or their behavior. You all know what threads I'm talking about.
It's one thing to point out that their behavior could potentially be dangerous to patients.
It's one thing to be honest and tell them that their future doesn't look too bright.
It's one thing to suggest they may find seeing a therapist very helpful.
It's another to tell them they are mentally ill, mock them RELENTLESSLY, or judge them. When you do this to your fellow nurses (that have just come to you for advice), you're worse than that poor, scared soul you FLAMED for thinking a drug abuser may have a bloodborne illness.
These posters are often simply desperate, scared, or just plain curious!
I know it's important to have a thick skin when you work in healthcare, and I sure as heck am not busting out the trigger-words bully†or NETY.†It's just that even in my CNA class, it was emphasized over and over that it's not our place to judge patients. Can't you afford the same courtesy to other nurses?
I'm generally a pretty quiet person, but I believe in standing up for other people. So I just had to put this out there.
I agree that it's subjective. I just also find that people know how they want to be treated by others so why is it so much to ask for the same in return?
Because we are not mind readers who magically "know" how you want to be treated? OR, we may "know" what you want but don't agree with your sense of what is appropriate Internet communication/treatment?
One big lesson to learn about the world-wide internet: It's not all about YOU.
I agree that it's subjective. I just also find that people know how they want to be treated by others so why is so much to ask for the same in return?
Because here's the thing: one cannot possibly know that the written word is being in context of tone; meaning, if someone states that someone needs help beyond this site and is looking at their posting objective-which happens most of the time because no one knows whose behind the computer-and still gets offended because in their head, how they read it-even as the words do NOT say stupid, crazy, or fool-they will look and STILL get offended, even when the poster's intent was not even as what the OP has interpreted it.
My advice will be as objective in real life as it is here in the Internet; MY integrity is of one that I expect others to deliver honesty, good, bad, or indifferent; we don't have to agree, and I live in a world that welcomes differing opinions-that keeps me healthy and sane-and I will do the same as my contribution to my world.
On the Internet worlds collide-it is up to the OP and the subsequent posters to navigate through the messages-if they want to ignore someone's message, they have every right to do so...most posters intentions are well meaning; however, you will have to sift through many who are not nurses, or unhappy, indifferent or what have you, either way, the power lies in the OP to take what is USEFUL to them or take a hard look at whether to make decisions on the opinions of people they may never meet someday.
While I generally subscribe to the Golden Rule, some of the topics posted here make me scratch my head and wonder if perhaps I haven't clicked on The Onion by mistake.
If you, Special Snowflake that you are, have failed Nursing pre-reqs twice, have a GPA of 1.5, and yet still think you have a shot at being accepted into ANY program because "I've always dreamed of being a Nurse, it's my destiny. Besides, there's a Nursing shortage, and I'll be able to go straight from school to the 'pearls and pumps' Administrative job that's my dream and make a gazillion dollars", guess what? We're all going to point and laugh at you.
As someone else said, I'm not on the AN clock. I will make an attempt to rein in my rapier wit because Special Snowflakes don't like to hear things that make them feel sad and they will cry "Everyone's bullying me!" But, I can't promise that you aren't going to get a dose of Mom Voice. I spend 8 hours a day holding hands, comforting and giving emotional support. My Hospice patients and families need and deserve it. Got very little left for Snowflakes.
Sigh. I hate to agree with the OP, but sometimes it gets downright mean around here. I was getting ready to bow out for awhile after the cam-girl threads (really?!?) anyway, then I saw this thread and was relieved it wasn't just me.
It is hard to look in the mirror and not like what you see, sometimes.
It is also really hard to look around and not recognize the people anymore, either.
AN goes through periods like this every once in a while and you just have to wait it out.
For me personally, I hold myself to the standard of treating others in a way that I would like to be treated. If someone believes it's ok to speak down to someone online, that is something that they have to be ok with. I dont believe that it's right. Like I said, I agree to disagree because as ethics goes, there is never a conclusion.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I obviously don't act the same way I do at work as I do outside of work. If we're going to discuss another particular thread...we all don't have the same morals, apparently. That's all I'm going to say. If I go any further, it will get ugly.
For me personally, I hold myself to the standard of treating others in a way that I would like to be treated. If someone believes it's ok to speak down to someone online, that is something that they have to be ok with. I dont believe that it's right. Like I said, I agree to disagree because as ethics goes, there is never a conclusion.
Once again, being honest, even bluntly, is neither talking down nor lacking in integrity. You seem really comfortable making assumptions about people.
I never said that you couldn't be honest. I have made no assumptions. Again, you can and should be honest and have an opinion but you do not have to talk down to people to state those opinions. Being blunt is not the same as talking down to someone. I see the latter frequently on AN. A person who asks others to be respectful is not asking people to lie to them. You can be blunt. Just be courteous. I don't understand why that is seen as a bad thing.
Specializes in Geriatrics, Mental Health, Community.
This forum's name is ALLNURSES... it doesn't state anywhere that we have to hold people's hands through anything. If you put yourself out there then you should be ready for all types of replies...notice the word should. There will be plenty of people that post something ridiculous to the majority of readers and they will be offended, hurt, what-have-you... It is what it is. I really can't stand people on their soap box, people who think they are "holier than thou" It's irritating. I have to be professional when I'm on my job...I have to be decent off the clock (so I don't make the profession look bad)...but that does NOT include censoring myself relentlessly so that I don't step on toes on the internet. As other posters have said... people have different interpretations of words like "talking down to", "rude", "mean", etc... What I want to point out is, there are too many people that ASK other people for opinions and advice and become defensive to constructive criticism etc...why post anything at all if you aren't open to all types of responses? I have to deal with being politically correct enough...I won't water myself down for strangers on the internet. Just because you feel you have been offended doesn't make the other person a "bad person" or "unethical" that is ridiculous.
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roser13, ASN, RN
6,504 Posts
Because we are not mind readers who magically "know" how you want to be treated? OR, we may "know" what you want but don't agree with your sense of what is appropriate Internet communication/treatment?
One big lesson to learn about the world-wide internet: It's not all about YOU.