Would you turn family into CPS???

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Nov 23, 2008

So where will Sally go if not to your in-laws?

I don't know. I know I would not have jeopardized her placement with another family member were I not willing to take her in myself.

I hope it turns out well.

allnurses Guide · Nov 23, 2008

Yes you did the right thing.

If there are drugs in the house, the girl should not be there.

At least the group home is trying to care for her bipolar problems, do you really think enablers or possible drug abusers would do anything consistently for her?

Did you do this out of anger or a desire to hurt the in-laws? or because you really think it isn't the best thing for Sally?

Do what is right isn't always popular, or easy, just right. :icon_hug:

allnurses Guide · Nov 23, 2008

I think you did the right thing too.

And yes, I would turn my family in.

steph

txnursingqt · Nov 23, 2008

I have no ill feelings towards my in-laws at all, in fact they are wonderful caring people. The problem is that they do not have the skills needed to care for "Sally". They currently get her on the weekends and are at their wits ends by the time she goes back to the group home. I don't know how they think they can handle her full time. I just think that if they really cared so much they would not put up with having the drug addicted son there. And I know that this is a very judgemental statement but if you judge on past history...well my in-laws have 4 kids and out of the 4 only 1 graduated highschool, all of them have used drugs, 1 is a stripper and just had a baby (worked as a stripper up until she was 7 months pregnant, but at least she was working) but also she did drugs while pregnant, 3 of them have done jail time, need I go on? So in other words we are not talking about the best parents here.

As far as taking "Sally" in myself, well I would do it in a hearbeat if I was in the place to do so. My husband and I are now living with my parents while we both attend school and work and there is no way that we could handle her. Plus we don't even have a home to bring her to since we are living out of a bedroom right now!

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Nov 23, 2008

I wish all of you luck.

Man, family's hard, huh.

allnurses Guide · Nov 23, 2008

I knew you had no ill feelings, it was a rhetorical question to drive home the point you have no reason to feel guilty!

:redbeathe

We're here for you.

SunnyAndrsn · Nov 23, 2008

yes, you did the right thing. The SW doing the homestudy is gathering information to determine if this family member will be an appropriate home for Sally. She'll talk to lots of family members.

Too often people are not willing to speak up because they fear that then no one in the family can still be involved, and that's simply not true. Do you want to be a postitive influence in this child's life? Please consider being her caregiver instead. If nothing else, consider establishing a relationship to keep that family connection.

For what it's worth, I'm a foster parent, and have been for 7 years now. We're getting out because the system sucks. The kids are worth it, but the system is horrifically broken and we're exhausted.

I am wondering if I did the right thing. Here is the backstory. My husband's mother and stepfather are going through a homestudy because they are trying to get custody of their niece (my husband's cousin). Well the lady doing the homestudy called to speak to my husband and he is at work and I asked her if she would like to hear my opinion and she said yes. I told her that I don't believe this would be the best thing for "Sally" because my father-in-law has his son and his son's wife and child living there and they are abusing drugs. My step-brother-in-law is a meth addict and both him and his wife have used marijuana in front of their child. I also know that my FIL has used meth himself and continues to do so, even though he denies it. He will stay up for days then when he comes down....well you better watch out because he is a jerk.
"Sally" is currently in a group home and being treated for being bipolar. Both of her parents are drug addicts and have been in and out of jail. She has had an absolute horrible childhood. My heart breaks for her. She is so excited about moving into my in-laws house, but she just doesn't know what she is in store for.
I felt that I had to tell the homestudy lady about what is going on. My husband feels like I just jeopardized things for "Sally" and that I ruined it for her. I feel like someone needs to stand up for this poor child. She is currently 12, almost 13. She needs a very stable home. I love my in-laws but they are not the best role models. And what really bothers me is that I believe "Sally" needs to be priority number one and if they were all that concerned with her coming then their drug addicted son would be OUT!!! I know my husband agrees with me on some things but he just doesn't want to make waves. Well too late for that now. I can't take back what I told the lady.
Did I do the right thing? I just don't think that I should be made to feel guilty. I am not the one who takes drugs, they are the ones who are ruining this for "Sally" not me. Man this is just a mess. Should I have just kept quiet? Plus on top of this I am pretty sure my husband had told him mom that I was thinking of saying something, so they are going to know it was me who told.

Midwest4me · Nov 23, 2008

Of course you did the right thing! I've done the same.

soulofme · Nov 23, 2008

You did the right thing for this girl...and your husband should keep his mouth SHUT and not say anything to his mother!

Thornbird · Nov 23, 2008

It is a very difficult thing that you did. But, it was the right thing. Even though a group home is not family, it is better than a bad family. I have a teen with Bipolar Disorder myself. Dealing with the needs of a child like "Sally" is a full time job that requires a lot of patience. This child needs stability and good role models. It will do no good if her therapists are telling her the dangers of drugs, especially when added to Bipolar but she is seeing it all around her. Bipolar disorder may be genetic in this family, given what you have said about them. They all need help and until they get it are not in a position to care for "Sally". I hope your husband keeps his mouth shut. Homestudy workers talk to a lot of people and your in-laws need not know what you said if hubby doesn't tell them.

Even though you can't take "Sally" yourself, I hope you consider forming a positive relationship with her. Mentors are badly needed by kids like her and hard to find. You, as a nurse, set a fine example of the positive things a young woman can do with her life. Best of luck to you. DON'T FEEL GUILTY!

rngolfer53 · Nov 23, 2008

Given the facts you stated, you did the right thing in giving this pertinent information to the SW. Armed with it, the SW can perhaps put conditions on Sally moving into the home, such as the drug users moving OUT.

If your in-laws are unable to see, or unwilling to mitigate the dangers to a bi-polar kid r/t active drug use in the home, then they're probably not a good choice for this vulnerable child.

Yes, it's hard to go against family, but Sally is family, too.