women working with women, why its so hard

[chenoaspirit]

Its like women have to "compete" with each other and they are so catty. I never had a problem working with men, but working with women can sometimes be stressful. I always heard one talking about another, then acting like a friend to the one they were just talking about, two-faced, competitive, etc. I now work for homehealth and Im on my own, and I like it much better. There is none of that to deal with, but I just wonder why it has to be that way. I went up to my old floor yesterday to get an IV tubing set because the company didnt send one to my patient, I felt so out of place. I at least thought my old co-workers would say "hi" or ask me how I lilke my new job, etc. But I felt like an alien. When I worked with them, I was always the one who helped everyone who needed help, I was there for them when they were upset, etc, but now they act like they dont even know me. I thought they would miss me, but I guess i was wrong. Looking back on it, I guess they were pretending to like me when I worked there. I reviewed the years I worked there and I honestly think I was "too nice", and now I dont understand how women can be that way. (I am a woman). I was a victim of their slander when I worked there too. Anyone else have a problem working with other women?

[stustressed]

WOW, i finished reading through this thread and it seems as if it is all just horrible work environments, horrible attitudes, gossip, etc in our workplaces..I am a new grad (starting my job June 2) and reading all of this makes me sick. I get that we need to vent to de-stress, vent to get advise but I really hope that I get to work with women who don't act like the ones talked about here. I know that I am a little green and new to this but I have worked as a tech. I had the opportunity to work on floors that were like the ones talked about here and I also worked on a floor where everyone helped each other out and there was a minimal amount of gossip. How in the world are we supposed to trust each other and "have each others backs" if all we do is destroy each others character and have a negative attitude about everyone ? I don't know if the girls on my floor are like this but no matter what I will give it a year, do my best and move on if I have to. Nursing has so many opportunities (don't have to work in a hospital..) I hope I don't end up so angry, untrusting and jaded.

Please don't be offened..Im just a little suprised to hear how awful it can be.

[showbizrn]

toxicity exists

at female-dominated workplaces

that lack

personal/professional confidence/competence/maturity,

mutual respect / support

and

a strong sense of

sisterhood/oneness---

we're all in this together!!!

:yeahthat:

i've worked in various female-dominated circles (production staff, writing circles, educational planning committees and yes, a patient care unit) whereby a "tight" or "cohesive" working group existed, when "the sisters had their act together---inside and out."

[stillwant2banurse]

WOW, i finished reading through this thread and it seems as if it is all just horrible work environments, horrible attitudes, gossip, etc in our workplaces..I am a new grad (starting my job June 2) and reading all of this makes me sick. I get that we need to vent to de-stress, vent to get advise but I really hope that I get to work with women who don't act like the ones talked about here. I know that I am a little green and new to this but I have worked as a tech. I had the opportunity to work on floors that were like the ones talked about here and I also worked on a floor where everyone helped each other out and there was a minimal amount of gossip. How in the world are we supposed to trust each other and "have each others backs" if all we do is destroy each others character and have a negative attitude about everyone ? I don't know if the girls on my floor are like this but no matter what I will give it a year, do my best and move on if I have to. Nursing has so many opportunities (don't have to work in a hospital..) I hope I don't end up so angry, untrusting and jaded.

Please don't be offened..Im just a little suprised to hear how awful it can be.

One new nurse to one soon to be grad nurse, I agree with you totally, it is sad and scary at the same time. Working as a tech I am learning that this is only a part of the field of nursing and how to handle myself in it. Sometime we have to see the things we dont want to see in order to see the reality of the profession, I would hate to go into this being taken advantage of. So, now I know, tonight was a great night for me, I worked on a fantastic floor, it was not home, but it opened my eyes to see the good and the bad.

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

I started working for my parents when i was 15. I started typing invoices for them and then grew into his bookeeper role so my mother could pretend she was retired, lol. Anyhoo, it was a small company....besides my parents and me, there were 6 other employees...all men. So I "grew up" in my working career working with all men. The majority of our customers were men as well.

So when i left daddy's company and went to nursing school, i started working as a CNA while in school. Suddenly, after working with only men my whole life, i was working with all women. I had no idea how bad women really were! Working with men is so different! If men get pist, they just argue it out and then it's over. They don't "talk" about each other. They do their job and go home. So when i started working with all women, needless to say, they ate me alive sotospeak. i had no idea how women acted!

it was an education for sure!

if i were given the choice, even after all these years...i'd work with only men in a heartbeat! i love having a male DON too. too bad there are so few.

it has helped me to be able to help guys just entering healthcare adjust to working with women.

i tell ya what...us women? we are horrible! we talk about each other, we love it when someone is having hard times (gives us lots to talk about), we are so judgemental about each other...inside and out! we tear down each other instead of building each other up! and we are SUCH drama queens about EVERYTHING!

i'd hate to be a guy in healthcare,lol.

[southernbeegirl, BSN, RN]

One thing I noticed as a guy, is that being male was definitely an asset in employment interviews. Managers--more than one--have told me guys bring stability and a lack of drama.

That said, any workplace, regardless of the population of males/females, needs strong management to function effectively.

Seems to me, after working in the energy industry for 25 years before nursing, that nursing suffers from putting people in management positions with little supervisory training or experience, and little support in those tasks from competent professionals. While respect for the manager's clinical skills is vital, it's not in itself enough.

Managing people is going to be especially difficult when the new supervisor was drawn from the rank and file of the supervised unit. I would not accept a position managing folks that were my friends and equals. It's a script for a very difficult time, at best and failure as the more likely outcome.

although my husband is now a drug/alcohol counselor, he worked as an engineer consultant for companies needing to restructure for 25 years.he worked as a CNA for one year 8 yrs ago too. he has said this same thing to me for years. he says healthcare would be more successful if it were run like industry. he agrees that people are put into management positions that have no qualifications. he says that it is this inexperience that causesmany of the problems in a facility. he says in industry, people are professional at their jobs but in healthcare an inexperienced person is put in management with no training and isnt taught professionalism and that affects the whole team.

like many RNs, i was thrust in a management role within months of graduating. i had no training at all from any company i worked for...none! all that mattered was that i was an RN. and IMO, thats wrong!

i was a horrible manager!! i didnt know how to talk to people, women especially. i was a "its my way or the highway" type manager so you know people couldnt stand me.

i've been lucky to be married to my sweetie. he and a male nurse i've worked with for the last 5 years have really helped me morph into a successful manager but i've been an RN for 13 years and am just now "getting it".

i've never been sent to any training by any job. i've been given a few books to read but thats it.

so IMO, its no wonder that we are so unprofessional at times, we basically don't know "any better" because we havent had any training.

but in industry, a company invests times and money into training managers. i know the company i work for, it invests a lot of time and money training their administrators for years before they are given a facility. but the same company doesnt bother training the supervisors of the biggest group of employees, the nursing dept, to be good managers. i think if companies would invest time and money into us that we would be much more successful.

[Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN]

I noticed that another poster had mentioned that "we have your back" issue.

The last time I had a nurse tell me that - they had put a young man in one of my 4 trauma beds (1 held an evolving MI and the other had a GI bleed that I was hanging the 4th unit of blood on) and she poked her head in to mention that because she wasn't "busy" she could help me out and get "your patient started" (the young man had been in a flash fire in a garage and she noted that had some 'minor burns" that's all - it should be an easy patient for you!) I asked that he be placed somewhere else (the rest of the 20 beds only had 5 other patients) as I would be a bit before I could get to him and she said:

"No problem - don't worry, I'll help you - I've got YOUR back".

That should have sent me running toward the patient like MY hair was on fire. But, hey this was a 10 year "helpful" nurse that had my back. Its all good - right?

It took me about 10 minutes to get to the "minor patient" and sure enough "gotyourbackRN" was helping. The patient had 30% BSA 1/2 degree (arm, chest, neck, face) was sitting in his pants only with ice water soaked (she had used a big plastic basin with ice/water) trauma dressings covering the burns - shivering - not on oxygen, no monitor, no IV. The "gotyourbackRN" was "getting him in the computer" because triage was not busy and you had open bed - so we brought him on back (there were lots of other empty beds, too) - I got him something to cool the burns because he was "in such pain."

I am not kidding.

After I closed my mouth that had dropped open in shock and disbelief - I went to the patient - while I removed the "ice dressings" had him open his mouth, blow his nose (sooty upper airway, singed nasal and facial hair - upper airway redness/edema starting, slight stridor and wheeze) reached up to apply a NRB oxygen mask and get him on a monitor - I told my "helpful back protective RN co-worker" to go get a doctor and bring them in here - now. She actually said - "I'll be done in a sec and I was getting to the monitor and I'll get the IV for you." I declined - started it myself in the time that she was "arguing" with me over her "plan". I repeated for her to go NOW. Yep, you got in - the patient had a rapid decline and needed emergent RSI and transfer to a burn center.

Anyway, that is one of the only times I ever had someone actually say "I've got your back!"

I think it would cause an allergic reaction if I ever heard it again. I know that we have to work together - and I give as good as I get - often better - but, sometimes I wonder if we all see the same things. In this case, I had 2 other "critical" patients and not another single nurse (6) had more than 1 other patient (much less an acuity even near mine). So, the problem started right there. I was responsible for that patient. I looked in the computer and the RN that had my back had noted that she gave me "report" and put the patient in my exam room 10 minutes before I could get there (check the times on the critical getting the blood and FFP). I corrected the entry and made my own - still......

After all I was the agency/comtract nurse. So, I deserved it - right?

This was the final week of my bedside nursing career. I left that contract early and paid dearly (worth every penny!) to get out of that place. This was but one of many problems that happened at this place. It was toxic. Less than a year old - 2 clinical managers and 1 admin managers had resigned. In the 12 weeks I was there - I had watched 2 other contractors leave, 7 core staff resign and a parade of support staff. It was the best ending for me really. So - when you hear that "I've got your back" let that be your sign to guard your back at all costs.

Practice SAFE!!

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