women working with women, why its so hard

Nurses General Nursing

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Its like women have to "compete" with each other and they are so catty. I never had a problem working with men, but working with women can sometimes be stressful. I always heard one talking about another, then acting like a friend to the one they were just talking about, two-faced, competitive, etc. I now work for homehealth and Im on my own, and I like it much better. There is none of that to deal with, but I just wonder why it has to be that way. I went up to my old floor yesterday to get an IV tubing set because the company didnt send one to my patient, I felt so out of place. I at least thought my old co-workers would say "hi" or ask me how I lilke my new job, etc. But I felt like an alien. When I worked with them, I was always the one who helped everyone who needed help, I was there for them when they were upset, etc, but now they act like they dont even know me. I thought they would miss me, but I guess i was wrong. Looking back on it, I guess they were pretending to like me when I worked there. I reviewed the years I worked there and I honestly think I was "too nice", and now I dont understand how women can be that way. (I am a woman). I was a victim of their slander when I worked there too. Anyone else have a problem working with other women?

2bsure, I hope you made it out of that marriage. Be safe and take care of yourself.

Oh yes I am out. And thanks I should have said so before everyone had a freak!

Specializes in being a Credible Source.
Again, glad for the candid discussion. I think the push for BSNs was partly to dispell some of this. And now I'm going to get even more flack because, I have always thought that a 2 year trade school does not make for a well-rounded person. Most of the nurses I work with are 2 year RNs. Most have come out of rough circumstance. I am speaking from the stories I have heard told on the floor.

I came from rough circumstances but by coincidence, ended up traveling the world...the world...and was an actor in NY and studied communication before coming to nursing. I feel like such an odd duck. I suspect I would have fit in better if I'd been an hair stylist or a waitress before coming to nursing. It feels like that to me.

I know I'm gonna get it but this is what I seel

Interesting observation.

I don't see this kind of behavior among my classmates in a DEMSN program who are generally somewhat older and for the most part coming out of other professions. I was just discussing class personalities with an acquaintance in a similar DEMSN program and she said that they also have had very little of that kind of behavior in there group.

My clinical experience was on a floor that had a high proportion of BSNs and MSNs and it seemed to be a pretty healthy place.

I don't know if there's any merit to your thoughts but my limited experience would certainly not argue against them.

Again, glad for the candid discussion. I think the push for BSNs was partly to dispell some of this. And now I'm going to get even more flack because, I have always thought that a 2 year trade school does not make for a well-rounded person. Most of the nurses I work with are 2 year RNs. Most have come out of rough circumstance. I am speaking from the stories I have heard told on the floor.

I came from rough circumstances but by coincidence, ended up traveling the world...the world...and was an actor in NY and studied communication before coming to nursing. I feel like such an odd duck. I suspect I would have fit in better if I'd been an hair stylist or a waitress before coming to nursing. It feels like that to me.

I know I'm gonna get it but this is what I seel

You won't get it from me. A 2 year degree doesn't make one well rounded but neither does a 4 year or even an advanced degree. If I had not lived in other countries and travelled extensively I would be completely different despite my education. That said I think one can round themselves out by being open to the new and the strange, being well read and willing to extend themselves. We need to be careful no to over generalize.

Specializes in dialysis (mostly) some L&D, Rehab/LTC.

I don't care what my co-workers feel about me...Im there for my patients not for their approval. I do the best I can do and I expect everyone else to do the same.

Specializes in Med/Surg; aged care; OH&S.

While I agree that women can be catty and have experienced this, and let's face it, been catty myself when backed into a corner .... I just don't believe the old 'men are far less catty, more stable' argument.

Men, by their nature (in my experience), internalise their feelings and dislike confrontation. They may be angry or annoyed about something but you wouldn't know it because they don't show it. This isn't necessarily a good thing although it might seem like that at first. It can cause a lot of problems.

Personally, I prefer people to be upfront and honest about their feelings and I think both genders find this difficult, particularly in the workplace where people are notoriously passive-aggressive.

I have seen manipulative, vindictive behaviour from both men and women, in the workplace and out so I've never bought that argument about men being better to work with or whatever.

The sad irony is (in this thread and in life I guess) is that women are criticised by both men and women as being difficult to get along with - any wonder why there's so many issues between women? :o

Specializes in ICU/Critical Care.
Yes, it did hurt my feelings. Ive been up on the floor twice since I quit and it was the same response. Im fine now, just glad to be away from it. But to be the type of person I was while I worked there (helpful and compassionate toward them), it was very disappointing. There were a few who were happy to see me, but it was a limited few. And during the time I worked there (4 years), we all did know about each other's lives outside the hospital. We knew when one of our kids had a birthday, if one was having marital problems, etc. We all knew alot about each other, most would gossip about it behind their backs, but I tried to stay neutral with that type of behavior. So naturally I thought I was respected, but I guess not. It was very high-school-ish there. Women do tend to be more malicious than men. Men tend to be more direct, rather than passive agressive.

I know what you mean. I left my last job to work at another Level 1 Trauma center in SICU but said per diem at the former employer. I remember going back to work my per diem shift and people who I thought were my friends were making snide remarks about a friend of mine that transfered from the same unit to another dept. They did this right in front of me. I think they had jealously issues. She is a very strong nurse, not afraid to speak up when crap isn't right. I think they had a problem with that. I don't think the dept. where she works now is any better. Maybe it's just the hospital where we worked. I know when I quit, I had to do so because it was so cliquey and negative and management did nothing to stop it, instead they perpetuated the problem. I'm so glad I left. My friend is stuck though as she is pregnant and needs the benefits.

Specializes in trauma, ortho, burns, plastic surgery.

I readed this thread many times and is little bit confusing or me...WHY all nurses talk in majority of the time about women's or men's passive-agressive behavior on work place, or manipulative ones, when by the nature of facts, a work place is driving by many others who could transform it in a place of dreams or a really unproductive heal. So, is not about women or men in nursing or them interactions at work place, but is about how managerial team control or not these behaviors, finally

Specializes in Flight, ER, Transport, ICU/Critical Care.

This may not be helpful and there is no cure - but,

:dzed: :dzed: :dzed: :dzed: :dzed: :dzed: :dzed: :dzed:

some of them have SNAKES in their heads. (but I've found some guys that do as well - although they are less likely to be overt with it!)

Heck, I don't know - but, I could write a book on this very topic. It is frustrating to work in environments that have more drama than the afternoon soaps. The motivations remain a mystery - except IMHO I think that some folks have very miserable lives and really do like to share. :sfxpld: :sfxpld:

I better stop - I starting to get passive aggressive, snippy, catty, throat cutting, two-faced, eye rolling, rumor starting, belittling, targeting, mocking, blaming --- well, I just better STOP now. ;)

I do not have the solution. And I still get caught in some of the drama. :eek: And it really P*$$#$ me off when I get pulled into the cesspool. :flmngmd:

I just try to be direct, do not share personal details (I keep most of my friends out of work) and do not participate or tolerate behaviors that do not contribute to team building, practice development and SAFETY. I remain professional and remember that this is not jr high - I am paid a nice salary to do a job that I have been hired to do. I will do that job. I will do my best and I will work to get better everyday. I am responsible for my life, the lives of my team and patients. Period.

I wish I had the solution.

Good Luck.

.

You know, I tried to address a similar issue earlier.

In My Opinion...

All people (and Nurses especially) spend too little time training to deal with interpersonal relationships.

No, I'm not talking about Dr. Phil.

Why don't Nursing schools and healthcare facilities sponsor legitimate courses about:

Dealing with grief.

Dealing with PATIENT grief.

Dealing with FAMILIAL grief.

Dealing with YOUR OWN PERSONAL grief.

Dealing with lateral violence. Good Lord, how many posts have we seen on this board about that subject?

Abusive MD's.

NO ONE WANTS to give a Nurse a clue about how to deal with THAT. I suppose you should just figure it out on your own...after a few years of experience and you're SO hard-shelled that you've given up 75% of your empathy...that same caring and empathy that brought to this very same noble career choice.

What about situations where Nurses are thrown under the bus?

A couple of posts ago I was PUI

/blushes

and raving about what seemed to be the mishandling of a Nurse.

She / He got a Hit Job from some moron to a prospective employer over the phone.

In MY world...if you didn't engage in violence / harm someone else...you verify dates / position / rate of pay only for VERIFICATION. Anything else (including "damning by faint praise") is the BIGGEST LAWYER MAGNET around.

In YOUR world, you need to start DEMANDING QUALITY MANAGEMENT.

Owning my own business, that's what I do everyday.

Telling people what to do? That's the easy part.

Convincing them to do the RIGHT THING for the RIGHT REASONS. Not so easy.

Convincing someone who doesn't care (why don't they care - could be a legitimate reason). That's the real hard part.

That's why I get paid the Big Bucks. (HAH!)

As an ex-airline pilot, after a few high-profile crashes we started hard-core classes about Cockpit Resource Management (CRM). In other words, how does one challenge Captains' Authority?

In the crash of Colgan 3407, EVERY pilot's nightmare came true. Although the investigation is still ongoing it "doesntlookgood".

According to the Cockpit Voice Recorder, pilots violating the Federal Aviation Regulations.

According to the Flight Data Recorder, pilots making simple, beyond explanation, basic airmanship mistakes. Sorta like a RN not knowing how to take a pulse. REAL BASIC SH1T.

All those lives ruined.

The pilots...they knew they screwed up, and when it was unrecoverable they realized their fate. At the last moment the female First Officer screamed.

The pilots' families...

The passengers...when the aircraft was upset, they were certainly alarmed; but by the time they realized it was hopeless, they were just a moment away from leaving this world.

The passengers' families and friends.

Then there was one person on the ground, in a home. Reports say it was a Man.

Perhaps he was reading Chaucer, but he could've been watching Media on the internet.

When it hit, he might've thought What The F, but in reality, he never thought beyond the first word in that question.

Maybe he was really the "lucky" one, No? Dude NEVER saw it coming. Not a clue.

Take Care of yourselves, Nurses.

I apologize for being "doesntlookgood downer" on this post.

Specializes in trauma, ortho, burns, plastic surgery.

I really don't know what to tell you, if you like american nurses with the same cultural background say that... imagine how strange is for a foreign one who come here and see these types of behaviors??? OMG!!! Is just about people different personalities, you could not change them, is not about sex indentity or where them belong, is about how these nurses are inside...you could not imagine ever that you could change her/him, she/he is just how was grow-up is nothing more nothing less. Is just about PERSONALITY. You could make a great american nurse from anyone, to fallow the rules, to say yes to green lights and no to red lights, but you could not change the personality of people entered in nursing field, and them personality will influence their activity. Because even if we want or not to be agree with, we are humans and always we will have dramas at work... one came with a black eye, another one is on divorce time, one lost her house, another one lost her mother...we are humans... but when someone use information to put down another one...well dears.... you need to have rules for it!

But is not my world, lol, you know better than me how is working here!

Be careful. Please. I also thought like this. I trusted to go to work and do my best every night. What ended up happening was I was given the most challenging assignments. I had 5 patients where the rest had 3 or 4. I was told I could not delegate to my aids,

It is sad to say but what I learn first and foremost is to watch your back, document, document, document. Ex. the other night I was on my home floor and had a new admit, another tech who was not even on the floor comes to my room and pratical takes over my patients, (I guess she wanted the approval of the floor) so she volunteered and insisted to do the database. Well, I asked that she come and get me to let me know when she was starting, I was not busy and had nothing to do, low and behold, she was in my patients room doing the database without me, never came to me or said anything. Well I was at the station charting when I was asked did you chart vitals of the new admit, response: no, I never did the database, response: well your patient has no vitals, so I had to go back and do the vital and chart them- So how did I chart the vitals, exactly the way it happen, please refer to prior tech who intiated the database and neglected vitals. thanks

I really hate to have to do these things,but when you have coworkers who are constantly talking about you and ready to stab you in the back at any given moment you have no other choice, now I did go back to her and asked her did she remember to take the vitals for the new admit, and she said to me, oh you dont even need to look into that chart, I did everything for you- ok.

Since this is a second career for me, I am learning to push past all of this because I want to accomplish what God has for me to accomplish, and I figure, I will look elsewhere but I will not give up on nursing all together.

From reading through this thread, everyone has one comment is common cliques, you would think we all worked at the same hospital, sad isnt it.

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