You Might Not Want to Read This

[rn_xoxo]

I am a NURSE.

Did I make a mistake? Am I going to regret this for the rest of my life?

These thoughts keep running through my head. I roll around in bed, eating pizza and feeling sorry for myself. Nursing school was so hard. It took up a lot of my time, energy, money...and let's not forget the mental stress. When I first started telling people I am a nursing major is when I realized how negative people can be and how they crush your soul a little without even realizing it. Strangers, family, and friends.

I rarely heard words of encouragement "You know it is really hard to get into nursing school, you will be waiting forever."

Fast forward. I applied to an associate degree program in my area. Got in. "So isn't a Bachelor degree what you need?"

Fast forward. Graduation. "You know, it is nearly impossible to find a nursing job." "So you're going to be wiping people's butts for a living?"

I just wanted to shake these ignorant people. I did not shed blood, sweat, and tears for someone to think that my only task would be cleaning feces. I could write a book on all the things I have heard about my choice in profession.

The NCLEX was a traumatic experience. I told myself that if I failed it, that is it. I could not go through that type of exam again. I passed. I then started applying to what felt like a million nursing positions in hospitals. Not one call. Rejection emails flooded my inbox. I was tired of my job in sales so I decided to go ahead and apply to skilled nursing facilities. You know, what people look down on. Got an interview... got hired. I wasn't thrilled but I was happy to be using my license that I worked so hard for.

Met with a group of friends from nursing school for dinner. One of us in the group of 6 landed a hospital job. That was no surprise since she had worked there 10 plus years as a Unit Secretary/Nurse Assistant. First thing out of her mouth "How much are they paying you?" I reluctantly told her, in front of everyone. "You should really get a hospital job." Insinuating how much more money she makes. I wanted to scream. Everyone congratulated her, but not me. My job wasn't exciting and I didn't make $50+ an hour.

When will the negativity end? Why are nursing politics so prevalent? Who works where. Who makes what. New nurse versus seasoned nurse. Bachelor degree or Associate? Shouldn't we be united? Did we not all work hard for our license? Aren't we all smart?

I was no longer excited to go shop for scrubs. I sat through orientation at work with a headache and just wanted to cry. Truth is, I am scared. I am a new nurse. I don't know a lot, I have a lot to learn. However, how can I feel okay when I don't think I will get the support I need to thrive as a nurse? Did everyone at some point feel this way? I wanted to help people. I am caring and compassionate. I genuinely want to heal and make a difference.

I know it is not glamorous. I know it won't make me rich. Don't look down on me because I am a new graduate. Teach me. Guide me. Let me be great. It is not something you might have wanted to hear and I'm sure it didn't leave you with a warm, fuzzy feeling. But this is what I am going through. It is the truth and it is my experience.

[EwaAnn]

My reward is my patients. It is the management people I don't care for and like other professions, there are good and bad people. The bad ones take their stress out on their patients, try to dump their work off on other people, etc. I would go home and my back and legs are so sore, I just about fall into bed and crash hard, sometimes for 16 hours. There will be ups and downs in any career, just try not to let the downs overwhelm you. The best thing I did was get into homecare. When I went back to the LTC facility where I had been doing the work of 4 people just a few months after the new management people chased most of the old staff out and hired in all new grads for a lower wage, people were visibly stunned at how much better they said I looked. Hang in there and you will find a job sooner or later that will not eat you alive, burn you out. What they did at my old job was just start writing everybody up for anything and everything. Everyday we came into work, more threats posted by the time clock. The older nurses started getting stress related illnesses, one had to be hospitalized for a stroke level blood pressure. Others would throw up, they talked about how afraid they were to come into work because they didn't know if they were going to get fired. Then the new head hunting crew that the new attack dog administrator brought in started making us rotate units, then floors. That's almost like having to learn your job all over again. The best thing I did was quit that place and get into homecare. When the visits are low, you alternate between having your cable and internet shut off or missing a credit card payment, but I like my people and don't have to answer to, be constantly harassed, threatened, or otherwise have to answer to a bunch of lazy imbeciles that couldn't work the floor if their lives depended on it. There are ups and downs. Hang in there and hopefully you will find your niche where the ups outweigh the downs

Couldn't have said it any better.

[elisa938]

I have been a nurse for just about 18 months, still new as far as i am concerned, i learn tons of new things every day, i was very lucky to land a job in the ED right out of nursing school (i shadowed in the ED twice a week for 4 hours until they finally just decided to start paying me, it took me 4 months) any way two things i have learned, 1. i am blessed that i got the position I have and 2. I could never be a floor, ECF, LTAC, SLF or psych nurse... We need GOOD strong nurses to fill those spots. And honestly i unfortunately see a lot of neglect in the patients that come to US from local nursing homes and it breaks my heart. Staff there like many places are over worked and understaffed. So honestly, even though you feel its was better than nothing, it is a very important role. Take the passion and compassion i'm sure you have and strive to be the best care giver you can be to provide the best care you can to such a high risk population. Dont let other's negativity pull you down. You are vital and important and doing wonderful things! And take every opportunity to learn! You may find it is your calling, if not chalk it up to experience and life/nursing lessons and let it build you up!

[elisa938]

To new grads. Some advice that helped me... While you are applying for jobs, waiting to take the NCLEX... Shadow anywhere and everywhere you can. If you like somewhere keep going back if they will let you... It exposes you to new potential employers , new kinds of nursing and allows you to show your stuff and can really act as an on going interview and myabe help get your foot in the door. It also looks good on resumes. And as an added bonus (at least for me) it forces you to practically use the information you just learned in nursing school, helping your nursing critical thinking skills which in turn can really help on the dreaded NCLEX!!

[BlueDawnRN, BSN]

Nursing is one of those jobs that people could never understand unless they have walked in our shoes. Some of my favorite misconceptions people have voiced to me are:

"Night shift must be easy because your patients are all sleeping, right?"

(When I do wipe someone's butt) "Aren't the aids supposed to do that?"

(When I was in school and someone asked what my next test was on) "You don't have to know all that. You just need to do what the doctor tells you to."

(When I was looking for jobs) You can work anywhere you want. There are so many job postings for nurses!

(When I say I can't hang out because I have to work overnight that night) "Oh then we can just go out during the day before you have work." ...Because apparently I don't need to sleep at all.

And I've only been working for 6 months! I think it will always be like this for us, which is why we need the support if other nurses.

I must mention that I always defend LTC nurses whenever the topic comes up. Besides taking care of 5 times as many patients as we get in the hospital, you also know how to make due with less resources. You don't call respiratory therapy, or pharmacy, or a rapid response. You're IT in LTC. It's really admirable, and as others have said, nurses who work in LTC really do well in other areas as a result.

[EwaAnn]

People are so naive/ Clueless, They only see part of the picture and assume god only knows what. The worse thing is they think they know everything.

[Aonedayatatime]

Those people who do not work in nursing are speaking from ignorance. Shut them out. If someone is toxic get them out or set boundaries. Being a new nurse myself. It is extremely stressful anxiety ridden and takes time to grow in confidence. People who understand that go for support. Adn in nursing is an accomplishment. You can always bridge to bsn and heck get your employer to pay for it. That's the smart way go. I had several new nurses in my class boast about their jobs. I was hired where I was working within 12 hours of my interview. I didn't say anything because others were sweating it out. It's not classy to boast. Plus we are all new together. The girl bragging about her mental health gig, the prison nurse, and ice as new grad all have gotten beat up at work. People gossip and boast in their nature. It's hard not to take it personal. Just go to work and try the be the best nurse you can. You will touch live of those you help. You may not even realize who you helped in a profound way. Hang in there. As everyone reminds me the best way to get through it is to go through it! Try to rise above and not participate in the catty bs.

[NocturneRN]

Good point, Elisa938. An applicant for an ER position just shadowed me recently. Management does listen to staff when they make a recommendation (in some place the prospective coworkers actually do the interviewing), so it's a good idea to make yourself known to the staff where you want to work. It's a also a good idea to find out whether you think you and the department would be a good fit.

[animatedimp]

You described all my feelings when i first started looking for a job. The frustration feels overwhelming at first, and I've heard just about every nurse i know say "the first six weeks i just kept coming home and saying, I can't do this." But you have to push through that. you'll find your nich, and if needed use this job as a stepping stone to a better one. Sometimes you have to take small steps, and there's no shame in that.

[Swpeja]

I think what you're going through is normal. I have been a nurse for 21 years and all but 2 1/2 years spent in LTC. True, others feel it's not the most glamorous of nursing jobs, but the people you take care of and their families will appreciate you. I still go back and visit residents that I used to care for. There is plenty to learn in that setting. Get some experience under your belt and then make the decision about going elsewhere. You just may find you like it. Good luck!😊

[Kimmye66]

It's a start. I can guarantee once you start working you will care less what people think and build more confidence in yourself. And you are getting experience which will eventually take you to where you want to be. You have a nursing job! Congrats and ignore the negative people .

[305tilIdie]

I am so sorry you went through this. I did, also. I was discouraged and downgraded by everyone when I started out. I saw that it made others quit. I decided that it would make me prove them wrong. I want to know where you live that your classmate is making "$50+ an hour"??? When I got out of nursing school (1994), the only job I could get was prn (so no benefits) and daily abuse from psychiatric patients , and it paid $12.50 an hour. For evening shift! That was WITH the shift diff! 8 months later I went to a different psych hospital and went up to $15/hour (I made almost that much as a tech before nursing school). Even now, with 22 years of experience and two bachelors degrees and a MA (in psych), I do GOOD to make $41 an hour. And that is above average in Tennessee. Where do you make $50 an hour right of nursing school? And, it gets better. Don't give up. It is worth every bit of blood, sweat, and tears. But the payoff is NOT in money...it is in the (rare but awesome) "thank you...you made a difference...you saved my life". It doesn't happen a lot, but it is an awesome feeling. If you are in it for the money, you picked the wrong field. Lol. But if you are in it to help others? Then you just need to be patient. And surround yourself with positive people. There is no better career (calling) in the world.

[RN19]

Thanks for sharing!

You aren't alone in your struggle. I think the majority of individuals face a hard time like this within their careers. Nursing school is difficult and NCLEX is a bear, but YOU made it through that!! There is no shame in working where you are-those pts need good care and love and compassion, just like any other pt at any other facility. If this is not where you desire to be, then keep applying for those jobs that you really want! I know from experience that sometimes you can take a position within an organization and then transfer to a different type of nursing unit later. Sometimes it's just getting in that is really tough. Now if you know someone who is working at a place you'd like to work ask them if you can use them as a reference. Sometimes a good reference can carry a lot of weight! You Can do this and you are not alone! There is a whole community of nurses out there and a wealth of knowledge to be shared. May you find one who is willing to pour that knowledge and skill into you! You obviously have the determination and heart for nursing. This will pass and you will come out on top and most likely go father than anyone (including yourself) thought you would! Hang in there!!