Would you be insulted?

Nurses General Nursing

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Would you be insulted if you were never asked to precept and people with less experience than you were being asked to precept left and right?

I have been at my job for three years. The clinical nurse educator used to work on the floor and she precepted me and basically told me I was too stupid to work in the specialty. I ended up having to ask for a different preceptor and the two new ones I got disagreed and here we are three years later. She was promoted as clinical nurse educator and I can tell she hates me or at the very least thinks lowly of me.

I asked a fellow coworker (one I trust) if I should be worried, if it means that I am too stupid or terrible. She says I should consider myself lucky. Also, if I was so terrible, I would have been fired ages ago.

I would have thought with the extremely high turnover and the fact that I am quickly becoming more experienced that I would have been asked but then I remembered my history with the nurse educator.

How should I approach this, if at all? It isn't that I necessarily want to precept, but it bothers me that there may be a reason I haven't been asked.

Or should I thank my lucky stars?

Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

I've been slighted in that way too. I would take great satisfaction in doing nothing about it. Would never give her the satisfaction of asking for any feedback (telling anyone they're stupid just shows how valuable any feedback from her is going to be). I wouldn't ask to precept (consider it a dodged bullet).

Just keep on being the best nurse, employee and coworker you can be. Be friendly and helpful to the newbies. And enjoy watching her cut off her nose to spite her face when she's resorting to inexperienced preceptors with the inevitable fallout. (You can call that passive-aggressive and I won't dispute it.)

On a side note: is it possible you're reading some of your coworkers wrong? Is it possible they perceive you as prickly? Is it possible you could throw out some general good wishes ("hope your kid has a good swimming tournament" or "hope your little one starts feeling better soon" etc.)?

At least you have an exit plan.

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Specializes in corrections and LTC.

Some of the best nurses are the worst teachers. It has nothing to do with your nursing abilities. Whether it is because the educator does not like you or not, cherish that extra time that you get to spend giving good patient care.

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Specializes in ED, psych.

Be like Elsa. The colleague has a problem, not you.

Congrats on grad school!

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I was refused for preceptorship because I was politically unpopular at a state agency. Yes, it annoyed me, and is one of the several reasons I am no longer there.

Well, another employer offered me twice the money, tee hee

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
28 minutes ago, Oldmahubbard said:

I was refused for preceptorship because I was politically unpopular at a state agency. Yes, it annoyed me, and is one of the several reasons I am no longer there.

Well, another employer offered me twice the money, tee hee

A live well-lived is the best revenge. I don't know who I'm quoting, but I've always loved this one.

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Specializes in Tele, Dialysis, Med-Surg, ICU,GI.

Hi Princess Bride! I felt the same way on my unit too. I didn't precept either in my ICU, I was not a big personality on my unit. I kept to myself but I got annoyed I was not ask to precept. When I finally got the opportunity I did shine but it was too late. They asked me to go to the preceptor class but I was already leaving the unit. It feels if you are not a preceptor its your management saying you are not a good nurse. However, they like to assign these things to nurses who are bubbly and outgoing and may make the preceptee feel comfortable, its not based on experience and know how. Don't take it personally. You are on to bigger and better....

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I've had the same experience. One of our educators did not like me at first. So when they assigned orientees, I was skipped. My then-manager, assigned me to precept. After some time with no negative feedback, my name was added to the list (in our department) of "preferred/primary preceptors". And then we went through a really high turnover period - and I had someone with me ALL THE TIME.

I missed out on having some of THE MOST ANNOYING people we had on orientation for a long time while I wasn't the "favorite". Precepting can be great, or it can be a great pain. It depends on the person you're paired with and whether it's a primary assignment or a "your primary called out so - go with Furbabymom for the day". I have some folks I've precepted who we're good friends and get along great. I have had favorites - but that is the nature of personalities...some of us mesh really well and others don't.

I'm an introvert too. I tell my orientees that - that it's not personal, but that at first I'm quiet. It does not mean I don't like them, that I have a problem - but is just how I am. I work with them to discuss their "plan for the day". I've been badly burnt from precepting too - for a lot of reasons I won't share details here. All I will say is that luckily, my then manager and then director knew me well.

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Specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

Thank you for all the replies. It really means a lot!

To answer your questions, I am going back to school to become a Nurse Practitioner, so not quite education-related, though I thought precepting would be a good resume-builder. I know that confronting the educator would probably create a backlash, and I am trying to stay under the radar.

I do my best to engage in small talk and I get along with my co-workers on a professional level, but I get left out because I don't fit in. It is one of the reasons that has pushed me to pursue higher education, that feeling of isolation.

One of the assistant managers has told me that I am quiet. I have never been outgoing and don't have any close friends; it has been like that since high school, and I have become accustomed to it.

It is nice to hear from other people that I shouldn't let this bother me. It is just hard not to feel a little slighted, but I need to keep my emotions checked and not let this consume me.

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Ok, T-P-B, here's my take - if you really want to put 'preceptor role' in the 'done it' column of your C.V. - for experiential skills, as a prerequisite for your course, then make the effort to put it to the 'powers that be' - on that basis.

I doubt that any profient nurse educator could justify denial of such a request on views from years ago, or on emotive grounds, as you appear to suggest.

& if your current skills were sub-par she'd surely have to specify how & why, as a professional rationale for turning you down. ( If you do 'poke the bear').

However, if you are only seeking some form of belated acceptance by this nurse educator that she was wrong then, or ought to be now - belatedly, 'making it right' - primarily based on your own ego-sensitivity levels, then do ask yourself if it serves any useful purpose, or if it could even result in some unintended or unwanted (negative) consequences.

Since your actual peer-colleagues do respect your professional capacities on a day-to-day basis, along with accepting your ( ok, perhaps, 'autism-spectrum')personality style, then I'd be checking any any tendency/propensity towards mildly paranoid ideation, rather than ruminating on, or getting angsty about, any views others may have once held about you, (& def' no longer append).

Good on you for putting it out there, though, & best wishes too.

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Specializes in NICU/Neonatal transport.

I try to remember that not everyone is going to like me. All I ask is that they behave professionally towards me at work. It sounds like she is at least meeting that standard.

I probably wouldn't confront her on it, considering you are dropping your hours and going to school (non-full time makes it harder to precept) and there's a chance it could make it worse. I tend to be a direct person, and unfortunately, some people really prefer passive aggressive type communication. ? They view direct communication as aggressive and threatening, which can make her defensive, and once someone is defensive, you've already lost.

I agree that it is possible there is some racial component to it, even if it is not conscious, that doesn't mean implicit bias isn't influencing their perceptions. (and you have your own implicit biases, we all do) but especially when you are the only one of a certain group, it definitely "others" you more. Some people become great friends with people from work. Others are friendly at work, but leave it there. Some just get through their day and go home. I'm usually the middle, not always by choice, but I also tend to not fit in, my personality, position in life, hobbies, interests, and most things just tend to not be like what a lot of other peoples' are.

Good luck in NP school. What specialty are you going for? What school? ?

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Specializes in Oncology, Home Health, Patient Safety.
On 2/23/2019 at 3:53 PM, ThePrincessBride said:

I know what you mean. It just bothers me to know a colleague thinks so poorly of me and harbors bad feelings toward me even years after the fact, you know?

I do know - this is one of the toughest things to get over. I honestly hate knowing what someone else thinks of me sometimes, because I just obsess about it. You may never be able to change how she feels about you, so you'll have to do some hard emotional work and try to reach a point where you stop caring. It's not easy and I just want you to know you aren't alone. I have been there and it sucks. One thing I have tried that has helped me is the work of Byron Katie - she is masterful at helping you let go of things you can't control. Her website is free - and her youtube videos are awesome. Here's her website if you want to check it out. http://thework.com/en

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On 2/24/2019 at 6:05 AM, Been there,done that said:

THAT is the colleague's problem, don't make it yours. If she wants to remain petty and vindictive , your best bet is to ignore it.

By the way, precepting is not a badge of honor, it is mainly a pain in the tookas.

This^

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