Worried

[Bonnielou99]

Hello, this is my first time to post. I have been a nurse since 1970, have always worked full time or part time. I and my husband have raised three great kids, and because of his job, have moved a lot through the U.S. We have lived in our current location about 4 years.

Last spring I had a headache for a month, it would go away with regular strength tylenol. I went to my GP and he said come back in a week if it was not better. Two days later I was a work, and began to walk unsteady in the halls. My nurse manager cracked a wheelchair behind my knees and said I was to go to the ER. In ER they drew blood, did an EKG and a head CT. They called my husband and he was in the room with me, when the ER doctor came in and said "No wonder you had a headace, you have a brain tumor." That was nine months ago. I had a biopsy, radiatition therepy and chemo. I was told Oct 1st, that I am in remission. I am supposed to go back to work after the first of the year, but this is why I am worried. I cannot seem to get in third gear. I go to the gym and seem quite strong. I can lift and do anything I want around the house. Mentally I think I am OK. It is just I hit a wall, and really no reason for me to continue on with any activity. I just stop. Well I can't do that at work. How do you prepare for a 12 hour night shift, in ICU? I also know my co-workers, and wouldn't be surprised to find myself with a "hard" patient and the admission because I have been "on vacation".

I think I am just using up energy worrying about things that may or may not happen (isn't that what worry is). How do I get ready for this, or can I?

Thanks for any advice you may share.

[Jules A, MSN]

Hi,

Wow you have been through so much. I am glad you are in remission. Maybe now is the time to consider a less stressful, part-time nursing position? Hugs, Jules

[ghillbert, MSN, NP]

Your colleagues would consider brain tumor treatment a "vacation"? Gee, they sound nice...

Can you discuss your concerns with your manager, and perhaps work out a plan to ease back into it?

[Batman24]

I'm so sorry you have been so ill. I'm happy to read you are doing much better. God bless you.

Scary that your co-workers who are nurses would consider a brain tumor a vacation. Dear Lord that's awful.

Could you go back p/t to start?! I really think 12 hours will be too much especially with a less than supportive staff. Could you make the switch out of bedside nursing into office nursing with better hours and perhaps less stress?! Whatever you do don't let this job set your health back. It's not worth it.

[Katnip, RN]

Everything you've been through has been extremely stressful and frankly, your health was in danger. No wonder you're hesitating to go back to work. In addition to all the medical help you've gotten, have you also gotten any counseling or seen your EAP at work? This could help you be more emotionally prepared for a return to work, or help you decide if that's the same field you want to go back to.

[leslie :-D]

(((worried))), i am so pleased to hear that you are doing better.

but i totally agree, that you should ease back into work.

it's not only your body that has taken a beaten during tx, but your psyche as well.

nevermind going back to 12 hr shifts...

you need to transition back into some form of overall normalcy and routine.

please contact eap, as katnip suggested.

they would be the people who could help you.

many gentle hugs...

leslie

[la bellota, BSN, RN]

I am happy that you pulled through. That is wonderful.

Maybe with this new chance you should try some different part of nursing that you *always* wanted to do. Maybe your body and mind are trying to tell you something....that you are meant to test the waters and break your own boundries. If the environment you would be returning to is as toxic as that...it really is worth considering. This is your 2nd chance! You have so much to give. Give it! And don't let it be taken from you! You have earned it. I hope you let us know how you do! God Bless!

[patrick1rn, MSN, RN, NP]

Your a brave woman

Have you considered antidepressants?

Have you considered working part time at first and going from there ?

Any chance you could pick up one of those administrative positions ?

weight your options

pat

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i'm so glad you're in remission!

while i've never had a brain tumor, i have found myself in the position of going back to work after six months of enforced rest with a back injury. like you, i was very nervous about it -- i wondered how i'd ever get up to speed again and remember everything i needed to remember to work in a busy icu. i had nightmares about it the entire time i was on medical leave! when it was time to go back to work, i started with 3 eight hour shifts a week. (my doctor wrote a note to my manager, and no one gave me any problems about it.) at first, that was all i could do. i was mentally exhausted as well as physically. but gradually, i worked longer hours and was back up to speed in about two months.

i was worried, too, about how my co-workers would receive me when i finally came back to work. the unit culture was very toxic, and many of my co-workers had been openly hostile prior to my injury. to my great surprise, they welcomed me back and it seems that some of the folks i considered least friendly prior to the injury were the most supportive and welcoming afterward. you, too may be very pleasantly surprised by the welcome you get.

i'll keep my fingers crossed for your successful return to work!

[medsurgrnco, BSN, RN]

I cannot seem to get in third gear. I go to the gym and seem quite strong. I can lift and do anything I want around the house. Mentally I think I am OK. It is just I hit a wall, and really no reason for me to continue on with any activity. I just stop. Well I can't do that at work.

I think you need to explore more this hitting the wall stuff and stopping. If you decide you do have a reason to continue on, can you do an intense mental activity for hours at a stretch? Until you are able to do this outside of work, I don't think you're ready to go back to even 8 hour shifts unless you could find a slower-paced job than the ICU.

[Melinurse]

{{{ HUGS }}} Wow. You've been through alot. I agree with the others in considering easing back into nursing. Perhaps somewhere with 8 hour shifts and part time? Or maybe something in teaching? :heartbeat Do take care and I am so glad to hear you are getting better.

[island40]

I have Crohn's and 2 years ago found myself out of work for 6 months recovering from a severe flare and 3 abdominal surgeries. I had to find a new job- I was not physically able to do the old one. I really like community health- it is not like the fast pased, group experience that hospital nursing is. But it is rewarding and less physically demanding.