Workplace Bullying-Nursing or 7th Grade?

[rbs105, ADN, MSN, RN]

I just posted a blog and wanted to share it here because of the reactions I've gotten...this has become a topic of great interest for me in nursing and it is being tied to patient safety. If you have an institution where this has been successfully stopped, please comment.

My 12-year-old daughter has recently been having problems with other kids at school. It's the usual, I-can't-figure-out-who-I-am-so-I'm-going-to-torment-you, 7th grade problems.

Unfortunately, many similarities exist between 7th grade bullying and workplace bullying. You'd expect that maturity would kick in, but I have found that sadly, even though the setting has changed, the behavior has not.

A few months ago, I discovered the book called The No ******* Rule-Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn't by Bob Sutton I do not receive any benefit for plugging this book, but I have to highly recommend it-regardless of your profession.

I am typically an outgoing person, but as an OR nurse working with a small staff, I found myself being torn down to the point where my self-worth was squashed, and my motivation became non-existent. My bullies were referred to as the Triangle of Terror- three women who did what they could to tear down, intimidate, and spread rumors about others. I have to mention that each member of this Triangle had worked there for an extensive amount of time and were very skilled at what they did. Their talent and seniority ensured their value to the department and many surgeons preferred to have them in their case.

It started at the beginning of my employment. Nit-picking my skills, telling my manager that I should have never been hired. If I presented an idea, it was quickly shot down or mocked by one of them. If I worked well with a surgeon, they would loudly point out my imperfections-sometimes right in the middle of the case. After time, I began to believe them. I should have never been hired. If I did well, it must have been a fluke-surely a failure was right around the corner. My paranoia grew as I was certain they were sharing every faulting detail with anyone who would listen.

I had allies, and I was not the only target. Frankly, these friends are what kept me coming back each day. However, because of the environment of fear, even though they witnessed the bullying, and knew it was going on, no one wanted to stand up. Speaking out only reserved your spot as the next victim. It was best to just come, do your job and go home.

The ripple effect from their behavior was crushing. I took my stories home and dumped them on my husband. He could do nothing but helplessly watch and try his best to keep my spirit alive. My attitude and mood were sour every day when I came home and I'm certain my children felt it. My health took a hit and my sick days were used to the max.

After 19 months of being slowly broken, the best thing I did was to quit-even though I was stepping away from my benefits and a job that I loved (I didlove the job itself). Nearly two years after leaving, I think I am finally healing. Writing about it, hearing the experience of others and knowing what they went through has also helped.

Workplace bullying is rampant. From my experience, the same stress, insecurity and competition that drove the 7th grade torment has the ability to manifest it's ugly head in adults-and for some WRONG reason, especially in nursing. In writing this, I am hoping to bring comfort to those who are bullied and awareness to those who might be bullying others. If you've ever wondered if you might be the problem, I encourage you to test yourself and find out! Share your story, speak out and support others....you never know who may be experiencing the same pain, or who you might be able to help!

[NurseFrustrated]

I've been a hospital RN for nine years and I was talking about this very subject with a non-nurse friend of mine at lunch today. I told her that I find it strange that the supposedly "caring" field of healthcare attracts so many people with nasty and rude personalities. You would think that it would attract people with big hearts who want to help others. Instead I have found it to attract some very lazy, rude, and mean people with terrible attitudes and terrible work ethics. I worked with better coworkers in fast food restaurants when I was in college. I don't get it.

[elijahvegas, ASN, RN, EMT-P]

that sounds truly awful and im sorry to hear that youve had such a rough time. ive never really had to experience bullying other than general buffoonery in the form of chop busting, but nothing ever really serious. and i cant imagine trying to stand up to anyone with seniority alone--im skiddish enough as it is. but i suppose its better to have left than to turn into something ugly and spiteful like them that you dont even recognize at the end of the day, or subjecting yourself to a work environment that crushes your spirit day in and day out. hopefully you will/have moved on to bigger and broader horizons and friendlier faces

[jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B]

I certainly hope, OP, that on your exit interview, or when you put in your resignation, that you were very clear as to why. I find it so distressing when the worst attitudes of people are continued to be tolerated.

Just for general information, there are incident reports that can be filled out and some can be without one's name attached. And there's parent company ethic hotlines. Also, there is a part of most every parent company HR department that is specific to employee relations.

Not that one wants to get into slandering anyone else, however, specific non-subjective information is widely different.

"Triangle of Terror" who are adults in a professional enviroment is mind blowing to me!

[Mr. Murse]

I haven't been subject to bullying since high school, so I can't really relate as an adult, but to me, I haven't been the subject of bullying in part because I'm an adult and I have the right to act like one and stand up for myself. You don't have to take bullying, call them out on it. I don't mean get up in their face and start a fight, but do so calmly and rationally. Say something like, "what was the purpose of pointing out a mistake I made X weeks ago?" or point out how you learned from the mistake and have not repeated it. Most bullies continue bullying because no one ever confronts them. Unlike middle or high school, chances are you're not going to end up in a brawl on the floor or lose lunch money for standing up for yourself.

There's also the small chance that they're not aware that they come across as bullies, in which case confronting them or even pulling them aside after a bullying incident and talking to them about it may actually solve the problem.

[Katie71275]

I am a new nurse, and on my floor, there is a nurse in particular that is rude to patients, residents, other nurses, and anyone "beneath her"(the clerks, the aides, housekeeping). As a new nurse, I'm not at the point where I feel I can say something, but I did finally go to my supervisor last week and write her up. The behavior was outrageous. She knows she is rude and a bully and calls her "split personality" by another name(as a joke). I've just learned recently she has OVER 12 write ups in the past 3-4months over bullying.....

I've decided I will take a stand for myself next time I hear it, b/c I am no longer putting up with it(but she also has that IN YOUR FACE personality, so who knows how that will go).

I'm sorry others deal with this!

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

Most bullies know they are. Especially when there is a group of them. Calling them out on things is worth a try, but unlikely to change things. When bullies feel safe in the role of the bully they're behavior will not change. Now if they faced disciplinary action that may change their attitude. I will say often they will sense weakness or lack of confidence. Most strong willed or confident people are not their targets as they will meet some resistance, especially if they have someone they perceive as an easy prey.

[lpnpgh123]

I have been a LPN for almost 20 years, and while I have experienced some intermittent questionable behavior in the past, I never experienced BULLYING, on a daily basis, until my last job, which I left, after only 5 months of working there. There was a ring-leader

(who by the way, was an MA, not a nurse), and she would publicly bash me in front of other staff, and loud enough that patients could hear it. " I should go back to school, apparently, it doesn't take much." I tried to take her aside and discuss it privately, but she said "Drop it," repeatedly, which, after several attempts, I did, but went to my manager after I was unsuccessful. She then told my manager I was " naggy" because I tried to address her actions privately. She would also ignore me, or walk away from me while I was trying to talk to her. She had a huge chip on her shoulder and resented me ( I was the only nurse in a MA driven doctor's office). Every time I tried to address her behaviors, it only made things worse, and she would make all kinds of snide comments. She had a secret stash of supplies that she would not clue anyone else in on where these things were located, she would not show me how to use certain pieces of equipment. The breaking point was when I did something to help her (although I was really doing it to help a patient, not her), she told me that I only did it " to be smart." As opposed to being a team player... Anyway, she was well aware that she was a bully, and wore her bully badge with pride. I heard her mentioning it to another MA, and in a joking demeanor. From the time I walked in the door, there was nothing but disrespect and resentment directed at me. I felt like I was constantly being undermined, and at times felt like I was being sabotaged . I always gave her credit for being smart, but , man did she have a negative and disruptive attitude. At some point, I stopped trying to address her behaviors, and started concentrating my efforts on getting the heck out of there. I did what I had to do to get out of a bad situation.

[NutmeggeRN, BSN]

I have been a LPN for almost 20 years, and while I have experienced some intermittent questionable behavior in the past, I never experienced BULLYING, on a daily basis, until my last job, which I left, after only 5 months of working there. There was a ring-leader

(who by the way, was an MA, not a nurse), and she would publicly bash me in front of other staff, and loud enough that patients could hear it. " I should go back to school, apparently, it doesn't take much." I tried to take her aside and discuss it privately, but she said "Drop it," repeatedly, which, after several attempts, I did, but went to my manager after I was unsuccessful. She then told my manager I was " naggy" because I tried to address her actions privately. She would also ignore me, or walk away from me while I was trying to talk to her. She had a huge chip on her shoulder and resented me ( I was the only nurse in a MA driven doctor's office). Every time I tried to address her behaviors, it only made things worse, and she would make all kinds of snide comments. She had a secret stash of supplies that she would not clue anyone else in on where these things were located, she would not show me how to use certain pieces of equipment. The breaking point was when I did something to help her (although I was really doing it to help a patient, not her), she told me that I only did it " to be smart." As opposed to being a team player... Anyway, she was well aware that she was a bully, and wore her bully badge with pride. I heard her mentioning it to another MA, and in a joking demeanor. From the time I walked in the door, there was nothing but disrespect and resentment directed at me. I felt like I was constantly being undermined, and at times felt like I was being sabotaged . I always gave her credit for being smart, but , man did she have a negative and disruptive attitude. At some point, I stopped trying to address her behaviors, and started concentrating my efforts on getting the heck out of there. I did what I had to do to get out of a bad situation.

Where in all of this, was the provider? Could you not address any of this with that person? Im sorry this happened to you. It sucks!

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

I think there are bullies in every kind of job. My daughter has horror stories about hairdressers and now she is training to be a chef and the kitchen staff can be very difficult as well.

If someone bullies you in front of someone else, call them on it then and there. Never let that kind of behavior go on in front of patients.

A bully backs down (usually) from someone who simply won't take it.

A good manager will make sure this stops happening. If you don't have one of those kinds of managers, go up the chain of command.

Just say no to being bullied and don't let it happen to a co-worker either. Walking away definitely encourages the bully.

[Irish_Mist, BSN, RN]

I personally think when persistant bullying is going on in the workplace that it is a reflection upon management. You'll have the manager who is friends with the bully so he/she will justify the behavior of the bully. You'll have the manager who is to afraid to rock the boat and thus will not confront the bully. Or, you'll have the manager who has no clue what is going on because they are either too busy to notice or are deemed unapproachable by staff members. Some managers even expect employees to work it out amongst themselves. Any rational manager knows that this is not always possible because many adults do not act like adults.

I view bullying as a power trip. People who bully want to feel strong and powerful. Bullies are often mis-labeled as being strong willed and confident. I think a person who is truly confident and strong willed won't see a need to bully other people because she is secure enough within herself.

[lpnpgh123]

Where in all of this, was the provider? Could you not address any of this with that person? Im sorry this happened to you. It sucks!

Thanks... Like I said, I tried to address it with her, and went to my manager as well, when I couldn't appropriately handle the situation. It only made the situation worse. However I tried to address the situation , her behavior snowballed from bad to worse.

As for the providers, they all liked her. I realized things were not going to get any better, and that this was not an ideal work-place for me. I wasn't going to spend a long time in a department making futile attempts at harmony. While, I attempted to stand up for myself, it did not help. So, I left. I accept that some things you just can not change.I only worked here for 5 months. That was definitely long enough !

It was a learning experience, and also an eye opening experience.