Thought I would share this will you all, found on a web site some years age and it still makes me smile, I used to put this in the New staff induction Pack it set the tone perfectly
ØDiscussion of dismemberment over a full meal seems perfectly normal.
ØYour idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
ØYou believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
ØYou believe that people should need a permit to reproduce.
ØYou believe that chocolate is a food group.
ØYou believe that the unspeakable will occur if someone says, "Boy, sure is quiet around here".
ØYou compliment strangers on the size of their veins.
ØYou sometimes refer to death as the "Etemal Care Unit."
ØYou occasionally have to leave a patients room before you start laughing uncontrollably.
ØYou believe that "too stupid too live" is a real diagnosis.
ØYou have asked patients, "What changed after 5 days (interchangeable with months/years) to make you come to the emergency department at 2 am?"
ØYou believe the waiting room should be stocked with a Valium salt-lick.
ØWhen you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group.
ØYou are NOT surprised when a patient says, "I have no idea how it got stuck in there."
ØYou have weekends off marked and planned for at least a whole year.
ØYou sometimes enjoy psych patients for their "entertainment value."
ØYou think patient dumping should be a more literal term.
ØYou hate airbags because the cause, "unnecessary repeat business."
ØYou can accurately guess blood alcohol to within 0.5 from the patients breath alone.
ØYou create a points scale for suicides based on "originality and creative performance."
ØYou think education means a pamphlet explaining, "What works, a guide for suicidal patients."
ØYou refer to an unattended birth as a "bungie jumper."
ØYou are filled with jealous rage when you find a patient, "resting comfortably."
ØYou think the term, "Not for resus" is too cool for words.
ØYou day dream of retiring to some place where there's no old people.
ØYou believe that any evidence of faeces or urine about a patient - should be sufficient evidence for a DNR order.
ØYou believe that 999 should be changed to a minimum length of 30 digits to reduce the frequency of moron access.