You Might Not Want to Read This

[rn_xoxo]

I am a NURSE.

Did I make a mistake? Am I going to regret this for the rest of my life?

These thoughts keep running through my head. I roll around in bed, eating pizza and feeling sorry for myself. Nursing school was so hard. It took up a lot of my time, energy, money...and let's not forget the mental stress. When I first started telling people I am a nursing major is when I realized how negative people can be and how they crush your soul a little without even realizing it. Strangers, family, and friends.

I rarely heard words of encouragement "You know it is really hard to get into nursing school, you will be waiting forever."

Fast forward. I applied to an associate degree program in my area. Got in. "So isn't a Bachelor degree what you need?"

Fast forward. Graduation. "You know, it is nearly impossible to find a nursing job." "So you're going to be wiping people's butts for a living?"

I just wanted to shake these ignorant people. I did not shed blood, sweat, and tears for someone to think that my only task would be cleaning feces. I could write a book on all the things I have heard about my choice in profession.

The NCLEX was a traumatic experience. I told myself that if I failed it, that is it. I could not go through that type of exam again. I passed. I then started applying to what felt like a million nursing positions in hospitals. Not one call. Rejection emails flooded my inbox. I was tired of my job in sales so I decided to go ahead and apply to skilled nursing facilities. You know, what people look down on. Got an interview... got hired. I wasn't thrilled but I was happy to be using my license that I worked so hard for.

Met with a group of friends from nursing school for dinner. One of us in the group of 6 landed a hospital job. That was no surprise since she had worked there 10 plus years as a Unit Secretary/Nurse Assistant. First thing out of her mouth "How much are they paying you?" I reluctantly told her, in front of everyone. "You should really get a hospital job." Insinuating how much more money she makes. I wanted to scream. Everyone congratulated her, but not me. My job wasn't exciting and I didn't make $50+ an hour.

When will the negativity end? Why are nursing politics so prevalent? Who works where. Who makes what. New nurse versus seasoned nurse. Bachelor degree or Associate? Shouldn't we be united? Did we not all work hard for our license? Aren't we all smart?

I was no longer excited to go shop for scrubs. I sat through orientation at work with a headache and just wanted to cry. Truth is, I am scared. I am a new nurse. I don't know a lot, I have a lot to learn. However, how can I feel okay when I don't think I will get the support I need to thrive as a nurse? Did everyone at some point feel this way? I wanted to help people. I am caring and compassionate. I genuinely want to heal and make a difference.

I know it is not glamorous. I know it won't make me rich. Don't look down on me because I am a new graduate. Teach me. Guide me. Let me be great. It is not something you might have wanted to hear and I'm sure it didn't leave you with a warm, fuzzy feeling. But this is what I am going through. It is the truth and it is my experience.

[nursel56]

You sound like your heart is in the right place rn xoxo. I agree there seems to be a large amount of insecurity in this profession and a strong need to be constantly creating a pecking order of some sort. The issues may loom larger for a new grad. As you become more proficient and comfortable with your skils you will start to feel more like you belong.

The truth is this behavior never really goes away. It's amazing how many areas of nursing are regarded as "not real nursing". Coping with it is a learned skill. When you hear discouraging comments from people try to realize they are telling you more about their problems, not yours. Ignore them and consciously seek out people who want you to succeed. As any new skill always is, it's awkward at first but it gets better.

Welcome to the nursing club-- wishing you all the best.

[NocturneRN]

There's nothing wrong with feeling that you don't know anything yet. I've been a nurse for almost 35 years, and I still feel unequipped to handle some situations. The nurses I worry the most about are the ones who won't be taught anything because they THINK they know it all.

There's also nothing wrong with working in LTC. Since a disproportionately high number of hospital patients are elderly, with most of the same issues you see in LTC patients, this experience can only help you with hospital work in the future. In fact, some of the best hospital nurses I've known came there with only LTC experience. They were very skilled at time management, as well as most of the medical procedures we used on our unit.

I agree with some of the others----if your friends are making you feel uncomfortable about not having a hospital job and making scads of money, they're either not really your friends or you're misreading them. What works for you is YOUR business, not anyone else's. As for the difficulties of finding that first hospital job: well, nursing isn't unique in that respect. I went into nursing, in fact, after trying in vain to land a teaching job for six years after earning a secondary education degree.

Keep on working toward your goal! One thing that might help (whether or not it's fair) is to have friends in the field, who can recommend you for employment. Right or wrong, I know my hospital does listen if an employee recommends someone from outside.

[AbbeyCrouse]

I feel the same exact way!!!!! You said it perfectly

[danielle2000, MSN, RN]

Never let others opinions get you in a place where you feel your endeavors are meaningless!!! As a nurse I recall my humble beginnings and had naysayers along the way. I simply ignore them and pursued what I desired. My philosophy is this, "You come in the world alone and you will die in the same manner. So why in the world do I feel I have to appease individuals when I am clearly taking my path?" Those friends you call friends are not, they are simply the leaves of the tree when the wind blows, they will not be there for you as they demonstrated. You continue to do your work with pride and find your niche. Remove toxic people out your life and do what makes YOU happy and you alone.

[DawnJ]

You feel lost. That is normal as a new nurse. Don't let other people's experiences or opinions get you down. Soon, you will see where your experiences take you. I started out in LTC and I know for a fact that it is hell on earth. And yes, I was about to throw in the towel; but then something happened. I got good. And then I became great. No matter what, you keep going and don't let it break you.

What you said is so important. Furthermore, it is normal as a new nurse, but it isn't easy. I'm terrified every day that I'm going to make a mistake or miss something and end up with a dead or impaired patient. I have great support from my mgmt and coworkers, but I still know that I have so much to learn and so little experience. I know I will make mistakes, I just try to make them small, correctable ones. It doesn't feel good to screw up, but I make a point to review every day and identify what I'd do better or differently. All growth is painful and I try to remember that "this too, shall pass"

[everyday6/12]

I agree with the other comments ....get another group of friends! Sadly, my nursing school group was also competitive, devoid of knowing how to be supportive ( or if they were supportive , I didn't see it that often), or have any ideas for you to network or referrals to the hospital jobs. Why don't you ask the hospital job classmate to refer you if she so bad ass.

Don't let other people get you down when you have probably completed one of the most difficult tasks to complete in the country; Nursing School and obtaining your license.

Life is too short to let this group get you down. You did it !! Celebrate!! You got a job!! You passed!! You will move on to the next job and go beyond the SNF. Have faith dear RN. You are gonna be fine.

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

It will be good for you to gain some experience first even if it is in Gerentology. At least you will have a foot in the door. After you gain around 12 most of experience, why don't you apply to several hospitals? Hopefully, you will land the job you want.

[dec2007]

I'm not sure where you live, but I know my hospital does hire new grads and has a residency program to help new grads get their feet on the ground. Message me back if you want more info. Don't get me wrong, we also have those nasty, hateful bully types. I think they're everywhere. I'm sorry you had to meet so many at the beginning of your career. I, too, am sensitive. I take things people say and do way too much to heart. Maybe that makes us better nurses in the long run. I hope so! After 20-some years, I still have times when people make me question myself or even make me cry. I've had to find internal motivation and satisfaction in nursing, and that takes some time. Be gentle to yourself, and remember the reason you care for others isn't for external gratification. If that were the true reward of nursing, it definitely wouldn't be worth doing. I hope you keep working at this, and search inside for answers. You sound like the kind of person we need in this profession.

[bbyRN, BSN, RN]

Very cool you are working as an RN in an LTC. Whoever your residents are, they need you - some will tell you that, some will hide that, but they are lucky to have you. You care. You worked hard, in school and after school and now in your job.

When I told a couple of doctor friends that I was going to nursing school, they frowned. It was almost funny, but I understood. And, the fact is, I wouldn't want to be them. Not that I wouldn't like being a doctor, not like I don't like being a nurse now. I know where they are coming from and they don't 'fess up to their reality, so they can't understand anyone else's. They are still wonderful people, just don't go to them for career or life advice. Same with many of the people you are hanging with. You need some positive people - you can keep the old ones but get some positive people in your life. It may take time. Look! Maybe you can't even see them right now because you are not looking for positive people, yet. Maybe. Or, maybe you and they have not found one another yet. Look for good things. Leave ruminating on the crummy for other people.

Make yourself a good life, with nursing and with all the other stuff that life is about. Good luck.

[theRNJedi]

I just wanted to applaud you for expressing these thoughts; beautifully written and I could feel your heart in it. I can see you are already a wonderful nurse and you will continue to bloom into an influential nurse leader.

-theRNJedi

[bikergal]

My first nursing job left me anxious and upset. Unfriendly staff who were not welcoming and had no organized program for a new graduate. I left after a few months and thought I was going to leave nursing all together. Luckily my next job (which I was hired 2 days later) was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now as one of the oldest nurses in my department, I can hopefully be the role model that I needed to have when I was just starting out as a new grad. Your first job is just a stepping stone and you just don't know where it will lead you. Hang in there and surround yourself with good people.

[Liz169]

It's tough when you first start out. A few years ago I was in the same situation. I hate ltc but the hospitals in my area were only hiring a few new nurses. While I was at the ltc I learned some very important things that I wouldn't have learned at a hospital. I've got time management skills that can put more seasoned nurses to shame. I've already had 22 patients one night at the current hospital I work at and the other nurses couldn't handle it, but I've already had 60 patients at the ltc. I can do wound care with my eyes closed. So anyway my point is you will learn a lot more then you think you will, that will help you later in your career. So hold your head up, any experience, is still experience.