Will I become a bad nurse? How should I change?

mmc51264, BSN, MSN, RN · Jun 9, 2016

I recognized that when I have issues with something that I get very passive-aggressive and seem to want to pick a fight with someone random, usually an anonymous customer service rep on the phone. I love my jop\b WAY too much to risk it, so I started going to therapy to find out why I get like that. I have been like this for a long time, I have had "discussions" with employers about my tone and I know that I do not have much of a filter when it comes to my feelings-I tend to wear them on my sleeve.

I don't know where the anger comes from, but it has helped me tremendously to have someone that I can go to every week to let me vent. And get some strategies, of course, to deal with things.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Most employers have anonymous Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) and you can see someone or get a referral. It is well worth it.

roser13, ASN, RN · Jun 9, 2016

I never seen a therapist about it and after posters posted most about this, I am now considering that I may have a problem that is not normal. Because being completely honest I thought this was normal and some nurses may be going through the same thing...

Thank you for thoughtfully accepting our well-meaning advice. Not all posters are as receptive as you. I think that you have great insight into yourself and will have a great future as a nurse, if that's where life leads you.

Good luck.

DeeAngel · Jun 9, 2016

And even at work (at a resturant), sometimes I try to keep my composer to my customer's but my face is an open book and someone can easily tell if I am angry and they become intimidated by it and maybe even think that I'm a ***** and a bad employee.

A composer is one who writes music, generally at a professional level. Composure is a sense of repose, calmness; especially of mind, bearing or appearance. Words matter.

allnurses Guide · Jun 9, 2016

OP-It's great that you recognize that your anger could be detrimental to your success as a nurse. I agree with others that you may benefit from some professional help. A good therapist can help you discover what's behind all the anger, and then help you deal with it in a constructive manner. I wish you the best of luck.

macawake, MSN · Jun 9, 2016

I am easily ticked off and I admit that I do have a bad temper to the point that if I'm angry or upset that I want the people around me to be upset as well. So when I'm angry I purposely try to tick someone else off.

Also I'm the type of person who wants everyone to be happy when I'm happy, so I go out of my way to make them happy.

My mother acts just like me and I believe that I got it from her.

I'm not about to psychoanalyze you. It's not my specialty at all and even if it had been, the internet isn't a suitable venue. The only reason I included the above quotes is these statements caught my attention and I think that you need to figure out why you act and react in the pattern that you are describing.

I never seen a therapist about it and after posters posted most about this, I am now considering that I may have a problem that is not normal.

I think that it's very positive that you are considering seeking professional help. I think that you do have an anger problem and I think that you could benefit greatly from getting help.

There are numerous times I have tried to control my temper but I never seem to be able to control it.

There is also times that I get angry to the point that I give myself a headache.

Because being completely honest I thought this was normal and some nurses may be going through the same thing...

The frequent episodes of anger and inability to control it as well as experiencing a pronounced lack of patience with the fact that other people don't always function/behave exactly the way you want them to (like moving or performing a task too slowly), is in my opinion not healthy and not how most people deal with life's daily stressors.

Being so angry so often is a huge energy drain. It's also not conducive to experiencing happiness and success (neither personal nor professional). Believe me, I know. I used to be in law enforcement prior to embarking on my nursing career. During the ~10 years I spent doing that, I had a six-month period when I went through a very rough patch when I simultaneously dealt with many challenges in my personal life as well as doing work that was psychologically very taxing. (I won't get into any details but emotional burnout was common). Anyway, I wasn't just angry. I felt rage in general and also specifically directed at some of the people I met and things I witnessed.

I didn't take it out on humans but I did manage to kick sandbags at the gym hard enough to make them split/burst at the seams. Those things are sturdy.

I broke another few things as well. (Inanimate objects and a couple of my knuckles). Anyway, my point is that this level of anger wasn't healthy. I know exactly where it was coming from. I got help. I still work out/lift weights to work off excess energy and as a way to handle work-related stress, but now I do it in a healthy way instead of destructive.

And I've notice that i am succeptible to a lot of road rage when people drive to slow so I speed.

Okay, I just can't let this pass. This behavior has. got. to. stop. You need to understand that you risk maiming and killing poeple with this type of behavior.

The kinetic energy of an object is directly proportional to the square of its speed. This means that for a twofold increase in speed, the kinetic energy will increase by a factor of four. For a threefold increase in speed the kinetic energy will increase by a factor of nine and for a fourfold increase, by a factor of sixteen! You are behind the wheel of a weapon capable of causing impact forces of hundreds of tons. (or if you prefer that in Newton, millions). You do not get to step on the accelerator just because you're in a bad mood. Find a way to control your temper or don't drive a car. Period.

Blueus, you're considering starting a new career where you will frequently find yourself under a lot of strain and pressure. I think even if you were considering a low-stress job you should work towards developing better coping skills and finding a more productive/constructive way to interact with others. In order to survive nursing with your mental health/well-being and nursing license intact, I think that it's essential that you do.

We have one life. Spending a good portion of it on being angry seems a terrible waste.

I do wish you the very best!

Take care.

pixierose, BSN, RN · Jun 9, 2016

OP, I'm very impressed with your receptivity. That's quite mature, and a potential sign of good things to come.

I agree with the other posters in that seeing a therapist is a must. Anger of that magnitude is not normal; you sound frightening to be around, to be honest.

Actually, you must be exhausted.

You seem a cycle of contradictions: at first glance you state that it's difficult to control your temper, despite age groups. At second blush, you then state you're afraid that you won't be a capable nurse because you're a "really compassionate person" and you want everyone to be happy when you're happy.

You are truly ruled by your mood.

From someone who has been "ruled by her mood" in a different way, I promise you that you will most likely be unsuccessful in *any* career you choose, whether it be a nurse or waitress or whatnot. I find it amazing that you haven't been let go already at your current job. I have a feeling that you'll most likely be successful in whatever career path you decide upon if you manage this, and manage this well. Like another poster said, you have good insight. Use it well.

brandy1017, ASN, RN · Jun 9, 2016

I suggest you get some therapy to deal with your anger issues. Read some books about anger management. Sometimes meds are prescribed to deal with anger such as clonidine or wellbutrin, but you'd have to see your Dr or see a psychiatrist. This isn't medical advice just some info I've learned. I know someone who was put on wellbutrin an antidepressant and they said it helped calm them.

But honestly I don't think nursing will be a good fit for you because it is a very hard, high stress job and nurses have very little control over their job. The work environment and stress leaves me angry and I find myself venting on here often. I never used to have this problem before I became a nurse. I've worked many other jobs, some were boring, some were tedious and a few were downright fun and enjoyable. I can't say that about nursing. It is the hardest job I've ever done and I'm just looking toward early retirement if I can save enough money and pay off my mortgage. I'm a happy person away from work, but I dread going in due to working conditions.

When you say you already have anger issues, I really would suggest you look toward another career choice. Ultrasound tech is a similar but much better job. Look into that. At least you would be working with only one patient at a time have a defined job and most likely have regular hours.

But whatever you do, I really advise you to get help for your anger simply so you can be happy and get along with others. You can't afford to lose your temper at any job, but especially as a nurse because it just won't be tolerated and you will be shown the door. You are expected to be pleasant, friendly, smile and do anything your patient/family wants to make them happy and keep the patient satisfaction scores up! Personally I think you would be miserable in floor nursing and would end up fired if you can't control your temper.

I'm able to control my temper. If I'm upset I just walk away from the patient or coworker and take a break, even if just in the bathroom to calm down. I struggle with anger over the working conditions and what is expected of us in general. I wish I could say I enjoyed my job. I know it could be worse. I try to remember the good days I have, kind friendly patients, I do have a great supervisor who is helpful and hands on.

There is another thread about HSP highly sensitive people and you might want to check that out for advice as well. But for your own peace of mind, get some help for your anger.

FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN · Jun 9, 2016

I never seen a therapist about it and after posters posted most about this, I am now considering that I may have a problem that is not normal. Because being completely honest I thought this was normal and some nurses may be going through the same thing...

I appreciate your honesty. Most people are not honest enough with themselves to write something like this.

Please don't think that anyone here really knows anything about you. They don't.

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Jun 9, 2016

Being mad at the world and wanting other people to be angry as well is indeed a problem. Constant road rage is a problem. As others have said, you won't make it through nursing school, much less your first nursing job!

I never seen a therapist about it and after posters posted most about this, I am now considering that I may have a problem that is not normal. Because being completely honest I thought this was normal and some nurses may be going through the same thing...

BuckyBadgerRN, ASN, RN · Jun 9, 2016

She did pre-apologize for typos and poor grammar in her opening post!!

A composer is one who writes music, generally at a professional level. Composure is a sense of repose, calmness; especially of mind, bearing or appearance. Words matter.

Ackeem, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN · Jun 9, 2016

This is not a trolling post, and I'm actually quite serious

:nono:

This is borderline trolling, if you weren't so darn receptive i'd say this was a epic troll. You seem to answer your own question in your post so why even submit the thread?

WheresMyPen · Jun 10, 2016

I never seen a therapist about it and after posters posted most about this, I am now considering that I may have a problem that is not normal. Because being completely honest I thought this was normal and some nurses may be going through the same thing...

thats a good thing that you can read these responses and be honest. A big first step! Firstly, I would like to point out something that others told me, due to my own mental health issues. It's not a matter of being "normal" Its a matter of being honest with yourself (which you are doing now-good for you) and accepting yourself and taking steps to change for the better. I have a learning disability and a neurological disorder which affects my moods, concentration and my mental health. I was in denial and refused Meds for a long time. I Am now in cognitive therapy and taking medication. Im not telling you what to do but that's what has helped me and I was ashamed but I am working through it. I find a lot of people on this board to be very helpful, honest, and willing to help, so don't hesitate to come here and let us know how you're doing. I wish you all the best!