Thought I would share this will you all, found on a web site some years age and it still makes me smile, I used to put this in the New staff induction Pack it set the tone perfectly
ØDiscussion of dismemberment over a full meal seems perfectly normal.
ØYour idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
ØYou believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
ØYou believe that people should need a permit to reproduce.
ØYou believe that chocolate is a food group.
ØYou believe that the unspeakable will occur if someone says, "Boy, sure is quiet around here".
ØYou compliment strangers on the size of their veins.
ØYou sometimes refer to death as the "Etemal Care Unit."
ØYou occasionally have to leave a patients room before you start laughing uncontrollably.
ØYou believe that "too stupid too live" is a real diagnosis.
ØYou have asked patients, "What changed after 5 days (interchangeable with months/years) to make you come to the emergency department at 2 am?"
ØYou believe the waiting room should be stocked with a Valium salt-lick.
ØWhen you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group.
ØYou are NOT surprised when a patient says, "I have no idea how it got stuck in there."
ØYou have weekends off marked and planned for at least a whole year.
ØYou sometimes enjoy psych patients for their "entertainment value."
ØYou think patient dumping should be a more literal term.
ØYou hate airbags because the cause, "unnecessary repeat business."
ØYou can accurately guess blood alcohol to within 0.5 from the patients breath alone.
ØYou create a points scale for suicides based on "originality and creative performance."
ØYou think education means a pamphlet explaining, "What works, a guide for suicidal patients."
ØYou refer to an unattended birth as a "bungie jumper."
ØYou are filled with jealous rage when you find a patient, "resting comfortably."
ØYou think the term, "Not for resus" is too cool for words.
ØYou day dream of retiring to some place where there's no old people.
ØYou believe that any evidence of faeces or urine about a patient - should be sufficient evidence for a DNR order.
ØYou believe that 999 should be changed to a minimum length of 30 digits to reduce the frequency of moron access.
OMG dynamaps! Do you find Whisper, that you are sat quiet and you hear "beep beep beep" and are bewildered as to what it is and you find it's the dynamap on the corridor somewhere beeping to itself for no apparant reason? Probably because it likes to hear the sound of it's own beep!
OMG it isn't just me! I thought I was hearing things:) I often walk alaround the ward looking for the beep only to find it comming from the equipment cupboard or down a corridor... Guess I should really start looking there fist!
Specializes in midwifery, ophthalmics, general practice.
:) and it used to be me getting lost by the terminology;)
a dynamap or dinamap is an electronic BP machine, which beeps when its battery is flat or when it can't get a reading or whenever it feels like it.
the alaris I was reffering to is a syringe driver which doesn't only beep but plays a little tune.:rotfl:
electronic BP machine :rotfl: wouldnt have a clue how to use one.. give me a mercury sphig any day!!! and syringe drivers....... even less of a clue!! guess I've been a nurse too long!! :rotfl:
I've only been a HCA 9 months on and Emergency Medical Assessment Unit and I start my Childrens Nursing in September but I've already stored up lots of these sayings!
You've been a Nurse/HCA too long...
When you can watch edam being suctioned out of somebodies mouth and then go eat exactly the same kind of cheese on crackers without squirming.
Nothing puts you off your food.
You need the toilet at the beginning of the shift and still need to go at the end.
You've attached a sats probe to every possible part of someones body desperate to pick up a reading.
Your alarm clock sounds like the emergency buzzer.
You've ever crashed the crash trolley.
You've restrained more people than you've had hot dinners.
You enjoy tannoying people who don't answer their bleeps.
I dread patients who require manual bp's, I am not that confident with a sphigometer and usually end up doing it twice just to be sure.
Guess I haven't been a (student) nurse long enough!:)
Bless you Whisper, when I trained nearly 14 years ago we did not have the benefit or non of dinamaps and had to rely on manual sphygs, doing obs on a whole ward of 24+ patients on the late shift. It really is the best way of getting an accurate reading of a patient and staff have become too reliant on using machinery.
ladytraviler
187 Posts
How about the teen that comes in with abd pain, states no sex, and is complete and ready to push. But can't be pregnant.