I am wondering if I did the right thing. Here is the backstory. My husband's mother and stepfather are going through a homestudy because they are trying to get custody of their niece (my husband's cousin). Well the lady doing the homestudy called to speak to my husband and he is at work and I asked her if she would like to hear my opinion and she said yes. I told her that I don't believe this would be the best thing for "Sally" because my father-in-law has his son and his son's wife and child living there and they are abusing drugs. My step-brother-in-law is a meth addict and both him and his wife have used marijuana in front of their child. I also know that my FIL has used meth himself and continues to do so, even though he denies it. He will stay up for days then when he comes down....well you better watch out because he is a jerk.
"Sally" is currently in a group home and being treated for being bipolar. Both of her parents are drug addicts and have been in and out of jail. She has had an absolute horrible childhood. My heart breaks for her. She is so excited about moving into my in-laws house, but she just doesn't know what she is in store for.
I felt that I had to tell the homestudy lady about what is going on. My husband feels like I just jeopardized things for "Sally" and that I ruined it for her. I feel like someone needs to stand up for this poor child. She is currently 12, almost 13. She needs a very stable home. I love my in-laws but they are not the best role models. And what really bothers me is that I believe "Sally" needs to be priority number one and if they were all that concerned with her coming then their drug addicted son would be OUT!!! I know my husband agrees with me on some things but he just doesn't want to make waves. Well too late for that now. I can't take back what I told the lady.
Did I do the right thing? I just don't think that I should be made to feel guilty. I am not the one who takes drugs, they are the ones who are ruining this for "Sally" not me. Man this is just a mess. Should I have just kept quiet? Plus on top of this I am pretty sure my husband had told him mom that I was thinking of saying something, so they are going to know it was me who told.
It is so hard to make these decision, isn't it? Your angst about speaking up is evident. Sorry for this horrible situation.
Yes it is very hard to make these decisions. I come from a family that is fairly normal, yet still dysfunctional in its own ways, but nothing like DH family. He doesn't want to live like them at all but I know he is torn because he loves them all so much.
Just the other day he told his mother that he wishes he had a "normal" family and she got very offended and said that she is normal, that everyone is just crazy. I sometimes feel sorry for her but then again she makes the choices to put up with it all. She is one of those women who has no backbone and lives in a constant state of denial. Oh, the stories that I could tell. My DH and his siblings got away with murder because she just turned a blind eye. They have pictures from a family trip to the tropics in their living room and the pictures are of the kids drinking beer (at age of 11-15yrs old) and they tell stories all the time about how they bought crack rocks from the locals. She says she didn't know about it, but hello, isn't it just as bad if you didn't know it was going on right in front of your nose? Plus there are pictures of them all together at the table drinking. It just blows my mind.
I come from a family of very opinionated and strong women and if anything happens in my family the offender is definitely going to hear it! LOL Plus my older sister is a family law attorney and is very involved with abused children and acts as an advocate. She advised me to make the report that I did.
Only you know whether or not you did right. I feel terrible that some kids just never really get a chance in life. Not only is Sally bipolar but she has a horrible family to boot and gets to grow up in foster care.
Yes it is very hard to make these decisions. I come from a family that is fairly normal, yet still dysfunctional in its own ways, but nothing like DH family. He doesn't want to live like them at all but I know he is torn because he loves them all so much.
Just the other day he told his mother that he wishes he had a "normal" family and she got very offended and said that she is normal, that everyone is just crazy. I sometimes feel sorry for her but then again she makes the choices to put up with it all. She is one of those women who has no backbone and lives in a constant state of denial. Oh, the stories that I could tell. My DH and his siblings got away with murder because she just turned a blind eye. They have pictures from a family trip to the tropics in their living room and the pictures are of the kids drinking beer (at age of 11-15yrs old) and they tell stories all the time about how they bought crack rocks from the locals. She says she didn't know about it, but hello, isn't it just as bad if you didn't know it was going on right in front of your nose? Plus there are pictures of them all together at the table drinking. It just blows my mind.
I come from a family of very opinionated and strong women and if anything happens in my family the offender is definitely going to hear it! LOL Plus my older sister is a family law attorney and is very involved with abused children and acts as an advocate. She advised me to make the report that I did.
Fair enough :redpinkhe
I don't blame you for not calling sooner...it's very, very hard to call on a family member because since you work in the healthcare profession, you know how these kid's world's get turned upside down.
On the flipside (and I know this isn't the same situation)...we have a neighbor that asked if my son could come over and play with her son for awhile (they are the same age)...that gave me some "girl time" with my daughter and let my son do the "boy thing"...their mother is a lady that I grew up with my entire life.
She brought my son back two hours later...said he was an angel and when I picked him up and gave him a hug...well, a very familiar odor was on his clothes and his hair.
Salems...they weren't...if you catch my drift....no pun intended.
I bathed my child, washed his clothes, and called my husband about it. My friend next door, she has some very serious health conditions and it constantly in quite a bit of pain and on a lot of medications. We both came to the conclusion that she was probably "smoking" in relation to her pain.
They are very attentive parents to their own son...he's always clean, house is spotless, I have never once heard them even yell at him. Husband has a good job, mother is very hands on.
I figured if that is the worst thing she is doing...then we agreed to let it go. I can't permit my child to go back over there unless I am there (b/c what if he had got hurt and we had to take him to the ER)...but sometimes these situations are not exactly black and white.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I believe I would have reported this fact as well. From what you are saying, the girl is bipolar, would be exposed to meth, and it is true that she needs a stable background. I am curious to where she would be placed, now, however, I don't believe you should take her in if you don't want to. I don't see conflict in wanting the best for a child, but not wanting to intercede personally by taking her in.
My MIL called my DH tonight at work and told him that CPS came today but that they didn't find anything and said they are cleared. She also told him that my BIL got a job driving a truck and is leaving on Monday and that his wife is going to move into an apt as soon as he gets his first check. She said that "Sally" is still going to come there. Guess we will see. All I know is that I did what I could and had to report what I know.
txnursingqt
292 Posts
Yes it is very hard to make these decisions. I come from a family that is fairly normal, yet still dysfunctional in its own ways, but nothing like DH family. He doesn't want to live like them at all but I know he is torn because he loves them all so much.
Just the other day he told his mother that he wishes he had a "normal" family and she got very offended and said that she is normal, that everyone is just crazy. I sometimes feel sorry for her but then again she makes the choices to put up with it all. She is one of those women who has no backbone and lives in a constant state of denial. Oh, the stories that I could tell. My DH and his siblings got away with murder because she just turned a blind eye. They have pictures from a family trip to the tropics in their living room and the pictures are of the kids drinking beer (at age of 11-15yrs old) and they tell stories all the time about how they bought crack rocks from the locals. She says she didn't know about it, but hello, isn't it just as bad if you didn't know it was going on right in front of your nose? Plus there are pictures of them all together at the table drinking. It just blows my mind.
I come from a family of very opinionated and strong women and if anything happens in my family the offender is definitely going to hear it! LOL Plus my older sister is a family law attorney and is very involved with abused children and acts as an advocate. She advised me to make the report that I did.