So many of you are amazing people and nurses. The time you put in responding to posts on Allnurses really does make a difference.
BUT.
When people come here asking for advice on a situation, they are not looking for your opinion of them as a person or their behavior. You all know what threads I'm talking about.
It's one thing to point out that their behavior could potentially be dangerous to patients.
It's one thing to be honest and tell them that their future doesn't look too bright.
It's one thing to suggest they may find seeing a therapist very helpful.
It's another to tell them they are mentally ill, mock them RELENTLESSLY, or judge them. When you do this to your fellow nurses (that have just come to you for advice), you're worse than that poor, scared soul you FLAMED for thinking a drug abuser may have a bloodborne illness.
These posters are often simply desperate, scared, or just plain curious!
I know it's important to have a thick skin when you work in healthcare, and I sure as heck am not busting out the trigger-words bully†or NETY.†It's just that even in my CNA class, it was emphasized over and over that it's not our place to judge patients. Can't you afford the same courtesy to other nurses?
I'm generally a pretty quiet person, but I believe in standing up for other people. So I just had to put this out there.
Let's face it, if only nice people used the internet, message board probably wouldn't exist. Because nobody would read them.
Nobody is perfect, and you have to deal with the good and the bad. And the truth is, that a lot of these people that other posters claim are consistently rude, well...they also have some of the most insightful, useful comments (when someone starts a thread that doesn't have to do with bullying or a teacher that's out to get them).
It's not life or death...if someone makes a snarky remark just roll your eyes and move on. Or, if you feel like entertaining the masses, get into an argument.
Some massive assumptions there and totally incorrect at least in my case
I'm neither pro or anti kindness or rudeness.
I'm anti people who want to make the rest of us all like them, who cry 'you are intolerant' and in the same breath proceed to put down and speak with intolerance about those who they are accusing of being intolerant
Actually I made no assumptions. Those were my observations and I very clearly also stated there are also those in between those two extremes... which, as you say, would be where you fall.
The assumption you make is that people stand on the side of being more constructive rather than abrasive bc they want people to like them. That is hardly the case... I'm pretty sure this post and my comments are not among the popular attitudes, as can be seen by the numerous responses against them... in fact OP actually said "I know you may hate me for this"...
It is not putting someone down to suggest that we could behave differently while still accomplishing the same purpose. It is a suggestion. No one has to take that suggestion. And if they don't... really, who cares? In the end you make your choices and I make mine. But to point out an area that maybe could use some improvement is not intolerant by any means.
For the most part both sides can agree that we do need to be straight with one another. This is exactly what I am doing.
people stand on the side of being more constructive rather than abrasive
False dichotomy. Abrasive does not equate to non-constructive.
Many times people get abrasive because those asking for constructive advice freak out when they get it. Posters rarely go straight to abrasive, snarky, etc unless it's something like that person claiming to be a nurse while living in abject fear of catching diseases in the most outrageous ways, of which they should know better.
False dichotomy. Abrasive does not equate to non-constructive.
Many times people get abrasive because those asking for constructive advice freak out when they get it. Posters rarely go straight to abrasive, snarky, etc unless it's something like that person claiming to be a nurse while living in abject fear of catching diseases in the most outrageous ways, of which they should know better.
abrasive: (of a person or manner) showing little concern for the feelings of others; harsh
constructive: serving a useful purpose; tending to build up.
dichotomy: a division or contrast between two things that are or are represented as being opposed or entirely different.
I am pretty sure these two do not go hand in hand per the definitions I found
If you are going to say "many times people get abrasive because those asking for constructive advice freak out when they get it". I have seen instances when people have been first commenter on a post and the first thing they did was become very condescending and rude. This is abrasive and not at all constructive... treating people that way serves no positive purpose. In fact it can often push people in the opposite direction than what is being proposed.
Constructive does not go hand in hand with abrasive. It also does not go hand in hand with coddling.
It has been mentioned that when people respond to you poorly often, they should look at the common denominator..
No we're back to calling out grammar again? That's really constructive.
Going back lack to what Mr.Murse is saying, it is an ethical issue to me when posters are unnecessarily rude to others because they are anonymous. It doesn't matter if you're on a beach in Tahiti on vacation - rude is rude is rude.
No we're back to calling out grammar again? That's really constructive.
Sometimes it is simply a "letting off of steam" moment and then a few giggles like the link to funny words.
(Some of us are addicted to using proper grammar and spelling and even refuse to use text-speak on our phones. Many of us are in a 12-Step Program but it is difficult not to take that first . . . drink . . so to speak.).
As to your comment "rude is rude is rude" . . . . . rude is defined in different ways by different posters. In order to acquiesce to "group-speak" or "group-think" we'd have to move to the dark planet of Camazotz which is entirely dominated by The Black Thing that controls the minds of all inhabitants. (A Wrinkle In Time).
Text speak is annoying to me also just because it's so lazy and hard to read. Calling someone out for a misspelled word just makes people feel better about themselves by putting others down. If you are under the age of 7 then rudeness may be hard to point out or understand. But all of us are older than that (if you're following the TOS) and know rudeness when we see or type it. Some people are just feigning misunderstanding. No group-speak required.
So many of you are amazing people and nurses. The time you put in responding to posts on Allnurses really does make a difference.
BUT.
When people come here asking for advice on a situation, they are not looking for your opinion of them as a person or their behavior. You all know what threads I'm talking about.
It's one thing to point out that their behavior could potentially be dangerous to patients.
It's one thing to be honest and tell them that their future doesn't look too bright.
It's one thing to suggest they may find seeing a therapist very helpful.
It's another to tell them they are mentally ill, mock them RELENTLESSLY, or judge them. When you do this to your fellow nurses (that have just come to you for advice), you're worse than that poor, scared soul you FLAMED for thinking a drug abuser may have a bloodborne illness.
These posters are often simply desperate, scared, or just plain curious!
I know it's important to have a thick skin when you work in healthcare, and I sure as heck am not busting out the trigger-words bully†or NETY.†It's just that even in my CNA class, it was emphasized over and over that it's not our place to judge patients. Can't you afford the same courtesy to other nurses?
I'm generally a pretty quiet person, but I believe in standing up for other people. So I just had to put this out there.
Thank you so much for posting this! I agree 100%... if someone asks a question don't post a response that derides the question or them as a person. Not only is that type of response OT, it's rude and reflects poorly on the profession of nursing.
One of my favorite words!
SubSippi
911 Posts
Let's face it, if only nice people used the internet, message board probably wouldn't exist. Because nobody would read them.
Nobody is perfect, and you have to deal with the good and the bad. And the truth is, that a lot of these people that other posters claim are consistently rude, well...they also have some of the most insightful, useful comments (when someone starts a thread that doesn't have to do with bullying or a teacher that's out to get them).
It's not life or death...if someone makes a snarky remark just roll your eyes and move on. Or, if you feel like entertaining the masses, get into an argument.
It's time to stop getting butt-hurt.