Jump to content

women working with women, why its so hard

Posted

Specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

Its like women have to "compete" with each other and they are so catty. I never had a problem working with men, but working with women can sometimes be stressful. I always heard one talking about another, then acting like a friend to the one they were just talking about, two-faced, competitive, etc. I now work for homehealth and Im on my own, and I like it much better. There is none of that to deal with, but I just wonder why it has to be that way. I went up to my old floor yesterday to get an IV tubing set because the company didnt send one to my patient, I felt so out of place. I at least thought my old co-workers would say "hi" or ask me how I lilke my new job, etc. But I felt like an alien. When I worked with them, I was always the one who helped everyone who needed help, I was there for them when they were upset, etc, but now they act like they dont even know me. I thought they would miss me, but I guess i was wrong. Looking back on it, I guess they were pretending to like me when I worked there. I reviewed the years I worked there and I honestly think I was "too nice", and now I dont understand how women can be that way. (I am a woman). I was a victim of their slander when I worked there too. Anyone else have a problem working with other women?

TrailBlazerRN

Specializes in Burns, ICU, Plastic Surgery. Has 3 years experience.

What you just recapped there is very true. I hang out with a lot of girls and there's always some new type of drama no matter who I'm with. From experience, guys are more upfront about things, and do less of the "going behind someones back" type of thing. I'm not a nurse yet but I can imagine it would be similar to the stuff that goes on in a dorm full of girls. Just continue to be the helpful and friendly person that who are, and don't let that immature type of stuff get to you. Be glad you don't have to see it everyday anymore. ;)

RNperdiem, RN

Has 14 years experience.

I read your post a couple of times, and what stands out for me is that your feelings were hurt that you were barely acknowledged by the people you used to work with, the people who maybe you thought of as sisters-in-arms.

Maybe being nice had nothing to do with it; maybe the other nurses were having a bad day.

I have learned to make the distinction between "friendly acquaintances" and "real friends".

Men seem to have a more clear division between the two categories than women.

My husband works in a 90% male engineering office. These guys rarely discuss personal matters with each other. Sports and current events maybe.

They know very little of each others' lives outside work. I doubt they know the names of the kids of the guy who has worked next to them for years.

talaxandra

Specializes in Medical.

It sounds like your workplace to me. The overwhelming majority of nurses I work with are female (maybe half a dozen guys out of fifty or so nurses) and we don't have an issue with back-biting, malicious gossip or anything. We have a facebook group for current and former staff members, including doctors and allied health, and most of my friends are people I've met through the ward.

rngolfer53

Has 2 years experience.

It sounds like your workplace to me. The overwhelming majority of nurses I work with are female (maybe half a dozen guys out of fifty or so nurses) and we don't have an issue with back-biting, malicious gossip or anything. We have a facebook group for current and former staff members, including doctors and allied health, and most of my friends are people I've met through the ward.

One thing I noticed as a guy, is that being male was definitely an asset in employment interviews. Managers--more than one--have told me guys bring stability and a lack of drama.

That said, any workplace, regardless of the population of males/females, needs strong management to function effectively.

Seems to me, after working in the energy industry for 25 years before nursing, that nursing suffers from putting people in management positions with little supervisory training or experience, and little support in those tasks from competent professionals. While respect for the manager's clinical skills is vital, it's not in itself enough.

Managing people is going to be especially difficult when the new supervisor was drawn from the rank and file of the supervised unit. I would not accept a position managing folks that were my friends and equals. It's a script for a very difficult time, at best and failure as the more likely outcome.

Cassaundra

Specializes in OB-GYN. Has 3 years experience.

Part of what contributes to this type of behavior is age and where people are at in their lives. The young, single women are more worried about fitting in and having people to do things with outside of work - think highschool. The married/divorced, more mature women who have families and a life outside of work are interested in doing their jobs and going home. Just something to think about.

I worked with men for many years. I would choose a male workplace any day, for just the reasons stated before. They are at work to work. Discussions center around getting the job done, not on somebody's personal life.

i don't want to stereotype, but i do feel that many women are about the drama, sprinkled with a lot of passive-aggressiveness.

i dunno...i've never been comfortable around women/girls.

even in grade school, high school, i was a tomboy and never appreciated all the drama/gossip/victim mentality.

and i see a lot of this nonsense, carry over into adulthood and as a result, on the job.

thankfully there are less women like this, but still far too many.

i'll keep to myself thank you, or have an interesting game of cribbage w/one of the guys.

no 'boofing' allowed, though.

i'm still girly-girl when it comes to that stuff.

leslie

chenoaspirit, ASN, RN

Specializes in Med/Surg, Home Health.

Yes, it did hurt my feelings. Ive been up on the floor twice since I quit and it was the same response. Im fine now, just glad to be away from it. But to be the type of person I was while I worked there (helpful and compassionate toward them), it was very disappointing. There were a few who were happy to see me, but it was a limited few. And during the time I worked there (4 years), we all did know about each other's lives outside the hospital. We knew when one of our kids had a birthday, if one was having marital problems, etc. We all knew alot about each other, most would gossip about it behind their backs, but I tried to stay neutral with that type of behavior. So naturally I thought I was respected, but I guess not. It was very high-school-ish there. Women do tend to be more malicious than men. Men tend to be more direct, rather than passive agressive.

Music in My Heart

Specializes in being a Credible Source. Has 11 years experience.

nursing suffers from putting people in management positions with little supervisory training or experience, and little support in those tasks from competent professionals
This is a common problem in the high-tech industry as well. What makes somebody a good nurse, or a good coder or engineer, are not the same things that make somebody a good manager. And yet, it's often those people who excel at their trade who are elevated into management positions.

Music in My Heart

Specializes in being a Credible Source. Has 11 years experience.

As a guy I would say that things between guys tend to be more upfront and in-the-moment. Typically when there's a problem between two guys it gets brought out and argued out, sometimes quite heatedly. Generally, though, once it's over it's over and doesn't simmer into a low-level conflict.

It seems to me that guys can go from peace to war to peace again fairly easily and quickly. The gals seem to adopt a low-intensity ongoing conflict.

It's been interesting because I have received so much encouragement from older nurses for guys getting into the field and it's generally been for exactly this reason... they say that guys alter and improve the workplace dynamic.

That said, I'm not sure I'd want to work on a unit with young, single guys and young, single girls. Nothing can make a guy act like an idiot quicker than trying to show his plume for the ladies.

zuzi

Specializes in trauma, ortho, burns, plastic surgery.

Personally I feel comfortable working with balanced people, dosen't matter what sex they are, unisex, bisex, gay, transsex or whatever at soon as they are BALANCED. Is a joy to work with smart people, who know who they are and happy like that a joy for spirit, heart and soul.

I could not tell you that I love to work with men instead of women because is not true, are some creepies ones than never you would like to be around with them, jeez they are worst than women, even to macho even too womenish, and Yes men gossip eorst than women, lol. But are others a pleasure to work with... make you to fell safe, comfortable, yourself, good friends.

The same is with women, I could not be the moma to paempering another child-woman all the time, I am too old and I stay away of this womenish style, to weak for me, and neither I could not let myslef stepping on or stabbing back by a one who has big dreams. They need a daddy to cuddle them and make them dreams true, is not me..not my style at all. But is a pleasure to work with rational women, strong and soft hearts, passional and funny, BALANCED, mind and soul togheter ...perfect balanced, open and rationals...but hard to find people like that....

Part of what contributes to this type of behavior is age and where people are at in their lives. The young, single women are more worried about fitting in and having people to do things with outside of work - think highschool. The married/divorced, more mature women who have families and a life outside of work are interested in doing their jobs and going home. Just something to think about.

I may get flamed for this but it has been my experience that the women who gossip the most and have drama all the time has been middle aged. I worked for an insurance company and some women were either divorced or in the process of one and they would gossip about the new person who just got married. In my nsg class alone the people who caused the most problems were late 20's and older. I am in my 20's as well and it frustrates me no end to see people in my age group and older acting less mature than people 18-25.

During my internships I have had 3 preceptors at different times, 2 women and 1 man. Before one week was over and these were three different hospitals, I knew from the women who did not pass their boards the first time, who is divorced and the list is long. The male on the other hand I only saw pictures of his wife and kids and once helped him pick out roses for her birthday. I am still friends with ALL my preceptors but I have learned not to gossip with anyone anymore because it can make our environment a negative one.

Gossip is in any age group, my husband is in his 40's and he thinks it is crazy how much time women and myself before found to gossip about each other. In the pass I would try to get gossip from him about his job and I mean maybe ask him about his boss or even people in our small town of 1000 and he says, "I don't know and I do not CARE what other people are doing" Maybe we should start working together instead of being busy-bodies. Just my 2 cents.

Edited by LVAD RN

Maybe it's different once you're in the nursing environment, but in my industry, women are WAY easier to work with. I'd say out of the 18 guys I work with, 15 of them want to stand around and do nothing.

I work in a place where you HAVE to have teamwork or everything goes to hell...and them women are the only ones who consistently jump in when someone needs help, and ASK if people need help when they have a free moment.

If males nurses are all about the job, I can't wait to work with them.

Well, on our unit, I can think of only ONE male nurse who will get off his behind to help out when things get tough. The rest of them seem to love to aggregate and congregate in the nurses station and joke and cut up and do the absolute minimum to get by, male techs included. It's a floor, though, and I think the male nurses I see in some of the ICU's and ER, etc. seem to work harder. The ones on our unit I can do without. I honestly prefer working with the gals on the unit who pitch in and help you out when you're overwhelmed. In fact, I dread a day when I'm working w/ many of the males on the unit for this reason. They seem to not even see you when you're drowning and also do not keep up or clean up in their rooms. One really gets to me as he will assert himself as superior and more knowledgeable than the women managers, yet will never step up to perform in a managerial position himself. Easier to sit and criticize from the sidelines.

That said, many of the younger females are gossipy and immature, but forgiving. If you get on the bad side of one of the older nurses, watch out.

What seems very insidous is the old girls' network. Once you're in, you seem to do no wrong and get promotions and special favors galore. Or, you can screw up royally, yet you're back in like flint the next day. I am not sure what it takes to get into that special club.

shugrr22107NA

Specializes in HH, SNF, LTC, Hospital. Has 2 years experience.

What other people really think about me is none of my business. If I go to work, am a friendly and helpful person doing all I can for the patients (The reason I am in nursing...) I have done my part.

Look at what you wrote in your original post and think about this...look at who you're trying to impress?! The backstabbers, gossipers and slack employees.

We can change OUR perceptions of others and how we allow them to affect us, OR we can do a good job, no matter what...I think we can all see the value of having friends, but ultimately I am there to make a difference for the patients in my care, friends are just a bonus!

Keep on doing your best and value each thank you from a pt who heals, going home better than they arrived as a better reward than ANY co-worker's praise... Isn't that the point?

Just my 2 cents...

Edited by shugrr22107NA
Clarified impressing who?!

I am currently a nursing student working at a local hospital as a PCT, let me start off by saying I thought I was the only one that felt this way. I have decided to just move forward in my career of nursing and to realize that it is just that a career. I am going through the same thing now but I am at work, the nurses as well as several of the techs have osilated me, yes I have had personal issues but I always try and help and make myself available so now tha I have these issues, and chosen to keep them personal I have experienced allot of osilation, allot of gossip and just plain drama, but I look at things like this, God moved me into this career and he and only he will move me out. I always had a problem connecting with several women at one time and I tend to have more male friends than female friends, I am not the type of person to gossip and I dont like being around a whole bunch of gossip, so I have chosen to be myself and to do my 12 hours and keep it moving.

But you have brought another thought into mind, maybe I should look into private care as well, I also can have the best of both world nursing without so much drama

good luck

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.