Why do nurses fight so much with one another?

[bree*]

I'm a new nurse and had some clinical rotations where nurses were just vicious to one another. It seemed like every time I came in, there were a few in a bad mood and giving another one the "evil eye" lol. As crazy as it sounds..this is the part of the job that will stress me the most. I don't like confrontation and I never go out of my way to start "drama", but so many nurses seem to be the exact opposite..and at the same time, I'm not going to be disrespected, but you also have to think about your license and making a bad impression with your boss, etc.

I realize that nursing is a team effort, but I'm wondering how hard it is to mind your own business and go about your job without "getting into it" with other nurses? I felt bad for the RNs I was working with..their patient care techs were lazy and gave them all kinds of attitude...the doctors and patients were barking at them...and then..for some reason..they were always fighting amongst each other.

I'm one of those people who is pleasant..In my perfect little world..everyone can be nice to each other, without being taken advantage of..but let's be real..that doesn't exist. I quickly discovered this in nursing school, as well. Some of the most disgusting people I have ever met in my life. I realize this doesn't speak for everyone's experience, but mine alone. So my idea..when I start working..is to get in and out. My nice attitude has always got me into trouble..seems people become too comfortable with me and mistake my kindness as my weakness..that's when the disrespect starts..little things here and there..not trying to deal with it. So when I first start working, I am going to be as quiet as possible...observant...and I don't plan on making any friends. The few people that I have seen who seem to do a little bit better than others are the ones who are quiet and/or shy and/or anti-social. You don't catch them in the break room chit-chatting...EVER. Bless them. haha

Are there any other tips? I can't see myself having an issue with the Docs or RNs that I will work under. I'm eager to help and don't take their indifference/stress too personally. I'm sure that will be challenged lol..at some point. Does anyone have any pointers?

BTW, as a LPN and/or RN..what exactly in your daily position do you have to do that requires/forces you to work with the other nurses? I realize there are reports at the change of shift...but what else and how do you minimize becoming a part of all that cattiness and abuse?

[Psychtrish39, BSN, RN]

'Treating herself like others treat her'

I got that quote from Desperate Housewives ... can't remember which character said it.

Kinda apt for a lot of nurses ?

Stuck in my mind because I associated it with some of the issues we have at work

Pedicurn,

I agree the catiness is social. If women could learn to work together and not backbite so much we could accomplish anything and I think its because women are socialized to avoid confrontation. I would love to get along better with people I work with and I had other jobs but I have consistently had coworkers in nursing when I am new to pick at me and anyone else that was new. I understand the watching but sabotaging people with gossip and untrue things are a woman thing and I believe women in nursing are passive aggressive sometimes. I have worked with wonderful nurses and I have also had coworkers and DNS s that their BS was why I left a position because I couldnt deal with the ongoing pettiness and most things that go on are petty. I mean in nursing school at mine anyhow we didnt attack each other but I saw in clinical how the already practicing nurses acted to students. I wasnt all that shocked when it happened to me but I probably will travel the rest of my career and move job to job because of this and who it hurts is my career but I dont know what other way to deal with it and stay a nurse because I enjoy being an RN and caring for people. Sorry for being so blunt but its been my experience and each new job I hope will be different but so far not.

[pedicurn, LPN, RN]

Pedicurn,

I agree the catiness is social. If women could learn to work together and not backbite so much we could accomplish anything and I think its because women are socialized to avoid confrontation. I would love to get along better with people I work with and I had other jobs but I have consistently had coworkers in nursing when I am new to pick at me and anyone else that was new. I understand the watching but sabotaging people with gossip and untrue things are a woman thing and I believe women in nursing are passive aggressive sometimes. I have worked with wonderful nurses and I have also had coworkers and DNS s that their BS was why I left a position because I couldnt deal with the ongoing pettiness and most things that go on are petty. I mean in nursing school at mine anyhow we didnt attack each other but I saw in clinical how the already practicing nurses acted to students. I wasnt all that shocked when it happened to me but I probably will travel the rest of my career and move job to job because of this and who it hurts is my career but I dont know what other way to deal with it and stay a nurse because I enjoy being an RN and caring for people. Sorry for being so blunt but its been my experience and each new job I hope will be different but so far not.

Yep I'm hearing you. However I have to stay put ....can't travel at the moment.

Seems some women are so socialised to being societal underdogs they treat other women so poorly. I'm referring to the women who love their little periods of control - I have always noticed this when new to an area. There is always a group of nurses, aides and clerks who do this.

I'm so over it ....so sick of it.

Most of all ... I'm so over being PC about it

In 2011 I can no longer be understanding .... it is ignorant and pathetic behaviour.

These silly women need to get a grip , grow up and behave ...or leave nursing.

[bree*]

Yep I'm hearing you. However I have to stay put ....can't travel at the moment.

Seems some women are so socialised to being societal underdogs they treat other women so poorly. I'm referring to the women who love their little periods of control - I have always noticed this when new to an area. There is always a group of nurses, aides and clerks who do this.

I'm so over it ....so sick of it.

Most of all ... I'm so over being PC about it

In 2011 I can no longer be understanding .... it is ignorant and pathetic behaviour.

These silly women need to get a grip , grow up and behave ...or leave nursing.

You are so right! Unfortunately, they will never leave nursing. It seems that there are more women like this in nursing than anything.

[shoegalRN, RN]

Pedicurn,

I agree the catiness is social. If women could learn to work together and not backbite so much we could accomplish anything and I think its because women are socialized to avoid confrontation. I would love to get along better with people I work with and I had other jobs but I have consistently had coworkers in nursing when I am new to pick at me and anyone else that was new. I understand the watching but sabotaging people with gossip and untrue things are a woman thing and I believe women in nursing are passive aggressive sometimes. I have worked with wonderful nurses and I have also had coworkers and DNS s that their BS was why I left a position because I couldnt deal with the ongoing pettiness and most things that go on are petty. I mean in nursing school at mine anyhow we didnt attack each other but I saw in clinical how the already practicing nurses acted to students. I wasnt all that shocked when it happened to me but I probably will travel the rest of my career and move job to job because of this and who it hurts is my career but I dont know what other way to deal with it and stay a nurse because I enjoy being an RN and caring for people. Sorry for being so blunt but its been my experience and each new job I hope will be different but so far not.

I'm a fairly new nurse and have already decided I will be leaving the hospital setting for the reasons you mentioned in your post.

I will only stay PRN to keep up my skills, but I will not be working full time or part time for that matter. I'm interviewing for a phone triage position with a good company. I want away from the hospital because I can't take the clique, the back stabbing and passive aggressiveness that I have seen in nursing.

I'm so over it!

[bree*]

I'm a fairly new nurse and have already decided I will be leaving the hospital setting for the reasons you mentioned in your post.

I will only stay PRN to keep up my skills, but I will not be working full time or part time for that matter. I'm interviewing for a phone triage position with a good company. I want away from the hospital because I can't take the clique, the back stabbing and passive aggressiveness that I have seen in nursing.

I'm so over it!

Shoegal..I'm a brand spankin' new nurse and figured that out in my clinical rotations. I'm big enough to admit that nursing just isn't the field it's cracked up to be. I absolutely LOVE what we do, but the lateral workplace violence..coming from coworkers and management will never be worth it.

Good for you!

[Vicki29]

"I realize that nursing is a team effort, but I'm wondering how hard it is to mind your own business and go about your job without "getting into it" with other nurses? I felt bad for the RNs I was working with..their patient care techs were lazy and gave them all kinds of attitude...the doctors and patients were barking at them...and then..for some reason..they were always fighting amongst each other."

You astutely answered your question. Many nurses chronically lack the ability to assert themselves; they're more comfortable as doormats. Rather than deal directly with conflicts or misunderstandings that involve techs, docs, patients, etc., they save it all up and dump on the ones who they perceive can do them no harm. It hasn't changed during my 30 years of watching. Nursing self-selects.

[Cristal Jones]

I dont understand this either...i always say its amazing how doctor stick up for each other but not nurses...they are always at it with each other....

[Upgrading_Status, BSN, MSN, RN, NP]

I'm a new nurse and like you I don't like confrontation. I try to keep my nose clean and keep to myself. However, there is one nurse in particular who has a thing for me. I'm guessing she doesn't like that I don't seek guidance from her as I do from other senior nurses. I stand my ground but refuse to sink to her level with the things she says. I really need to read the book why nurses eat their young.

[chickwith3peeps]

My experience with that in the past has been because it's been the unit manager or DON creating a lot of problems.......telling other nurses who they supervise personal things regarding other nurses on the floor that have no business being repeated, allow certain nurses to get away with certain things, etc.....I started out as a CNA and worked there while I earned my RN, and some of the nurses seem to resent me, mostly the LPNs. Don't really know why..they are nice to me to my face, but behind my back is a different story....I think they are intimidated by a title, I am just there to care for the residents (yes I work in a LTC facility and LOVE it)...But, I do feel as another responder, nursing is female dominated, and with that comes more emotions...(not that there are some male nurses who are nothing but drama).

[swirlo]

Don't take any crap from these nurses. I worked a brutal nursing home where they were telling lies on me how I "supposedly" didn't do my work. ( I am a tech, not a nurse yet). One tech named Andrea told the boss I left the patients wet and didn't give them their meds. Funny thing is, I wasn't even working that part of the building, so she ratted on her own friend. They can be brutal in these nursing homes. Document everything, and give them their crap back or they will walk all over you.

[Psychtrish39, BSN, RN]

Pedicurn,

I agree and I live in the land of PC in Wa. state and I know this year I am not dealing with it. You are right women and people need to get a grip . My midwestern upbringing makes it hard for me to not just lose it . I mean I go to work to work and take care of my patients I am not there to be liked. I am there to work its not high school. I didnt care for high school for that reason but in life it goes on at work.. uGGGG..

[Psychtrish39, BSN, RN]

Don't take any crap from these nurses. I worked a brutal nursing home where they were telling lies on me how I "supposedly" didn't do my work. ( I am a tech, not a nurse yet). One tech named Andrea told the boss I left the patients wet and didn't give them their meds. Funny thing is, I wasn't even working that part of the building, so she ratted on her own friend. They can be brutal in these nursing homes. Document everything, and give them their crap back or they will walk all over you.

Yep thats why I gave up on LTC for that reason... I miss the residents they at their worst were never as bad as coworkers and some places the nurses have not kept up on nursing education and new ways of treating pain and etc. However in my state in 2012 things are changing in that regard or you cant stay licensed. I for one am glad its coming . It may stop some of that b*&&$#^t about thinking you know it all now you have to prove it .