Will I be facing discrimination?

Baubo516, RN · Feb 4, 2012

First of all, I think it is weird that your church only allows women to care for children. So, women can care for young boys, but men cannot care for either gender? Very odd. A better system for protecting children from sexual abuse (if that is what they are trying to do) would be to do background checks on all volunteers, require that all volunteers attend training in protecting children from abuse, and then to watch for signs/behaviors among volunteers. I am Catholic and I used to teach at a Catholic school. Believe me, after all of the scandals in the Catholic church regarding sexual abuse, every teacher and volunteer is required to attend such training and I think it is an excellent practice.

That being said, I don't think you will encounter the same kind of discrimination in the health care field. I have only been a CNA since July, so I am not speaking from long experience, but in that time I think I have only encountered 2 patients who cared about the gender of their caregivers. At my nursing home job, there was one woman who requested no male caregivers, and there was one man who only wanted "white" caregivers (!!!!!). I couldn't believe that 2nd one, but we tried to accommodate him as he had many other physical/mental problems.... I now work at a hospital and I believe one woman recently requested no male caregiver. I think both of these women were 70 years + and it had more to do with propriety and embarrassment than anything else. I have not noticed any co-workers (nurses, CNA's, doctors) caring about the gender of the other nurses... except for wanting one of the "larger" men to help when more muscle was needed for some type of care.

This is just my two cents, but I found your story interesting and wanted to reply. If you are interested in trying to change your church's policies with regard to male/female childcare volunteers, here is a website that provides training in preventing child sexual abuse: VIRTUS® Online If they have some other reason for not allowing men to care for children, I don't think I can help you with that!

qcc2011grad · Feb 4, 2012

Baubo516 gave an excellent replied. However imo your acting irrational and taking it personal if your future is to become a nurse you need to grow thick skinned. As to religious institutions they all run on their own standard and regulations . You should not feel discriminated if it protects children that is what is important. Did they do a background check on you.

just because a background checks come clean does not mean your not sexually deviant. Statistically most children that are sexually abused are by someone they know family member, friend , whomever close relative.

As far as you rationalizing that woman are also abusers you are completely right but the percentage of woman that do abuse cannot compare to the percentage of men that are physical abusers, sexual and/or pedophile. take a look at all those priest that abuse young boys and they made an oath to god they are actually god's representatives on earth. what they all have in common is they are all men.

I have been discriminated before and I'm a female. As a female you always got to worry about am I going to get sexually abuse am I going to get raped , am I going to get assaulted, am I going to get blamed if I happen to have tight jeans , are they going to state I provoked the abuser.

I don't have children yet but when I do I'm sorry if you get offended whether your a friend, a volunteer , family member uncle w.e if is to protect my child that is what is most important to me.

OwlieO.O · Feb 4, 2012

Thank you both for your response. Yes, they do perform background checks, and I agree, that isn't always an indicator of sexual deviation. My point being, even though men are statistically more common in child abuse, the fact that women do abuse children as well, does not mean that no preventions should be taken to prevent the women from abusing the children. Like I said, a checks and balances system would be better. Also, it's not as though I will trust any and all people, men or women. I just usually distrust them the same for the care of my child, or in a sense, am critical about them. Certainly places I know I am comfortable with, and certain others I am not, but it never has to do with gender. It's reminding me a bit of the movie Daddy Day Care!

I am glad to hear that it might not be bad as a nurse. I am just worried, as I've heard of men getting shunted out of L&D clinicals, etc.

Thanks for the advice, everyone! :)

MN-Nurse, ASN, RN · Feb 4, 2012

There seems to be a recent, um, rather sordid history with male/kid relations and religious institutions. You may be feeling the repercussions of those instances. In fact, you almost certainly are.

My advice to you is to volunteer somewhere else and don't put your kid in that daycare.

Regarding your question about nursing, I have never felt discriminated against in nursing school or on the job as an aide, tech, or RN. Every once in a while, a patient may request a female help her use the bathroom (and almost 100% of the time, even those patients are happy to have me do all their cares after they get to know me), but that is not discrimination.

I would also advise you to take is easy with the "discrimination" card. White American males are not exactly the most persecuted group in history.

qcc2011grad · Feb 4, 2012

I haven't seen Daddy Day care . You are completely correct but you keep mentioning child abuse their are many spectrum of child abuse physical v/s sexual. most woman that do abuse is physical but I am not an expert I do not have the facts or the statistics , with women you got to worry about postpartum depression and the extreme of that is women who kill their children. You do not have men that undergo postpartum depression but you do have men that sexually abuse their children. The extreme the Australian man a few years ago that raped his daughter imprisoned her and fathered 4 children with her.

You are what you want to be. For you as a male you have to prove yourself but you know what.. with that same token use it for your advantage to become the best nurse you can be.

If they shunt you out of L&D your not missing much when I did my L&D rotation the nurses where so nasty to the patient . I wish they had shunted me out , I was literally disgusted with how they treated her , she was crowning and the nurses where telling her to shut up! shut!! and all she kept saying is sorry.

When you do your rotation your going to get a few of what type of nurse you want to be.

find your bliss and you'll be fine.

OwlieO.O · Feb 4, 2012

I will continue to volunteer there because I still want to help out. We will just have an unspoken disagreement. It's not going to stop me from caring for the children at all just because I cannot take them potty.

qcc2011grad: Again, thank you for the advice. I know I won't be missing much, and I have already witnessed a lady partsl birth up close anyway with my wife, but I still want all the clinical experience I can get! If I can't, oh well then!

Thank you and I wish you all well

Alex Egan, LPN, EMT-B · Feb 4, 2012

HiIm an LPN, i do pediatric home care and camp nursing for the past five years, so I've been living this whole issue for a while now. The answer is yes, you will be discriminated against, repeatedly, by all age groups. It happens for various reasons, and knowing them wont make you feel any better about it. I try and let it roll off my back, but it does get frustrating sometimes. I decided a long time ago that i was not going to bash my head against the wall fighting wrong minded policies such as the one at your church, when a policy like that exists its generally a clue to a profound level of paranoia, and I avoid that place completely. In home care I care for both genders, usually without any trouble. At camp the kids are generally comfortable handling any "privet" complaints with nurses of the same gender. As a male nurse you are always more subject to accusations of sexual abuse, especially when working with children. While the usual common sense things can help keep you out of trouble, a person who is determined to make a false complaint (either malicious or out of ignorance) is going to do so, and you will be guilty until proven innocent. Its just a hazard of the job. I do what I do knowing the risks, and having lived the hell of a false accusation. I love what I do and it makes all the frustration worth it.

J&B-RN, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN, NP · Feb 4, 2012

I have worked with many male nurses, went to school with a few, and my husband is also a nurse. My experience with male nurse discrimination is that it can happen yes, but it isn't very common. On occasion a male might be pushed out of an L&D clinical, but it's also not very common considering it's usual a male doctor doing the delivery. Now I wouldn't recommend wanting to be a L&D RN, because that is not very common. But as far as working in say the ICU or the ER or the Med/surg floor, you won't have any problems. Many guys are working in those areas and are frequently some of the best nurses and the patients favorites. :) Don't be afraid of discrimination, because in nursing it kind of comes with the territory. There are going to be some patients who just don't like you.

Merlyn · Feb 4, 2012

I am currently a student (pre-nursing). I am a father, in my early twenties. Today, I finalized my status for volunteering at my church's daycare for during service. I was told that I would not be allowed to change diapers or take children to the bathroom, and that only the women were allowed to.
Now, I have never been discriminated against before, so I was a bit taken back by this. They're saying, just because I have different parts, that I cannot perform common duties toward the care of children? Treating the situation as 'weird' is what makes it weird. No one would think twice about a woman doing these things, and yet in many instances, women abuse children as well. If organizations are concerned about child abuse occurring, there should be a checks and balance system, not a straight antimen, or even antiwoman standard.
I am just shocked that my gender would influence this, and I wonder if I will be discriminated against once more in the future, in nursing school and in the nursing field, because I'm "a male in a female's field." I understand any individual's concern, especially because I know how I feel about my son being cared for. Like I said, I feel the better option would be a 'checks and balances system,' like having a female nurse observe if a male nurse is having to perform anything on a female patient, such as cathing, etc.
Please, anyone, tell me if you think my feelings are irrational.[/quote
Get use to it, kid. Your feelings are not irrational. This is the way things are not just in nursing but all over. A man taking a little girl to the bathroom. What is going to do? Changing a diaper, No way. The ways of the world are changing. In a big hospital. I don't think it matters that much-but it still matters. Male taking care of a female has improved over the years. But just this past month. My wife and I went out to the farm where we board our horse. A little girl was riding her horse when she fell. She started to cry so I started to run .The farm's owner stopped me and told me that the girl's parents were a little funny about men touching their daughter. I said but I'm a nurse. That didn't matter to the parents that asked my wife to look at their daughter. So my wife helped the girl into the barn. I stayed out side while my wife took care of the girl. The kid was OK but it just brought home the fact the I was a MALE nurse. And so my son, some times you will be discriminated because of your sex but hopefully you wouldn't. My bet is once and a while you will. And yes in a perfect world you should have a female with you. but this is not a perfect world. Some people just think of you as a nurse while to others your a pedophile in a scrub suit. The only thing that I can tell you is just do your best.

Sehille4774 · Feb 4, 2012

You may face discrimination...likely will...But nothing you can really do about it ..just accept and move on. People are how they are...cant change everyone..nor do you have time as a nurse.

I am discriminated against at times for a different reason..by peers, uppers, DR, patients,

But, once they see home much I do give a crap about getting good outcomes..and that I am a hard worker and good nurse...that stops pretty quick.

Well worth it anyway..Being a nurse rocks. Males in nursing are highly sought after..they add alot to the profession. I think nursing would be better if it was more evenly distributed between males and females.

The reverse is true...their are some men that will be so...relieved if you are around because they are very embarrassed getting certain procedures from females (like caths). Employers like male nurses.

I kinda chalk it up to human nature and move on from what i cant control.

Worry about whether or not you Like nursing...as in providing medical care to patients and helping people...If you think you will Love that...then everything else kinda works itself out.

I take alot of crap at times that I would NEVER tolerate in other fields...but I would do it a billion times over to get to be one of the lucky few..that love their job.!

IEDave, ASN, CNA, LVN · Feb 4, 2012

I am currently a student (pre-nursing). I am a father, in my early twenties. Today, I finalized my status for volunteering at my church's daycare for during service. I was told that I would not be allowed to change diapers or take children to the bathroom, and that only the women were allowed to.
Now, I have never been discriminated against before, so I was a bit taken back by this. They're saying, just because I have different parts, that I cannot perform common duties toward the care of children? Treating the situation as 'weird' is what makes it weird. No one would think twice about a woman doing these things, and yet in many instances, women abuse children as well. If organizations are concerned about child abuse occurring, there should be a checks and balance system, not a straight antimen, or even antiwoman standard.
I am just shocked that my gender would influence this, and I wonder if I will be discriminated against once more in the future, in nursing school and in the nursing field, because I'm "a male in a female's field." I understand any individual's concern, especially because I know how I feel about my son being cared for. Like I said, I feel the better option would be a 'checks and balances system,' like having a female nurse observe if a male nurse is having to perform anything on a female patient, such as cathing, etc.
Please, anyone, tell me if you think my feelings are irrational.

First, I'm very sorry that you ran into that kind of a situation at your church, and no I don't think you're irrational for being offended at being singled out because of your gender. Can you do something about it? To some extent, yes - in the case of your church, you can make a stink about their policy, "vote with your feet", etc. Doesn't work quite as well in the professional world, though - if an employer has a policy you find offensive, and it's not flagrantly illegal, about all you can really do in most cases (if you wish to stay employed in the field) is look for another employer.

As far as will you run into gender bias in nursing - yep. During my CNA clinical I had 2 female patients that didn't want me anywhere near them, and 1 male(!) patient that didn't want me around. I also had a CNA that was a little touchy about having me work on female patients (we switched CNA's on a daily basis) but I just let the situation be. As far as my CNA instructors went - they didn't care much that I was male, and I doubt that once I'm on the floor that the female CNA's will have a snit about it. Most likely they'll be glad for the extra help, and I'm "ready to rock" the minute an employer steps up with a job offer (passed the state exam exactly 1 week ago).

Offensive? Sure - but, it's part of the reality of living in the culture you're in; people can and are singled out for some of the most ridiculous reasons imaginable, and nobody's immune to it - never was, when you get right down to it.

Wish I had a better answer than "suck it up", but I don't.

----- Dave