Why do nurses fight so much with one another?

[bree*]

I'm a new nurse and had some clinical rotations where nurses were just vicious to one another. It seemed like every time I came in, there were a few in a bad mood and giving another one the "evil eye" lol. As crazy as it sounds..this is the part of the job that will stress me the most. I don't like confrontation and I never go out of my way to start "drama", but so many nurses seem to be the exact opposite..and at the same time, I'm not going to be disrespected, but you also have to think about your license and making a bad impression with your boss, etc.

I realize that nursing is a team effort, but I'm wondering how hard it is to mind your own business and go about your job without "getting into it" with other nurses? I felt bad for the RNs I was working with..their patient care techs were lazy and gave them all kinds of attitude...the doctors and patients were barking at them...and then..for some reason..they were always fighting amongst each other.

I'm one of those people who is pleasant..In my perfect little world..everyone can be nice to each other, without being taken advantage of..but let's be real..that doesn't exist. I quickly discovered this in nursing school, as well. Some of the most disgusting people I have ever met in my life. I realize this doesn't speak for everyone's experience, but mine alone. So my idea..when I start working..is to get in and out. My nice attitude has always got me into trouble..seems people become too comfortable with me and mistake my kindness as my weakness..that's when the disrespect starts..little things here and there..not trying to deal with it. So when I first start working, I am going to be as quiet as possible...observant...and I don't plan on making any friends. The few people that I have seen who seem to do a little bit better than others are the ones who are quiet and/or shy and/or anti-social. You don't catch them in the break room chit-chatting...EVER. Bless them. haha

Are there any other tips? I can't see myself having an issue with the Docs or RNs that I will work under. I'm eager to help and don't take their indifference/stress too personally. I'm sure that will be challenged lol..at some point. Does anyone have any pointers?

BTW, as a LPN and/or RN..what exactly in your daily position do you have to do that requires/forces you to work with the other nurses? I realize there are reports at the change of shift...but what else and how do you minimize becoming a part of all that cattiness and abuse?

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

I work agency, and I will say that I am very good at NOT getting involved in the gossip and cattiness. I also work psych a lot as well, so I listen very carefully to people's complaints (staff & patients), I offer advice, then move on.

I know it is very different when you work somewhere permanently (this has happened to me at other hospitals I've worked at permanently, or on a year's contract), but you can use strategies to combat it to a certain extent. R u talking about one place in particular, or just in general? (since you mentioned clinical rotations, I presume you go to different facilities for these).

Rise above it. Concentrate on YOUR patients. I know you will have to interact with other staff, but try not to get dragged down into the mud with the others. I've even told others to their face that I don't want to be involved in their dramas - you don't make many friends, but I'm glad I don't get caught up in their nastiness.

People who constantly complain and ***** generally have an unresolved issue/s with (a) certain staff member/s, their work place in general, or are unhappy with their home life, or probably just unhappy with life in general. Occasionally, I've met nurses who work who have chronic pain, but they're usually not b****y, just unhappy maybe and want a bit of extra sympathy.

It can be hard staying neutral, then you're called 'weak', but it's probably the best way to be. However if you're anything like me, if you're backed into a corner - or someone has accused me of something unfair or bullying my patients - I stand up for myself everytime and will NOT back down.

When I did theatre clinicals, I must say the OT nurses were the most authoritative, plain and openly rude, nasty, humliating you in front of others and generally mostly unhappy people I have met. Some of the surgeons weren't much better, but they were better than the nurses! One CNC/CNS was the most rudest person I have almost ever encountered - I audibly gasped at how rude she was to patients, doctors, new students to theatre (like me), and other, more senior nurses. It was just unbelievable. But because she was as old as the hills, and had been there forever, she was 'just ignored' by others, (that's how I was told to handle her b4 I met her), and everyone kind of used to scoot around her. It's sad but true that this kind of behaviour is still tolerated today, and many NMs are aware of it daily, though it is deemed illegal to bully people (same as stealing a car), but it goes on. And I'm afraid it isn't just nurses (you know that, I know). I had so many problems with a senior manager, I went to HR to the top and complained about her (long story), but when I left 2 weeks earlier b4 my contract was due to expire (I took my holidays owing), this manager even had the audacity to try and stop me being paid. When I rang to confront her re it, she wouldn't take my calls. I even went to her office one day when I knew she would be there, and she hid behind her locked door and wouldn't come out! I left her a disgusted note re her childish behaviour with her secretary, but never heard from her again. These people are just cowards and though my old boss put on a good 'bulldog' act, she couldn't confront people unless others were there. She would have been the school bully I'm sure.

So yes it happens everywhere. Just try to be a better person and learn from it mabye, but tell people like I do straight that you won't tolerate their crap if it is directed at you and it's unfair (or to your patients). You have to confront bullies face-to-face, that's for sure.

[steelydanfan]

I have gotten report from nurses who were so stupid as to be appalling. IV infiltrations in a pt who was reported as having "edema" in the IV arm. A bleeding surgical pt who never had a presssure dressing applied or attempted. An obviously crashing respiratory pt. whose night nurse "just put up the o2 flow." Reporting these nurses got me the reputation of being "aggressive", "rude" and "loud". I actually got hauled into HR because a lab tech did not like the fact that I told her she would have to wait a minute until I could deal with her request. And then she manufactured a scenario where I was "rude and abusive" to a pt. As if. I only had 3 pt's that day, i remember them all, and 2 of them called me exemplary at the end of the day, the other was comatose and had no blood drawn.

This stuff happens more often than you like to think. I never worked in a girly-girl place like this before; boy are MY eyes wide open!

[jenig]

As a young nurse, it can be intimidating to see the fighting. But the flip side is that there are the dream teams that you work with that are poetry. Each helps the other team member when you see them struggling. It is the relationship that makes the job a joy to be involved with. Be that team member and forget the rest of the drama.

[redhead_NURSE98!, ADN, BSN]

I try to go with the reality show mantra, "I'm not here to make friends." The job is more important than keeping the peace. That being said, nurses shouldn't be being butts to each other esp. in front of students.

I also try to remember that rude nasty people are probably not that way because of me or because of something I did. Everyone is fighting their own little personal battle in the background: they could have a sick kid, cheating spouse, toxic parent, what have you.

[sevensonnets]

Well, hospitals actually seem to encourage ill-will between employees these days, not just the nurses. My hospital for example trained all its nurses to draw blood, which of course is a good thing, but now the job of the phlebotomist is to call the nurse to remind him/her to draw the blood. The nurse must draw admit labs, stats and anything timed like Gent or Vanc. God forbid if you are tied up in the BR with a patient, in the middle of a code or at lunch. Then the phlebotomist calls your manager and you're called in the office for counseling. And you know what? It is always Your Fault no matter what your excuse. That's what keeps people at each others' throats.

[shoegalRN, RN]

As I've mentioned in similar posts.....be choosy on whom you decide to befriend in the workplace. Only befriend them if they have shown you that they are trustworthy, and that can take months...if not years. I have coworkers who I can say I'm friends with, and I simply don't engage in any type of interaction with those whom I feel are bottom-feeding weasels. While you are considered "new", kept it professional and work-related until you can get a "feel" on things.

I try to do that, keep it "professional" and only speak about work related things and was told I'm being "stuck up and snotty".

And the person who told me this had only work with me for half a shift.

All because I choose not sit and try to "fit in" (which means gossiping, telling my entire life story and don't even know these people from a can of paint, or sitting around complaining). I prefer to have a good working professional relationship and leave it at that. Which means I pefer to keep to myself when I'm not dealing with patients. I am a team player, I will help out when needed, but I do not like "conversing" with majority of my co-workers if it's not work related. There are TWO that I speak to outside of work, and one is someone I knew before becoming a nurse, and the other one is someone that took me MONTHS to finally see her as being trustworthy.

I find the less people know about you, the better.

[allthesmallthings]

When I was in management my second least favorite thing (behind budgeting) was the constant stream of complaints from one employee about another. Thing was, it was very rare that a complaint came from a male employee. I would say that at least 90% of these kind of gripes came from female employees. It seems like males just have our own way of handling workplace drama without shaing it with every one else.

Which way is that, do you think? I admire people who can handle problems internally, and I'd like to learn that.

[bree*]

I like a lot of your replies..and some..some just seem like excuses...it's sad that excuses are always being made in nursing..I think that has a lot to do with the reason it's such a miserable/stressful profession.

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

Lets see.........cultural, social, class, age, gender, divide. That pretty much covers it. Is it possible that it's impossible for everybody to like everyone? In my pre-nursing days I worked in a factory, a restaurant, and a business office. Things were not so different in any of those areas.

Also, I have always resented the assertion that as a woman I'm ruled by my hormones. That as a woman I lean towards hysterics and drama.

But that's just me.

Yeah ....basically covers it.

The cattiness is social ... lack of sophistication. It is ignorant behaviour ( and I am not talking about money)

We have a wide spectrum of society reflected in nursing.

Sadly we have these types in nursing.

There is not a whole lot we can do about the social side.

However observing the poor behaviour and linking to HR policy can be particularly effective.

eg The catty clique ignoring the newcomer = exclusion

The catty clique all in agreement with denouncing a perfectly reasonable newcomers opinion = mobbing

[CharmedJ7]

My floor has a lot of clashes, but at the end of the day people are still there for each other when it matters. The clashes I do see regularly are of course, shift wars, especially people who are very slow to take report or very aggressive about butting in to get it (the latter bothers me less, but maybe that's just me). Some of it is also personality conflicts, we do have a nurse who is very passive-aggressive and runs with every small issue to the director without mentioning anything to the nurse in question first, which is of course a good way to make people not trust you.

I think something that drives some of the more significant arguments though, especially the "old vs. new", is that nursing is a field with a lot of shades of gray but people tend to see things very black and white and get really, really upset when people don't want to do things their way. A friend of mine is an accountant and made the comment that when they disagree at work, they always say "well, at least it isn't life and death" - not so much the case in nursing... between:

"You're supporting their drug addiction!" vs. "You're ignoring their pain"

"You're going to make them hypoglycemic if you give that insulin!" vs. "They're going to get hyperglycemic if you don't"

"You've assessed that wrong" vs. "No, I just disagree with your assessment"

etc etc, basically "You're worrying too much" vs. "You're being negligent"

It can be really annoying. When I was in senior practicum I worked with two different nurses - 1 would always flush peripheral IVs with 3 cc and the other with 10 cc. Both were adamantly convinced their way was the only way not to blow the line, and if you did the other the sky would fall. It was sort of amusing, but then sad when I saw how much of that goes on every step of the way in my job.

[missladyrn]

Because we are EXHAUSTED! Both physically & mentally. Plus we are hungry and probably really have to pee, so all of this makes us cranky. We take it out on whoever is closest and that is each other.

But we still love each other like family, because we all understand. Ok maybe not. But in an ideal world...

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

'Treating herself like others treat her'

I got that quote from Desperate Housewives ... can't remember which character said it.

Kinda apt for a lot of nurses ?

Stuck in my mind because I associated it with some of the issues we have at work